A ‘brave thing to do’ or a normative practice? Marriage after long-term cohabitation

Abstract

For decades, sociologists have debated whether widespread cohabitation among opposite-sex and same-sex couples indicates the transformation of relationships or simply a new pathway to marriage. If it is the latter, what does this transition mean to couples who decide to marry? Using an interpretive framework, the article investigates why cohabiting couples legalise their relationships when there seem to be few legal or social advantages, and how they solemnise and celebrate this transition. Drawing on New Zealand interviews with celebrants and long-term cohabitants who have decided to legalise, we found widespread concern about traditional marriage and a desire to develop individualised pathways for couple relationships. Nevertheless, our participants eventually decided to make a public commitment and to celebrate their ‘successful’ relationships with family and friends. Furthermore, we found that wedding practices continue to be influenced by social pressures and cultural representations, and many couples incorporate traditional practices symbolising patriarchy and heterosexuality regardless of personal beliefs or sexual orientation. Although cohabitation rates are rising, our study concludes that weddings have retained much of their symbolic value as a cultural ideal, but have increasingly become subject to personalisation, as if to signify that couples are indeed the authors of their own biographies of love.