Acceptance and rejection: Brothers’ and sisters’ responses to sex work disclosure in Poland

Abstract

Many sex workers withhold the character of their work from family members and partners for fear of rejection due to social stigma. Passing as a non-sex worker allows them to secure their social status, but also makes it impossible to obtain support and can thus give rise to a sense of loneliness. Within the family, siblings can act as a safe audience for disclosure purposes. Based on an analysis of in-depth interviews with female sex workers in Poland, I discuss their siblings’ diverse reactions to disclosure, ranging from acceptance to rejection. My focus is primarily on the differences between brothers' and sisters’ responses, both at the time of disclosure and in the long term. The dynamics of sibling post-disclosure relationship patterns are plotted against the impact of factors such as age and exposure to courtesy stigma. I also address the potential redefinition of a sibling’s role in the wake of such disclosure (e.g., assistance in hiding sex work from other family members or involvement in sex work).

Providing sexual services involves a stigma that affects many areas of sex workers’ lives (Benoit et al., 2018). One such area concerns interpersonal relations, in which stigma results in the formation of a distorted image of them in others’ minds, often leading to rejection. In turn, this gives rise to the sex workers’ fear of judgment (Koken, 2012). It is worth noting that even in decriminalised contexts (e.g., New Zealand), whore stigma still makes it difficult to openly admit to sex work as negative consequences may follow (Armstrong and Fraser, 2020). If any (even partial) sex work criminalization measures are in place, concerns about disclosure may increase further (Benoit et al., 2019; Krüsi et al., 2014; Mujugira et al., 2021; Ślęzak, 2011; Weitzer, 2017). Despite a pronounced tendency to commercialize sex, whore stigma (Pheterson, 1993) still prevails. Women’s defiance of normative notions of female sexuality/femininity and violation of heteronormativity through sex work continues to provoke stringent disciplinary actions. Courtesy stigma (Goffman, 1963) is one of the repressive measures, affecting the private lives and professional careers of anyone associated with sex workers (Benoit and Unsworth, 2022). It also indirectly impacts the sex workers themselves.

This article aims to analyse the contexts of selective disclosure, namely informing siblings about sex work. Sibling relationship is one of the most important and longest-lasting relationships in a lifetime. Although its sheer duration exposes this relationship to changes over time, siblings remain one of the main sources of support (Szymańska, 2019), which is why they are often a safe audience for secret-sharing (Campione-Barr et al., 2015).

In the case of sex work (as well as other concealable stigmas), the individual is able to “pass” as non-stigmatised, albeit at a cognitive and emotional cost (Goffman, 1963; Pachankis, 2007). Sex workers employ a complex set of (sometimes conflicting) strategies to manage sex work stigma and emotional labor (Aveling et al., 2009; Benoit et al., 2019). They sometimes opt for techniques of avoidance (Daniel et al., 2023), such as dividing their social worlds and living a double life (Bernstein, 2007; Benoit et al., 2018, 2024; Koken, 2012; Ryan and McGarry, 2022), constructing alternate personas (Daniel et al., 2023; Orchard et al., 2013), creating a ‘manufactured identity’ for the purpose of meeting with clients (Sanders, 2005), as well as defining bodily exclusion zones and activities they are not willing to perform during online meetings or shows (Jones, 2016; Sanders, 2005). Daniel et al. (2023) also identified techniques of empowerment that allow for stigma resistance and rejection through, for example, redefining sex work and deriving confidence from this profession (Aveling et al., 2009; Orchard et al., 2013; Simpson and Smith, 2021). Another type of strategy to protect one’s identity and maintain a positive self-image can be putting emphasis on one’s other, more commonly acceptable, social roles, e.g., university student (Simpson and Smith, 2021). Techniques of empowerment can encourage disclosure. This is important because many sex workers find it “horrible and exhausting” to withhold their work profile from loved ones (Murphy et al., 2015). Passing can also result in the individual missing out on potential sources of social support from similar or accepting others (Koken, 2012). Ultimately, then, concealing sex work in their personal lives may lead to social isolation and loneliness, although it is primarily designed to protect their social identity (Koken, 2012). In the face of such difficulties, many sex workers opt for selective disclosure and carefully consider in whom to confide. I analyse the circumstances under which sex workers decided to disclose their work to their siblings, as well as the differences in the reactions of sisters and brothers and the resulting changes in sibling relationships. Such analysis can inform our understanding of both the prerequisites of disclosure and any post-disclosure changes in mutual interactions, a considerably under-researched issue. A lot may be learned about the effect of cultural context and socialization towards specific gender and family roles on the sex workers’ readiness for disclosure and their siblings’ reception. The analysis of sibling dynamics is also a step towards dismantling the stereotypical perspective of the family of origin and providing evidence for the argument that individual members may react in distinct ways to disclosure as well as that the confiding sex worker may have disparate expectations of different people. This article can therefore be interpreted as providing an impetus to engaging in a more profoundly deep reflection on the complex reality of families who face the challenges of whore stigma and courtesy stigma. It is further demonstrated that supportive responses from siblings are an asset for coping with stigma. The article thus provides insights into how family ties may become a resource in tackling stigma.

Sex work disclosure

Having someone close who can be told about sex work is a big relief for many sex workers (Armstrong and Fraser, 2020). That is why it was not uncommon for sex workers to pursue selective disclosure to carefully discerned individuals (Benoit et al., 2018; Benoit et al., 2019 ; Daniel et al., 2023; Gomes, 2022; Koken, 2012; Murphy et al., 2015; Ryan and McGarry, 2022; Weitzer, 2017). However, this entailed struggling with a persistent dilemma of shortlisting the few persons who could be told about their work (Benoit et al., 2019, 2024; Ryan and McGarry, 2022; Sanders, 2005). Findings show that disclosure to fellow sex workers and friends seemed to provide the most support (Blithe et al., 2019; Stutz et al., 2024; Gomes, 2022). In contrast, potential reactions to disclosure to significant others (family and partners) raised much graver misgivings among sex workers (Jansson et al., 2023; Koken, 2012; Murphy et al., 2015; Stutz et al., 2024). Unfortunately, sex workers often face adverse post-disclosure responses or even rejection on the part of their significant others. Some women reported “coming out” and then going “back into the closet” after disclosing sex work to a family who could not approve of the fact that a family member engaged in sex work (Benoit et al., 2024; Koken, 2012). As Koken notes (2012), women with a highly positive orientation towards their work were more open with loved ones about their work. They also actively sought relationships with non-judgmental individuals and, consequently, enjoyed greater access to social support. Sex workers’ collectives and organizations working on sex workers' rights play a major role in building and strengthening self-support networks (Dziuban et al., 2021). However, few sex workers are in a position to disclose their work to friends, partners, and family members, and few of them stay in relationships with accepting others (Koken, 2012).

The aforementioned studies primarily focused on disclosure to the generic category of ally (De Souza and Schmader, 2025) construed family and friends without specifying particular target individuals. In other studies, the parental response was in the spotlight (also true for studies on disclosure in other contexts, Campione-Barr et al., 2015). Parents represent distinctive interaction partners in that they may hold control (e.g., economic power) over the sex workers and be able to withhold financial support from them or expel them from home (Gomes, 2022). This is the one bond most burdened by the sex workers’ apprehension of proving a failure and disappointment if they admit to how they make a living and irreparably damage the cherished image of a “good child.” In Gomes’s (2022) research, the participants opted for disclosure only with utter confidence in their parents’ support of them (especially in economic terms) upon gaining independence from the family of origin. Otherwise, they settled on coming out to a sibling.

Disclosure to siblings

Sex work disclosure to siblings has been underinvestigated. As ascertained by Stutz et al. (2024), while some participants simply avoided familial disclosure altogether, those who embraced the challenge could count on more acceptance from siblings than from parents and grandparents due to power dynamics and generational differences. Gomes (2022) refers to disclosure to siblings as occurring in safe power dynamics. A sibling’s positive response to disclosure can be a strong emotional support for the sex workers and offer them reassurance in the family system, especially if other family members’ reception has been intolerant or negative (Gomes, 2022). Conversely, adversity in siblings or their alliance with parents who are against sex work can be an additional blow, reinforcing feelings of stigma, loneliness, and being misunderstood. Siblings' post-disclosure attitudes and interactions are therefore especially important in view of the stigma experienced by sex workers and their relatives.

Studies relevant to other settings show that, while younger participants of this research disclosed more to mothers than siblings (Szymańska, 2019), this difference disappears by emerging adulthood (Campione-Barr et al., 2015). This is especially true for sister-sister dyads, who provide each other with more emotional support and know more about each other than brothers do. This may be attributed to the social role of women and the associated attentiveness to family bonds (Campione-Barr et al., 2015; Jensen et al., 2023; Szymańska, 2019). Research points to the fact that closely-spaced siblings enjoy greater intimacy and warmth (but also conflict) than widely-spaced dyads. The social worlds of such siblings often overlap (the same school, friends, similar activities), priming them for the role of confidants of disclosures and shared intimacies, often regarding hardships such as chronic illnesses (Kaushansky et al., 2017). Age emerges to be an important factor in sibling relationships. Research shows that older siblings tend to offer help to younger siblings if needed (Szymańska, 2019). Older siblings’ disclosure often occasions sharing advice and lessons from experience (Campione-Barr et al., 2015). Sibling disclosure (same with disclosure within other close relationships) is thought to be positive and lead to a close bond and general feelings of support, even after siblings no longer live together (Campione-Barr et al., 2015).

Sex work in Poland

Poland’s policy towards sex work is somewhat confusing and conflicted. It draws on the 1949 United Nations Convention against Trafficking in Women and Children, ratified by the socialist Polish People’s Republic in 1952. Accordingly, third parties are criminalized, but no protection is granted to sex workers, unlike in a genuine abolitionist model (Ratecka, 2023). The personal provision of sexual services in Poland is therefore not illegal, and some types of sex work are even recognized under the provisions of law as artistic activities (e.g., camming; NGPS, 2019). However, organized workplaces (escort agencies, brothels, and even strip clubs) are often subject to police raids and inspections, and sex workers are treated by officers as being potentially involved in crime (Dziuban et al., 2021). Likewise, outdoor sex workers often experience police controls and may be punished with fines (e.g., for disturbing public order) (Dziuban et al., 2021; Ratecka, 2023). As Ratecka (2023) points out, moral condemnation and punitive intentions are noticeable in the Polish legal framework within the criminal, administrative, and tax laws, and within other policy components, significantly deviating from the abolitionist perspective. Instead of improving the situation of women providing sexual services, the system in force exposes women in Poland to additional difficulties and stigmatization. Ratecka observes that these laws are enforced inconsistently, with sex workers left to wonder how they will be treated by the police upon the next encounter (Ratecka, 2023; Ślęzak, 2023a). It is also worth noting that, despite the police focusing on surveillance, indoor venues thrive and it is easy to obtain informal acknowledgment of their operation (Ratecka, 2023; Ślęzak, 2023a).

The aforementioned legal predicament has a detrimental impact on the lived experience of sex workers because it deprives them of the rights available to other citizens, pushing sex workers into the gray section of the economy and precarious working conditions, and thereby exposing them to a higher risk of violence (Ratecka, 2023). Notably, the Polish state does not provide any support programs for sex workers, for example, ones helping individuals leave sex work (Ratecka, 2023). Third sector organizations offer very limited support to sex workers (there is currently no organization in Poland that exclusively addresses sex workers), partly due to difficulties in obtaining governmental funding and grants for activities aimed at this group (Dziuban et al., 2021; Ratecka, 2023; Ślęzak, 2024). These conditions give rise to a specific context in which sex workers in Poland have few opportunities to obtain assistance. If they work elsewhere than in an organized workplace, they have scant prospects of networking, getting to know other sex workers, and sharing ways of coping with stigma. The void resulting from the unwillingness of either the government or non-governmental organizations to take actions is filled by sex worker advocacy collectives and community-based support networks, such as the sex worker-led Kolektyw Kamelia (formerly Sex Work Polska), which offers wide-ranging support and advocates for the rights of sex workers (Dziuban et al., 2021; Ratecka, 2023).

Sex work in Poland is predominantly concentrated in urban areas. The most common modality involves direct meetings with clients in private apartments or specialised venues (escort agencies). Outdoor sex work has greatly declined in recent years, with rising levels of camming and other types of online sex work (e.g., work related to the sale of photos, videos, or fetish artifacts). Among the more stable segments of the sex work sector are erotic dancers, strippers, and massage providers (NGPS, 2019). Most sex workers are women, and, characteristically for the Polish sex work landscape, migrants from post-Soviet and post-socialist countries constitute the core staff at escort agencies (Dziuban, 2023). In many cases, they frequently need both a visa and proof of employment to travel to Poland (Dziuban, 2023). This population is therefore particularly vulnerable - facing language barriers and problems resulting from social stigma—and also at risk of deportation or a ban on entry into Poland, especially if the escort agency where they worked gets closed down as a result of police intervention.

It is also worth noting that Poland is still a patriarchal society (Wojnicka, 2020), and a traditional approach to gender and family roles is preserved (Ciaputa and Krzaklewska, 2018). The dominant suite of conservative views comes complete with a strong connection between the Catholic religion and national identity and disciplining women in order to restore their traditional role in family and public life (Ramet and Borowik, 2017). Girls and boys are faced with different expectations in the process of socialization towards gender roles. Furthermore, there is a discrepancy as to the admissible scope of behavior of the two groups and their surveillance measures, reflecting the double moral standard in force in Poland. In many families, sexuality is a taboo not to be raised in discourse between generations and genders (as illustrated in the shared narratives of mothers, daughters, and sisters, and, to a much lesser extent, fathers and sons). Discussion about sexuality is either reprimanded or discouraged (Bieńko, 2017), and sex education is virtually non-existent in schools (Bieńko, 2017; Jeznach, 2021). Although patriarchal, heteronormative gendered categories are more or less globally applicable criteria for organizing social relations, their effect is likely to be more significant in Poland than in other Western countries. Nevertheless, recent studies show that there are some changes in the way gender is perceived in Poland, entailing changes in the internal structure of Polish families (Kwak, 2022). Younger generations especially tend to support and practice a more egalitarian approach to gender roles and an open attitude towards sexuality, while the role of the Catholic Church is diminishing (Korolczuk et al., 2019). The traditional family model with one breadwinner and gender division of household chores is declining in popularity. However, the traditional model still lingers. It coexists with egalitarian (partnership) and mixed models. Research also shows that there is a camouflaged form of the traditional model where the woman works professionally, but at the same time, she is required to take over domestic duties (Kwak, 2022). The growing acceptance of the partnership model is therefore expressed in the sphere of expectations and preferences more often than in the actual execution in daily life (Kwak, 2022). For these reasons, the direction of the changes observed in Polish intimate relationships is unclear—whether we are witnessing a transition to full gender equality or, rather, the perpetuation of inequality (Kwak, 2022).

Methods

The article draws on data from 87 in-depth interviews I conducted with female sex workers (escorts, strippers, webcam models, porn video performers, erotic masseuses) in Poland as part of three research projects. The first two of these were devoted to the social organization of escort agencies (Ślęzak, 2019) and individual indoor sex work, while the third dealt with the stigma experienced by sex workers in Poland1 (Ślęzak, 2023b). Regardless of the primary research focus, interviewees lingered on the issue of disclosure about sex work, specifically concerning the strategies they adopted and on the reactions of those they informed (or who were informed by third parties). Siblings were one such group. The article is based on an analysis of interview extracts relevant to sibling interactions before and after coming out as a sex worker.

The interviewees were aged from 18 to nearly 60 years. Fewer than half of the female interviewees talked about relationships with their siblings, and those who did represented both the youngest participants as well as the ones on the older side of the spectrum (over 40 years of age). The interviewees’ families of origin were rather small, and the interviewees usually had one or, less frequently, two or three siblings. Sixteen interviewees lived with their parents or with their parents and siblings, and six of these were young women who had not yet moved out of their parent’s home, while the others were over 35 years of age and due to life circumstances (e.g., divorce) had returned (usually with their children) to stay with their mothers. The reported intensity of sibling dynamics was stronger if the women lived in the same household as their siblings. However, they remained on close terms with their siblings and contacted them on a regular basis even if they lived in separate households, in different cities, or even different countries. Most family members were unaware of the interviewees' sex work. Disclosures were made to select individuals, mainly siblings and mothers. This was particularly the case if the women had been sex workers for an extensive period of time. On many occasions, disclosure was prompted by external circumstances.

Qualitative in-depth interviews lasted between 35 and 290 minutes (145 minutes on average). Depending on the interviewee’s preference, these were conducted face-to-face, by phone, or via Skype. All the interviewees gave their oral informed consent to participate in the study. The interviews were transcribed, whereas the interviewees’ names were altered. I analysed the data in NVivo11 using grounded theory methodology procedures (Charmaz, 2006). Following this approach, patterns and connections between concepts are identified in an iterative process of coding and categorizing data, followed by writing down theoretical notes. This method allows for a flexible, data-driven exploration of social phenomena, which is particularly useful when researching complex topics that lack thorough understanding.

Results

Disclosure to siblings

The interviewees were careful in their choice of confidants among family members. Usually, it was the siblings who were the first or only family members to be informed about the sex work. Such was Wiola’s case.

My brother understands me, we are on very close terms with each other. Actually, I get along very well with my mum too, it's just that I'd be ashamed to tell my mum. And my brother is the best.

The apprehension of sex work stigma stalled attempts to share the secret with parents. Notably, it was sexuality itself, let alone sex work, which was a taboo in the vast majority of the interviewees’ families (cf. Bieńko, 2017). Participants also feared the reaction of their parents, in the form of reproaches for letting them down and prompts to look for another job. They were fearsome of shattering the parental image of a “good daughter” or even their rejection. Disclosure to siblings elicited either more subdued concerns or none at all. Some interviewees were convinced that due to the generation gap, siblings, as opposed to older family members (parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles), tend to be more liberal, and their reactions should be informed by a more profound understanding:

My family, not my siblings, but my parents and grandparents, I think, I mean, I would be very surprised if they reacted adequately, adequately to my standards, at least. [Marta]

Consequently, the respective members of the interviewees’ families often held divergent views of what she did for a living. Some knew the truth, others speculated, and still others believed in a contrived story of employment in an acceptable place. Ultimately, it was up to the research participants to skillfully navigate these discrepant narratives. It was not uncommon for disclosure to siblings to be accompanied with a sex worker’s request to maintain discretion towards other family members. This only added a layer of complexity in family interactions. To avoid the ravages of uncontrolled outcomes, some interviewees chose to inform all their significant others at approximately the same time. They aimed to prevent any potential conflicts of loyalty without aggravating individuals who would otherwise be forced to conceal this fact from others. However, such a situation only occurred twice in the accounts of the interviewees.

One important sidenote is that it was easier for the interviewees to conceal their sex work the further away they lived from their family and siblings. Likewise, in certain types of sex work, it was less likely to be accidentally discredited. For instance, the odds of being revealed were much lower in the case of individual appointments with selected clients than for camming. Independent escorts were able to utilise the internet as a means of avoiding stigma, benefiting from increased privacy and the protection of their offline identities. Conversely, webcammers faced stigma as a result of their use of the internet for work purposes (Simpson and Smith, 2021). The interviewees took a number of measures to minimize this risk (e.g., by not showing their faces during the broadcasts and blocking users from Poland). However, these measures were not always effective. Offering online services involved managing the contradiction between maintaining anonymity and visibly promoting sexual services (Jones, 2016).

Disclosure to brothers

Disclosure to brothers generated greater dilemmas and anxiety than did disclosure within sister dyads. An interesting theme that emerged in the context of the brothers’ anticipated response to disclosure was the gender-based preconceptions informing the sibling relationship. As Zuza cites below, if her brother were to find out about her work at the escort agency, it would not only destroy her image as a beloved sister but would also trigger him to enact the role of a defender of woman’s honour and an avenger of her harm and disgrace. Predicting her brother’s reaction, Zuza thus set forth a vision of the traditional patriarchal family, where the man (here the brother) takes on the role of a supervisor and protector of a sister devoid of agency and decision-making (Wojnicka, 2020):

I wouldn’t want anyone to come here [to the brothel] and find out. If my brother found out, he would personally come here and set the place on fire, I mean not actually set it on fire, just everyone would get battered; I don’t know if I would take a beating as well, probably not, because he’s fond of me, he’s my brother, so... for me to work in a place like that, MY sister to be doing this kind of work. So, I will never tell him unless there is a situation where an acquaintance sees me.

From Zuza’s perspective, disclosure only comes into play as a last resort, should further concealment not be possible. Although not all interviewees were so explicit, many went to great lengths to ensure that their brother not only did not find out about sex work, but also did not become suspicious of their “conduct.” This is exemplified by the statement of Ada, a single woman in her thirties, who said during the interview:

My brother doesn’t know how I work, and once he was at my place with his fiancée, and just at that moment my regular customer called me. I didn’t answer, and he called and called until I had to tell my brother that it was spam. I’m not going to talk to a guy I met at the agency while I have my brother over with his girlfriend. My brother is well aware that I'm a single mom, so how come a guy could be calling all of a sudden.

The decision to come forward with a sex work disclosure to a brother was preceded with the consideration of the fact that, due to similar age, the brothers could discover their sister’s work profile themselves, e.g., by visiting escort advertising sites, watching erotic show streams, visiting agencies or strip clubs. There was also a risk that the participants would be exposed by the peers of their siblings who were clients of sexual services. Some women, therefore, preferred to pre-empt such a contingency and proactively tell their brothers about their work. No such motive was reported in connection to the confession to the sisters as there appears to be a fundamental assumption of ‘heterosexuality’ that is rooted in traditional Catholic and patriarchal paradigms.

The interviewees who decided to disclose to brothers described a wide range of the brothers’ responses. Some interviewees spoke of a brother’s positive, supportive reception. Ula’s story stands out in this regard, as her brother had not only accepted sex work but also demonstrated by his behaviour that he treated camming as an ordinary job that deserved his support. He embraced his role of older brother by advising his younger sister (Campione-Barr et al., 2015; Szymańska, 2019):

I am most grateful to my older brother, who reacted completely normally and with whom I was able to talk about taxes and the Social Insurance Institution as if it were any other “normal” job. [quotation marks added by Ula]

Such a reaction not only lifted the burden of Ula’s anxiety concerning her brother’s possible change of mind about her and her rejection, but also cleared the way for the situation to be normalized for the rest of the family, who reacted more neutrally. Gosia also felt her brother’s acceptance:

Only my brother knows out of all my folks, and no one else does at home. They have a different story to believe. Only my brother knows the truth, he also lives here in [name of town], he knows everything. He understands everything, the whole situation, he gets it. He has no objections to this, no reservations whatsoever.

Gosia’s brother offers his support by sympathizing with her work choices and involvement in sex work but also by sharing the burden of the secret. Some interviewees’ brothers made even greater efforts to support their sisters by delivering an account of an alternative, acceptable career path or providing confirmation of their choice to other family members and/or their sister’s partner. This was the case with several interviewees, including Wiola, who works in an escort agency:

Wiola: Only my brother knows where I work, and my brother provides me with an alibi. He has a friend who happens to have an office, and they are involved in the sale of beauty products. And I supposedly work there. And I actually have an alibi because my brother corroborates everything, and my husband would never expect me to work in such a place, so he doesn’t really inquire so much whether I'm there or not [...].

Researcher: And did your brother find out by accident whether...

W: I had to tell him, I had to secure some sort of alibi.

Disclosure was therefore imposed by the circumstances in this case, but it is worth pointing out that Wiola turned specifically to her older brother for help. The siblings formed a supportive team and were accomplices in hiding her sex work from the rest of the family. Another interesting aspect that arose in the story of Wiola’s brother was that after a while, he also got involved in sex work, embarking on a job as a moderator of an erotic chat room aimed at a non-Polish audience. Perhaps from this perspective he could understand his sister’s choice even better and was prepared to help her if she wanted to give up escorting for camming. An affinity with her brother, which contributed to her decision to choose him as the recipient of the disclosure, was further strengthened by similar outlooks on sex work and his openness to future employment in the same sector.

However, disclosure did not always take the form of an explicit exchange. Iga shared an interesting example. She enjoyed a close relationship with her younger brother and felt his support both pre- and post-disclosure, but there was virtually no direct conversation between them about either her work or his associated emotions:

Iga: For me, it’s not a problem to speak [about sex work] because even my brother knows.

Researcher: So, have you told your brother?

I: Well, I didn’t even have to tell him; it was just, well, how did he come to know? It’s hard to say. It wasn’t really expressed in words; it was just self-evident. And I have never told him this much; we haven’t had a conversation face to face along the lines: Listen, I have sex for money; this awareness has somehow emerged, just so.

R: Without a conversation?

I: Without talking. Well, I just don’t feel the need to talk to him about it because he’s younger than me, but he's truly aware that there’s nothing really wrong with it, and we take it as a given.

It is, therefore, difficult to speak of a classic disclosure in this case. Rather, it was a situation in which Iga let her brother figure out what she did for a living; she did not hide information from him, and he could easily deduce her job profile. In turn, he approved of and supported his sister and was keen to expand his knowledge of sex work per se, without inquiring specifically about his sister’s experiences. Due to his younger age and his emotional attachment to his sister, he was primed to see sex work as one of the possible acceptable jobs (similar dynamics of interactions with younger siblings were also described by Campione-Barr et al., 2015).

Disclosure and the response to it sometimes took yet another course, which can be described as ‘tacit acknowledgement.’ This is how Ula’s other brother reacted after Ula informed him of the work she pursued:

My younger brother heard me out in silence; he did not comment on this information in any way, but nothing in our relationship has changed either.

Ula’s younger brother’s reaction did not give her many clues as to what he thought of her disclosure and the reason for his silence. So, she watched his behaviour to infer whether his attitude towards her had altered. In the end, Ula took note of her brother’s disregard and acted towards him as if the disclosure had not taken place. Nor had she ever attempted to initiate a conversation on the subject (at least when we were in contact), even though she and her other brother were able to talk about sex work openly. This demonstrates the importance of each sibling’s willingness to talk and how distinct each family member’s response to disclosure can be. By remaining silent, the younger brother gave up the opportunity to address his doubts or share his thoughts with his sister. Without holding an interview with him, however, it is difficult to say whether he has kept his sister’s confession to himself or if he has discussed it without Ula’s knowledge (e.g., with other family members).

The interviewees also remarked on the negative reactions of their brothers, who turned away from them after the disclosure, stopped talking to them, and avoided any contact. It was particularly painful when the brother’s initial acceptance or neutral position veered towards disapproval. Several participants recounted the same pattern of relationship collapse: some time after a positively received disclosure, when the woman believed that her brother was “on her side” and understood her motives, people outside the family would learn about her sex work. The backlash from these outsiders completely revised the attitude of the brother, who consequently distanced himself from his sister:

If someone doesn’t get along with one’s family so well, they won’t be affected as much by hate speech and behaviour. But it’s much worse if strong bonds are at stake. So, I felt quite despondent because of my brother. He knew about my work, but his friend had seen me on the Internet and told my brother about it, and it really devastated him. This infuriated me to no end at the time, and I felt so helpless that, even though he was privy to the secret, his colleagues' opinions were more important to him than mine. [Ala]

Ala’s brother’s change in attitude could be explained by his possible defensive behavior in response to the perceived courtesy stigma (Goffman, 1963). From Ala’s perspective, however, he should have sided with her because of family ties, but he broke off contact with her instead. His endorsement thus proved contingent and persisted only as long as information about Ala’s sex work had not circulated more widely.

Many younger interviewees revealed that their relationships with previously accepting brothers tended to suffer setbacks upon fraternal peers’ discovery of their sister’s sex work. This was particularly true with school-age peers who would often not shy away from bullying, which, in turn, affected the brother’s attitude towards his sister’s sex work and, ultimately, threatened their relationship. Below, Wanda provides a salient point. Although her brother knew about, understood, and accepted her sex work and even admired her for how much she earned, he also experienced a lot of negative emotions which he would not share with her initially:

My brother has recently told me that he is really being wrecked at school. They are picking on him all the time and going: oh, your sister can be seen on webcams. He was getting a lot of messages on Facebook claiming that I was on [name of website]. Well, and fuck, that’s when I started to regret [openly showing myself on webcams].

For Wanda, her brother’s emotions constituted an additional burden. After all, she did not want him to experience violence because of her decision to engage in sex work. It was particularly true since, as she said elsewhere in the interview, he stood up for her in dealing with other family members. Nevertheless, in times of emotional crises, he was also capable of telling her to “seek a normal job.” Therefore, they both felt a mixture of strong emotions ranging from guilt/blame to understanding and a desire to offer support. Overall, their relationship with each other resembled a sine wave, with alternating periods of ease and deterioration, largely dependent on the words and actions of others in their social milieu. It cannot be downplayed how popular culture, media coverage, and public figures’ statements about sex work reinforce or sustain stigmatizing beliefs (Benoit et al., 2018; Weitzer, 2017).

Disclosure to sisters

Likewise with brothers, many of the interviewees’ sisters were also ignorant of their sibling’s involvement in sex work. However, the explanations they offered for non-disclosure were not as likely to point to non-compatible values or views on sex work or fears that their sister would not accept their choice. Rather, they noted that their sister already had their own life, some also had started their own families, and there was no need to burden them with information about sex work. Some interviewees mentioned that they had a tight relationship with their sister and tried extremely hard to behave in such a way as to discard any suspicion and not to trouble her.

A number of the participants dreaded that their sisters’ partners or husbands, oblivious to what the interviewee did for a living, might end up as customers. They thus assumed that all men enjoyed sexual services and did not exclude the partners of women closest to them from this assumption. Three study participants actually happened to meet their sister’s partner at the venue where they worked. This proved problematic both when the sister had no knowledge of involvement in sex work and when she was well aware of it. In both cases, the interviewees were not only concerned about whether their sister’s partner would tell someone about their sex work. They also wondered what actions to take and whether to tell their sister that her partner indulged in sexual services. Sex work concealment efforts could lead to a most intricate arrangement in which various family members either know, guess, pretend not to know or actually do not know about the woman’s work. It is an ordeal for the sex workers to master transitions of communication in individual and group settings.

The interviewees who opted to tell their sisters about sex work usually had close ties with them. The sisters were confidants of their various affairs and secrets, so it was a natural step that they would also find out about sex work, as in Ola’s case:

None of my folks actually knew, I told my sister because I tell her everything because I love her very much.

Several interviewees mentioned that their sister knew about their sex work and accepted this line of work because that was her occupational choice as well. In some instances, the research participant was introduced to sex work by her sister; in others, it was the research participant who initiated her sister into sex work. The savvy sister’s advice facilitated embarking on a sex work career for the debuting sister as she was already knowledgeable about the essential aspects of sex work. However, sometimes, disclosure was only prompted by the other sister’s request for support in the face of financial problems. Lena, who had come to Poland over a dozen years earlier from the former USSR, shared exactly such a story. As many sex workers, she took up sex work for financial reasons (Aveling et al., 2009; Ślęzak, 2023a), but she had never told her family what she did for a living, and they asked fewer and fewer questions as the years went by, even as they continued to take advantage of her generosity. When she was approached by one of her sisters for financial aid far beyond Lena’s means, Lena decided to tell her the truth. However, her sister showed little surprise and eventually offered acceptance and followed the same path (for a limited time):

I will never tell my parents that I work here, but one sister knows, because I had to introduce her to an agency once, too, but she no longer works here. She went back to the country, nobody knows what she did here, and I took her here because she had run into some very, very big debts with her husband [...] I was already working here. I made a call home, and my mother started crying, asking me to help her. And that was several thousand dollars. I was to have her leave the country, come to me here, and give her the money. But I didn't have that much money either. But when I brought her here, I had to pay for the trip and everything, and I explained to her what the job entailed, and she said she'd come with me, but she didn't know if she would be up for it because every girl who comes here thinks the same. Now, she worked here for a while, and she earned some money, too.

It might be beneficial to let a sister know about one’s sex work. The main advantage consists in having access to a close person who is understanding, non-judgmental, and supportive in case of work challenges. Additional gains include the opportunity to share individual working strategies, information about venues, and opinions about bosses, colleagues, and customer experiences. This is an invaluable resource, considerably facilitating socialization for sex work (Ślęzak, 2019). A sister sex worker can, therefore, be a dual source of support: as a confidant and friend and as a fellow sex worker. Sisters can also help each other to keep their secrets from other family members by mutually confirming their alternative employment narratives. They can also be supportive of each other if they decide to make a disclosure.

Based on the data collected, the sisters’ responses to the disclosure followed a more foreseeable trajectory than the reactions of the brothers. In sister dyads, none of the interviewees recounted the rejection by a sister who found out about sex work. The social construction of the notions of ‘gender’ and ‘sexuality’ within a patriarchal and Catholic paradigm prevalent in Poland therefore affects the everyday practices of the study participants, including in the context of disclosure.

Discussion and conclusion

Factors affecting disclosure outcome

My research and this article demonstrated that the majority of sex workers pursued selective disclosure (Benoit et al., 2018; Benoit et al., 2019; Daniel et al., 2023; Gomes, 2022; Koken, 2012; Murphy et al., 2015; Ryan and McGarry, 2022; Weitzer, 2017). In consequence, they often only confided in siblings in safe power dynamics (Gomes, 2022). The decision to tell a sibling about sex work stood as a testament to a sound relationship, trust, and confidence in a reaction unlike that of the rest of the family (Armstrong and Fraser, 2020). Thus, disclosure may cement the bond between siblings (Campione-Barr et al., 2015), but it is equally true that strong ties are a prerequisite for disclosure. In most cases, the interviewees opted for disclosure when they believed that it would strengthen their relationship with their siblings. Although the close-knit and supportive relationship with the siblings was crucial, the interviewees were also driven to disclosure by additional motives.

Similar to the findings of other studies (Armstrong and Fraser, 2020; Stutz et al., 2024), the interviewees would not venture disclosure if they knew that their siblings did not approve of sex work and would break off contact and alienate the interviewee from other family members. Such pre-emptive measures were usually taken when dealing with brothers who held traditional, religious and conservative values and had negative beliefs about sex work. In such situations, the interviewees continued to manage the secrecy around their work, predominantly by leading double lives (Benoit et al., 2018; Bernstein, 2007; Sanders, 2005), but also, in many cases, by distancing themselves from their siblings to minimize situations in which they would have to lie (as corroborated by other research about sibling disclosure; Kaushansky et al., 2017).

Another group of participants had internalised the stigma to some extent and were not entirely comfortable performing sex work themselves, but they anticipated that their siblings would understand their (mostly financial) motives, and would accept them regardless. Disclosure to siblings was mainly undertaken by those women who considered sex work as work, and who had an overall positive experience with it. As in the research by Simpson and Smith (2021) and Jones (2019), some of the study participants, especially those with higher social and cultural capital, had a greater opportunity to ‘come out' and to live overtly as sex workers. They did not want to live a double life and aspired to a ‘single-self’ (Bernstein, 2007). Thus, the willingness of the study participants to come out to their siblings also depended on their interpretation of sex work in their lives and its significance for their identity. It was a question of sharing a part of themselves with their loved ones (i.e., Benoit et al., 2018; Jones, 2016, 2019). In effect, there is evidence for a full range of disclosure in response to disclosure in relation to ‘sex’ as commerce.

One of the motives for disclosure was the interviewees’ pursuit for support from their siblings (whether living together or not). Not only active emotional support (e.g., as confidants), but even a passive affirmation, gave participants the sense that someone in the family was on their side. In some scenarios, the privy sibling played a significant role in actively steering other family members clear of finding out the secret, e.g., providing a cover-up, advocating for their sister in family arguments, and possibly even parlaying between family members of their own accord for her sake. Assuming these ancillary roles strengthened the bond between the siblings. Analysis of the interviews suggests that disclosure may also hold some relevance to a confidant sibling’s decision to assume sex work as well, although this theme needs to be explored in further research.

It is also worth mentioning that some interviewees provided financial support to their families, including their already adult siblings. The above findings substantiate the claims put forth in other studies, namely, that the sex worker’s fulfilment of alternative positive roles, e.g., that of a mother, daughter, and sister, is also associated with contributing to the subsistence of their loved ones and allows the construction of a positive identity that offers a defense against stigma (Aveling et al., 2009; Carrasco et al., 2017). Financially backed siblings were not always informed about sex work, but it cannot be ruled out that they surmised the profession of their respective sisters, especially if the received material aid was considerable. Their familiarity with the difficult financial situation in the family home could make them more willing to treat sex work as a rational choice and not judge it in moral terms.

However, siblings were not always accepting (Blithe et al., 2019; Stutz et al., 2024). Participants also mentioned instances of rejection by siblings who stepped into the role of ‘moral police’ (Blithe et al., 2019) and solicited them to seek another job. It is also worth mentioning two important mediatory factors decisive for how siblings reacted: their age at the time of the disclosure and whether or not they shared a family home. Most of the study participants’ siblings lived separately, so there were no opportunities for daily confrontations, and their disavowal did not feel as severe, although it could have been very painful (Szymańska, 2019). Adult siblings were also not as likely to be exposed to unpleasant comments from their peers. It was school-aged siblings who were often stigmatized and ridiculed because of their sisters' sex work. Courtesy stigma (Goffman, 1963) tended to be more intense in such cases, with sibling relationships playing out with increased complexity and dynamics.

Differences in the reactions of brothers versus sisters to disclosure

Of note are the variations between the responses of brothers versus sisters, as based on the analysis of the collected interviews. Sisters were more often described as supportive, while brothers approached the admission with a range of diverse reactions (which is consistent with how sister dyads operate, Campione-Barr et al., 2015; Jensen et al., 2023; Szymańska, 2019). Participants were more likely to openly share work issues, experiences, and feelings with their sisters than with their brothers - regardless of whether their sisters also provided sexual services or not. Sisters’ sex work fellowship has also been pointed out in other studies. For instance, Güler (2020) brought to the fore the relationship between sisters who made a living as trans sex workers, living and working in the same houses, watching out for each other, and providing all kinds of support. The brothers who endorsed sex work tended to adopt the position of a counsellor, protector against attacks from the family, or saviour who provided a smoke screen. The argument invoked by the brothers who recoiled upon their sister’s confession along the lines of ‘my sister will not work like that’ may reflect traditional notions of a woman’s honour and a male relative’s duty to defend her. Brothers’ and sisters’ responses to disclosure therefore largely reflected traditional gender roles (hegemonic masculinities and emphasized femininity, Connell, 1987). Gender performance (Butler, 2006) in sister and brother dyads presents an interesting contrast to the gender performance required in sex work (as manufactured identities; Jones, 2016; Sanders, 2005). The collected data also show that some of the interviewees (especially if younger and better educated, followers or active participants of the discourse of sex work as work) expected acceptance of this part of their identity by embodying a notion of what may be labelled resistant femininity (Connell, 1987). Even though the interviewees described the brothers' reactions as neutral or supportive (e.g., offering help, advice, concern for safety), the brothers’ approaches could be interpreted through the lens of hybrid masculinity (Leszczyńska et al., 2024) or protective masculinity (Wojnicka, 2020). It was rare for a female interviewee to recount that a brother expressed emotional support after the disclosure, which could be interpreted as a sign of inclusive masculinity (Anderson, 2009). Moreover, brothers who responded in this way appeared more open to the idea of perceiving sex work as work. The above finding corroborates the observations of other researchers on the dominance of traditional gender role models in contemporary Poland, within which, however, certain transformations are taking place (Kwak, 2022).

Another finding to garner attention is that relationships with sisters and their reactions to sex work were described as more stable, whereas brothers’ attitudes towards sex work displayed a wider range of dynamics. For some interviewees, interactions with their brother took the shape of a sine wave, while for others, it permanently changed its direction: initial rejection gradually turned into acceptance, or vice versa. The latter scenario usually unfolded when third parties learned of sex work, stigmatizing both the sex worker and her sibling. This proved to be a difficult experience for some brothers, who could not cope with the courtesy stigma (Goffman, 1963) posing a threat to their traditional masculinity. In consequence, they started resenting their sister, although they had previously been in a position to reciprocate her disclosure with an understanding of the motives behind her decision and had even acted as the family advocate. The experiences of the aforementioned participants are reminiscent of the transparent and family closets as described by Švab and Kuhar (2014) in relation to LGBT persons’ coming out. The former situation involves the fact that, although a child’s homosexual orientation is acknowledged within the family, it is not discussed further. The person who has just come out is ‘pushed' back into the closet. The term ‘family closet' refers to a situation where the family accepts the member who has come out but at the same time makes every effort to ensure that no one outside the immediate family circle finds out about the stigmatizing attribute and that the image of the family in the eyes of other people remains unchanged.

There are also other affinities between the coming out of people with LGBTQ + identities and the disclosure experiences of sex workers (Gomes, 2022; Mizielińska, 2017; Švab and Kuhar, 2014). In both cases, individuals opted for selective disclosure to carefully discerned individuals. Within the familial audience, people with LGBTQ + identities are most likely to come out to a sibling (Gomes, 2022; Mizielińska, 2017; Mizielińska et al., 2017). According to Gomes (2022), the reasons for choosing siblings rather than other family members as recipients of confession are closeness to one’s sibling, the lesser economic sanctions that siblings could cause (compared to parents), and an attempt to ‘test' the familial reaction to coming out. My analysis leads to similar conclusions as disclosure research in other settings (Campione-Barr et al., 2015; Kaushansky et al., 2017). Pending is the exploration of other contexts to compare sibling (or, in broader terms, family member) responses to other stigmatized identities and actions.

Limitations

Finally, I would like to point out the study’s limitations. For one, the research only shows the perspective of sex workers and their interpretation of sibling behaviour. There is merit in exploring the siblings’ perspective as well in further research. How do they address their sister’s sex work, how does courtesy stigma affect them? How do they deal with the burden of keeping a secret from the rest of the family or being their sister’s protector against other family members? It is also worth interviewing more than just female sex workers to deepen the understanding of what relevance gender has in this process.

The interviewees confided in their siblings out of their own accord (even if the siblings later also obtained this information from others) and the participants did not describe the situation of being doxxed in front of siblings. It could prove insightful to trace how the disclosure of sex workers’ livelihoods without their consent affects relationships between siblings, as it seems to have the potential to significantly alter the perception of this revelation (at least initially).