Life’s priorities

Abstract

A perspective on priorities of medical students facing a scenario of the end of life.

Wednesday morning at the medical school. Time to take my weekly medical student seminar. As a tutor and senior lecturer, I’d prepared something a little different for my group of eight students. A bit of reflection and interaction was the order of the day.

“So, write down on a piece of paper your three main priorities in life,” I instructed. The responses from the students had three common themes. First, to be happy in life. Second, to qualify as a doctor and have a successful career. Third, to have a family.

“So now imagine you have just been diagnosed with a fatal disease and have six months to live. Now write your three main priorities.” Lots of animated discussion followed. Priorities changed dramatically from the preceding exercise. Long-term goals and hopes were forgotten. Three new priority areas emerged. First, to see more of “my” family. Second, to spend more time with dear friends. Third, to do something “I” have meant to do for a long time but keep putting off.

Looking through a prism of poor prognosis toward death reveals a new outlook on life. One of the mature medical students was a mother. The reality of leaving her children hit her hard. The importance of being with them in the now became clear.

One student approached me after the session ended. He had fallen out with his father over what his father saw as a profound matter of religion and culture. He and his father had not spoken for several years. It hurt him deeply. “What should I do to put it right?” he asked tearfully. I like to think that after our deep discussion, he did attempt reconciliation with the father he clearly loved.

Being given a serious diagnosis and faced with a potentially short time to live has a profound impact. Life, as it was known, is metaphorically turned upside down. Hopes, aspirations, and long-term goals are radically altered. Dreams of career progression and enjoying material aspects of life take second place to focusing on improving and enjoying precious relationships with family and friends.

In life, we can neglect the important things. These matters commonly surface when facing the prospect of dying. The most pressing are our relationships. Embracing the reality of dying can breathe new life into the relationships that matter to us most. If only in living we could consider our relationships as we do in dying. How different the world might be.