Unintended Pregnancy and the Prospect of Fatherhood – Emotions,Values and Social Expectations in Men’s Experiences

Abstract

This study examines 10 men’s experiences with unintended pregnancies—an underexplored topic in Norway, where gender equality and involved fatherhood are culturally emphasised. The men were interviewed shortly after learning about the pregnancy and again after a decision was made. Data were analysed using reflexive thematic analysis. The findings show that men experience unintended pregnancies with great emotional complexity, prompting reflection on values, life goals and consequences. Their experiences are shaped by partner relationships and social expectations regarding masculinity and fatherhood. Irrespective of the outcome, men need time to adjust emotionally. When pregnancies continue, men seek inclusion in prenatal care. This study highlights the need for inclusive sexual and reproductive health services that address men’s emotional and informational needs, including tailored counselling.

Globally, unintended pregnancies account for 48% of all pregnancies each year (Bearak et al., 2020), often affecting the lives and health of both individuals involved (Dalmijn et al., 2024; Kane et al., 2019). While research and public discourse have mainly focused on women’s experiences, there is growing recognition of the importance of including men’s perspectives in reproductive health and decision-making (Shand & Marcell, 2021). Men’s roles in sexual and reproductive health and rights are now seen as key to promoting shared responsibility, gender equality and better health outcomes for women, men and children (World Health Organization, 2018).

In the Nordic context, gender equality has long been central to family policy. Measures such as paternity leave quotas and working hour regulations aim to encourage men’s involvement in childcare (Danielsen et al., 2015; Wahlström Henriksson, 2020) and have shaped cultural understandings of fatherhood. The concept of “new fatherhood” emphasises emotional presence and caregiving, contrasting with traditional masculinity focused on financial provision (Bodin et al., 2019; Ravn, 2016). This new form of fatherhood has emerged as a dominant ideal within contemporary masculinity (Gottzen et al., 2020). Norwegian healthcare services have adapted to these social shifts by promoting a family-centred approach, especially in maternity care and child health clinics, to support both parents during pregnancy and early parenthood (Solberg & Glavin, 2018).

For men embracing fatherhood, the transition involves navigating new roles and responsibilities before, during and after pregnancy. Parenthood is widely seen as a major life transition that shapes identity and personal development (Baldwin et al., 2019; Schibbye, 2020). The development of a father’s identity is influenced by whether the pregnancy was planned (Lindberg et al., 2017) and by his pre-existing procreative consciousness—his beliefs, values and expectations concerning parenting formed prior to the pregnancy’s conception. These factors affect how well the father’s role is integrated into a renewed sense of self (Marsiglio, 1991; Marsiglio et al., 2013).

Starting a family is often seen as a shared commitment built on emotional readiness, a strong partnership, the right timing and a mutual desire to have children (Bodin et al., 2019; Gullestad, 1992; Ravn & Lie, 2013). However, when a pregnancy is unintended, these expectations may be disrupted, which can be challenging and may lead to disagreements between partners (Brauer et al., 2019; Follestad & Berg, 2025; Kane et al., 2019).

The term “unintended pregnancy” refers to a pregnancy that occurs earlier than planned or was not intended at any time (Aiken et al., 2016; Auerbach et al., 2023). However, this definition does not fully capture the fluid and evolving nature of how pregnancies are experienced. A pregnancy initially deemed unwanted may later be embraced, depending on changing circumstances and emotional responses (Aiken et al., 2016; Santelli et al., 2003). Unintended pregnancies often trigger a difficult decision-making process (Dalmijn et al., 2024), which can create tension between partners, as they must balance women’s reproductive autonomy with men’s roles in conception, contraception and decisions about continuing or terminating the pregnancy (Brandão et al., 2020). Research shows that men’s perspectives can influence women’s sense of support and perceived options (Dalmijn et al., 2024; Kjelsvik et al., 2018; Vandamme et al., 2017). Young men often describe unintended pregnancies as major life events involving moral and practical challenges (Kane et al., 2019).

Prior studies show that men’s emotional responses to abortion vary, ranging from a sense of relief to grief, and that their involvement in decision-making can trigger distress or heighten their responsibility and support provision (Brandão et al., 2020; Coyle & Rue, 2015; Kero & Lalos, 2004; Nagy & Rigo, 2021). Many men express a desire to support their partners throughout pregnancy-related decisions and to be actively involved in prenatal care, childbirth and postnatal follow-up (Newton et al., 2020; Solberg & Glavin, 2018). However, men often suppress their own concerns and prioritise their partners’ well-being and relationship stability (Nguyen et al., 2018). While emphasis is often placed on how men can best support their partners, this focus tends to overlook men’s own experiences, expectations and needs (Harrison et al., 2024). Research indicates that men may feel excluded or unsupported when unintended pregnancies are discovered, throughout abortion processes and even when the pregnancy continues (Baroudi et al., 2021; Makenzius et al., 2012; Solberg & Glavin, 2018). Moreover, unintended pregnancies are associated with increased risk of postpartum mental health challenges among men (Smith et al., 2023).

An inclusive approach that acknowledges men’s experiences is critical to address their needs in reproductive healthcare. Despite the growing interest in this area, men’s experiences with unintended pregnancies and their involvement in pregnancy decision-making remain under-researched (Kane et al., 2019). Given this context, the aim of this study is to gain a deeper understanding of men’s experiences with unintended pregnancies and thereby provide insights into contemporary ideals of fatherhood in Norway.

Methods

Study Design

The study employs a qualitative design grounded in an interpretivist approach, viewing reality as socially constructed and subjective (Berger & Luckmann, 1966; Bryman, 2012). This perspective seeks to understand how individuals interpret their world and create meaning based on lived experiences. The study draws on theoretical perspectives from gender and equality studies and research on fatherhood, situating men’s experiences within broader cultural and relational contexts. The study uses follow-up in-depth interviews to explore men’s experiences with unintended pregnancies. As Rapley (2004) noted, in-depth interviews can amplify previously hidden or silenced voices, rendering them especially valuable for exploring sensitive and under-examined experiences. This approach allows for a deeper understanding of how men navigate the emotional, relational and existential aspects of unintended pregnancy and potential fatherhood.

Study Context

At the time of this study, and in line with the 1975 Abortion Act, the ultimate decision to continue or terminate a pregnancy lay with the woman until the 12th week of pregnancy. From June 1, 2025, the period for self-determined abortion was extended from 12 to 18 weeks of pregnancy (Abortloven, 2024). By law, all women considering abortion have the right to information, counselling and follow-up consultations (Abortloven, 2024). Men, however, do not have any formal decision-making rights or entitlement to information or counselling in these situations (Norges offentlige utredninger, 2023:29).

Recruitment and Participants

The participants were recruited from a nationwide government-supported health service offering face-to-face and online counselling to individuals and couples navigating pregnancy decisions and the post-abortion period. The service’s personnel served as gatekeepers (King & Horrocks, 2010) in the recruitment process, informing relevant participants about the project. Those interested received both verbal and written information and were told that participation was voluntary.

The criteria for study participants were as follows: (1) they had, either alone or with a partner, contacted the service for consultation regarding an unintended pregnancy before the 12th week of gestation, (2) they had recently learned about an unintended pregnancy, (3) they were Norwegian-speaking and (4) they were at least 18 years old.

Recruiting men who had recently learned about an unintended pregnancy was challenging and time-consuming. This may have been due to the perception that unintended pregnancy is primarily a woman’s issue, leading men to believe their experiences are not significant enough to share (Kristensen & Ravn, 2015). It may also have been related to the fact that men less frequently contacted the health service, and health personnel found it difficult to approach them immediately after a counselling session, fearing that they were too emotionally affected or vulnerable.

Ten men consented to participate in the study. Their ages ranged from 23 to 48 years, with an average age of 33 and a median age of 31. Eight were employed, and two were students. All were in relationships with women, lasting from two months to five years. Two had children from previous relationships, but none had children with their current partner. At the time of the first interview, participants had known about the unintended pregnancy for one to five weeks, and the gestational age ranged from five to 11 weeks. The time between the first and second interviews varied from three to 11 weeks. By the second interview, eight participants were facing fatherhood as their partners had continued the pregnancy. One participant’s partner had had an abortion, and another had experienced a miscarriage.

Data Collection

The first author conducted the interviews using a semi-structured guide with open-ended questions aimed at exploring men’s experiences with unintended pregnancy, the decision-making process, fatherhood and abortion. The interviews were driven by the men’s reflections, the issues they highlighted and the subsequent follow-up questions.

At the end of the first interview, all participants were asked to participate in a second interview, and all agreed to it. Therefore, each participant was interviewed during the process of deciding whether the woman would continue the pregnancy and after the decision had been made. This allowed the study to capture participants’ in-the-moment experiences and evolving perspectives.

By participants’ choice, 15 of the interviews were conducted digitally via Zoom, while five were conducted face-to-face. The interviews were audio-recorded using a dictaphone and transcribed verbatim by the first author. They lasted between 54 and 150 min, with an average length of 105 min.

Analysis

The analysis followed Braun and Clarke’s (2006, 2022) reflexive thematic approach, emphasising the researcher’s active role in identifying and interpreting patterns across qualitative data. Systematic coding was used to develop rich and nuanced themes (Braun & Clarke, 2019). To support reflexivity, the first author critically reflected on interpretations throughout the process in a journal.

Familiarisation involved repeated listening, transcription and close reading to explore participants’ subjective experiences and the meanings they attributed to the unintended pregnancies and their potential fatherhood. An inductive coding process was applied, using participants’ own words and meanings, with analytical notes capturing underlying patterns and questions. Similar codes were clustered to form initial themes.

All three authors collaboratively reviewed and refined the themes, ensuring they stood independently while also contributing to a coherent narrative offering meaningful insight into the research question (Braun & Clarke, 2022). Based on these collective analyses, three main themes were identified:

(1) Facing a life-changing decision—vulnerability and ambivalence.

(2) Navigating responsibility and influence—relational tensions and societal pressures.

(3) Adjusting to potential fatherhood—emotional transition and identity transformation.

Reflexive thematic analysis involves critically examining our role as researchers, our practices and the impacts these have on our research (Braun & Clarke, 2022). The first author’s background in reproductive health counselling influenced the research focus and facilitated trust and openness during interviews. The second and third authors, with expertise in qualitative research, health science and gender studies, contributed critical interdisciplinary insight. This combination of insider and outsider perspectives strengthened the data interpretation, ensuring a more nuanced understanding of our findings (Hammersley & Atkinson, 2007; Kristensen & Ravn, 2015).

Ethical Considerations

The research was conducted in accordance with the Helsinki Declaration (2024). The Regional Committees for Medical and Health Research Ethics (REK) waived the requirement for approval, as the study was deemed to fall outside the scope of the Health Research Act (REK, 2022/493425). Personal data management was approved by the Norwegian Agency for Shared Services in Education and Research (Sikt, 2022/599944). The participants were given pseudonyms to ensure anonymity.

Interviewing participants in vulnerable situations, such as facing an unintended pregnancy, may trigger a reflective process and evoke strong emotional responses (Malterud, 2013). Therefore, it was important to weigh the potential burden on participants against the benefits of their involvement (Nasjonale forskningsetiske komité for samfunnsvitenskap og humaniora, 2022). Time was spent building trust between the participants and the interviewing researcher. To ensure confidentiality, participants were asked to confirm their voluntary and informed consent before each interview. They had previously received verbal and written information about the study, including their right to withdraw at any time without providing a reason. Additionally, participants were given contact details for health personnel they could reach out to if they needed support.

Findings

Focusing on men’s experiences of unintended pregnancy and how these relate to their ideas of fatherhood, the data clustered around three themes, as outlined above. The following subsections provide detail on each of the three themes.

Facing a Life-Changing Decision—Vulnerability and Ambivalence

All participants described being unprepared and stated that the unintended pregnancy had a profound impact on their lives. Learning about the pregnancy was a shocking revelation that triggered strong feelings. They found it challenging to have to make a major life decision within a limited timeframe, with the final decision resting with the woman. For some, immediate emotional overwhelm occurred, while for others, reactions surfaced after a few days. Some described feeling emotionally numb, suppressing their feelings to protect themselves or prioritising supporting their partner. Despite varied responses, the situation was perceived as a crisis marked by conflicting emotions and a sense of being pulled in multiple directions.

Oliver, a man in his early 30s who had known about the pregnancy for a week at the time of the first interview, had been living with his partner for more than two years when she unintentionally became pregnant. Although they had previously discussed having children, they had agreed to wait a few years to spend more time together first. Oliver described his initial reactions to the pregnancy as follows:

It was a huge shock because we were not trying. When she showed me the pregnancy test, I realised it was true. It was scary. I was immediately frightened, then I felt happy, and then a bit sad. It was like all the emotions at once. On top of that, I was overwhelmed with concern for her because she was having such a hard time.

Oliver’s comments highlight the emotional complexity and intensity of the situation, as well as the effort to balance personal feelings with supporting his partner. His initial shock and fear reflected a sense of unpreparedness for the changes and responsibilities a pregnancy might bring. Oliver felt joyful about the pregnancy but also sad because of the potential loss of time for the couple it entailed.

Feeling joyful at the prospect of fatherhood, as Oliver described, was common among the participants. However, it was often accompanied by sadness that the pregnancy was not a mutual, deliberate decision, creating a sense that it had happened out of sequence. These conflicting emotions led to ambivalence and disappointment. Some felt relief in having their fertility confirmed, even if they did not currently want to be fathers, while others expressed despair at the thought of unwanted fatherhood.

Another reaction that emerged was doubt regarding whether the woman had been honest about her pregnancy intentions. Benjamin, a man in his mid-20s, had met the woman two and a half months before the first interview. At that time, she was in her 10^th week of pregnancy, which means she became pregnant almost immediately after they started dating. Benjamin described distress and a sense that the woman had lied to him:

I’m not sure if she used the contraceptive implant, even though she claimed she did. Because of that, I did not use a condom. I suspect this might have been planned and that she intends to go through with the pregnancy. Regardless, I’m doubtful that I’m the father, given how quickly this happened.

Benjamin’s experience indicates feelings of mistrust and powerlessness as he grappled with the possibility of being misled and the implications of pregnancy. Participants who questioned whether the woman had intentionally tried to fall pregnant felt that trust and respect in the relationship were undermined. Some chose to trust the woman, while others reacted with anger and accusation. For those aware that the woman had not used contraception, the situation also prompted consideration of their own responsibilities.

Participants felt that they were at a crossroads, recognising the significant impact of the decision to continue or terminate the pregnancy on themselves, the women, the potential children and their relationships. This prompted reflection on their priorities. Jacob, a man in his late 30s who had been with his partner for four years but lived separately, had previously decided against having children. After learning about the pregnancy four weeks prior to the first interview, he found himself re-evaluating long-held principles:

I have a moral responsibility, and it’s multifaceted. I’ve chosen not to bring a child into a world affected by climate change. Additionally, I’ve chosen a lifestyle with an economic situation that isn’t compatible with having children (…) If she decides to continue the pregnancy, it will mean big changes to my lifestyle, and I’ll need a long time to adjust.

Jacob described his values and lifestyle as suited to living alone, believing that it would be difficult to combine them with having a family. The unintended pregnancy raised questions about his identity, life choices, desires and ability to meet the expectations of fatherhood.

Some participants had planned when and how to start a family, while others did not want more children, or any at all. Concerns about their own and their partner’s health and their ability to be supportive fathers were common. The pregnancies challenged their previous desires and prompted consideration of compromises that could be required in the future. Participants considered giving up on their dreams and losing their valued freedom, emphasising the need to be emotionally and financially ready. Many feared that fatherhood would affect their studies or careers. Feelings of unpreparedness were often mentioned in relation to participants lacking a stable income and financial security. Participants reflected on what it meant to be ready, acknowledging that one might never feel completely prepared. Those who had hoped for children within a few years were more positive about having a child earlier than planned, describing how it could bring new meaning to their lives.

These reflections revealed both continuity and change over time. While initial reactions were marked by shock and emotional turbulence, some participants gradually moved towards acceptance and planning, whereas others remained conflicted, highlighting diverse patterns in coping with an unintended pregnancy.

Navigating Responsibility and Influence—Relational Tensions and Societal Pressures

Another recurring theme in the men’s stories was how their relationships with the women and social expectations shaped their experiences. Unintended pregnancy often triggered reflections on the future of the relationship. Daniel, in his late 20s and in a three-year relationship, began reconsidering the relationship after learning about the pregnancy three weeks prior to the first interview:

It was stressful, like there was no turning back. I thought I was sure about this relationship, but then I realised I hadn’t thought carefully about whether she was the one I wanted to have children with, which led to doubt. It’s the uncertainty about fully committing to the relationship and wondering whether someone else might have been a better match. Once you have children, it’s difficult to change.

Daniel felt pressured by the unintended pregnancy, seeing continuing it as a serious and irreversible decision. His doubts arose from uncertainty about committing fully to the relationship and fears that his partner might not be the right person with which to have children. Daniel’s misgivings were initially intense, but in the second interview, he described feeling more secure and committed to the relationship, showing a shift from uncertainty to confidence.

Participants in stable, long-term relationships found it easier to imagine parenthood. Those in newer, less secure relationships often worried about the future, preferring abortion so that they could test the relationship before having children. Ideally, they wanted a planned pregnancy with shared decision-making. Torben, in his late 30s, and his girlfriend of two years had agreed not to have children together, as both had children from previous relationships. By the time of the first interview, they had known about the pregnancy for a week and she was six weeks pregnant. Although he was clear about his own wishes, hoping that she would choose abortion, he felt uncertain about her decision and wanted to be considerate: “Even if you know what you want, you’re afraid of saying something wrong, something that may hurt or be misunderstood.”

Participants’ involvement in decision-making varied. Some felt a strong need to express their views, especially when they disagreed with the women’s choices. However, trying to influence them too much sometimes led to distance and rejection. Others were excluded entirely, leaving them feeling powerless. For some, reaching a joint decision was essential. This was especially true for Leo, a man in his early 30s who was six months into a committed relationship and eager to build a future with his partner. He had learned about the pregnancy a week prior to the first interview and was already exploring options, emphasising the importance of navigating the situation together:

We’re facing a decision that is different, with fewer compromises, where the goal is not to make two separate choices. I’m looking for a space of possibilities with my partner, so we can create a dynamic where it is completely okay, whether the answer is yes or no. We want to have a unified atmosphere where we can reach a decision together.

Leo was concerned that disagreement over the decision could harm the relationship, stressing the importance of both partners feeling heard and respected.

Like Leo, some participants used “we” when discussing their situation (e.g. “we are pregnant” or “we need to decide”) to foster a supportive environment. These men offered emotional and practical support, encouraging open communication and mutual trust in making the best choice together. Through ongoing dialogue, each partner’s feelings and arguments shaped the other’s perspective. To avoid conflict, participants tried to reduce stress and pressure, fearing one person might feel solely responsible. This led some men to withhold their true opinions or choose their words carefully to avoid causing hurt and to achieve unity.

The desire to be supportive was also shaped by societal expectations. Participants felt pressure to be responsible and emotionally present, regardless of the outcome. Viktor, a man in his late 30s, shared that societal and personal expectations led him to consider major life changes. His partner of six months was eight weeks pregnant by the first interview, and although he did not want a child at that time (or with her), he felt compelled to prepare for the possibility that the pregnancy would continue:

If she continues the pregnancy, I believe the greatest expectation is for me to take care of her and the baby. I don’t think I could bear not taking responsibility [and] knowing I have a child I’m not caring for. I plan to move in with her to help during the final stages of pregnancy and to try make our relationship work. I’ll need to leave much of my old life behind, grow up quickly, settle down and become more conventional.

Viktor’s statement reveals his inner conflict. Despite being in an unwanted situation, he felt a strong sense of duty to both his partner and the potential baby, and he considered the personal sacrifices needed to take on the roles of father and partner. While he initially felt overwhelmed by the thought of these changes, the second interview showed that his sense of duty persisted as he tried to support her decision to continue the pregnancy. At the same time, reality hit harder, bringing renewed panic and uncertainty about whether they could manage living together and raising a child.

Participants felt pressure to meet societal expectations of how men should behave in such situations, which fuelled their desire to step up and contribute. They did not want to be seen as irresponsible or immature. However, accepting the situation was often more difficult than making a decision. This led to feelings of regret and shame, as many felt they had made a mistake by ending up with an unintended pregnancy, something they never thought would happen to them. Erik, a man in his late 40s with children from previous relationships, had been in a new relationship for 6 months. He knew his partner wanted a child with him, but they had agreed to wait until things felt more stable. At the time of the first interview, he had known about the pregnancy for nearly two weeks, and she was seven weeks pregnant. When asked if he had spoken to anyone about it, he said:

I haven’t shared this with anyone, privately or professionally, because I feel embarrassed. The relationship is new, and she’s younger than me, which has already drawn comments. I avoid talking about it because I fear revealing my doubts about the relationship and the pregnancy. It might sound silly, but I feel like I’m showing the world I’m irresponsible, lack judgement and didn’t think things through. It’s an intense situation, which keeps me silent.

Erik already felt judged due to the age difference in his relationship and believed he was too mature and responsible to be in such a situation. He feared a lack of support from those close to him and worried that his private life could harm his reputation and integrity at work, reflecting both his high self-expectations and perceived societal attitudes. Many participants were concerned about how others would view them, both for being in the situation and for the decisions they faced. This pressure led them to consider what would be socially accepted, even if it did not align with their wishes. Some described feeling that either choice could be seen as wrong.

Adjusting to Potential Fatherhood—Emotional Transition and Identity Transformation

Whether they were preparing for fatherhood or accepting not becoming a parent, participants discussed needing time and emotional adjustment. They reflected on how quickly things moved after learning about the pregnancy. The early decision-making weeks felt rushed and abstract, leaving many men feeling deprived of the chance to plan when and with whom to have a child. This rendered it challenging to grasp the seriousness and implications of pregnancy and fatherhood. Many wished for more time to make such an important decision.

Participants generally coped better once a decision was made. Isak, a man in his early 20s, had been in a relationship for a year and a half. As a student, he worried about finances, but between the first and second interviews, they received help and moved into an apartment owned by his partner’s mother:

When she decided to continue the pregnancy, it was a relief that the stress associated with the decision was gone, making it easier to get used to the idea of becoming a father. I also gained a better understanding of our financial rights, and the housing situation was resolved. I told my parents, who took the news better than I expected.

Isak felt relieved once a decision was made, as it gave him something concrete on which to focus. Gaining knowledge reduced stress, provided a sense of security and helped him envision becoming a father in a stable environment. As he grew up in a religious community, he was expected to marry before having children, so he was relieved when his parents, despite these expectations, offered emotional support and reassurance.

For others who disagreed with their partners’ decisions, complex emotions persisted. Adrian, who was in his late 20s, had lived with his partner for five years. By the second interview, she was 12 weeks pregnant and had decided to continue the pregnancy. Adrian said:

I realised she could not go through an abortion, and honestly, I’m not sure I could have either. The longer it went on, the more difficult it became, so many emotions and pain. When she decided, I knew the fighting was over. I had to change my life and do my best. But I struggle to show love to her and the baby. She wants attention for her growing belly, and I find it difficult to be involved. I’m anxious about the months ahead.

Once the decision was made, Adrian continued to feel uncertain about it and believed his views were given less weight than his partner’s. He felt expected to respond positively and share in her joy, but he had little space to adjust or express his honest feelings.

Participants noted that women often progressed faster emotionally after a decision, while men needed more time to process and manage emotions. A few participants experienced prolonged depression after feeling forced into fatherhood. By the second interview with Jacob, the woman was 15 weeks pregnant and had chosen to continue the pregnancy. They had little contact, but he hoped they would eventually attend couples’ therapy. He still felt strong resistance:

There’s a lot of internal dialogue happening. I feel like I’m in a limbo position where I know what’s coming but I do not fully feel it yet. Being in crisis is difficult to reconcile with traditional masculine values. Being passive and weak, in a way, feels like being impotent. I think it is easier for men not to acknowledge this being a challenging situation, which can quickly turn into anger. My point is, how capable are men of asking for help when they need it?

Jacob’s statement reflects his emotional struggle and highlights the stigma around vulnerability and the pressure to appear strong. He admitted to feeling sorry for himself but eventually took steps forward. Once his partner passed the 12-week mark and made her decision, he was able to talk to others, helping him take ownership and engage in his journey towards fatherhood.

Participants noted that achieving emotional readiness for fatherhood and the future took time. While many wanted to feel proud and prepared, this was not accessible to everyone. The gap between aspiration and readiness shows that fatherhood, especially in the context of an unintended pregnancy, develops gradually through emotional and relational adjustment.

In adapting to or distancing themselves from fatherhood, participants sought recognition from others and health personnel that the situation was emotionally challenging for men. Many longed for reassurance that things would turn out well, regardless of the decision. Those becoming fathers felt sidelined in healthcare, where the women were the main focus. In the second interview, Leo said that they had decided to continue the pregnancy, and he wanted to be involved in midwife appointments:

Being a father figure during pregnancy feels strange, as the role is undefined beyond supporting the mother. I want to be involved but worry about overstepping. It’s as if my needs are overlooked, which feels odd in a society that values equality, especially since it affects my life, too. It’s unsettling to feel more like a spectator than a participant (…). Father figures are often laughed at for seeming confused, but that’s due to a lack of guidance. We stumble not because we don’t care, but because we’re uninformed, and that’s unfair, as it misrepresents who I am.

Leo’s words reflect the ambiguity and sense of injustice that many men felt. He struggled to find balance in his involvement, and the lack of guidance contributed to his feeling powerless.

While participants understood the emphasis on the women and the pregnancies, they still felt sidelined during pregnancy follow-ups, finding it painful not to be seen or acknowledged in healthcare settings. This sense of exclusion shaped their emotional adjustment and role identity, which developed unevenly across the two interviews. While some men moved towards engagement and fatherhood after the decision, others continued to struggle with doubt and emotional distance. This illustrates that readiness for parenthood, or acceptance of not becoming a parent, unfolds gradually and in different ways.

Discussion

This study underscores the emotional complexity, relational tensions and need for adjustment and identity transformation in men’s experiences with unintended pregnancy, highlighting the importance of reproductive care that recognises men as emotionally invested individuals. While unintended pregnancy is widely acknowledged as disruptive for women (Brauer et al., 2019; Dalmijn et al., 2024; Kjelsvik et al., 2018; Yong et al., 2023), our findings show that men also experience profound emotional upheaval, feeling shock, fear, confusion and powerlessness, while lacking legal authority over the outcome. These findings align with previous studies (Follestad, 2025; Kane et al., 2019; Kero & Lalos, 2004; Vandamme et al., 2017), but our research tracks how men’s emotions evolve over time and are negotiated within relational and cultural contexts.

The suddenness of the unintended pregnancies left little room for reflection, and many participants described a need for emotional adjustment. Several reported delayed reactions and requiring more time than their partners to process the outcome. After a decision to continue the pregnancy was made, men expressed mixed emotions, such as relief coexisting with anxiety and resistance, shaped by relationship dynamics, personal readiness and perceived expectations.

Society expects men experiencing unintended pregnancy to be rational and supportive even amid inner turmoil (Follestad, 2025). Faced with an emotionally demanding situation, participants struggled with a lack of space to express vulnerability. Feelings of shame for not sharing their partner’s joy were common, and many felt that their emotional responses were regarded as inappropriate. Our findings highlight that social expectations constrain expression and actively shape men’s emotional regulation and self-silencing, reinforcing patterns where their needs remain unacknowledged by themselves, their partners, society and health personnel. This tension illustrates a contradiction rooted in hegemonic masculinity (Connell, 2005), where men are expected to be emotionally engaged yet simultaneously suppress vulnerability—a dynamic that shifts through social practices and relational contexts (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005).

Our study underscores that men’s experiences are shaped by relational dynamics, particularly in how decisions are made and roles negotiated. Participants often expressed a desire to make decisions jointly with their partners, reflecting a broader cultural ideal that both individuals should be aligned in their readiness for parenthood. When such alignment was absent, it was experienced as a threat to the relationship and to the imagined future with the child (Ravn, 2016). The “we” perspective reflects a modern understanding of partnership and fatherhood, where equality, shared responsibility and mutual respect are fundamental values (Gullestad, 1992).

Reproductive choices today are increasingly shaped by negotiated agreements between two individuals of equal status, rather than by overarching traditional values or moral norms (Lohan et al., 2013). However, this ideal is challenged by the biological and social asymmetry of pregnancy. As Turney (2011) argued, the decision to become parents is unevenly distributed, biologically, socially and morally, complicating the balance between individual autonomy and shared responsibility. Viewed through the lens of relational autonomy, which emphasises that autonomy is exercised within relationships rather than in isolation (Elliott et al., 2022), our findings show that participants navigated a delicate space, supporting their partners’ autonomy while also expressing their own emotional and practical concerns. This negotiation carried considerable emotional costs; in our study, many men deliberately downplayed, postponed or silenced their worries to protect their partners’ well-being and maintain relational stability, a pattern also described by Nguyen et al. (2018). Importantly, participants viewed pregnancy not as a personal experience but as a shared process, one that marked the beginning of a potential transition into parenthood. This underlines how unintended pregnancy is emotionally challenging on an individual level and is also a relational experience involving the negotiation of roles, responsibilities and future identities.

In addition to shaping the immediate experience of pregnancy, these relational negotiations influenced participants’ early transitions into fatherhood. Participants’ desire to be involved reflected their wish to have a say and their need to prepare emotionally and practically for a potential future as fathers. This engagement often began in the early, uncertain phase, before any decisions had been made, and was driven by emotional involvement, relational negotiation and a growing sense of responsibility. The process involved cognitive, emotional and behavioural changes, influenced by both individual reflection and relational dynamics, aligning with prior findings from Molloy et al. (2022). However, this transition was not experienced uniformly. Some participants had previously reflected on fatherhood and developed a sense of procreative consciousness—an awareness of themselves as potential fathers (Marsiglio, 1991)—which helped them better manage the emotional impact and engage more readily with the situation. These men were better equipped to navigate the transition, drawing on existing beliefs about parenting, relationship dynamics and personal preparedness (Bodin et al., 2019; Lindberg et al., 2017). In contrast, those who had not considered fatherhood or who did not wish to become fathers experienced greater emotional disorientation and difficulty connecting with their impending paternal roles.

Inclusion in the process strengthened participants’ sense of connection and responsibility, even amid ambivalence. Conversely, exclusion often led to emotional distance. When participants felt unsupported or left out, their connection to the role of a father weakened. In contrast, those who were included and given space to process developed a stronger sense of responsibility and attachment. While early involvement during the prenatal period is known to support men’s emotional adjustment, identity development and overall well-being (Kotelchuck, 2021; Levy & Kotelchuck, 2021), this process may be constrained in the context of unintended pregnancy. Emotional upheaval, relational uncertainty and social expectations to be supportive can narrow men’s perceived room for expression and action, complicating their ability to adjust and connect with emergent parental roles. As Škvařil and Presslerová (2024) emphasised, the journey to fatherhood unfolds gradually through shifting relational dynamics and the assumption of new responsibilities; our findings show how this process can stall or fragment when acknowledgement, time and space are lacking. In the context of equality in Norway, a paradox emerges; ideals of shared parenting and joint decision-making collide with structural and normative barriers that limit men’s visibility and voice in reproductive decision-making. These findings highlight the importance of creating space for men to engage meaningfully in the process of becoming (or not becoming) parents.

The insights from this study reveal the need for health services to recognise men as emotionally invested individuals to avoid reinforcing gendered invisibility. Couple-centred pathways, supplemented by optional individual consultations, can support both partners while allowing men to process emotions without pressure to appear stoic. Clear information and role clarification may reduce men’s feelings of powerlessness. In terms of policy, integrating men’s needs into reproductive health guidelines can reduce marginalisation, promote gender-sensitive care and foster engaged fatherhood when pregnancies continue, contributing to better outcomes for families and public health.

Strengths and Limitations

This study provides valuable insights into an under-researched area by centring men’s experiences with unintended pregnancy and tracing the emotional complexity and relational challenges they face. These findings supplement existing research and draw attention to dimensions often overlooked in reproductive health discourse.

A key strength of this study is its direct recruitment of men as participants, without relying on their female partners. Additionally, the study focuses on men’s in-the-moment experiences—both during the decision-making process and in the aftermath—providing a richer and more nuanced perspective than retrospective studies, which rely on memories that may be shaped by the outcomes of the decisions.

However, this study’s recruitment strategy introduces certain limitations. Participants were recruited from a nationwide health service, which may have excluded men who were unaware of the service, did not need counselling or chose not to accompany their partners. This could have influenced the results, as the men who participated were those who actively sought support. They may be regarded as more responsible, supportive and comfortable discussing their experiences than those who did not seek counselling. Although, the study makes no claim to representativeness; instead, it offers in depth experiences of men experiencing of unintended pregnancy in-the moment.

Conclusion

This study shows that unintended pregnancy is an emotionally and relationally complex experience for men. Although their influence over the outcome is limited, men undergo significant emotional adjustments, renegotiate roles within relationships and face identity transformations as they adjust to fatherhood (or its absence). These processes are often overlooked in reproductive health discourse. Providing space for men to process emotions, clarify roles and navigate these transitions is critical for their well-being but remains a neglected aspect of reproductive support.

The findings call for a shift in perspective such that men are recognised as emotionally invested individuals within a broader framework that validates their involvement, rather than viewing them solely as sources of support. This approach can help men navigate outcomes regardless of the decisions made and foster more inclusive and responsive care. Supporting men in developing a conscious relationship with reproductive decision-making and acknowledging their emerging paternal identities may ease the transition to fatherhood and promote emotional well-being for all involved.

Further research should examine how couples negotiate decision-making in unintended pregnancy. Larger and more diverse samples should be used, including men who do not access counselling services, to capture a broader range of experiences. The findings could inform policies and practices that promote gender-sensitive, relationally responsive reproductive care.