In the photograph, my father holds my tiny elbow in my large hands, teaching me to punch and training me in “manly” poses.We are years away from my father’s motorcycle accident. While the disabled body has been displayed in many recent films and television shows, the ways it is discursively constructed remain relatively unarticulated. It is a task is even more complex given the ways the disabled body is gendered, particularly with regard to its literal and figurative “leaks” resulting from the loss of bodily function. In this “messy” narrative, I draw on three years of fieldwork with male wheelchair rugby athletes and personal experience with disability in exploring the ways disabled persons narrate control of their bodies and, in essence, narrate a preferred masculinity. I also employ performative writing in interrogating my own “leaky” masculinity, reflexively examining the control I attempt to enact over both my relationships and my body.
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