“There’s No Pretense Needed”: Autistic Perspectives on Autistic Friendships

Abstract

Assumptions about autistic sociality have shaped dominant understandings of friendship, often positioning autistic relationships as fragile, shallow, or inherently lacking. These framings stand in contrast to autistic people’s own accounts of friendship as meaningful, sustaining, and deeply valued. This qualitative study explored autistic perspectives on friendship through joint, semistructured interviews with 11 friendship dyads (22 participants), including 20 autistic young adults and their self-identified friends (autistic or nonautistic). Dyadic interviews supported the coconstruction of relational meaning, and data were analyzed using inductive thematic analysis informed by neurodiversity-affirming and double empathy frameworks. Participants described friendships as mutual, chosen, and grounded in acceptance, authenticity, and flexible reciprocity rather than neurotypical social expectations. Friendship quality was defined by depth of understanding and felt connection rather than frequency of interaction or proximity. Across themes, acceptance and authenticity supported unmasking, mutual understanding, adaptive reciprocity, and sustained connection over time. These findings challenge deficit-based models of autistic sociality and highlight autistic friendship as a sophisticated form of relational connection grounded in autistic strengths and values.

Lay Abstract

Many stereotypes suggest that autistic people struggle to form meaningful friendships. However, autistic people often describe their friendships as deeply important and rewarding. In this study, autistic young adults and their friends participated in interviews about what friendship means to them and how friendships grow and last over time. Participants described friendship as being built on acceptance, honesty, shared understanding, and flexibility rather than pressure to act “normal.” Friends supported each other emotionally, adapted to each other’s needs, and maintained connection in ways that worked for them. Participants also emphasized the importance of being able to unmask and feel authentic in friendship. These findings challenge deficit-based views of autistic social relationships and highlight the strengths, care, and mutual support present in autistic friendships.