“I don’t even recognize myself anymore”: An autoethnography of workplace bullying in higher education

Abstract

The purpose of this autoethnography was to contextualize a personal workplace bullying experience in higher education with the intention to promote action and change within higher education policy and practice. The research questions that guided this study were: How do I tell the story of my experience with workplace bullying in higher education? What are the personal and social impacts of my experience with workplace bullying? What strategies did I use to persevere through the workplace bullying experience? Bullying and incivility in higher education contexts persists despite having knowledge of the negative implications and desire of institutions for change. Three themes emerged in this autoethnography: (1) I don’t even recognize myself anymore; (2) Reliving past trauma: I thought that part of my life was over; and (3) Coping and Survivor’s Guilt. This autoethnography adds to the body of literature surrounding bullying and incivility in the workplace; offers examples of how workplace bullying and incivility impacted a victim’s professional and personal life, along with the victim’s psychological and physical well-being; and facilitates critical reflection on this experience in order to generate innovative methods to address the prevalence and minimize the impacts of similar experiences in the higher education environments.

“I love my work, but I am walking on eggshells – don’t do anything that could cause her focus to turn on me again.” This was my daily mantra while I worked in what I later realized was a toxic workplace. The purpose of this autoethnography was to contextualize a personal workplace bullying experience in higher education with the intention to promote action and change within higher education policy and practice. The research questions that guided this study were: How do I tell the story of my experience with workplace bullying in higher education? What are the personal and social impacts of my experience with workplace bullying? What strategies did I use to persevere through the workplace bullying experience?

Bullying and incivility in higher education contexts persists despite having knowledge of the negative implications and desire of institutions for change (Johnson-Bailey, 2015; Misawa, 2010, 2015). As Misawa (2010, 2015) explains, bullying is pervasive in U.S. society and the impacts of bullying on the survivors and witnesses are severe and lasting. Specifically, workplace bullying can be defined as repeated mistreatment and/or abusive conduct (verbal or physical) that is threatening, intimidating, or humiliating (Workplace Bullying Institute, 2021). Within the workplace context of this study, there is an intersection of leadership and bullying. Leaders are charged with responsibility to encourage, show integrity, accountability, and facilitate growth and effectiveness (Sam, 2021; Strydom, 2021). Whereas bullies are understood to be disruptive, aggressive, lack integrity, instigate conflict, and avoid taking responsibility (Misawa, 2010, 2015; Namie and Namie, 2009). As we consider the intersection of leadership and bullying, leaders who are also bullies display behaviors that contradict the role of leadership.

Three themes emerged in this autoethnography: (1) I don’t even recognize myself anymore; (2) Reliving past trauma: I thought that part of my life was over; and (3) Coping and Survivor’s Guilt. Further, I am offering this autoethnography with the goals to: (1) add to the body of literature surrounding bullying and incivility in the workplace; (2) offer examples of how workplace bullying and incivility impacted my professional and personal life, along with my psychological and physical well-being; and (3) to critically-reflect on this experience in order to generate innovative methods to address the prevalence and minimize the impacts of similar experiences in the higher education environments.

This manuscript consists of six sections including a review of relevant literature, research methods, findings, discussion, implications for further research and practice, and conclusion. The next section addresses the relevant literature for this study.

Review of relevant literature

This review of relevant literature will explore the intersections of bullying and incivility in the workplace, trauma and the lasting impacts of bullying and incivility, leadership and bullying, and relative policy and practice in higher education. By delving into the background of bullying and incivility, this section will provide a strong foundation for understanding the breadth of impact bullying and incivility have in higher education and specifically, how these issues impact the personal, professional, and psychological lives of professionals in the field. This study fills a gap in the current literature that primarily focuses on bullying and incivility in higher education among faculty and/or students. However, it is also important to understand the prevalence and impacts of bullying and incivility among administration and staff within higher education environments. The level of satisfaction and autonomy of the administration and staff at an institution of higher education impacts the overall climate of an institution, where attitudes and beliefs about a “place” can trickle down from relationships of power and positionality among administrators, to staff, faculty, and finally to influence the student experience.

Bullying and incivility in the workplace

While bullying and incivility in the workplace have been key topics in prior literature, there is not a firm consensus on the definition of workplace bullying. Williams and Ruiz (2012) define workplace bullying as:

“…unreasonable behavior by a person (or group of people) that intimidates, degrades, offends, threatens, or humiliates a worker (or group of workers). Workplace bullying negatively affects the physical or psychological health of the targeted employee(s). Workplace bullying generally involves repeated, unreasonable actions, but it can also be a single, severe action. National data suggest that many behaviors can contribute to workplace bullying.” (p. 4)

Further, Misawa (2015, 2017) defines adult bullying as a demonstration of power and positionality, where the victim is viewed as less powerful or influential than the bully, or fits the bully’s target stereotype. Misawa (2010) states that the bully or bullies,

“perpetuate recurrent or singular; unwanted or unwarranted; intimidating, humiliating, offensive, threatening or exclusionary conduct on the part of the bully that sustains the bully’s position of power and destroys the victim’s well-being, dignity, and safety or is significant enough to cause the victim physical and/or psychological harm.” (p. 14)

The Misawa (2010) definition alongside the Williams and Ruiz (2012) definition are used in the context of this study, as they do not require that workplace bullying consist of repeated and sustained events, and can also include a single event that is severe and threatening to the target of the bully. In this study, I will use target as the vernacular for the person(s) being subjected to bullying or incivility by a bully, from the bully’s perspective; whereas, I will use the term victim when referring to the perspective of the person who has been bullied.

In terms of incivility, Heffernan and Bosetti (2021) address incivility as a growing trend in higher education. Incivility can be defined as negative social behaviors, sometimes the culmination of negative behaviors, that occur alongside bullying, such as: making demeaning comments, participating or creating gossip, disregarding or intentionally misinterpreting requests, or being rude consistently (Andersson and Pearson, 1999; Cortina et al., 2001; Smith and Rae Coel, 2018). Incivility has been difficult to define in terms of policy-making in higher education, as scholars note that behaviors that can be defined as incivility are a part of most, if not all, workplaces (Heffernan and Bosetti, 2021; Hodgins et al., 2017).

It is with the culmination of these behaviors that create a toxic workplace, with prevalent and sustained incivility that builds up and causes psychological harm to the victim(s). Incivility can also be more invisible than bullying behaviors, since bullying can often take the form of outward aggression, physical or verbal, while incivility can play out through more indiscrete actions or behavioral patterns (Heffernan and Bosetti, 2021; Misawa, 2015). Additionally, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute (Workplace Bullying Institute, 2021), 79.3 million workers in the United States (U.S.) are impacted by workplace bullying. While women comprise a lower percentage of overall reported bullies (33%), 65% of their targets are women (Workplace Bullying Institute Survey, 2021).

Intra-gender bullying and incivility

When considering the prevalence of bullying in higher education, Misawa et al. (2019) show, through a content analysis of peer-reviewed journals 2000–2017, that not only can bullying happen at any point in anyone’s life, bullying also occurs more frequently to women in the workplace. Additionally, intra-gender bullying is more common than bullying across genders (McCormack et al., 2018; Misawa et al., 2019). Positionality plays a role in the bullying process, as bullies choose targets who they may view as marginalized, less powerful, or defenseless (Sedivy-Benton et al., 2015; Wang and Hsieh, 2016). The power imbalances, as related to positionality, that emerge in workplace environments further impact the instances of bullying and incivility for targets viewed as minorities or less powerful in some way (Misawa, 2015; Samnani, 2013). Women in the workplace can be viewed by bullies as a minority, marginalized, and as less powerful, causing women to experience bullying more frequently than males (Alterman et al., 2013; Lampman, 2012; Salin, 2011).

Trauma and lasting impacts of bullying and incivility

The impacts of bullying and incivility are serious and enduring and can include both physical and psychological symptoms (Giorgi et al., 2015; Malik et al., 2018; Misawa, 2015; Voss et al., 2001). Physical symptoms can include, but are not limited to: cardiovascular disease, musculoskeletal pain, fibromyalgia, and even death (Khubchandani and Price, 2015; Kivimaki, et al., 2003). Psychological symptoms can include, but are not limited to: anxiety, depression, suicidal ideologies, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and development of long-lasting mental health disorders (Daliana and Antoniou, 2018; Einarsen and Nielson, 2015; Giorgi et al., 2015; Namie and Namie, 2009).

Additionally, women are noted to experience physical and psychological symptoms of bullying more often and more severely than men; so, not only are women more likely to be the victims of bullying, they are also more likely to suffer severe and lasting symptoms from the experience(s) (Giorgi et al., 2015; Malik et al., 2018; Rodriguez-Munoz et al., 2010; Voss et al., 2001).

Coping strategies

As a method to persevere through difficult situations, victims develop coping strategies. Coping strategies support a victim’s ability to endure and get through a bully’s pursuit. They can also be seen as ways to negotiate bullying attacks in order to persist. Coping strategies that victims use in bullying situations can include, but are not limited to: avoidance, reporting, leaving, and confrontation (Misawa, 2015, 2017; Misawa et al., 2019; Sojo et al., 2015). Women displayed a variety of coping strategies according to literature that differed from non-gender-specific reports of coping mechanisms, including: disengagement, journaling about the experiences, seeking support systems and groups, using humor, being silent, leaving, and reporting (Johnson-Bailey, 2015; Pheko, 2018; Pyke, 2018; Sedivy-Benton, et al., 2015).

However, in the instances of women who reported bullying, seeking resolution to a toxic work environment, the women then experienced retaliation or an increase in the culture of denial (Pheko, 2018; Pyke, 2018). Women who reported bullying or incivility in higher education experienced stoic denial that there were issues present and sometimes were told that the bullying or incivility was necessary to further operations (Pheko, 2018; Pyke, 2018). Women also reported that they became the victim of gossip about their productivity and character after reporting incidents of bullying and incivility. In other words, the reporting process only led to additional attacks—and even loss of job (Johnson-Bailey, 2015; Pheko, 2018).

Leadership and bullying

Leaders are charged with responsibility to encourage, show integrity, accountability, and facilitate growth and effectiveness. Whereas bullies are understood to be disruptive, aggressive, lack integrity, instigate conflict, and avoid taking responsibility (Misawa, 2010, 2015; Strydom, 2021). Thus, when leaders are also bullies, they display behaviors and take actions that contradict the role of leader. This dualistic identity can cause chaos and confusion within the workplace environment. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute (2021), 65% of bullies in the workplace hold supervisory roles.

Further, Strydom (2021) elaborates on the qualities that describe an ethical leader, which include: open communication among leaders and workers, demonstrates appropriate conduct in personal actions and interpersonal relationships, values well-being of workers, and is skilled at ethical decision-making. Overall, an ethical leader would embody ethics and ethical practice, becoming a role model for workers and facilitating an environment built upon the expectation of ethical behaviors and conduct (Sam, 2021; Strydom, 2021). An ethical leader would inspire group norms where all want to help one another and work in collaboration toward a common goal (Sam, 2021). In a workplace environment where ethics is understood as essential to productivity group morale, employees tend to want to stay in the organization; whereas, in a workplace environment where ethics is not evidenced in leadership behavior or practice, employees tend to lack satisfaction and buy-in to the organization and will seek a way out or away from the workplace (Sam, 2021; Strydom, 2021). Importantly, when not only is ethics lacking in a workplace, but when bullying is also taking place, employee satisfaction and longevity is rare.

Policy and practice in higher education: Bullying and incivility

We know that bullying is prevalent in modern society, including in the workplace—specifically in higher education; and, while administrators in higher education express dissatisfaction and an abhorrence to workplace bullying, reports of bullying and incivility persist (Johnson-Bailey, 2015; Misawa, 2015, 2017; Misawa et al., 2019). The most often reported responses from administration to reports of bullying in the workplace are employers justifying behavior and/or denying the legitimacy of the report (Workplace Bullying Institute, 2021). The Workplace Bullying Institute, 2021 recognizes that a law is needed to address bullying and be able to make real change in anti-bullying policies and practice in the workplace; however, the reality of gaining sufficient support for such a law is a long and difficult journey. Even among higher education institutions that have anti-bullying policies in place, enforcement and prevention is challenging due to complex power relationships, structural hierarchies, and competing priorities.

Methodology

Autoethnography was an ideal fit for this study as I sought to explain and analyze my experience with workplace bullying in order to seek meaning and gain understanding of the context and culture that enabled the experience to happen. Life experiences are complex and intersectional by nature and the exploration of life experiences can help people better understand themselves and also to seek ways to apply knowledge gained from an experience to other areas of life and society (Adams, 2008; Bochner, 1997, 2002; Derrida, 1978; Fisher, 1984; Radway, 1984).

The methods for this study included: a critical reflection and coding of journal entries, writings, and photographs relative to the time in my life when the bullying took place, reflective writing while listening to music that was prevalent in my life during the bullying; and an analysis of how I reacted, behaved, and felt during the bullying experience. Critical reflection and self-awareness were essential to the efficacy of these methods so that the bullying experience was both realistically and honestly portrayed (Bochner, 1997; Ellis, 1995; Goodall, 2006; Hooks, 1994; Poulos, 2008).

The context for this autoethnography was at a college in the Southeastern United States that enrolls approximately 10,000 students per academic year and employees approximately 800 people. The office where I worked during this time was responsible for International Education programs, including: study abroad faculty-led programs, international student programs, internationalization of the curriculum initiatives, and all other institutional activities related to international programming or proposals. The office unit consisted of six employees, directly reporting to a director of the office, who then reported directly to the president of the college. The office staff and leadership all identify as female, including myself.

At the time of this experience, I was a seasoned professional in international higher education, having worked in the field for 20 years at four institutions of varied sizes in the Southeastern United States. I received professional recognition from previous institutions and professional organizations in relation to my career and professional practice. I found meaning and purpose in the field of international education, both professionally and personally.

Findings

Three themes emerged in this autoethnography: (1) I don’t even recognize myself anymore; (2) Reliving past trauma: I thought that part of my life was over; and (3) Coping and Survivor’s Guilt. Here, I offer storytelling vignettes taken from my journals that support each theme from this autoethnography. Pseudonyms were used to protect the identity of others involved in the situations described.

The director of the office will be referred to as Jackie and my co-workers will be referred to as Daniella, Anne, Sarah, Constance, and Becky. While not everyone will be mentioned in the excerpts from my journals below, they are each a part of this journey. Anne was the assistant director of the office, Daniella was the student relations and recruitment specialist for study abroad programs, Sarah was the study abroad program specialist responsible for airfare coordination and program management, Constance was the administrative assistant, and Becky was the financial specialist, responsible for budgetary reconciliation.

Theme one: I don’t even recognize myself anymore

Who is this that is accepting living in fear. I feel like I am living on eggshells – trying to be quiet, be “good”. I’m silenced. This is reminiscent of living in an abusive relationship—always afraid to do something that will “wake the beast.” So, I sit here with questions that need answers so I can actually get some work done and yet I am afraid to go ask her (Jackie, director). I am not this timid person and I am suffering with this weight of living dualistic lives.

I reflect on being in this field that I love, that I am passionate about, that can do so much good and be meaningful in so many important ways, and yet I am miserable. I still find working with international students and programs meaningful and I feel honored and recognize my privilege in getting to know international students, refugees, and immigrants through this journey. How is it that something so integral to my life for so many years has now become so toxic to my soul?

Daniella and Constance (co-workers) came to me today to talk about something that Jackie (director) did while I was out yesterday. Evidently, Constance needed to ask a question about what Jackie’s preferences were to reschedule a part of one of our study abroad programs. She finally went to ask Jackie about it and Jackie exploded. She was yelling at Constance asking what she was thinking and how could this happen, and on and on. This was nothing that Constance could control—she was just the bearer of the news. Jackie went on to say that Constance needed to think about her work ethic and communication. Unreal.

Constance is one of the most hard-working and dedicated people I have ever worked with. She is also incredibly kind and truly cares about others. When will this end – when can I return to the office and not hear, “oh wow, you missed it” and have a full day of worrying about what this is doing to all of us. Constance is going to counseling for the first time in her life and is a shadow of who she was when I first met her 2 years ago. I’m reporting this, I have to. But will it not just make it worse? Jackie is good friends with everyone who I could report to. We have to get out of here.

Theme two: Reliving past trauma: I thought that part of my life was over

Today, I emailed Jackie (director) to ask to attend our annual planning meeting over zoom. In our last staff meeting on Friday, she said to just let her know if anyone would be more comfortable doing the meeting virtually for whatever reason. So, I asked. A few minutes later, I heard Daniella (co-worker) pick up a call – it is such a small office, we hear everything. She quickly tried to get up and close her door as she was saying “hold on, hold on, I’m in the office so we can all hear.” Somehow, I knew. I heard from across the hall that the first thing Jackie said to Daniella was, “I’m so frustrated.” I knew it was about me and for some reason Jackie was mad about me asking to attend the meeting virtually. My stomach churned and I was filled with fear, frustration, and anger. I don’t understand where any of this comes from. It is as if Jackie does not know me at all. I am never out, I work on the weekends, my students call me on my personal cell constantly – how could she question my dedication.

I went to Anne (co-worker) and told her that I thought the call was about me. Anne agreed it most likely was and together we cringed, dreading what was coming. It was just the three of us in the office that day (me, Anne, and Daniella) and when I mentioned I was going to ask Jackie to be at home for our planning meeting, they encouraged me to ask and thought it was a good idea. Now they are targets too. I decided to be proactive and while Daniella was still on the phone with her door closed, I emailed Jackie to say please disregard my message, I planned to come to the meeting in person.

I got an email from Jackie to say that if I did not come in person to the planning meeting, I would need to take a personal vacation day for the time. It was so confusing and did not make any sense to me, but I knew I just needed to go along with it to try to keep any semblance of peace. I replied to say I would be on campus for meeting.

Daniella soon opened her door and she was off the phone. I did not want to put her in an uncomfortable position, since Jackie often talks about us to each other behind our backs. It was not Daniella’s fault she was in the middle. So later that day, I went to Daniella’s office and said that I was sorry she was put in the middle of this situation and that I knew the call was about me, and that I did not expect her to relay anything to me. Just not to worry about it. Daniella said that it was about the message and that Jackie said some “crazy things about you” and that she was angry about the “whole mess.”

In the end, I cried all the way home again – 90 minutes’ worth. I had to get out of there. I did not even recognize myself anymore. How could someone judge me so wrongly and treat me like nothing, no respect, no sense of reality.

That night, I had my first night terror in over 10 years. I was back there, in that place where he trapped me, hurt me, tried to end me. I thought that part of my life was over—that I was dealing with this trauma and managing to move forward and rebuild a life. Now I was back there, feeling like that again—feeling lost, scared, and angry that I let my guard down and lost my power.

The next morning in the office, Jackie came by my office door and I was livid, shaking from mixed emotions. She asked if I was okay and all I could muster was to say that yesterday was a pretty bad day. What does that even mean, my words are silenced in this space. She smiled and walked away.

Theme three: Coping and Survivor’s Guilt

I reported it today, finally. It was the same day I had to get Jackie to sign off on my departure paperwork. I knew she would cause more problems for me if she found out before I left. While it feels good to finally say something, I am worried about the consequences for everyone. I know in my heart it was right to do, but how will this impact my co-workers left behind? I would never forgive myself if my actions made things worse for them. I already will not be there to speak up in their defense and try to defer some of the outbursts to my direction. I won’t be there for us to get together and talk about what has happened, hoping that we can soften the blow for each other.

As it turned out, there was no reason to worry. Nothing happened. I suppose I should not be surprised, but it is still hard to accept that the answer was, “this is just the way she is” and that we always had the option to leave. Survivor’s guilt sets in. I am building myself back again and remembering who I am again, but my co-workers are still there. We were all talking about looking for other opportunities over the last year, but the day I had to tell them I was really leaving was so hard. I felt like I was abandoning them.

Over the last few years, I have tried so many things to stay healthy and to fight back against what this toxic work environment was doing to me. I learned a different form of meditation, went back to trauma therapy, established a secondary space at the campus to meet with my students, began physical therapy for my increasing back and muscle pain, and vented—vented through running, writing, music, and being in nature. It is incredible the depth and breadth of impact this has had in my life. Now that I am out of the environment, I still flinch when see new email message notifications come in at work, I still have flashbacks to Jackie’s words and actions and the pain they caused, and I still fight every day to remember my self.

Discussion

The purpose of this autoethnography was to contextualize a personal workplace bullying experience in higher education with the intention to promote action and change within higher education policy and practice. The research questions that guided this study were: How do I tell the story of my experience with workplace bullying in higher education? What are the personal and social impacts of my experience with workplace bullying? What strategies did I use to persevere through the workplace bullying experience?

Research question one: How do I tell the story of my experience with workplace bullying in higher education?

This research question focused on how I remembered and told the story of my workplace bullying and incivility experience. When considering memory, the authenticity of my storytelling was maintained by reflecting on artifacts from the time in question alongside my recall of experiences. As I sought meaning and a deeper understanding of this workplace bullying experience, I found that the telling of the story was therapeutic. Through the telling of my story, I was able to find support and validation of my experiences and trauma through prior literature about workplace bullying. Specifically, I would equate the voices of other survivors in literature to finding a support group who understand and can empathize, while also providing advice on ways to move forward (Gerstenfield, 2017; Johnson-Bailey, 2015; Pheko, 2018; Pyke, 2018; Sedivy-Benton et al., 2015).

The re-telling also took on the role of my seeking to make sense of the experience in terms of what happened, what were reactions that took place, and what could the process of seeking to understand bring about. Through this process of telling my story, I also sought to find myself in the rubble—the aftermath of what occurred. There was a process of loss, grieving, and then re-discovery or reclaiming of my life. What purpose could an experience like mine have? One aspect of this re-telling that surfaced through this autoethnography is the impact of ethical practice—or lack of ethical practice—among leaders in higher education.

Ethical practice and ethical decision-making are centered on having a core belief system that guides our actions and behaviors (Sam, 2021; Strydom, 2021). Without having a core belief system of values that guide decision-making and behaviors, bullying and incivility appear more likely to surface in the workplace. It is as though the leader in this autoethnography, Jackie, did not have a strong foundation of values that guided her behaviors. While assumptions might be made about how a bully becomes a bully and what life experiences may be impacting the bully’s behavior, it is impossible to know for certain. The bully keeps others at a distance by their behavior, thus making it especially challenging to gain understanding of their positionality or to offer support or help to the bully that could change their toxic behaviors.

RQ2: What are the personal and social impacts of my experience with workplace bullying?

This research question addresses how the workplace bullying experience impacted my life. The impacts of bullying and incivility on victims is discussed in prior literature and is supported through my findings in this study (Giorgi et al., 2015; Malik et al., 2018; Rodriguez-Munoz et al., 2010; Voss et al., 2001). My mental health suffered as I began to experience flashbacks in relation to prior trauma, my anxiety increased severity, and my interpersonal relationships became more challenging as I struggled with social anxiety in relation to my workplace environment. When I lived in this state of fear at the workplace, my sense of self-efficacy declined and my self-esteem suffered. This significant decline in my self-perception made social interactions difficult as it was more challenging to engage with others than what I had experienced pre-bullying.

My physical health also declined during this period, as I began to experience increased back and muscular pain, which led to a diagnosis of a degenerative disc disease. When seeking medical attention, there were numerous times that physicians and specialists mentioned the impact that stress has on our bodies. This experience is also supported by prior literature, where there is support for the theory that bullying can lead to long-lasting physical and psychological difficulties (Daliana and Antoniou, 2018; Einarsen and Nielson, 2015; Giorgi et al., 2015; Namie and Namie, 2009).

Workplace bullying and incivility caused me to question my purpose in life and led me to question my judgment about decisions that brought me to the space and time where I had this experience. One of the threads that emerged as I analyzed my findings in this study is that victims typically display characteristics of compassion, persistence, and resilience. As we find ourselves experiencing bullying in the workplace, we question ourselves—but we also question the reasons for this experience. We strive to make meaning from the experience in a quest to facilitate change and growth within the systems that enable bullying to occur. While our physical and psychological symptoms are long-lasting and continue to be impactful in our lives, the experience also seems to generate a passion to persist and contribute to the larger community working for change.

RQ3: What strategies did I use to persevere through the workplace bullying experience?

For the third research question that guided this study, it focuses on coping strategies used to get through the workplace bullying experience. As prior literature states, I used similar coping strategies as other workplace bullying victims to persevere, including, but not limited to: journaling, seeking support groups/people, seeking medical attention, reporting, and leaving (Johnson-Bailey, 2015; Pheko, 2018; Pyke, 2018; Sedivy-Benton et al., 2015). I also used music and visual images to support my critical reflection process.

Reflective practice is a method that I used in all of my coping strategies. Reflection, according to Brookfield (2010, 2017), centers on a process of uncovering our assumptions. What assumptions do we hold about ourselves, our context, and those we interact with? When we realize our assumptions, we can then question them and consider potential alternatives about who we are, what we believe, and how we view the world around us. This is where critical reflection serves as a process of transformation—a movement away from prior assumptions and toward a deeper way of understanding ourselves and others (Brookfield, 2010, 2017).

Through reflective practice, I was able to develop a deeper understanding of myself and negotiate new ways of seeing myself in relation to others. For instance, as I reflected on my seeking support in groups and people, I began to gain a deeper understanding of how I relate to others and how sociocultural support from others was integral to my coping and to my recovery process. While I would never want to go through another experience like this again, it is meaningful that I have been able to find meaning and personal growth through the survival process. This growth and meaning-making process was facilitated by an exploration of prior literature, critical reflection, and a willingness to face vulnerability in an effort to use my experience to further knowledge and practice in the field.

Implications for future research and practice

The purpose of this study was to contextualize a personal workplace bullying experience in higher education with the intention to promote action and change within higher education systems. Bullying persists in higher education despite the knowledge and desire of institutions for change (Misawa, 2015, 2017). The Workplace Bullying Institute (2021) exposes the breadth depth of workplace bullying in U.S. society and records the incredible impact of bullying on victims’ physical and psychological health. This autoethnography fills a gap in prior literature to offer insight into how one survivor found empowerment through prior literature and narratives and engaged in critical reflection as a way to facilitate personal growth and to consider how experiences can be used as tools to educate and promote change.

Workplace bullying is prevalent, serious, and requires mediation through the enforcement of policies against bullying and incivility. By increasing awareness among higher education professionals about the prevalence of bullying and the severe health consequences of bullying, those in positions of power have the opportunity to establish innovative strategies for change. There exists a real and immediate need for a reliable and enforced reporting system for bystanders and targets of bullying in the workplace, a systemic education about ethical leadership and ethical practice, and a victim and survivor support system to facilitate health and well-being during and after a workplace bullying incident.

There are numerous opportunities for more research about bullying in higher education. For example, a longitudinal study about survivors of workplace bullying would be helpful in better understanding the long term impacts of workplace bullying on a victim’s personal and professional development. Further autoethnographies from within higher education faculty and staff would also be beneficial in order to provide more direct examples of bullying in higher education and expose various bullying methods, mediation practices, and recovery processes. Finally, a quantitative study examining the frequency and modality of workplace bullying in higher education would offer useful statistical data to the field and could facilitate policy development within higher education and society at large.

Conclusion

This autoethnography explored workplace bullying in higher education through the researcher’s personal life experience as a workplace bullying victim. The study was developed with the goals to: add to the body of literature about bullying and incivility in the workplace; provide specific examples about how bullying and incivility impacts a victim’s personal and professional life, physical health, and psychological health; and to utilize critical reflection to generate innovative ways to address the prevalence and minimize the impacts of similar experiences with workplace bullying in higher education.

Based on the relevant literature, the author explored the intersections of bullying and incivility in the workplace, trauma and the lasting impacts of bullying and incivility, leadership and bullying, and relative policy and practice in higher education. Through the author’s narrative examples of workplace bullying experiences, higher education professionals can gain an insider’s perspective of the personal, professional, and health-related impacts of bullying that can expand the awareness of the severity of this phenomenon and inspire ally-ship and action toward change. If we are to experience change in workplace bullying prevalence, then higher education professionals must be vigilant in advocating for change, being an ally for others, and promoting ethics-based training for higher education professionals.