“I Am Their Haven”: Mothering Experiences of Spanish Autistic Mothers

Abstract

Background

This study aims to highlight the mothering experiences of Spanish autistic mothers through their own narratives—a topic historically overlooked by both society and scientific literature, particularly within Spanish culture.

Methods

We conducted respectful, semistructured, synchronous interviews with six autistic mothers—all Spanish, diagnosed late in life, and most of whom have autistic children. The data were analyzed using reflexive thematic analysis.

Results

The data analysis generated three main themes: (1) motherhood as an intense and synchronous experience, (2) experts in motherhood and autism: from theory to practice, and from practice to activism, and (3) from judged motherhood to sisterhood. The findings underscore the competencies and resilience of autistic mothers, their profound connection and dedication to their children, and the urgent need for appropriate support and substantial social change.

Conclusion

This work seeks to contribute to the elimination of stigmas and the development of resources aimed at improving the quality of life of autistic mothers and their children.

Lay Abstract

This study explores the experiences of autistic mothers in Spain, a topic that has been largely ignored by both society and scientific research—especially in Spanish culture. We aim to highlight their challenges, strengths, and needs by sharing their personal stories.

We interviewed six autistic mothers, all of whom were diagnosed later in life. Most of them also have autistic children. The interviews were conducted respectfully, using a semistructured format that allowed for deep, meaningful conversations.

We analyzed the data using reflexive thematic analysis, which helps identify key patterns and themes from personal experiences.

We generated three major themes: (1) Motherhood as an intense and synchronous experience—Autistic mothers describe their mothering as deeply connected and emotionally intense. (2) Experts in motherhood and autism: from theory to practice and from practice to activism—their lived experience makes them both knowledgeable about autism and strong advocates for their children and the broader autistic community. (3) From judged motherhood to sisterhood—many have faced stigma and judgment, but they also find solidarity and support among other autistic mothers.

The findings highlight the competencies, resilience, and dedication of autistic mothers. They demonstrate a profound commitment to their children, yet they frequently lack the social and institutional support they need. This study underscores the urgent need for better resources and systemic changes to support autistic mothers and their families.

This research challenges stereotypes and advocates for a more inclusive and supportive society. We hope that our work will contribute to reducing stigma and improving the quality of life for autistic mothers and their children.

Background

Motherhood is one of the most universal aspects of human existence—while not everyone becomes a mother, we are all born of one. Recent research and literature have explored diverse topics, from brain changes during matrescence (the transition to motherhood) to evolving practices in mothering, ¹ caregiving, and mental health (Carmona & Vilarroya, 2025; Jones, 2023; Orchard et al., 2023; Schmidt et al., 2023). Mothers are beginning to be heard. However, studies on motherhood in autistic women remain limited and are almost nonexistent in Spain (Dugdale et al., 2021; Garcia-Molina & Cortés-Calvo, 2025). Globally, the figure of the autistic mother was largely invisible until the twentieth century, and interest in it has emerged only recently. For too long, autistic mothers were assumed not to exist or were ignored and marginalized, and early autism research was often harmful to them (Sanchez, 2023).

First literature, however, did acknowledge autism in adults and family members of autistic children, including mothers. For instance, Kanner (1954) suggested that the parents of autistic children might be “successful autistic adults” (p. 75), describing mothers as intelligent, perfectionist, and distant. Similarly, Asperger (1944) observed autistic traits in mothers, such as difficulties in social interaction and restricted interests, highlighting a potential heritable component.

Yet, within the influence of psychoanalysis in the context of the time, these observations were weaponized against mothers instead of being used to identify autism in women. Mothers were often blamed for their children's autism, frequently portrayed as emotionally distant or lacking warmth. This perception gave rise to the harmful “refrigerator mother” theory. Kanner was instrumental in framing this narrative—he described mothers as overly mechanical in their caregiving, contributing to the perception of maternal coldness (Kanner, 1949). This view was later reinforced and popularized by Bettelheim (1967), who drew controversial parallels between autistic children and victims of extreme trauma, citing behaviors such as stimming as evidence. He interpreted these behaviors as resulting from maternal destructiveness (Douglas, 2014).

Although Kanner later retracted it—dismissing the now-famous remark about mothers “just happening to defrost enough to produce a child” (Thomas, 1960, p. 167; Douglas, 2014)—by then, the damage was done. This rhetoric subjected mothers to guilt, shame, and anguish.

The “refrigerator mother” theory has been discredited, nevertheless, traces of its influence linger, perpetuating stereotypes that autism results from poor mothering (Douglas, 2014; Feinstein, 2010). Therefore, research must go further, adopting a gendered perspective and amplifying the voices of autistic mothers, to share their experiences of mothering, bonding, and relationships with their children firsthand.

Motherhood and Autism

It is well established that there is a significant gap in understanding how autism manifests in women (or gender-diverse individuals) compared to men (Kreiser & White, 2014; Lai et al., 2015). This fact highlights other evident shortcomings in the literature, particularly the lack of research on specific and highly significant experiences from a gendered perspective, such as motherhood (Talcer et al., 2023).

In recent years, research has begun to emerge focusing on the pregnancy and childbirth period (Demartini et al., 2024; Gardner et al., 2016; Grant, 2015; Hampton et al., 2023; McDonnell & DeLucia, 2021; Pohl et al., 2020; Rogers et al., 2017), as well as the postpartum period (Demartini et al., 2024; Donovan et al., 2023; Hampton et al., 2022; Pohl et al., 2020; Sanchez, 2023). Several studies have explored the parenting experiences of autistic adults (Crane et al., 2021; Hwang & Heslop, 2023; Murphy, 2021). However, the literature continues to show a lack of attention to the needs of autistic mothers being neither recognized nor adequately addressed—particularly when cultural factors intersect with neurodivergence, as is the case for Spanish autistic mothers. In Spain, cultural expectations surrounding motherhood remain deeply influenced by its predominantly Catholic heritage, which emphasizes the idealized image of the “good” mother—one who is self-sacrificing, never loses her smile, and expected to take full responsibility for her child's optimal development and the resolution of any perceived challenges—often accompanied by guilt for not meeting these expectations (García Fernández, 2023; Medina Bravo et al., 2014). This guilt could be even more pronounced for Spanish autistic women, whose experiences may not align with these normative expectations. Apart from that, another relevant contextual factor is that, nowadays, it is common for autistic women to be misdiagnosed (with current estimates indicating a ratio of approximately one woman to every four men, according to Confederación de Autismo España, 2024) and/or to receive a late diagnosis (Garcia-Simon et al., 2025; Gargallo-Nieto et al., in press). Even when Spanish autistic women manage to obtain a diagnosis and disclose it, they are often not taken seriously—whether by family members or professionals (Garcia-Molina, 2024b; Gargallo-Nieto et al., in press).

From Spain to a global context, the pattern that is beginning to emerge is that motherhood and autism can be so closely intertwined that, when considering the origins of this experience, it is common for many women to receive their diagnosis after their child has been diagnosed—becoming aware of the possibility of being autistic themselves during the early years of mothering (Dugdale et al., 2021; Garcia-Molina & Cortés-Calvo, 2025; Pohl et al., 2020; Zener, 2019). In some cases, this pattern has been observed particularly when the child is male (Garcia-Molina & Cortés-Calvo, 2025).

The fact that both mother and child share the same diagnosis brings a series of strengths that have been explored in international studies. Marriott et al. (2022) examine the experiences of parents with significant autistic traits and highlight how sharing an autistic identity with their children can be both helpful and challenging. This study emphasizes that the home often becomes a safe space that provides respite and relief from the challenges faced in the outside world. Similarly, Winnard et al. (2022) highlight the advantages of a shared diagnosis between mother and child, offering a “unique perspective.” This shared experience can lead to an instinctive understanding of how to meet their children's needs and create a special, intense bond between them (Dugdale et al., 2021). Many mothers also describe adapting to and meeting their children's needs as a positive experience (Garcia-Molina & Cortés-Calvo, 2025). Autistic mothers emphasize the importance of being open and honest when discussing autism with their children, highlighting the benefits of sharing their own lived experiences to foster a positive understanding of autism (Crane et al., 2021). Furthermore, they report feeling prepared to provide their children with sufficient support, utilizing their knowledge and experiences, and normalizing aspects of autism at home to build greater self-confidence in their children (Crane et al., 2021). It should also be noted that some autistic mothers may also feel guilt when receiving their child's diagnosis due to the concern that their child may face the same difficulties they themselves have had to navigate (Dugdale et al., 2021; Garcia-Molina, 2024a)—as they are aware that society continues to stigmatize autistic individuals (Schneid & Raz, 2020).

In addition, from a strengths-based perspective, autistic mothers view certain traits associated with autism as positive, such as their analytical thinking and dichotomous perspective—which help them firmly adhere to their ideals and priorities and make better-informed decisions regarding their children (Dugdale et al., 2021; Hwang & Heslop, 2023; Murphy, 2021). Also, their strong sense of social justice and how they prioritize their children's needs over their own often fosters greater resilience and dedication to motherhood, and their valuable perspective and empathy contribute to positive relationships with their children (Crane et al., 2021; Dugdale et al., 2021; Hwang & Heslop, 2023; Marriott et al., 2022; Murphy, 2021; Pohl et al., 2020; Winnard et al., 2022).

Nevertheless, several recent studies focus on the challenges that autistic mothers may encounter during parenting. Generally, the challenges include difficulties with organization (e.g., managing multiple tasks simultaneously), sensory overload (e.g., sensory demands from the child), stress, interactions and communication with social and healthcare professionals, lack of support, stigma and social judgment (Benson, 2023; Dugdale et al., 2021; Griffiths et al., 2019; Pohl et al., 2020; Smit & Hopper, 2023; Talcer et al., 2023; Winnard et al., 2022). To begin with the final points mentioned, autistic mothers of autistic children are potentially four times more likely to have their parenting questioned by professionals—particularly in social services and mental health contexts (Benson, 2023; Dugdale et al., 2021; Griffiths et al., 2019; Hwang & Heslop, 2023). These mothers often feel judged against the standards of neurotypical motherhood, and that their needs are not acknowledged or taken seriously, even when they disclose their diagnosis (Benson, 2023; Pohl et al., 2020). These judgments are also observed in the educational context, as autistic mothers often find it challenging to communicate with teachers and participate in school meetings (Winnard et al., 2022). Although this misunderstanding in communication styles and interaction may appear to situate the social problem within the autistic individual, it actually reflects the “double empathy problem” (Milton, 2012), which arises mutually between autistic and neurotypical individuals.

In addition, autistic mothers express concerns about societal perceptions, which are shaped by a widespread lack of understanding and deeply ingrained stereotypes that hinder the recognition of autistic individuals as capable of having jobs or families (Draaisma, 2009). These stereotypes can contribute to significant feelings of insecurity among autistic mothers regarding their parenting abilities (Dugdale et al., 2021). Such stigmas directly affect their self-esteem (Hampton et al., 2022), as many autistic mothers fear being labeled as “bad mothers.” This fear often compels them to hide their diagnosis, even from those closest to them (Garcia-Molina, 2024b; Pearson & Rose, 2021). In fact, a study by McDonnell and DeLucia (2021) found that 80% of autistic mothers conceal their diagnosis out of fear that it may negatively impact their relationships. Consequently, many adopt masking strategies to hide their challenges, which can lead to physical exhaustion and cognitive overload over time (Bradley et al., 2021; Talcer et al., 2023). These experiences likely contribute to mental health issues (Pearson & Rose, 2021), as autistic mothers are more prone to mental health challenges compared with nonautistic mothers (Pohl et al., 2020) and experience higher levels of stress (Sundelin et al., 2018). Furthermore, this masking can impede access to necessary support from professionals and their social environment, as it may give a false impression that they do not require help (Hull et al., 2017). Actually, however, autistic mothers often need additional support (Garcia-Molina & Cortés-Calvo, 2025).

Among these challenges, and particularly in their day-to-day lives, many autistic mothers find it particularly difficult to adapt their own routines to those of their children, which may heighten the need for structured routines and predictable behaviors upon becoming mothers (Pohl et al., 2020). However, most gradually adjust at their own pace to the numerous changes and diverse demands of parenting, becoming more flexible over time (Dugdale et al., 2021), and providing a structured and predictable environment for their children (Hwang & Heslop, 2023).

Despite these challenges—mostly stemming from social factors—autistic mothers tend to view motherhood as a period of self-discovery and self-acceptance, during which they draw on a broad range of strengths while also experiencing high levels of gratitude and satisfaction with the experience of being a mother—finding it deeply fulfilling (Dugdale et al., 2021; Pohl et al., 2020).

It is, therefore, essential for autistic mothers to feel recognized, understood and supported by their families and close social networks, as this can help mitigate, if not completely alleviate, the negative effects they may experience in parenting (Garcia-Molina, 2024a, 2024b; Hampton et al., 2022). Similarly, it is crucial for professionals to provide this support and understanding (Hampton et al., 2022), highlighting the importance of professionals having up-to-date knowledge about autism (Garcia-Molina & Cortés-Calvo, 2025).

Although there is growing research on autistic motherhood, there remains a significant gap in understanding the first-hand experiences of autistic mothers, which perpetuates numerous prejudices and limits the development of support and resources that could significantly improve their quality of life. Because autistic mothers often face a triple discrimination: as women (in a society still shaped by sexist attitudes), as mothers (in a culture steeped in stereotypes and rigid expectations of motherhood), and as autistic individuals (amid pervasive myths and a lack of understanding about autism). This gap is even more pronounced when considering the Spanish population. Therefore, the present study aims to highlight the motherhood experiences of Spanish autistic women, focusing on their strengths and the challenges they face, all conveyed through their own narratives.

Method

Participants

A total of six autistic mothers were recruited from a specific area in the Valencian Community. The mothers’ ages ranged from 35 to 41 years (M = 38, SD = 2.9). All participants were biological mothers, Caucasian, Spanish nationals, of middle socioeconomic status, three of whom had completed higher education degrees, four women were in a relationship (with a man, the father of their children), and were identified as heterosexual (4) and bisexual (2). All participants had received a late autism diagnosis (M = 37.2, SD = 3.1).

The inclusion criteria for this study were having an autism diagnosis, being a mother, being over 18 years old, and being a Spanish speaker. The children's ages varied, ranging from 2 to 17 years. Among the six daughters, four had been diagnosed with autism, one was suspected to be autistic, and one was noted to be too young for a diagnosis. Among the three sons, only one had an autism diagnosis. One of the children, a 2-year-old whose gender was described using neutral pronouns, was suspected to be autistic. Although we consider gender an important factor to report—particularly given the high number of daughters diagnosed in this study, which may reflect a shift in diagnostic patterns in Spain—we have chosen not to include this information in Table 1 in order to better preserve the anonymity of both the participants and their children.

Table 1.

Sociodemographic Data of the Participants.

Pseudonym	Current age (age at diagnosis)	Number of children (age)	Autism diagnosis (children)
Amparo	41 (40)	3 (8, 15, 17)	Suspicion
Ursula	36 (34)	1 (4)	Yes
Trinidad	35 (34)	3 (5, 12, 17)	Yes, all 3
Inmaculada	40 (30)	1 (4)	Yes
Sibila	35 (35)	1 (2)	Suspicion. Still a baby
Mercedes	41 (40)	1 (2)	Still a baby

Note: The names used correspond to traditional Spanish names commonly associated with mothers and grandmothers. The initials of these names form the acronym AUTISM.

Materials

The current study is part of a collaborative project titled “Autistic Women and Gender-Dissident Identities,” which simultaneously investigates various aspects of autism in women, such as their experiences of motherhood.

The research team—predominantly composed of autistic members, including students, professionals, researchers, and collaborators—developed a semistructured interview comprising questions created and reviewed by various professionals in the field, international autism experts, and autistic women who provided invaluable insights. One section of the interview was dedicated entirely to motherhood, though all sections were examined for additional narratives related to mothering. The questions most relevant to mothering are listed below:

How would you describe raising your child(ren)?

How would you describe your relationship with your child(ren)?

Have you had any support while raising your child(ren) (from family, friends, professionals, etc.)?

Have you experienced fear or difficulties while raising your child(ren)?

What basic changes or contributions do you think are essential to make mothering a better experience?

Is there anything else you would like to add?

Depending on the degree of specificity that the participant required, the participant could explore each question more deeply. The following are examples of general, specific, and very specific questions about the third question:

- General question: Have you had any support while raising your child(ren) (from family, friends, professionals, etc.)?

- Specific question: What kinds of support have you received while raising your child(ren), and who provided it?

- Very specific question: Can you give examples of how family, friends, or professionals have helped you during specific mothering challenges or daily life routines?

The questions were formulated in an open-ended manner to allow for the free expression of the participants, with no time limit imposed. The interviews lasted approximately 2 h, except for two interviews that lasted 5 h (spread across three different days to accommodate family–work balance).

Procedure

The Universitat Jaume I Ethics Commission granted ethical approval for this research.

This research is divided into several phases, and we are currently in the second phase. In the first phase (2021–2022), 34 autistic participants from across Spain collaborated by contributing research ideas, developing interview questions, and actively participating in studies. From this first phase, we generated ideas regarding topics for deeper investigation in the second phase (2024)—such as the case of motherhood. In the current phase, six autistic mothers from a specific region of the Valencian Community shared their stories related to motherhood.

Participants heard about the study through the association or support group they attended, or via a radio announcement, and then contacted the research team by email. We responded by providing additional information along with an attached informed consent document. The email also explained the philosophy of the group and outlined interview options based on participants’ communication preferences, as ensuring their comfort was essential to maintaining data quality. The interview options included face-to-face meetings (n = 3), synchronous online interviews via video call (n = 1), and synchronous written messages on a messaging platform (n = 2). This type of procedure aligns with the respectful practice guidelines outlined by Gowen et al. (2019).

To accommodate the participants’ schedules, two of them, who had limited time each day, completed the interviews in multiple blocks (over 3 days). One of these participants also preferred written messages, explaining that she communicated better in writing and found it convenient to use her baby's nap times—an approach that respected the demands of motherhood for both her and the principal researcher. For all participants, the goal was to create a safe environment, both physically and psychologically.

Although participants did not receive financial compensation due to lack of funding, we sought to reciprocate their contribution by offering time and support through community-building activities such as support groups, creative workshops, and topic-specific gatherings.

Community involvement statement

The majority of individuals involved in this study—including researchers, collaborators, and translators—are autistic, with some also being autistic mothers. The study was informed by a range of personal discussions between the authors and members of the autistic community. The semistructured interview schedule was developed in collaboration with autistic women and gender-diverse individuals. Some participants were involved as members of the research team contributing to key decisions regarding research processes and findings. Study findings have been shared with and discussed among the autistic mothers who participated. Additionally, the results will be presented to local healthcare services for supporting autistic mothers.

Data analysis

The responses were analyzed using Braun and Clarke's Reflexive Thematic Analysis (2006, 2019) in an inductive and participatory approach to identify thematic patterns within the collected data. The coding and theme development were guided by the content of the data itself, reflecting an assumed reality evident in the dataset. For this purpose, the process followed included: (i) familiarization with the data, (ii) initial coding, (iii) organization of codes, identification of patterns and themes, (iv) review, (v) writing the results, accompanied by the most relevant quotes, and (vi) validation of the narrative, with Lorena Ramos-Serrano and Irene Garcia-Molina serving as reviewers of each theme and subtheme. Both researchers met on several occasions to contribute to the co-analysis process, and two participants with lived experience of the phenomenon (autistic mothering) were included at each of the six stages. After drafting the themes, members of the research group reviewed the final document and provided valuable feedback to the authors.

Throughout the results section, the participants’ identities have been protected by pseudonyms to ensure their privacy and anonymity. Moreover, the quotes included are those for which participants granted permission—because they believed certain other quotes could be recognizable.

Results

The data analysis generated three themes with their corresponding subthemes (see Figure 1).

Figure 1.

Themes and subthemes.

Theme 1: Motherhood as an intense and synchronous experience

This theme highlights the universal experience of motherhood, reflecting aspects such as maternal instinct, the importance of the home as a space where authenticity can thrive, and the strong bonds formed between mother and child. These experiences underscore that motherhood transcends neurological differences.

The analysis delves into debunking societal stereotypes that mistakenly label autistic mothers as incapable or incompetent, providing evidence that these prejudices are unfounded.

Subtheme 1.1: Maternal instinct

The participants reported an innate drive to become mothers, describing a maternal instinct that accompanied them even before having children. For example, Amparo shared: “Since I was very young, I wanted to be a mother; it was like an instinct I had. I don't know, I just loved children,” while Sibila stated: “For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a mother.”

This instinct was also evident in behaviors described as “very mammalian,” characterized by a strong need to keep their child close from an early age: “I couldn't be apart from him; it's very mammalian” (Amparo).

The maternal instinct persisted as their children grew, reinforcing their confidence in knowing how to act and care for them: “My child has taught me to trust my instinct. So far, it has never failed me” (Sibila).

Subtheme 1.2: Breaking the “refrigerator mothers” stereotype

The testimonies revealed that, far from the preconceived notion of coldness, these mothers exhibit significant closeness, warmth, and synchronicity in their relationships with their children. These traits are central to their motherhood: “I am a very affectionate person, and with my children, I would spend the whole day hugging them, cuddling them, touching them…” (Trinidad), or “I have a very physical relationship with her, despite the sensory challenges. We use touch a lot to reassure each other, and we rely heavily on physical play” (Inmaculada). Amparo highlighted the emotional connection she feels, emphasizing the joy brought by “their looks, their sweet words… For me, it's something very beautiful,” or “I melt with her smile. I love it when she falls asleep in my arms” (Mercedes).

The intense love these mothers feel for their children often leads to the formation of a special, unique, and profound connection, even if there is initial difficulty in creating these bonds: “It's everything. It took some time to form that bond at first, like ‘Who are you?’ But I'm completely in love with them, especially since around the first year, when they started to become more of a ‘little person’ and I could see all their qualities” (Sibila). As this bond solidifies, a relationship of complicity and companionship emerges: “Over time, it builds; complicity develops, like companions, friends. My children love me a lot. Of course, I’m their mother, but we have a very strong bond” (Amparo), or “It's an intense but very enriching relationship for both of us. I’m her reference figure, but she has become mine when we go out together” (Inmaculada).

In this context, conscious and respectful mothering emerges as a key component in fostering this bond:

“I personally experience motherhood and mothering in a very conscious way; it means everything to me. I believe in respectful mothering, in communication… and in ensuring that the child sees more than just a father or mother—they see a friend, a companion, a whole. Not everyone understands this” (Trinidad).

Or, in a similar vein, as Inmaculada highlights: “I am their mother […] but I am also a bit of everything, depending on the circumstances: caregiver, teacher, friend, sister, therapist, emotional support, assistant in social situations…” (Inmaculada).

Subtheme 1.3: My family, my safe place: here I can be myself

The family serves as a haven where individuals can be their authentic selves without the need to mask their true identity: “It's where I feel comfortable, where I don’t have to mask anything, where nothing I say or do causes me anxiety” (Trinidad). Indeed, all the challenges stem from “everything that happens outside the home” (Inmaculada). Thus, the family becomes more than just a comfort zone—it is a space of genuine intimacy, communication, and safety. It provides a solid foundation of protection, fostering a sense of belonging and unconditional acceptance within the family system:

“I think I’ve always given them a lot of trust so they could always tell me how they feel. They haven’t, at least my daughters, masked at home either—it's always been like everyone's comfort zone. The little one doesn’t mask anywhere, but it's always been the comfort zone for all of us. Where we feel comfortable, where we all talk about our hyperfocuses…” (Trinidad)

Ultimately, this space not only eliminates the need for masking but also fosters an environment where the mother perceives herself as a refuge for her children: “…I am their haven when they are scared, hungry, or tired…” (Amparo). Likewise, mothers feel that the family serves as a haven for themselves as well, creating a bond of mutual protection within the home.

Theme 2: Experts in motherhood and autism: from theory to practice, and from practice to activism

This theme delves into their competence as mothers, including how autistic strengths can be advantageous for mothering, and how they use this understanding of their experiences and those of their children to channel their knowledge into meaningful forms of activism.

Subtheme 2.1: Advantages of being an autistic mother: hyperfocus on motherhood

This subtheme highlights how specific autistic traits (e.g., monotropism—the tendency to focus intensely on one interest at a time—in processing information related to motherhood) can be a strength in mothering. The focus on motherhood and autism, combined with an understanding of their children, can even enable the diagnosis of their children or their own, as Trinidad narrates: “When my daughter was diagnosed, it clicked for me because I also identify myself so much with her… and in fact, I was the first to tell her (the diagnosis).” Additionally, they can explain behaviors before their children receive a diagnosis, often explaining these behaviors based on how they perceive the world: “(I was able to) recognize before anyone else, and relatively early, that behind a behavior was sensory sensitivity, anxiety in new situations, or socialization” (Inmaculada).

A shift in narrative begins to emerge, where the professional, following the diagnosis of the child, diagnoses the mother. Now, it's not just the mothers who research and identify themselves, but they also identify their daughters:

“It has been very difficult for us to reach the diagnosis (of autism). I was the first to detect it in my son and both daughters. First, they (doctors) diagnosed the boy (with level 3 autism), and from there, I turned autism into a hyperfocus and started researching a lot…” (Trinidad)

They also research mothering to be prepared (from pregnancy to child-rearing), despite the limited studies and books available for autistic mothers:

“I searched for information in true autistic style and prepared as best I could, but the truth is, there was hardly any information about autistic motherhood. Much of the mothering information I found was useless because it didn’t account for the challenges of being autistic, especially as someone hypersensitive like me. I had to figure out what worked and what didn’t on the fly, even though improvisation is incredibly difficult for me and consumes a lot of energy and resources.” (Inmaculada)

Along the same line, Ursula shares how she has not only educated herself but is also currently seeking materials to help other family members, such as grandparents, better understand autism, with the goal of ensuring her daughter's wellbeing: “I’ve read many books… in fact, I’m looking for a book for the grandparents because they don’t understand (autism).” Similarly, she highlights the advantages of having motherhood as a hyperfocus when it comes to mothering: “If it becomes our area of interest, it's impossible for us to get it wrong” (Ursula).

Subtheme 2.2: Reliving shared experiences: I was there

A common dynamic among mothers of autistic children is that they often relive their own personal experiences through their children's lives: “now my biggest concern is that she doesn’t notice when someone is aggressive toward her […] (regarding abuse) it has happened to me in some situations in my life, and I didn't realize it at the time” (Ursula), or:

“I empathize a lot with them; I put myself in their shoes. Sometimes I clash with my husband because I take their side (my children's) so much, and I seem like a little kid… because I remember it a lot (when I was little), and I know how they feel.” (Amparo)

This emotional reliving goes beyond simple empathy; it involves a deep identification with what their children feel and, at times, leads them to re-experience past traumas:

“I know that if they don’t want to eat something, it's not because they’re being picky. I know it's because they don’t like it. I mean, they just don’t like it, and I was forced to eat a lot as a child. I would end up vomiting. You relive it, you know? I relive those moments, and even now, thinking about it makes me feel it. It turns my stomach, still. Because you really put yourself in their shoes.” (Amparo)

Subtheme 2.3: Masking strategies as sacrifices: I want the best for them (at any cost)

The participants reported some sacrifices, for example, not expressing their own emotions, often internalizing their suffering to protect their children's emotional wellbeing:

“…I break down, but I always try not to let them (my children) see it. I don’t want them to see me in that moment of sadness, so I step away […] because I want them to be happy. I don’t want anything bad to happen to them.” (Amparo)

Likewise, other sacrifices and emotionally controlled strategies were observed, such as forcing smiles due to a tendency to show a more neutral or positive facial expression when distracted: “I have to force a smile, so my daughter knows everything is fine […] or, being hypersensitive myself, I remind myself to give her hugs because she needs them, and they help regulate her” (Ursula). This even extends to accepting their children's demands despite the potential for sensory overload:

“I couldn’t have my recovery time or space to self-regulate. A child is very intrusive: they demand constant attention, touch you all the time, and want more noise, more lights, more of everything. And when they’re so young, they don’t understand that you need to step away or that you might experience meltdowns and shutdowns.” (Inmaculada)

Subtheme 2.4: Clearing the path: disclosure, as I don’t want them to go through the same

This subtheme explores the active advocacy and struggles many mothers engage in to prevent their children from experiencing the same suffering and misunderstanding they themselves have faced from society. Ursula illustrates this by sharing how she disclosed her diagnosis to her daughter's teacher in order to facilitate communication as much as possible between herself and the school: “… I told my daughter's teacher to please speak to me in a more literal way and to try to communicate with me more through emails. She said: ‘You? You can’t be autistic, you’re a doctor.’” (Ursula).

Similarly, she shares the public disclosure she makes to ensure her daughter does not have to face the same challenges, thereby clearing the path for her children to grow up in a more just and understanding society:

“It's a disclosure made so my daughter doesn’t have to make the effort I’m making. I’m doing it for her. […] I’d rather they look at me first, let this generation judge me, let me be the one to take the hit; but when my daughter grows up, I want her to have already overcome it.” (Ursula)

Theme 3: From judged motherhood to sisterhood

This theme explores how autistic mothers frequently face social scrutiny and invalidation, often due to persistent stereotypes and a lack of understanding about how autism manifests in women. It examines how their abilities as mothers are questioned across different settings—including professional, educational, and social environments—and how this leads to feelings of invisibility and self-doubt. At the same time, it reveals how, in response to this judgment, these mothers seek solidarity and understanding through connections with other autistic mothers—transforming isolation into a sense of sisterhood and collective empowerment, creating safe spaces to share experiences.

Subtheme 3.1: Judgments within the family context

In the family context, although support can be valuable, a deep understanding of autism is not always present, as Amparo mentions when she tells her partner that she is autistic:

“…it's because of his lack of knowledge. The first thing he asked when I told him I was autistic was, ‘Is that degenerative?’ […] I mean, I feel very loved and understood, but he doesn’t know what autism is.” (Amparo)

Or a lack of understanding from the entire family, becoming reluctant to the changes mothers request: “The family wants to help, but often doesn’t know how and doesn’t want to change. No matter how much you explain that there are things [in mothering] that are no longer done this way [the way they were when they were younger], they don’t believe you” (Sibila). In this regard, Ursula highlights how her in-laws make an effort to understand her autistic granddaughter, though she feels that the same support has not been extended to her, feeling especially judged and misunderstood: “My mother-in-law does judge my mothering […] or expects me to be a certain way.” Added to the pressure they feel when making decisions for the wellbeing of their daughters (autistic, knowing what they will go through) because they understand them:

“The social pressure to do things a certain way is incompatible with being autistic. And the constant criticism for not doing things the way others expect. […] The number of comments, pressure, and criticism we received—for our parenting—was enormous. However, I believe we did what she needed, and that is reflected in how the child is now able to relate to others. It may have taken her longer than other children to achieve certain things, but she has achieved them. And in a gradual way, without trauma—for her, of course, because I have had trauma because of the social pressure.” (Inmaculada)

This lack of understanding is further exacerbated by other family members: “I can count on one hand the number of people [in the family] who have truly supported and helped us. The rest either haven’t done anything or have actively created even more difficulties” (Inmaculada).

Along with the lack of understanding, blame and hostile judgment also emerge:

“Some people told me it was my fault she didn’t socialize more because I was overprotecting her […] There are many people who still reject autism, both mine and my daughter's. Even after my daughter had her diagnosis, different people have said to my face, ‘But isn’t it possible that the girl seems autistic because, since you are, you’ve taught her to act like that?’” (Inmaculada)

Subtheme 3.2: Family support and sisterhood

Despite the numerous challenges and judgments, many autistic mothers, find significant support in raising their children within their family environment or other autistic mothers on a day-to-day basis. Within the family context, immediate family members play a central role: “My husband is an amazing dad, truly” (Ursula), or “There are times when I’m so overstimulated that I get a migraine and need to be alone in a state of rest, and my husband takes care of everything when that happens” (Mercedes). Even from the early stages of mothering, family members expressed concern for the participants’ needs: “My dad, instead of saying ‘I’ll take the baby so you can do things,’ would bring me food, do the laundry, or ask me what I needed him to do” (Amparo), or “Luckily, my mother-in-law would come over every so often, clean, and buy things for us” (Mercedes).

Within the neurodivergent friendships, the importance of sisterhood among mothers is highlighted to counteract social pressure and judgment:

“Much more will be expected of you than before: to be a good mother, a good partner, a good friend, a good daughter, a good worker, a good cook, and so on. On top of that, you’re expected to always be okay, get back to your pre-pregnancy weight, and meet countless other demands. At the heart of this is the lack of expectations from society and from ourselves. What we need is more sisterhood, looking at each other, mothers, and offering our hands.” (Sibila)

“I’ve discovered that autistic women tend to want to help others, share our experiences and knowledge, support each other. If you want to be a mother, you’re not alone: we are with you.” (Inmaculada)

Discussion

This article focused on highlighting and analyzing the mothering experiences of Spanish autistic mothers. The results emphasize both the competencies and resilience of autistic mothers, as well as the urgent need for appropriate support and deep social changes.

Unlike historical perspectives that have stigmatized autistic mothers—such as the “refrigerator mothers” stereotype, depicting them as lacking empathy, or the assumption that autistic individuals cannot also be mothers—which question their competence as mothers by neurotypical standards (Benson, 2023; Bettelheim, 1967; Kanner, 1954), the present study highlights that these mothers are highly competent caregivers. Their narratives, reflected throughout Themes 1 and 2, emphasize their ability to empathize with their children and the profound connection they describe. Participants also mention their maternal instinct, which has taught them that they are competent and fully aware of what their children need (Donovan et al., 2023; Dugdale et al., 2021; Pohl et al., 2020). This contrasts with many ideas in the autism literature, which often assert that innate, instinctive, and natural qualities are at odds with autism—as discussed in Sanchez (2023).

Thus, the firsthand accounts presented in this study highlight the need to eradicate these myths and acknowledge autistic mothers’ strengths, such as empathy, analytical capacity, and commitment to their children's wellbeing, even, at times, at the expense of their own, as remarked in Theme 2, which align with previous literature (Dugdale et al., 2021; Pohl et al., 2020). Part of these strengths in mothering are evident in the active role many take in seeking resources and tools for their children and in raising awareness about autism to foster social change. By revisiting their own experiences through their children, participants aim, through their own exposure, to offer them protection from the challenges they themselves faced without support or backing.

Another central aspect that emerges from the participants’ testimonies is that the family they have formed represents a safe space for them—a haven where they do not have to mask, where they can be themselves and express themselves without fear of judgment. Likewise, they, as mothers, constitute a refuge for their children (Marriott et al., 2022), where a mutual protective bond is established (Dugdale et al., 2021). This bond is not only based on affection but also on a profound mutual understanding, which is even more pronounced when the children are also autistic (Crane et al., 2021; Winnard et al., 2022). Hence, our study also highlights a novel contribution: the family environment emerged as a space for mutual unmasking, particularly between mothers and daughters, where both could express themselves authentically. To our knowledge, this dynamic has not been emphasized in prior literature. Our study supports these findings and is significant because the participants are predominantly mothers of autistic daughters (see the work initiated in 2021 by Garcia-Molina and Cortés-Calvo (2025), on autistic mothers diagnosed after their autistic male children). Moreover, as the children grow, this bond strengthens, significantly improving the quality of the relationship and allowing for a more conscious mothering approach adapted to their needs (Crane et al., 2021).

Similarly, it is essential to understand the challenges they face, both internal and external, in terms of mothering, such as difficulties in managing sensory overload and balancing their own autistic needs with those of their children, which aligns with findings from Dugdale et al. (2021), Ferguson et al. (2024), and Talcer et al. (2023). An important and novel idea derived from the narratives is that autistic mothers use strategies to hide their emotions—even without being fully aware that these may be camouflaging strategies—striving to appear more “neutral” or “positive,” as a way of reassuring and protecting their children emotionally. This is frequently done as a form of self-sacrifice, aimed at avoiding concern in their children or meeting their needs, even at the cost of sensory and emotional overload, as also found in Ferguson et al. (2024) in relation to autistic burnout. Importantly, it is highlighted how sacrifices and guilt, especially in a Spanish context of the “good” mother—the one who never loses her smile despite emotional burdens—continue to linger and are evident in many parts of their narratives (García Fernández, 2023; Medina Bravo et al., 2014).

Furthermore, in terms of external factors, these mothers face social judgments—particularly from their own families, ranging from ignorance to blame (Garcia-Molina, 2024b). Such findings highlight the need for greater societal understanding of autism, thereby helping to dismantle the stigmas surrounding it, which stem from a significant lack of awareness (Bargiela et al., 2016; Hwang & Heslop, 2023; Pohl et al., 2020; Tint et al., 2018), and specifically from the Spanish context (Garcia-Molina, 2024a, 2024b).

Finally, regarding support, the sisterhood among autistic mothers proves to be a fundamental pillar. Building support networks among them not only helps counteract social pressures but also provides a safe space to share multiple experiences, challenges, achievements, and recommendations (Smit & Hopper, 2023; Thom-Jones et al., 2024), describing motherhood as a transformative process in which they walk hand in hand with other mothers.

This study has its limitations. More testimonies about the autistic maternal reality are needed; the number of autistic mothers interviewed may seem limited, however, it is comparable to notable Anglo-Saxon studies, and their transcripts have been analyzed in depth. It is also important to acknowledge the limited diversity within the current sample. Including more autistic mothers with diverse sexual orientations, as well as adoptive mothers, step-, and single mothers would be important for developing a more representative understanding of autistic motherhood. In this regard, further studies exploring how family structures, culture, race, and ethnicity influence various aspects of autism—such as motherhood—are an important future line of research. These factors can significantly shape experiences and needs, which must be acknowledged, heard, and taken into consideration to ensure inclusive and culturally responsive approaches to supporting autistic individuals (Benedetto, 2024). Furthermore, the research team wants to emphasize that, although there is no comparison group, the participants’ narratives are valid in themselves and do not require comparison with nonautistic mothers to be considered valid. As a future direction, the novel concept extracted from the experiences of autistic mothers, regarding masking within the home—such as hiding emotions and sensory overload to avoid worrying their children—stands out. Thus, it would be valuable to further explore the sensory and social challenges faced by autistic mothers living in a predominantly nonautistic society.

Conclusion

In conclusion, several key aspects of this study should be emphasized. First, it represents one of the first in-depth explorations of autistic motherhood in the Spanish context (Garcia-Molina & Cortés-Calvo, 2025). Second, the active involvement of autistic individuals throughout the research process demonstrates a meaningful commitment to inclusive and ethically responsible qualitative research. The narratives collected strongly underscore the urgent need to implement resources and specific policies that effectively address the particular needs of autistic mothers (Sanchez, 2023). Finally, the findings highlight the importance of disseminating this knowledge through accessible media and platforms to foster broader societal awareness and engagement (Rodríguez-Zafra & Garcia-Molina, 2024).

More specifically, it would be important to develop specific guides and protocols that provide adequate training not only to professionals but also to society in general, to ensure proper treatment of all autistic mothers. This is especially relevant during the early and more vulnerable stages of motherhood (Garcia-Molina & Cortés-Calvo, 2025), but also for mothers of older children and adolescents. Similarly, the creation of support groups could be very beneficial for autistic mothers, as it would provide a safe space for sharing their experiences and stories, as well as offering mutual assistance and recommendations.