Family Dynamics of the Stay-at-Home Father and Working Mother Relationship

Abstract

A phenomenological qualitative study was utilized to explore family dynamics in stay-at-home father and working mother households. A total of 20 working mothers were asked to describe family interactions and daily routines with regard to their stay-at-home father and working mother dynamic. All participants were married, heterosexual women with biological children ages 1 to 4 and who worked outside the home and the father stayed home as primary caretaker and did not contribute financially. The study indicated that the family dynamic of a working mother and stay-at-home father provided a positive parent–child relationship, enhanced parenting cohesion, and enhanced quality time.

According to Heppner and Heppner (as cited in Fischer & Anderson, 2012), women and men are challenging the stereotypical gender roles and are participating in nontraditional roles of employed mothers and caregiving fathers. The number of families where the mothers are employed full-time outside the home and fathers stay home to care for children continues to grow. According to the 2010 Bureau of Labor Statistics (as cited in Fischer & Anderson, 2012), women now make up 47% of the labor force. The 2012 U.S. Census Bureau reported there are 24.4 million married fathers with children younger than 18 (U.S. Census Bureau, 2012a, 2012b). The Census Bureau also reported that 189,000 identified themselves as stay-at-home fathers in 2012, which was defined as remaining outside the labor force for at least 1 year so they can care for their family while their wife works outside the home (U.S. Census Bureau, 2012b). It was also identified that these fathers cared for an upward of 369,000 children (U.S. Census Bureau, 2012b).

The U.S. Bureau of Labor and Statistics stated that at the start of the 21st century, only a third of U.S. households enact the male breadwinner model and nearly another third have the female as the breadwinner (as cited in Meisenbach, 2010).

Changing Roles and Multiple Roles

Negative Effects

Gender role conflict is an important concern regarding the nontraditional parenting roles of a stay-at-home father and working mother. Gender role conflict occurs when a person takes on roles that are incongruent with their gender. Research identified that those who violate gender stereotypes risk social consequences (Moss-Racusin, Phelan, & Rudman, 2010). Some of these consequences may be experiencing more stress, work overload, workplace discrimination, social discrimination, failure in the role, or frustration (Barnett & Hyde, 2001). These consequences have been linked to negative effects on a person’s well-being and self-esteem (Rochlen & Mahalik, 2004). Previous studies reported that men who felt gender role conflict had difficulty expressing their emotions openly and felt less satisfaction in their relationships (Rochlen & Mahalik, 2004).

Role strain is another concern. Gender roles for men and women have been narrow, primarily by their family and work roles (Perrone, Wright, & Jackson, 2009). This narrowing of roles can cause role strain. Role strain is when fulfilling one role interferes with fulfilling another role, as defined by Simpson (as cited in Perrone et al., 2009). The gender role strain paradigm suggests that men are socialized to behave in ways that are congruent with traditional masculinity, which includes avoiding behaviors seen as feminine (Rochlen, Suizzo, McKelley, & Scaringi, 2008a). It also suggests that men face pressures to conform to traditional role requirements. One way for men to alleviate role strain and take on a nontraditional role is to adapt to stress and change their behavior and perception of gender norms, disengage from these ideals, or change their reference group (Rochlen et al., 2008a).

Gender role conflict may not only affect the person taking on these nontraditional roles but also the spouse. The study by Rochlen and Mahalik (2004) took this concern into consideration and explored how gender role conflict in males relates to their partner’s well-being, self-esteem, and satisfaction. This research identified that gender role conflict can affect marital satisfaction and have a negative effect on well-being, but the study had no support that gender role conflict affected the partner’s self-esteem. Rochlen and Mahalik believed that the individual’s self-esteem may be a characteristic of the person and not linked to the relationship itself.

Positive Effects

Having multiple roles can also be beneficial in mental, physical, and relationship health for both men and women (Barnett & Hyde, 2001). Some of these benefits include opportunities to experience success in another role, increased self-complexity, and gender role ideology (Barnett & Hyde, 2001). Self-complexity allows the person to buffer against the negative effects of life’s stresses (Barnett & Hyde, 2001). Gender role ideology allows the woman to appreciate the working roles, whereas the husband appreciates the care giving role. Thus, both become more liberal toward nontraditional roles. Men and women are beginning the movement of escaping their traditional gender roles and choosing to take on roles that promote equality (Eshleman & Bulcroft, 2006).

Perrone et al. (2009) also examined the traditional and nontraditional roles of men and women. These researchers explored the importance of finding a satisfying balance with the changing life roles. According to Super (as cited in Perrone et al., 2009), individuals whose role participation is congruent with their values and feelings of commitment will be more satisfied. With women in the workforce, men are reporting less financial pressure and more freedom to invest in their family roles (Perrone et al., 2009).

Views Toward Nontraditional Parenting Roles

Stay-at-Home Fathers

The study by Chesley (2011) interviewed 21 couples in the female breadwinner and stay-at-home father relationship. This study identified that 12 of the 21 males shared a struggle with masculine ideals that emphasize men’s financial provision and the importance of men as financial providers (Chesley, 2011). The men identified that this idea of the male needing to be the financial provider was constructed by their own belief systems and social networks, such as friends and family. One female participant even acknowledged her own feeling that her husband should “go get a job” (Chesley, 2011).

Chesley (2011) also identified a difference in tension level as it related to their decision to enter this nontraditional role. The study reported “fifty percent of men who became at-home fathers because of job conditions discuss such tensions, while just 20 percent of men who chose to say home discuss [the feeling of financial tension]” (Chesley, 2011, p. 655).

A study by Merla (2008) gathered data from 21 Belgium stay-at-home fathers. This study identified that the fathers faced scrutiny and ridicule from family members, friends, and outside professionals regarding their choice in nontraditional parenting roles. Three common remarks reported were that “childcare is a female prerogative, man’s primary role is to be professional active and/or the main provider, and at home fathers are not masculine” (Merla, 2008, p. 119). These fathers also reported comments of being a “slacker” and “exploiting their spouses” (Merla, 2008, p. 119).

Another theme in the literature review analyzed societal views of stay-at-home fathers. Brescoll and Uhlmann (2005) investigated the attitudes of adult men and women toward traditional parenting (stay-at-home mothers and working fathers) and nontraditional parenting (stay-at-home fathers and working mothers). The researchers identified that nontraditional parents were liked significantly less than traditional parents, and stay-at-home fathers were not regarded as highly as stay-at-home mothers (Brescoll & Uhlmann, 2005). Brescoll and Uhlmann also believed that there are negative societal pressures of stay-at-home fathers and this negativity swayed fathers from being willing to assume this role.

The study by Shirani, Henwood, and Coltrart (2012) analyzed data from a longitudinal study that examined 30 expectant fathers over a 10-year span with regard to their role in fatherhood. This particular literature review focused on the lives of the two fathers who chose the stay-at-home father role. The study indicated that both men experienced a “negative social gaze” from both the local community and their own family (Shirani et al., 2012). One participant responded to the negative responses by suggesting society is “stuck in a traditional mindset, living in an old-fashioned community where the culture hasn’t moved on from ideas of the breadwinner/housewife model and that he had his wife are positioned as modern and progressive for challenging traditional gender boundaries” (Shirani et al., 2012, p. 284). Both men talked about the criticism they experienced in their jobs when deciding to stay home with their child after the birth. Even though they received criticism, both fathers reported feeling more comfortable and confident in their positions as stay-at-home fathers and felt that the “elements of choice and desire” were influential in their confidence of the nontraditional role.

Effects of Nontraditional Parenting Roles

Effects on Stay-at-Home Fathers

Rochlen et al. (2008a) explored the effects on the father and reported that there were positive influences to well-being. The fathers reported a high level of satisfaction and described their roles as rewarding and enjoyable. The fathers in the study also shared that when faced with gender role strains, they chose to change their perceptions and disengage from the gender ideals (Rochlen et al., 2008a). They chose to associate with other stay-at-home fathers and sought support from understanding friends and family members. The fathers identified with a sense of pride in shaping new masculinity roles (Rochlen et al., 2008a). Some participants reported that providing for their families made them feel more “manly” than just providing financially (Rochlen et al., 2008a). Overall, the fathers of the study expressed a greater appreciation for their emotional lives, less fear and shame, a desire to be better fathers, as well as strong traditional masculine values of independence and strength (Rochlen et al., 2008a).

The study by Merla (2008) gathered data from 21 Belgium stay-at-home fathers regarding their experience and then compared these data with studies of stay-at-home fathers in Australia, Sweden, and the United States. Although these fathers reported a social backlash for their decisions, the fathers shared that they view themselves as individuals making decisions in the best interest of their family and are okay with not conforming to societal standards. Many fathers shared the common theme of “living in conformity of their own values, which centered on empathy and a quality of life based on a deep and strong relations with one’s partner and children rather than materialism” (Merla, 2008, p. 121).

The fathers in the study by Merla (2008) also shared they wanted to see their kids grow up and wanted to give their children a rich and solid relationship, which they felt was priority in the quality of life. Others believed it was the parents’ job to be primary caregivers and worked to have an egalitarian approach in their family system (Merla, 2008). Some fathers expressed that they felt their work role prevented them from being the fathers they wanted to be (Merla, 2008). Overall, the decision-making strategies surrounded positive factors, and fathers were able to name many reasons why they chose to stay home with their children, even though they received little support from the outside world.

The study by Chesley (2011) identified another positive aspect of nontraditional parenting roles. This study discussed gender inequality/equality with regard to nontraditional parenting roles. She reported,

some men (and their wives) highlight how the (stay-at-home father and female breadwinner) experience allows fathers to develop a range of parenting skills that are more similar to their wives’ skills, including nurturing or communication skills, as well as better or more varied strategies for coping with challenging behaviors (e.g., tantrums). (p. 656)

Effects on Working Mothers

Chesley (2011) interviewed 21 couples in the stay-at-home father and working mother relationship. This research focused on social change and gender equality/inequality. The research reported that 9 of the 21 breadwinner women felt “a higher level of responsibility for, and psychological involvement with, their children when compared to a breadwinning male” (Chesley, 2011, pp. 652-653). This responsibility was illustrated in two personal stories told by the female participants and the important theme identified was the importance of a “strong commitment to and involvement with children is something that heavily shapes the breadwinner mother experience” (Chesley, 2011, p. 653).

A study by Meisenbach (2010) focused on the subjective experiences of the female breadwinner and gendered identity negotiations. This study was a phenomenological study that explored how the role of female breadwinner affects their gender identity. This particular study indicated some positive aspects with regard to their identity as a female breadwinner and their identity. Meisenbach indicated that 7 of 15 participants acknowledged an appreciation to the sense of control the female breadwinner role provides, while 2 participants shared feeling empowered in this role. On the other hand, the study identified that some female breadwinners felt tension in their family dynamics and a struggle of finding a balance of being a strong woman, but not controlling in their family dynamics (Meisenbach, 2010).

Another theme that emerged from Meisenbach’s (2010) study regarding the female breadwinner’s role and contributions to gender identity was the value in independence. This researcher reported that “every study participant described herself as independent” (Meisenbach, 2010). The researcher further expressed that the participants specifically mentioned the value of financial independence and ability to depend on themselves if something were to happen to their partner (Meisenbach, 2010).

A study by Meisenbach (2010) focused on the subjective experiences of the female breadwinner and gendered identity negotiations. This study was a phenomenological study that explored how the role of female breadwinner affects their gender identity. Although positive aspects were indicated, there were a few negative impacts that the participants reported with regard to being the female breadwinner. Some of these impacts were identified as feeling pressure, stress, and worry (Meisenbach, 2010). One participant stated that “the complication is a cultural expectation that she will be taking care of her child by staying home, trapping her between the pressure to earn money and the pressure to personally raise her child” (Meisenbach, 2010, p. 10). Meisenbach also reported that there were feelings of worry if they lost their jobs and could not meet the needs of their family. The researcher concluded that the theme of worry and pressure stems from the female breadwinner role “taking away their options that are traditionally feminine, and brings on the pressure to provide” (Meisenbach, 2010, p. 11).

Another negative impact to role reversal with regard to female breadwinning was identified by Meisenbach (2010). This researcher indicated the feelings of guilt and resentment among 9 of 15 participants. The themes of guilt and resentment were expressed in various forms. One form of expression was identified as the mother’s feelings toward their partner with regard to the husband’s spending, their lack of financial contributions, lack in division of household chores, and the gendered societal expectations surrounding these factors (Meisenbach, 2010). Another theme of resentment with regard to role reversal was a participant identifying feelings of guilt being away from her children and pursuing her career (Meisenbach, 2010).

Effects on Couple

The study by Rochlen, Suizzo, McKelley, and Scaringi (2008b) focused on the effects that nontraditional parenting roles have on the couple. The researchers were interested to see if couples who do not conform to traditional parenting roles experience heightened strains in their psychological functioning and relationship (Rochlen et al., 2008b). The studied revealed that the stay-at-home fathers in the study reported contentment in their relationships and support from their spouses (Rochlen et al., 2008b). The study also identified that social support was a predictor in marital satisfaction. Stay-at-home fathers who felt a strong social support reported lower levels of stress and higher levels of relationship satisfaction (Rochlen et al., 2008b).

McBride and Rane (1998) explored the relationship between the perceptions of the parental alliance, marital quality, and the amount of involvement fathers have in raising their young children. The researchers shared that parental alliance is not synonymous with marital alliance and that a parent can suffer from serious interpersonal difficulty with a partner while maintaining a strong parental alliance with their partner (McBride & Rane, 1998). Spouses who have different personalities are more likely to experience unsupportive coparenting as opposed to those with differing age or education (McBride & Rane, 1998). The findings of the study lend support that both parents can have strong parental involvement and function well in the parenting role but not be satisfied in their marriage (McBride & Rane, 1998).

The article by Perrone et al. (2009) examined traditional and nontraditional gender roles of men and women in the work–family interface. According to Schultheiss (as cited in Perrone et al., 2009), changes in work roles often lead to changes in marital roles, which can affect marital satisfaction. Decision-making skills, division of labor, and fairness are crucial factors related to marital satisfaction when roles are changed. Couples who discussed these issues and negotiated equitable solutions were more likely have higher marital satisfaction (Perrone et al., 2009).

The study by Chesley (2011) reported mixed reviews regarding the effect of nontraditional roles on a couple. One participant expressed feeling “second fiddle” with regard to her level of importance in the home, which led to feelings of lack of importance to her husband (Chesley, 2011). Chesley’s study also reported feelings of jealousy, which had a negative effect on the marriage. In this study, 29% of the mothers reported being jealous of not being in the position to be the stay-at-home parent. One participant expressed that the feeling of jealousy toward her partner leads to being “critical” of the father’s parenting skills, thus causing conflict within the relationship.

A positive finding by Chesley (2011) was that 15 couples (71%) discussed how having the fathers at home supported the wives’ employment. This was expressed by supporting wives’ schedules, relieving them of stress around children’s care, or by reducing their involvement in housework (Chesley, 2011). Eight of the 21 women also identified feelings of compassion toward their husbands with regard to recognizing what the men “go through” as a stay-at-home parent (Chesley, 2011).

Method

A qualitative phenomenological study was utilized to explore family dynamics in stay-at-home father and working mother relationships. “Qualitative research attempts to make sense of or interpret phenomena in terms of the meanings people bring to them” (Denzin & Lincoln, 2013, p. 7). Phenomenology explores the meaning of the lived experiences of several individuals and its purpose is to create a universal meaning to reduce individual experiences (Creswell, 2007). The researcher explored the experience of the stay-at-home father and working mother arrangement from the mother’s subjective experience. This design allowed the mothers to not only tell their story but also allowed society to understand these family dynamics from the mother’s subjective experience and create a more universal meaning to the stay-at-home father and working mother phenomenon.

The researcher explored the experience of the stay-at-home father and working mother arrangement with regard to family interactions and daily routines. The theoretical implications of the study were guided by choice theory. Choice theory explains that we choose everything we do. It explores how and why we make choices that guide our lives (Glasser, 1998). This theory aided the understanding of why the working mothers chose the stay-at-home father and working mother arrangement for their family and how this choice affected their family dynamics.

The research was conducted in accordance to the policies and procedures of the Capella University Institutional Review Board. This board consists of scholars and researchers who work to ensure all procedures are followed to protect participants from harm and informed consents follow protocol to ensure privacy and anonymity (Leedy & Ormrod, 2005). A copy of the institutional review board’s approval was then provided to participants to report credibility for the research.

Participants

Participants were the working mothers. Multiple mothers who met sample characteristic criteria were chosen. The characteristics of each mother were married, heterosexual women with biological children ages 1 to 4 wherein their husband was the full-time caregiver and she worked full-time outside the home.

The researcher used multiple marketing techniques to reach participants that met the criteria. The sites www.meetup.com and www.athomedad.org were utilized to identify local parenting groups. A search for key words “stay-at-home dads,” “working mothers,” “stay-at-home parents,” and “local playgroups” were used to identify groups specific to the study population. A request for participation was posted on each site to recruit participants. Twenty-one elementary schools in the local area were also contacted and asked to send flyers home to the parents. Seven web forums were contacted and a post was placed on each site requesting participants.

The study recruited 20 mothers who met the requirements. Five participants were from the researcher’s home state of Texas, 5 participants were recruited from Missouri, and 10 participants were recruited from Illinois, for a total of 20 participants. No participants chose to withdraw from the study. The majority of participants (95%) identified themselves as Caucasian.

Of the 20 participants, 60% of the population reported an income of >110,000. The mothers’ education level identified that 90% were college graduates or postgraduate and 75% of the fathers held a college or postgraduate degree. Ninety-five percent of the participants reported this was a first marriage for them and their husbands. Sixty-five percent of the families reported having two children in the home. The mothers’ occupation varied but the study did identify that 25% of the participants reported being attorneys.

Data Collection

The techniques that were used in the qualitative study were interviews and audio recordings. Multiple data collection techniques, such as direct observations, interviews, and documentation are qualitative strategies that enhance data credibility (Baxter & Jack, 2008). This ensured that the issue explored was not explored through one lens but rather a variety of lenses that allows for multiple facets of the phenomenon to be revealed and understood (Baxter & Jack, 2008). The interviews were conducted at a location chosen by the participant. The researcher ensured that the location met requirements regarding privacy and confidentiality of the participant as well as quietness to successfully interview. The researcher took into consideration time and location in an attempt to provide a comfortable environment for the participant.

When the participant and researcher first met face-to-face, the informed consent was reviewed and the purpose of the study and the risks and benefits were thoroughly covered with the participant. Then, the participant signed the informed consent in front of the researcher. Once the signed informed consent was obtained, the researcher collected the demographic questionnaire and qualifications checklist from the participant. These were already filled out by the participant as they were mailed previously in the recruitment packet.

Once the demographic and qualifications checklist was received, the open-ended, unstructured interview questions were asked. The questions were as follows: (1) please share in detail the interaction between you and your child, (2) please share in detail the interaction between your husband and your child, (3) share with me in detail what a typical daily routine is for you as a working mother, (4) please share with me in detail what a typical daily routine for your husband is, as you see it. The questions were unrestricted in time to allow the participant to answer fully. Prompts were used as a means to clarify and expand the participant’s response.

Data Analysis

All participants were interviewed face to face and these interviews were audio recorded. Qualitative researchers believe interviewing and observation are ways to gain a better picture into the participant’s perspective (Denzin & Lincoln, 2013). Tape-recordings were then transcribed by a court reporter employed by the researcher. The researcher asked the participant immediately after the interview if they could be contacted a minimum of 1 month following the interview. The researcher invited each participant to review the written transcripts provided by the transcriptionist following each interview. If permission was given, the participant was contacted by electronic email. The emailed packet provided a transcription of their personal interview. Participants were asked to review and contribute additional material or clarify their statements. Seventeen participants took time to review and send transcription back to researcher and 2 of the 17 chose to make additional comments.

Once interviews were transcribed, the researcher began classification to identify themes in the transcriptions. The researcher and two experts searched for themes. The two experts hold a doctoral degree and have extensive training in qualitative research. When forming themes, the researchers and experts used interpretation. During the process of interpretation, researchers form larger meanings of what is going on in the situations (Creswell, 2007). According to Barritt (as cited in Leedy & Ormrod, 2005), the purpose data analysis is to identify common themes in the personal experiences.

Finally, the transcriptions were uploaded into the qualitative software program NVivo, where the researcher was able to combine and subdivide codes and ultimately form consistent themes throughout the transcripts. Computer-assisted software permitted frequency counts and tabulations (Denzin & Lincoln, 2003). NVivo helped manage and shape unstructured information by using visualization tools such as chart, graphs, and models. NVivo provided security by storing the databases and files together in a single file and enabled the researcher to manipulate the data and conduct searches (Creswell, 2007). Once coding and identification of themes were created, the expert panel and researcher reread the transcripts to ensure accuracy and thoroughness.

Field Testing

A list of the interview questions was prepared and submitted to a panel of experts. The panel consisted of three therapists with extensive training and experience in children and family counseling. All three experts hold a doctoral degree and have a background in qualitative research. They all are licensed therapists in the state of Texas. None of the experts were affiliated with Capella University. The panel analyzed the questions and provided feedback on how to improve the quality of the interview questions. All feedback was taken into consideration and changes were made to the original questions.

Reliability and Validity

Reliability in a qualitative study is concerned with ensuring the study is of quality.

According to Gibbs,(Creswell, 2009) a reliable study identifies that the researcher’s findings are consistent across other research studies and projects.Essential criteria for qualitative reliability are credibility, consistency, and applicability. Steps were put in place to monitor reliability in the study.

According to Bronfenbrenner (1976, as cited in Meisenbach, 2010), member checking is an accepted source of validity checking in phenomenological studies (Meisenbach, 2010). In this case, the researcher engaged in an in-depth member checking protocol where each participant was emailed a copy of the transcript and asked for any feedback and clarification. Also, after completing the study, each participant was contacted again and given a full copy of the final study before final submission. Twelve of 20 participants responded to the final submission identifying no concerns and expressing gratitude for the study.

There were steps in the data collection phase that were taken to ensure reliability.

All procedures of the research were documented. This includes data collection and analysis techniques. Transcripts from interviews were transcribed and checked against the tape-recording to ensure they do not contain any mistakes. During data analysis, it is crucial to pay specific attention to coding. The researcher made sure there was not a misunderstanding in definition or meaning of codes.

To ensure understanding, data are compared with codes numerous times and crosschecked with the definitions of the codes (Creswell, 2009). These codes were also cross-referenced with codes developed by the expert panel.

Credibility

According to Mertens (2005), credibility tests the correspondence between the way the respondents perceive the questions and respond and the way the researcher portrays their understanding of their responses. Constructivism and triangulation were two strategies the researcher used to ensure the research was credible.

A constructivist paradigm assumes there are multiple realities, the knower and respondent cocreate understandings, and procedures are in a natural setting (Denzin & Lincoln, 2003). Constructivism values multiple realities (Golafshani, 2003). Multiple methods of data collection were used to acquire multiple realities. These methods were interviews and audio recordings. Also having 20 participants allowed the researcher to gain 20 different perspectives.

Analyst triangulation was also used to support credibility. Triangulation is when a researcher uses multiple investigators as a way to corroborate evidence from different sources to shed light on a theme (Creswell, 2009). Using multiple methods and data sources will help strengthen interpretations in qualitative study (Mertens, 2005). The strategy to ensure triangulation in the study was having numerous techniques of analyzing the data. The professional transcriptionist transcribed all audio recordings. The transcribed data were then analyzed by the researcher and three experts for themes. Then, the data were uploaded into the qualitative software NVivo to analyze for themes. Using multiple methods of analyzing data ensured triangulation.

Results

Of the themes that emerged, the three of focus for this article are (1) positive parent–child relationship, (2) enhanced parenting cohesion, and (3) enhanced quality time.

Positive Parent–Child Relationships

In response to questions inquiring about the mother–child interaction and father–child interaction, 16 of the 20 participants expressed feeling the parent–child interactions were positive in both the mother–child relationship and father–child relationship. Some of the words used to describe the father–child interaction were “consistent, strong, engaged, active, and playful.” Some of the word choices the mothers used to describe their relationship were “involved, loving, very close, very positive, strong, and consistent.” These working mothers shared that their interaction with their child/children is intense, close, and was not lacking because of the limited amount of time they have. The mothers also discussed how they felt the bond between the father and child was strong and positive. The other four participants answered the questions in a more logistical format, such as describing their behaviors with their child/children. None of the participants indicated a poor or lacking relationship. This theme was expressed in the following examples:

I would say our emotional interaction is very strong and maybe consistent is a good word. It’s positive and consistent. (Participant 13)

[With regard to father–child interaction] It’s awesome to see them together. He’s an awesome Dad, he’s so good. My son is just like totally in love with his Dad. I’m glad. That’s how it should be. (Participant 7)

We have an amazing, amazing relationship. Lots of hugs and kisses, and giggles and smiles, and laughter and we play and we read a ton of books, and she can’t get enough of me. [With regard to father–child interaction] I know my husband is an amazing dad. . . . We feel very, very fortunate that she has such a close relationship with both of us. (Participant 15)

Enhanced Parenting Cohesion

With regard to parenting cohesion, 18 of the 20 mothers acknowledged they work to be united in parenting and felt more cohesion within their family dynamic. They also expressed feeling more support from their husbands and a more egalitarian approach to parenting. The assurance that their child/children have two parents with quality bonds allowed for more unity and cohesion between the parents and reported feeling more support from their spouse. Many mothers talked about how they stay in contact throughout the day with their husbands so they feel more involved in parenting decisions. This theme was expressed in the following examples:

We do spend time talking about events in the day, especially her developmental stages. We talk about some of the stresses that he’s had in his day dealing with her, or some of the—I of course enjoy hearing—what they did or we talk about some of the struggles that he had parenting because obviously being the only one there, it’s a job obviously for him. I think that we recognize it’s very important for him to be able to share the frustrations that he’s had. And talk about either changes that we want to implement in the way that we are disciplining her, or new things that we want to start encouraging her to do. (Participant 12)

I will usually call and check in or get a call from (husband) maybe three times a day just to kind of hear how they’re doing. I wouldn’t be calling a nanny three times a day or a day care center but being able to know exactly what’s going on is important to me. So maybe three times a day I will talk to them about what their day has been like, what they’re doing and then they sort of solidify when I’m going to be home, what’s happening for the evening. (Participant 19)

It’s just kind of funny that both of us know what the other one’s role is like and know the other person’s shoes. So I think we are kind of trying to overcompensate the other way. Like he is trying to be really understanding of me being at work and coming home late. I like try to be really sensitive because I know how days just get really long and boring, you know. It’s just like the both of us trying to like make it better for the other. (Participant 1)

Enhanced Quality Time

With regard to questions describing daily routines of the mother and father, the mothers discussed how both routines work together to enhance quality time for their family. Seventeen of the 20 mothers reported they feel the fathers have a routine during the day that allows for the mothers to have more quality time during her time at home. Majority of the mothers shared that they are more involved in the caretaking in the morning and evening hours when they are home. These mothers reported feeling enhanced quality time in the evenings and weekends with their family. One theme of quality time was the importance of “eating together” at night. Having the mothers take on more family responsibility while home and having a routine during the day allows not only the parents but children as well to have consistency. The 17 of the 20 mothers expressed feeling that a balance in routines and schedules reduced stress and pressure and ultimately improved the quality of their time with their family. The other three mothers did not specifically report an enhanced quality time but did share similar feelings in that they try to maximize their time with their children when they are home. This theme was expressed in the following examples:

We sit down and we eat dinner and then after dinner, we might play a game, watch their shows, play around, whatever we’re going to do until the kids go to bed at 8:00. And then my husband and I have quiet time. (Participant 5)

Our family eats together and we play games together or read, talk about our day. . . . On the weekends, we have family days. Every Saturday we go to Gymboree as a family together. (Participant 12)

We eat dinner as a family nearly every night. . . . And then on weekends, it’s just entirely different. He [son] and I take a music class on Saturdays together . . . [with regard to time with husband] we actually are able to spend the rest of the evening just spending time together watching a movie or whatever. (Participant 19)

Discussion

Positive Parent–Child Relationship

Sixteen of 20 participants (80%) reported a positive relationship with their child/children and expressed feeling a positive bond between father and child/children. The quality of the relationship with their child was an important factor in their decision to enter a working mother and stay-at-home father dynamic. This feeling is consistent with the research study by Chesley (2011) as this researcher identified “an important theme is that a strong commitment to and involvement with children is something that heavily shapes the breadwinner mother experience, and, according to these women, distinguishes it from the experience of breadwinner fathers” (p. 653).

This is also consistent with the study by Merla (2008) whose focus was on the stay-at-home father’s perspective. The fathers in this study defined themselves as “good fathers,” which means making sure their children are “happy, well-developed, well-educated, and successful at school” (Merla, 2008, p. 121). The mothers in the current study indicated that the fathers’ interactions were “consistent, strong, engaged, active, and playful,” which demonstrate an active role in their children’s lives.

Another consistent finding in research by Merla (2008) was the importance of the father–child relationship as well as the enhanced relationship with their spouse. The fathers in this study reported that by becoming a stay-at-home father, they were able to achieve their life goal, which was “centered on a quality of life based on deep and strong relations with ones’ partners and children rather than materialism” (Merla, 2008, p. 121). These fathers discussed how their relationships took precedence to a paid position. This is consistent in the current study as the mothers acknowledged satisfaction with seeing their children having an equally strong emotional bond with their father.

Enhanced Parenting Cohesion

Eighteen of the 20 participants (90%) talked in depth about the interactions and relationships between family members. They reported strong and consistent relationships and felt more cohesion with their spouse. This is consistent with the findings by Wall and Arnold (2007) who indicated that fathers today are seen as more nurturing, develop closer emotional relationships with their children, and share joys and work of care giving with mothers. It is also consistent in Doucet’s study regarding fathering patterns in primary care giving fathers. She indicated that fathers care for children indistinguishably from mothers (Doucet, 2009).

These participants also talked about how the communication with their spouse seemed to improve because of having both parents involved in the daily routines of the home and family. They also thought about the fact that they have someone they love and trust in charge of their child improves their relationship with their spouse and builds trust. This too is consistent with McBride and Rane (1998), who indicated that fathers who felt their wives had confidence in their parenting ability were more involved and responsible for their children. These positive feelings toward each other allows for a more cohesive relationship.

The study by Chesley (2011) also validates this theme as she reported, “Since many women do not relinquish involvement with children in response to a shift to breadwinning, these couples often experience greater convergence in their parenting experiences and develop a sense that parenting responsibilities are more equally shared” (p. 657). The research study by Chesley (2011) also reported that 71% of participants discussed how having the fathers at home supported the wives’ employment. This was expressed by supporting wives’ schedules, relieving them of stress around children’s care, or by reducing their involvement in housework (Chesley, 2011).

The study by Merla (2008) also validates the theme of enhanced parenting cohesion as this study reported that stay-at-home fathers identified themselves as a “good partner,” which meant to them that they contribute to their partner’s investment in their career by being present at home (Merla, 2008). The fathers identified their role at home not only as taking care of the children but also relieving their partner from the stress of trying to achieve a work–family balance (Merla, 2008).

This enhanced parental cohesion is maintained through deliberate work by both the parents who realize the importance of mutual support. Chesley’s (2011) research touched on the wife understanding the work the husband does at home, while the husband understands what it is like to be in the workplace all day. These comments from Participant 1 confirm that this understanding helps the parents both be comfortable in their more flexible roles as parents.

Enhanced Quality Time

Seventeen of the 20 participants (85%) talked about putting their families’ needs first and by doing so felt their relationships were stronger and more satisfied. This theme is consistent with Super’s suggestion that individuals whose role participation is congruent with their values and feelings of commitment will be more satisfied (as cited in Perrone et al., 2009).

The study by Chesley (2011) interviewed 21 couples in the stay-at-home father and working mother relationship. This researcher reported an overall shared understanding of family life between mothers and father (Chesley, 2011). This study is consistent with the current research findings in that it illustrates the deliberateness of the parents in respecting the other’s role in child rearing. The fathers at home have made an effort to give their wives opportunities to connect with the children at night, after being away from home all day.

Implications

The results of the study provide multiple implications for family dynamics, specific to nontraditional parenting roles. One implication worth noting is that some participants reported that they feel that society does not understand their choices and therefore they lack support for their family. Some discussed the lack of individual support for both themselves as the working mother as well as reported the lack of support their husbands have had trying to find social support. This is a consistent concern addressed by Latshaw (2011), as this study interviewed 40 stay-at-home fathers where many reported “difficulty being accepted into mother’s playgroups or felt awkward asking mothers to hang out one-on-one, therefore, many reported spending long hours at home without other adult interaction” and thus contemplated returning to the workforce (p. 137) Expanding the research on stay-at-home fathers and working mothers can help educate families, friends, and society on ways to reduce tension between societal norms and personal decisions. This particular research can also provide education on the needs of those who choose nontraditional gender roles and how to provide support for a person in this role.

An additional implication is not minimizing the fatherhood role in a family dynamic. Promoting father involvement and its importance will help shed light on the positive aspects that a father can provide to his family. The study by Latshaw (2011) was interested in emerging forms of fatherhood and if the Census Bureau accurately accounts for the varying degrees of the definition of stay-at-home fatherhood. This study used a mixed methods approach to expand the definition to males who defined their fathering role as primary caretakers but fell outside the scope of stay-at-home fathers because they had applied for jobs, worked or earned money while staying home, or were home because of retirement or attending school. The study indicated that 1.4 million men identified themselves as primary caretakers but did not fit the Census Bureau’s definition of stay-at-home father. Promoting education and better understanding on fatherhood and their role as primary caretaker can help society shift their view on nontraditional parenting styles.

Limitations

There are several limitations to this study. One limitation is the specific requirements for participants. This study did not include fathers who contributed financially, or did not include families who had older or younger children. The study was also limited to married, heterosexual couples who were biological parents.

Another limitation was that all participants were recruited through Internet blogs and sites, which limit participants that do not have access to Internet. Also, all blogs and sites that were used targeted a specific population, which was limited. This could have been more representative of families who are receiving more social support by being a part of a blog or group that supports these roles.

An additional limitation to a phenomenological study is that the results are not generalizable. The purpose of a phenomenological study is to explore a homogenous sample to understand their perspective. However, the limitation is that the data collected from this sample cannot be assumed to be applicable to all couples who have the stay-at-home father–working mother arrangement (Rochlen et al., 2008b). The final limitation was the shortcomings associated with self-report measures (Rochlen et al., 2008b). Qualitative research is not based on precise measurement but reflects the person’s perception. Therefore, the reliability was a potential problem as it cannot be guaranteed every observer would come to the same conclusion of self-reports (Babbie, 2004).

Future Directions

Qualitative research regarding the stay-at-home father and working mother relationship is limited. There is a specific need to further research regarding family choices in parenting, especially nontraditional gender roles. For example, it would be beneficial to know the father’s perspective regarding the family dynamics of this arrangement. This study focused solely on the mother’s subjective experience. The knowledge of the father’s perspective could contribute to not only awareness but also identifying the support that the fathers need.

Expanding the study to include various family dynamics is needed. Same-sex parents and blending families would be beneficial in bringing awareness to various family dynamics and its impact within the family.

Studies could also be expanded to include a look into the support system within the family, such as grandparents, extended family and close friends, and the working parent’s colleagues. Gaining awareness of the support, or lack thereof, would be important in helping understand how this may contribute to the well-being and satisfaction of the parents.