The Resilience of Older Adopted Children: Their Perspective on Challenges and Facilitators

Abstract

Since 2016, the adoption of older children has become a priority for policymakers and practitioners in Romania. Until 2022, no study gave a voice to Romanian children to understand how they experience adoption and the challenges and facilitator factors they face. This study aimed to fill this gap by interviewing 12 preadolescents, domestically adopted. They offered important insights into the challenges they faced before and during adoption and the tasks they had to undertake after the process. They also highlighted the factors that facilitated their resilience. We found that older children, despite their past adversities, demonstrate good resilience, reflected in their ability to create new bonds with their adopters, self-satisfaction, and awareness of the progress they have made after adoption, and their confidence and future aspirations. Based on the interviews, we formulated recommendations for practice and policies.

Plain Language Summary

How older adopted children handle challenges and what helps them succeed

This study gives a voice to 12 children adopted after age 7 to identify the challenges and factors that help in obtaining their post-adoption resilience. The method used was the narrative interview, considered the most natural way to interact with children. We concluded that older children, despite their past adversities, proved a good capacity for resilience, reflected in their ability to create new bonds with their adopters, self-satisfaction, and awareness of the progress they have made after adoption, and their confidence and future aspirations. However, the resilience process is a long-term one. The interviews showed that children have to take on numerous tasks before they can overcome the effects of their adverse past and the challenges of the adoption process. Specialists can use these results to provide better training for adoptive parents so that they can better understand and respond to their adopted children’s needs and offer them adequate support in accordance with what the children feel and think during the different stages of adoption. Also, the results of this study can contribute to improving the services offered to children in the care system. The results of this study must be considered with caution, given that the number of children and teenagers interviewed is relatively small. However, the richness of the themes that emerged from their narratives can be noted.

Context

While much progress has been made after the fall of communism, Romania still registers many children in the care system. Their number was 42,029 at the end of 2022 (National Authority for the Protection of the Rights of the Child and Adoption [NAPRCA], 2022). Moreover, 28% of them are in residential services, spent long periods in the system, registered multiple placements, are over 7 years old, and for many of them, reintegration into the biological family has failed (Stănculescu et al., 2016; NAPRCA, 2022). Since 2016, adoption of hard-to-place (HtP) children, including older children, has become a priority for Romanian policymakers and practitioners. A strategy to stimulate their adoption was thus outlined, which began by establishing a special section in the Romanian Adoption Registry. Currently known as The Public Profile of Adoptable Children, this section contains details of those children for whom no adoptive family could be identified for 3 months after they became adoptable or whose adoption process failed in the first 6 months despite family identification (Government of Romania, 2021). To stimulate their adoption, this section can be viewed without restrictions by every adoption-certified individual or family. This means that certified persons no longer have to wait for matching—which can take up to 2 years—but can choose, at any time, to start the adoption process with a child identified in this section. In 2020, several financial benefits—granted according to the age of the child during adoption, the degree of disability, and the number of adopted siblings—were approved for the adoptive family (Romanian Parliament, 2020).

According to the National Authority for the Protection of the Rights of the Child and Adoption (NAPRCA) statistics, most adoptable children are aged between seven and 13. In 2016, 123 children from this category were adopted, and in 2021, the number increased to 435 (NAPRCA, 2022). However, since there were 3,880 adoptable children of this age in 2021, a considerably higher number than in 2016 when there were only 1,511, the number of those adopted remains small.

Since HtP children’s adoption is a relatively new practice in Romania, there are no studies that attempted to understand through their perspective how Romanian children experience adoption and the concomitant challenges and facilitators. Aiming to fill this crucial gap, this study explored children’s narratives to give answers to the following questions: What are the experiences with which they enter the adoption process? What are the challenges they face during and after completing the adoption? How do they perceive their adjustment to the adoptive family? What facilitators (in terms of personal traits, experiences, support from other people, services, etc.) sustain this adjustment? The answers to these questions will be significant for policymakers, practitioners, and potential adopters, as they will facilitate the successful adoption of older children. Policymakers from other countries who are reluctant to stimulate the adoption of older children will also benefit from this study.

Theoretical Framework

We adopted the perspective of multisystemic resilience, as proposed by Ungar (2021), to highlight the complexity of the processes and factors that compete for the success of adoption from the perspective of adopted children. We also integrated elements from Barth and Berry’s (1988) social and cognitive model of adjustment to adoption, which allowed us to capture the specific stress factors and transition tasks faced by adopted children at an older age, and the perspective of the developmental changes in children’s understanding of adoption proposed by Brodzinsky (2011), which offers us an insight into the normative stress factors and cognitive resources that allow children of different ages to understand the meaning of adoption. In the present section, considering these models, we discuss the following: (a) the role of age in the post-adoption adaptation process, (b) the effects of exposure to risk and adverse factors during pre-adoption on children’s socio-emotional and behavioural development, (c) the multiple processes involved in building resilience, and (d) the resources that can support resilience.

Older Adopted Children and Their Understanding of Adoption

In national and international regulations, as well as in academic literature, there is no consensus regarding the age at which an adoptable child is considered old (Wright & Flynn, 2006). The influence of age on adoption success or failure is also not very clear (Gleitman & Savaya, 2012). According to recent studies, it is not so much the age itself that is important but the children’s life experiences (Niemann & Weiss, 2012). However, for a complex understanding of how children are able to prove their resilience, their level of cognitive development and the normative stress factors generated by age-specific demands must be considered. Children adopted before the age of 6 do not possess a realistic perspective on adoption (Brodzinsky, 2011). Understanding adoption and its implications comes in waves (Groza & Rosenberg, 2001). On the one hand, as shown by Brodzinsky (2011), after the age of 6, children understand the losses directly related to adoption and the implications of adoption for themselves and others. On the other hand, it is only in adolescence that children fully understand the legal and permanent nature of adoption, which helps reduce their abandonment and separation anxiety. Therefore, in middle age (between 6 and 12 years), they become concerned about why they could not stay in their biological family, whether they were wanted by their biological family, and about the nature and authenticity of their relationships with the adoptive family. In adolescence, they are mainly concerned with identity development and their biggest challenge is to integrate aspects that belong to both biological and adoptive families into their identity (Brodzinsky, 2011). In light of such changes in children’s understanding of adoption, they need adults—parents and professionals—who are prepared to answer their questions, who can offer them new information depending on their level of understanding (Groza & Rosenberg, 2001), who are emotionally available (Brodzinsky, 2011), and who can help them adequately assimilate and integrate all the information in their emergent identity.

Exposure to Risk and Adverse Factors

Risk assessment is a precondition for understanding resilience (Ungar, 2021). In the care system, most older children are exposed to numerous risk factors that can later influence the stability of their adoption, such as multiple placements and especially experiences of neglect, abuse, and maltreatment (Barth & Berry, 1988; Bastianoni et al., 2020; Gleitman & Savaya, 2012; McDonald et al., 2001). In addition to such stressors during pre-adoption, as Barth and Berry (1988) highlighted in their model, children face transition stressors during and immediately after adoption.

The majority of children adopted at an older age are abandoned or separated from their families and thus enter the protection system at a young age, and they have recorded numerous failed attempts at family reintegration (Groza & Rosenberg, 2001) and multiple placements (Bejenaru & Tucker, 2014; Turney & Wildeman, 2017). According to Webster et al. (2000), the most affected are those children who are registered for more placements in the first year of their lives, as they are more prone to experience instability in long-term care or adoption. Every move involves a loss, hurting the children’s confidence, sense of security (Barth & Berry, 1988; Brodzinsky & Smith, 2019; Henry, 1999), and their ability to develop secure attachment relationships in the adoptive family (Niemann & Weiss, 2012). Moreover, multiple placements harm children’s self-esteem, generate emotional, behavioural, social, and academic problems, and create identity difficulties (Konijn et al., 2019; Pace et al., 2022).

Children often experience abuse and neglect before entering the protection system. Abusive and neglectful parenting styles or psychopathological manifestations of parents are among the main causes of children’s separation from their biological families (Konijn et al., 2019). However, these experiences are also common in the protection system, especially in children in residential services (Bejenaru & Tucker, 2014). Children exposed to repeated abuse and neglect demonstrate attachment disorders, indiscriminate relationships (Barcons et al., 2012; Hughes, 1999; Pace et al., 2022), gaps in self-development (Hughes, 1999; Pace et al., 2022), difficulties at school, delayed consciousness development, and difficulties in expressing one’s feelings. In order to deal with such difficulties, they develop inadequate coping strategies (Barth & Berry, 1988; Henry, 1999). All such traumatic experiences and their effects constitute the burden with which children adopted at an older age enter the adoptive family, and the process of helping the child get rid of this burden is a long one.

Only a few studies have focused on the transition period stressors faced by children adopted at an older age, although adoption failures occur most frequently in the first months after placement. The studies conducted on disrupted adoptions, highlighting children’s behavioural and socio-emotional problems, have particularly surprised the perspective of adopters. However, how children feel during the transition period remains to be sufficiently understood. According to Barth and Berry (1988), children must face separation from their previous caregivers immediately after placement and enter new social systems—a new family system, a new school, and a new community. All of these impose new rules and new value systems and give the child another status, demanding him or her to adapt. According to Groza and Rosenberg (2001), an extremely rigid family system can create significant problems during transition.

Multiple Processes and Resilience Factors

Once children are with their adoptive family, they face many tasks (Barth & Berry, 1988; Groza & Rosenberg, 2001). Adapting the definition of Ungar (2021), the resilience of adopted children can be understood as a process by which they recover from traumatic experiences and multiple delays in their development, adapt to new social systems, and continuously transform in accordance with their cognitive understanding of adoption and the new expectations from their social environment. In the academic literature, there is a consensus that post-adoption recovery, adaptation, and transformation are long-term processes influenced by the availability of external formal and informal resources (Liao, 2016). Support from adoptive parents, regardless of the children’s age during adoption, is indisputable. In middle age and adolescence, the family must be prepared to communicate openly with the child about adoption, respond to the things the child asks about, and support them during the process of grieving adoption-related losses (Pinderhughes & Brodzinsky, 2019). Informal support from relatives, friends, and community has also been highlighted by specialised literature as being important for a successful adoption (Barth & Berry, 1988). The formal services must be long-lasting and easily accessible depending on the children’s problems (Atkinson & Gonet, 2007; Waid & Alewine, 2018). A series of studies support children and adolescents’ need for special services dedicated to them and offered by specialists who are experts in working with children with trauma, attachment disorders, and developmental delays (Golding, 2010). The need for information and educational services has also been highlighted (Dhami et al., 2007). Moreover, as Waid and Alewine (2018) demonstrated, since the transition period from childhood to adolescence is marked by vulnerability, some families require additional support services.

Although the academic literature on the adaptation of adopted children seems to be vast, with few exceptions (Dance & Rushton, 2005; Neil, 2012; Reinoso et al., 2013; Soares et al., 2019; Wright & Flynn, 2006), most of the studies focused on the perspective of practitioners and adoptive parents, with most of them offering insights only on a single stage of children’s lives. In contrast, in this study, we gave children an opportunity to express their perspectives and captured the complexity of the pre- and post-adoption factors that competed for children’s resilience.

The Current Study

Participants

Both purposive and voluntary response sampling strategies (Dyer, 2022) were used. Some children were referred to us by the General Directorate of Social Assistance and Child Protection specialists and representatives of NGOs active in the field of child adoption. Others were identified through social networks. The calls for participants were posted on social networks, and some children, after being asked by their parents, volunteered. The sample was composed of 12 children domestically adopted from the list of children with a public profile between 2016 and 2021. Their age at the time of the interview was between 9 and 14 years. Three children were part of sibling groups. None of the children had any chronic diseases and/or disabilities (see Table 1). Participation in the study was conditioned by obtaining informed consent from both parents and children. First, parents were contacted and informed about the study, and their verbal and written consent was sought for their children’s participation. The children gave their verbal consent after they were informed about the study using an information sheet. The research design was intended to minimise any risk of harm. Children were informed that they had the right to stop the interview at any time, request a break, or choose not to answer any questions they were uncomfortable with. Parents were permitted to accompany their children during the interview. Additionally, the narrative-based design of the interview, described below, provided children with the opportunity to build their own story in the terms they desired, without being required to discuss periods or events they did not wish to. We believe that this study has the potential to generate benefits by advancing knowledge in the field, which could inform policies and practices aimed at improving the situation of children in Romania’s child protection system and enhancing their post-adoption resilience.

Table 1.

Profile of the Interviewed Children.

No.	Interviewed code	Age at interview (years)	Age at adoption (years)	Gender	Adopted alone or with sibling	Suffering from chronic diseases or disabilities
1	IC1_R_F_13	13	6	Female	Alone	No
2	IC2_A_F_12	12	8	Female	Alone	No
3	IC3_P_F_9	9	8	Female	Alone	No
4	IC4_P_F_9	9	7	Female	Alone	No
5	IC5_D_F_11	11	10	Female	Alone	No
6	IC6_O_F_14	14	12	Female	With a sister	No
7	IC7_M_F_13	13	10	Female	Alone	No
8	IC8_S_F_10	10	8	Female	Alone	No
9	IC9_D_M_13	13	12	Male	With a sister	No
10	IC10_D_M_10	10	6	Male	With a sister	No
11	IC11_L_F_9	9	6	Female	Alone	No
12	IC12_G_F_12	12	11	Female	Alone	No

Methodological Approach

In this qualitative study, to give voice to children and capture their experiences and feelings about the protection system and the adoption process, we used narrative interviews, which we considered the most natural way to interact with children, who are used to telling stories, including ones about themselves (O’Reilly, 2016). In accordance with James (2007), we considered children to be active agents capable of influencing the construction of structures and social processes relevant to them.

The interviews had two phases. In the first phase, the children were reminded in simple terms of the purpose of the research and how they could contribute. Then they were asked to tell the story of their adoption, as they remember it, without being told from which moment or with which event to start. In this stage, the intervention of the interviewer was minimal, strictly to demonstrate attention and interest and to encourage the narrative. In the second phase, questions aimed to clarify and deepen the story were then posed. We used a semi-structured interview guide, whose main themes concerned (a) children’s social experiences before adoption, (b) their involvement in initiating adoption, (c) their first meeting with adoptive parents and the perception of the visits, (d) the challenges they faced after adoption, and (e) the formal and informal support they received during and after the adaptation process. Considering the age range of the interviewed children, we took into account in formulating the questions the children’s understanding and communication skills, as well as the perceived level of their development. It is known that children under the age of 11, whose thinking is more concrete, can relate especially to concrete aspects of events and people, while older children, from the age of 12 and above, present more abstract thinking and have the ability to reflect more on events, experiences, and on their person (Morison et al., 2000; O’Reilly & Dogra, 2016).

Since children lived in different regions of the country, telephonic interviews were conducted (the children used their parents’ devices). Moreover, as children’s communication and learning are mediated by different devices and technologies, and as previous scientific evidence shows telephonic interviews can produce data that is as rich and accurate as face-to-face interviews (see Holt, 2010), the telephonic interview was chosen as a suitable approach. The interviews took place between October and December 2022, with each interview planned in such a way as to facilitate the children’s participation in accordance with their schedule and the availability of the family. The average duration of the interviews, which were audio-recorded, was 40 min.

The data from the interviews were analysed based on the approach proposed by Braun and Clarke (2006). The interviews were transcribed verbatim by the interviewer, and, later, the data were repeatedly read and then coded. The coding process was mainly deductive, informed by the above theoretical framework. In this process, we used NVivo12 qualitative data analysis software. The codes were grouped into themes and sub-themes that were revised and defined. Most of the children referred in their stories to three periods, according to which we organised the resulting themes: the pre-adoption period, the adoption process, and the post-adoption period (Figure 1).

Figure 1.

Overview of the resulted themes and sub-themes.

Results

Children’s Pre-Adoption Social History

Risks and Adversities

Multiple Losses

Most of the interviewed children entered the protection system at a young age, spending long periods in residential services or foster care. Some of them chose not to discuss their biological parents; those who did mentally constructed the experience of their loss, even though they might not have remembered it directly. For example, IC4_P_F_9 recounted that she has no memory of the first residential service she was placed in, instead stating that she was sad and missed her mother:

Yes, it was very sad that my mother took me to the centre. My birth mother took me to the centre. Yes, I was sad. I missed her. I was in two centres. I have no memory of the first one. (IC4_P_F_9)

A special case is that of children whose parents died when they were older, as they are not only aware of their loss but are going through mourning and grief. IC6 (14 years old) talks about her “struggle” to find the right family that reminds her of her mother:

I would like to start my story with the fact that my mother died when I was nine years old, and I fought a lot with myself to be able to look for the right family. (…) I wanted a young family because my mother was also young, and I decided to have a young [adoptive] mother to remind me of her. (IC6_O_F_14)

In addition to the loss of their biological parents, some of the children were separated from their dear places and personal belongings, which, most of the time, although they wanted to, they could not take with them through the care system. IC6, a 14-year-old girl, remembers her mother’s painting and regrets that she could not take it with her:

When you walked in the door, there was a very large painting of my mother at the time she passed away, and then I kept that painting in my memory, and … I don’t have the painting anymore. (IC6_O_F_14)

As already mentioned, most children adopted at an older age spend a lot of time in the care system, with some of them going through multiple foster families or residential care. In this route, they register other separations and losses that cause them suffering. IC5 (11 years old), adopted from a residential care centre, recounted the pain of being separated from other children and from one of the caregivers with whom she had created an attachment bond:

Great sadness. Because I was separating from the children. Even though we fought and cursed each other, I still cared about them. And especially by my favourite mom. She raised me. She took care of me, and she was the first mom I met when I came to the foundation. She cried when I left. (IC5_D_F_11)

Abuse and Neglect

In addition to multiple losses and separations, the children also discussed their experiences of abuse and neglect in various forms: physical, verbal, and emotional. The abuse was most frequently identified among the children in residential services, who recalled abuse not only from adults but also from other children in residential care. IC2, a 12-year-old girl, described her past as follows:

I was beaten, lied to, mocked … That’s how my life was until I was ten years old. So, I continuously suffered a lot. (IC2_A_F_12)

Some children were abused in foster care families. For example, IC6_O_F_14 reported the aggressiveness and restrictions to which she was subjected:

There [in the foster family] the father and grandmother were very aggressive. At least with me, they were very aggressive. I wasn’t allowed to do anything I liked. I only had to do what my grandmother and [foster] father liked. (IC6_O_F_14)

Many of the accounts revealed the lack of attention and care from caregivers in residential services and the lack of concern of foster carers toward children’s needs. For example, IC6_O_F_14 remembered that she was often at risk of abuse from other children: “Those ladies [caregivers] only stayed in the office, and that was it. They didn’t really take care of us even though that was their job.” Similarly, IC8_S_F_10 reported her foster mother’s lack of availability, patience, and support in helping her with homework.

In some cases, the wounds caused by certain placements were still present. Therefore, some children expressed their desire not to talk about them. For instance, IC3_P_F_9 was placed in four foster families, and she was happy to talk about three of them but not about the fourth. The girl’s wish was respected by the interviewer. It should be mentioned that the interviewer did not ask questions about abuse and neglect, nor did she ask deepening questions on this topic.

Pre-Adoption Negative Self-Perception

The experiences children encountered in the protection system were reflected in their attitudes and behaviours and their social and educational development. Reflecting on how they were like in the past, most described themselves as anxious, withdrawn, shy, and often lonely, as they distrusted themselves and others. However, they added that they are now aware of the negative effects of neglect on their education and future aspirations. For example, IC12_G_F_12 believed she was “shy and superficial.” At the same time, IC8_S_F_10 reported that, when she was adopted, she had numerous gaps in knowledge and inadequate routines and lacked aspirations:

When I came, I didn’t even know what date I was born, nor the colours. When people talked around me, they used words that I didn’t even understand. (…) Because I wasn’t reading anything, and I was just sitting around all day and wasting time. (IC8_S_F_10)

Facilitators

Few children have good memories of the care system or had caregivers who provided them with adequate care and protection. Most of those who grew up in abusive or neglectful environments sought support from either an older child or a more dedicated employee. IC2_A_F_12 said the following:

The place was hopeless. It looked sad. The people were not properly there either. When I was five years old, there was a man who was really good and who took care of me. But around the age of five, he died because he was sick. And then things got worse for me. (IC2_A_F_12)

Older children who ended up in critical situations requested the intervention of child protection specialists to change their placements. For example, IC6 a 14-year-old girl, after notifying the authorities, was moved together with her sister to a foster family that offered them adequate protection:

The second family, where things went very well, took very good care of me and my sister. First of all, they respected my decision and some points of view; they listened to our wishes and fulfilled them if they could. And there I learned quite a lot of things that I still know today and that I put into practice and it works. (IC6_O_F_14)

It should be noted, however, that these cases, in which children and adolescents know their rights and have the ability to defend them, seem to be exceptions.

Adoption Process

The adoption process is not simple for children and adolescents. The interviews revealed how the children prepared for it, their feelings about it, and the factors that assisted their transition.

Challenges in the Adoption Process

Lack of Preparation for Adoption

According to the legislation in force, children over 10 must be involved in the decisions that concern them. However, the children’s accounts—even those of older children—revealed their low involvement in the decision to initiate adoption—most of them reported that they were only informed either by their foster mother or representatives of the residential care or the social workers. In the majority of cases, when an adoptive family was found and the visits followed, the children were informed at the last moment, and as they were not properly prepared, they were scared and insecure. IC9, a 13-year-old boy, reported the following:

When I was told we were going to be adoptable, I felt scared. I didn’t know how it would be—if it would be OK, if … I don’t know if they would want us if they wouldn’t want us … more. All sorts, I mean, I didn’t know how it would be. I didn’t know where (…). (IC9_D_M_13)

Accounts detailing a lack of information and preparation are extremely high among children under 10. Most of them found or realised that they were going to be adopted during the visits from the adopters. Some of them also found out only then that the foster family was not their biological family:

I was told by my mother and a lady from the Directorate that I was to be adopted. I mean, until my [adoptive] mother came no one told me that I would be adopted. I used to call the foster mother “mom.” (IC8_S_F_10)

Some children recalled that they were visited by several families who decided not to adopt them. They were thus afraid of making mistakes in the future and getting rejected again. For example, IC7, aged 13, said:

During the time I was visited, I was afraid that they would only come for a short time, as long as the visits are, and after that, they would somehow leave me … That was my biggest fear. (IC7_M_F_13)

The Negative Influence of Previous Caregivers

The children also reported being discouraged by foster families from accepting adoption by presenting them with false information about adopters. IC2_A_F_12 presented her experience as follows:

The first time I was afraid to leave there and that lady started telling me crying that the two adoptive parents were going to beat me, that I was stupid, that I didn’t know what I was doing. (IC2_A_F_12)

Facilitators in the Adoption Process

Adequate Preparation and Counselling

The children who benefited from counselling and who were involved in the adoption decision felt that they had control over their situation. A telling example of this was recounted by IC6_O_F_14, who was prepared for adoption by her foster family:

The foster family told me how things were going, and that it would be OK to try to find a stable family, and I was also advised by some friends and now I made the best decision, I think. (IC6_O_F_14)

Adequate Time for Matching

Regarding the matching period, some children complained of too many visits and long durations, as they were impatient to be taken by the adopters. However, some children, especially older ones (12–14 years old), needed more time to feel they made the right decision. For instance, IC6_O_F_14 was happy to have more time:

The period of the visits lasted quite a long time because I couldn’t decide because I really wanted to make the right decision. I wanted to get to know them, to make sure myself so well, to say, yes, it’s what I want and I can move on. And when I felt this after a few good visits, I went and got the papers done …. (IC6_O_F_14)

Post-Adoption Period

Tasks and Challenges

From the children’s narratives, it appears that the period immediately following the placement for adoption was not easy. IC12_G_F_12 stated thus: “Everything, everything changed suddenly. It was hard for me at the beginning.” The main challenges and tasks were recovery from the loss of former caregivers and previous relationships, adaptation to the new family environment, which involved accepting and creating bonds with new family members, conforming to a new system of rules, accepting and internalising new routines, adapting to new living conditions and to the new school system, and making behavioural and attitudinal changes.

The Loss of Former Caregivers and Previous Relationships

The older children who were aware of the losses related to adoption expressed the pain of separation from their caregivers, other significant people, and important possessions before being taken by the adoptive family. Their narratives also revealed rituals of separation and farewell. IC5, a girl aged 11, said:

The day I left the centre was horrible. Horrible. Yes, I knew the day would come when I would leave the centre. That day was horrible for me because I stayed there for almost 11 years and, now, I was saying goodbye to everyone there. I brought my clothes, plush toys, laptop, blanket, books, gifts, and that’s about it. Unfortunately, I left the other things there. (IC5_D_F_11)

The younger children felt the pain of loss later, after they reached the adopters, and became aware that their previous connections were permanently interrupted. IC11_L_F_9 reported:

I cried for about 4 to 5 days, and then I started to stop crying. I was crying because I missed them. It was somewhat difficult for me. (IC11_L_F_9)

Accepting and Creating Bonds With New Family Members

Some children encountered difficulties accepting or relating to certain family members. IC1_R_F_13 recounted how she first got used to her adoptive father, the family’s biological child, and, much later, to her adoptive mother. IC10, a 10-year-old boy, narrated the difficulties he had relating to his grandmother:

It was difficult for me at my grandmother in the beginning. I mean, grandma. She’s a little harsher with us. She put me to work. I was also afraid of the dog. Even now I’m afraid of the dog. (IC10_D_M_10)

New System of Rules and New Routines

Conforming to a new system of rules, habits, and lifestyle changes were mentioned by several children, most of whom were used to simple and monotonous lifestyles and rules that placed little pressure on them. Thus, many found it difficult to adapt. IC9, a 13-year-old boy, mentioned:

Life here seemed different to me. New rules, new habits, a new way of living. (…) What I found the most difficult was, I would say, changing the rules and not … IC9_D_M_13

In the simple, often precarious environments in which they were raised, the majority of the children benefited from slightly diversified diets. Food diversification was thus another problem that emerged from the interviews. For other children, changing their hygiene habits was a challenge. IC11, a 9-year-old girl, recalled how, until the moment of adoption, she was not used to using the shower and bathtub.

New Ecosystems

The physical environment has changed radically for most children. Since many foster carers live in the countryside, surrounded by nature and animals, the transition to an urban environment and the changes in physical space constituted challenges for some children like IC1_R_F_13, IC3_P_F_9 or IC12_C_F_9. Also, the children encountered significant difficulties with school, as they had to enter a new learning environment. Many of them had been minimally encouraged to learn and benefited from the little support from foster carers and educators in residential care. Therefore, they ended up in adoptive families with many gaps. They also struggled to integrate into school groups. IC11_L_F_9 stated thus:

At first, when I came here, it was difficult for me. I didn’t know how to solve many problems. The hardest thing for me was with the teachers and colleagues. (IC11_L_F_9)

Behavioural and Attitudinal Changes

From the interviews, it appears that the children became aware of their problematic attitudes and behaviours over time. Under the influence of their parents, many of them declared, they are making efforts to change. IC12_G_F_12 stated thus:

Before, I was fearful. I was scared sometimes. Now I’m not much anymore … I was also shy. I used to be shy. I used to be shallow … Yes, I was really superficial … I didn’t think ahead at all. Now, I still have some difficulties with lying. I don’t know why; I can’t help it. Maybe because the members of my real family, my biological mother, and others, were a bit of liars at times, and I think that’s why I always took after them. Because they were liars, and … I try to control myself, but sometimes I have to keep this thing in mind. (IC12_G_F_12)

However, not all of them easily accepted their parents’ requests for change, with some of them declaring that it has been, and continues to be, difficult for them to behave as their parents want them to.

A lot of things seemed hard to me at first here because I wasn’t doing anything, and my mother wanted to make me independent, and when I was doing something, it was very difficult for me. (…) It’s hard for me even now sometimes. (IC8_S_F_10)

Facilitators

Although the children encountered multiple difficulties during adaptation, most of them also identified facilitating factors.

Facilitators From the Adoptive Family

Most frequently, the children reported the support they received from their adoptive parents, especially their adoptive mothers. IC12, aged 12, described her mother as “loving, giving, kind, always listens to what I say, always listens to me whenever I have a problem. He listens to me every time I have problems from the past or when I have problems at school, with my classmates.” She also described how she was supported by her mother to gradually recover and solve a significant part of her past problems:

At first, I didn’t tell her everything, and I had a heart of stone. Something like that, and after that it broke. Because we were talking, we were discussing these things, a little piece of that stone was breaking. Now my heart is no longer a stone. It’s a heart that … or maybe it’s just a small piece of stone, that’s all … I think I have one more problem to say, and then that’s it. (…) My mother listens to me every time, and sometimes I want to cry because of these problems. (IC12_G_F_12)

The children adopted together with a brother or sister identified their siblings as a significant source of support. IC6 admitted that, though she still fights with her sister, they always talk to each other and make important decisions together:

Yes, I was talking to my sister. We were always next to each other, although sometimes we argued, because that’s how sisters are, for these very important decisions in our lives, we both talked. (IC6_O_F_14)

In families where there are biological children, the interviews revealed that there are significant facilitating factors. At the same time, the presence of a pet in the family seems to support adaptation, as it makes the family environment more welcoming for children. For instance, both IC9_D_M_13 and IC2_A_F_12 mentioned the joy experienced during the first contact with the adopters’ home, particularly when they saw pets. IC2_A_F_12 said: “There were about nine cats, and I was happy, very happy! And there was also the dog.”

External Facilitators

In most cases, educational recovery was facilitated by mediation from specialised teachers and offering additional courses. Most of the children, according to the interviews, are now involved in extracurricular activities, practising sports, developing painting, dancing, or acting skills, and most of them have very clear aspirations.

All the children were or are still under the supervision of specialists. However, the children’s perception of specialists is not convergent. For some, the meetings were rather unpleasant. An adolescent who had negative experiences with the protection system prior to adoption recounted their negative perception of the specialists and the institution:

Usually, I don’t enjoy talking to the Directorate. I have a problem with this institution. I don’t like that place, that energy. It just seems to me sometimes that, if you tell them [specialists] something or if you have a conflict with your parents, they defend the parents, and then it creates more conflict than it calms them. (IC6_O_F_14)

Other children reported ambivalent experiences. On the one hand, they were aware that the specialists’ visits were for their protection, but on the other hand, they perceived the specialists’ questions as disturbing. For example, IC5_D_F_11 stated thus:

When the ladies from child protection came to us, I felt both good and bad. Good because I knew this was for my life and my future, and bad because they were also asking me questions to ruin everything, and I don’t know … I didn’t like questions, and I still don’t like. (IC5_D_F_11)

Some children appreciated the visits of specialists and the support they received. For example, IC2_A_F_12 stated thus:

I remember that when I first moved here, a lady from child protection came. She was just like that, very good, and she supported me and said that I can do what I want—that is, I can learn and then achieve something. And so it was. She also told me that I would have a better life here, and so it was. Now I like school, yes. (IC2_A_F_12)

When specialists visited only for evaluation, the children did not perceive them favourably, but when they visited to offer support and encouragement, they were appreciated and favourably perceived.

Indicators of Children’s Resilience Post-Adoption

As per the interviews, the children consider that they are doing well in the adoptive family, and it appears that they have made significant progress to recover, adapt, and transform, proving good resilience.

Trust and Security With Adoptive Parents

With a few exceptions, the children demonstrated trust and security regarding their adoptive parents, who represented for them people they could confide in and who could help them solve problems. IC11_L_F_9 stated thus:

Mom and Dad helped me when I was having a hard time. I learned from them that I don’t have to hide something, that I don’t have to hide everything I feel. Now, nothing is difficult for me. (IC11_L_F_9)

One of the teenagers who spent less than a year in the adoptive family still faces difficulties in openly discussing her problems with the adopters. The only support she has is her teddy bear, a gift from her mother. It accompanied her on the journey through the protection system.

Awareness of Progress and Self-Satisfaction

Another indicator of resilience is awareness of progress and self-satisfaction. Most of the interviewed children and adolescents talked about themselves positively. IC10_D_M_10 seemed to be very proud of himself:

Since I came to this family, I felt that everything has changed for me; that is, how I speak, how I smile, and how I behave. With patience, a lot and lot of patience, understanding, and love, my parents managed to change me. (IC10_D_M_10)

Passions and Aspirations for the Future

Most of the children receive support from their parents to develop their skills, discover their passions, and establish aspirations. Although these children entered adoptive families with many developmental delays, they currently demonstrate that they recovered, and continue to develop their abilities. They talked about their passions and about what they would like to become in the future. IC2_A_F_12 said thus:

Now my parents support me to go to choir and play drums. Dad helps me climb better, and my mother helps me play volleyball better. And besides all that, my father helps me, and my mother, together, help me ski better, to be able to go skiing competitions. (IC2_A_F_12)

At the end of the interviews, the children and adolescents were encouraged to convey their thoughts about adoption to the children in the protection system. All 12 participants sent positive thoughts, encouraging other children to accept adoption and trust their adoptive parents, assuring them that they would be loved and that only positive changes would happen to them. Some children chose to send messages to the adopters as well, encouraging them to adopt older children and be patient with them. These final thoughts, along with those presented above, are significant indicators of the resilience of children adopted at an older age.

Study Limitations

The results of this study must be considered with caution, considering that they present a series of limitations. First, the number of children and teenagers interviewed is relatively small, although the richness of the themes that emerged from their narratives can be noted. Second, most of the children were accompanied during the interview by one of their parents, which could raise concerns about the children’s willingness to freely express their entire experience. To limit the interference of the parents, they were asked not to intervene in the children’s narratives. There were some cases where the parents intervened to provide information about the temporary coordinates of an event the child told us about or to clarify who the child was talking about (e.g. social worker, psychologist, foster parent, etc.). However, the parents’ explanations were not included in the analysis. Third, considering that these children were referred to us by specialists or directly by their parents, we can think that they are among those who adapted more smoothly. However, the children revealed many challenges they faced both pre- and post-adoption. That said, we believe that specialists can use these results to provide better training for adoptive parents so that they can better understand and respond to their adopted children’s needs and offer them adequate support in accordance with what the children feel and think during the different stages of adoption (Reinoso et al., 2013).

Discussion and Conclusion

This study gave a voice to the children adopted during middle childhood and adolescence, for identifying the challenges and facilitating factors that influence the children’s post-adoption resilience. The United Nation’s Convention on the Rights of the Child recognises children as social actors and entitles them, through Article 12, to participate in decisions that concern them (United Nations Office of Legal Affairs, 1989). Moreover, childhood studies have proven the ability of children to provide unique perspectives about what they think and feel, especially on issues that concern them (James, 2007), and to contribute with good insights to improve both their and their family’s experiences (see also Stafford et al., 2021). However, only a few studies have explored children’s perspectives. Therefore, in this study, 12 children, adopted at an older age, were interviewed about their feelings, thoughts, and experiences concerning their early social history and adoption.

Despite the adversities they faced before adoption, the children and adolescents who participated in our study demonstrated a good resilience, reflected in (a) the sense of trust and security they felt with their adoptive parents and in the family environment; (b) their awareness of the progress they have made after adoption and their self-satisfaction; and (c) their confidence and aspirations for the future. However, the resilience process is a long-term one. The interviews showed that children have to take on numerous tasks before they can overcome the effects of their adverse past and the challenges of the adoption process.

Adverse Factors and the Existing or Recommended Facilitators During the Pre-Adoption Period

This study demonstrates once again that, although the child protection system in Romania has seen many positive changes (Bejenaru & Tucker, 2014), it does not offer favourable environments for children’s protection and development. The interviewed children and adolescents reported numerous experiences of abuse, which is frequent not only in residential services but also in foster families. These results are supported by previous studies (Bejenaru & Tucker, 2014; Roth et al., 2019; Rus et al., 2017). The children also frequently discussed the neglect they experienced in the protection system and the lack of learning stimulation and positive experiences. Moreover, after adoption, they realised that they lacked basic skills, ranging from hygiene and nutrition to learning skills, and educational and professional aspirations.

The instability of placements and the long time spent in the protection system are difficult problems to solve, one that has significant effects on the social and emotional development of children. Most older children go through several forms of placement and experience numerous losses (see Stănculescu et al., 2016). The interviewed children talked about the pain of being separated not only from their caregivers but also from places and personal objects. Struggling with such adverse factors in their history, they often found few facilitators. They adopted survival strategies by “hanging on” to more sensitive caregivers or older children. Moreover, formal support resources were found to be lacking, and very few knew how to assert their protection rights when they were violated.

Inevitably, children enter the adoptive family with the emotional burden of past traumas, developmental delays, and emotional and behavioural difficulties. We thus believe that continuous efforts must be made to ensure stable and safe environments for children in the protection system, support services for overcoming traumatic experiences, and sufficient opportunities for development. Children need empowerment; they need to know their rights and know how to defend them. Caregivers at residential services and foster families must be more rigorously selected. They must have the skills to support children and help them overcome their serious past adversities. Moreover, adoptive parents must be made aware of the difficulties endured by their adopted children and their potential impact on the children’s development, and specialised services must be made available depending on the difficulties presented by the children. Traditional therapeutic services, studies show, are not suitable for children who have suffered multiple traumas and abuses (Hughes, 1999).

Challenges and Facilitators in the Adoption Process

Children’s participation in the adoption process seems to be rather passive. Children over 10 years old know and understand their status in the foster family or in residential services. However, the same cannot be said about younger children. Lack of information, inadequate preparation, previous experiences of failure with other potential adopters, and negative influences from previous carers generate anxiety, mistrust, and doubt regarding adoption. Some of the young children who are placed in foster families at a very young age grow up believing that their foster family is biological. For them, the adoption procedure is shocking and traumatic.

The children who felt that they managed the adoption process better were those who knew their status in the foster family, who understood that they could no longer return to their biological family, and who understood the advantages of adoption for them. Moreover, an important aspect was the children’s involvement in initiating the adoption procedure and establishing the number of meetings with the adopters during the pre-adoption period. The children who benefited from all of this stated that they felt in control of the process and were convinced that, at the end of it, they decided what was best for them.

Practitioners can take these results into account to support other children and better handle the adoption process. For children who go through matches or even disrupted adoptions, we recommend adequate counselling before other potential adopters visit them. This could help the children better understand the reasons for their failed adoption and could reduce their possible feelings of guilt and fear of another failed adoption. To potential adopters, we recommend that they demonstrate emotional availability with the children, consider buying them gifts, and engage in activities with them—all of these were appreciated and deemed important by the interviewed children. Moreover, currently, according to national regulations, children have the right to participate in the decisions that concern them from the age of 10. However, since children begin to understand the significance of adoption from the age of 7, we believe that it is appropriate for them to participate in decisions about this process from this age.

Challenges and Facilitators Post-Adoption

After several visits, as per the interviews, most of the younger children wanted to be placed in the adoptive family, whereas the older children were more reluctant and needed more time to think and decide. Children younger than seven became aware that through adoption, they lost their previous relationships only after they arrived in the adoptive family. Though initiating and establishing bonds with new family members was not easy for everyone at first, most of them were able to form good relationships based on affection, trust, and security. These results are consistent with the results of previous studies that demonstrated the ability of children to develop healthy relationships despite their past adversities (Barroso et al., 2018; Bastianoni et al., 2020; Pace et al., 2019) and their ability to heal if they receive affection and warmth from their parents (Anthony et al., 2019; Torres-Gomez et al., 2020).

Integrating past experiences seems to be a difficult task for children (Wilson, 2004). Some of the interviewed children narrated the emotional difficulties they faced due to their past. Their recovery, it appears, can be supported by openly communicating with their adopters (Colaner, 2022).

Entering a new family system generates new tasks, as previously highlighted by other authors (Barth & Berry, 1988; Groza & Rosenberg, 2001). The interviews discussed the significant challenges in everyday life, from dietary diversification to changing routines, and accepting a new system of rules, all of which required periods of adaptation and imposed significant behavioural and emotional transformations. Although the children considered this difficult at first, the difficulties later eased or even disappeared. Among the significant facilitators, the interviewed children highlighted their parents’ attitude, understanding, support, and patience, the presence of older biological children, the adoption of siblings, and the presence of pets and transit objects.

A significant challenge faced by the children was the fulfilment of the post-adoption tasks and the achievement of the educational expectations formulated by the parents. Most of the children had to recover from the educational gaps accumulated in the protection system with the support of parents and specialists.

Most of the interviewed children and adolescents did not need specialised services, apart from educational ones. They were or have been monitored by General Directorate of Social Assistance and Child Protection specialists for 2 years. Most of them considered these visits neutral. However, for some children, especially teenagers, these visits reminded them of the protection system and their traumatic experiences, so they perceived these visits as unpleasant and controlling. Some children appreciated these visits, finding the interactions with the specialists pleasant. We thus recommend that the specialists adopt a flexible, empathetic, and supportive attitude toward children and be less controlling.

In conclusion, this study sheds light on the challenges faced by children adopted at an older age during the pre- and post-adoption stages. It offers important insights about the facilitators that help the children grow resilient and proves that children can give meaning to their lived experiences, and express their feelings and that adults can better understand children’s situations if they give them a voice. We thus consider it absolutely necessary to conduct more studies from children’s perspectives and to involve them in designing policies and services relevant to them. Finally, this study can be used to train parents who wish to adopt middle-aged children and teenagers.