Working with families, especially in areas such as child abuse, throws up many
situations that can be viewed as crises requiring urgent action. The sense of
urgency can increase when attempts to protect children are met with denial and
obstruction. In reviewing our experiences over more than 30 years we have come
to recognize that being organized by this sense of crisis can be
counterproductive. An alternative has been the counterintuitive reaction of
slowing down the process and valuing the chance to consider alternatives while
maintaining a steady perseverance. In other words, of patience. We consider the
influences, especially from systemic therapy and attachment research that have
helped us deal patiently with denial and the potentially frustrating behaviour
of abused children that is an outcome of their adaptations to prolonged
maltreatment. The article concludes by proposing the value of patience as a
useful stance in relation to current developments in family therapy.
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