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Abstract

The conflation between sexual attraction and romantic attraction in relationships is a common one, yet evidence shows that sexual and romantic attraction can exist independently of one another. Public narratives and media rarely note that such a separation can exist and, in academia, even high-quality research into LGB+ identities rarely differentiate the concepts. The growing exception to that trend is asexuality research which, informed by the developing culture around asexuality, has been differentiating the two concepts and questioning the basic cultural assumptions surrounding the connectedness between different forms of attraction. My research seeks to increase our collective knowledge on the importance of sexual and romantic attraction as separate concepts among asexual individuals. The research included in-depth interviews with 21 individuals who identified across the asexual-spectrum (e.g., asexual, demisexual, gray-a) and who identified varying levels of romantic attraction (e.g., alloromantic, aromantic, demiromantic). Three themes arose: (1) some participants noted preference for generalized terms to describe their sexuality or uncertainty in identification with specific asexual-spectrum definitions, (2) previous feelings regarding dating and connection with allosexual peers could vary by romantic identity, and (3) aromantic participants noted greater relief and positive affect than non-aromantic participants when discovering the terminology for their sexual and romantic identity. Findings suggest that, for those who identify as on the asexual-spectrum, romantic identification may be more important than specific sexual identification in affecting an individual’s lived experiences and self-perception. This research furthers our understanding of the importance of the conceptual and practical differences between romantic and sexual identities.

Keywords

Asexuality LGBTQ+ identity romantic attraction romantic identity sexuality

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“I would ask people why they bother to date”: Evidence of the importance of romantic attraction in the development of sexual identity for asexual individuals

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