Counseling Clients Who Have Experienced Undisclosed Infidelity

Abstract

Undisclosed infidelity is when one partner suspects betrayal, but the other partner denies it. While the literature is replete with helping couples heal from disclosed infidelity, very few scholarly articles address working with betrayed partners of undisclosed infidelity. Researchers indicated the accuracy of detecting undisclosed infidelity and the propensity for betrayers to lie when confronted, thus counselors need to be aware of the traumatic effects associated with undisclosed infidelity to skillfully support clients.

Keywords

infidelity undisclosed betrayed counseling post-infidelity stress disorder

Get full access to this article

View all access options for this article.

References

Abramson

(2014). Turning up the lights on gaslighting. Philosophical Perspectives, 28, 1–30. https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.2307/26614542

Adamopoulou

(2013). New facts on infidelity. Economics Letters, 121(3), 458–462. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.econlet.2013.09.025

Afifi

W. A.

Falato

W. L.

Weiner

J. L.

(2001). Identity concerns following a severe relational transgression: The role of discovery method for the relational outcomes of infidelity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 18(2), 291–308. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407501182007

Alvi

Mei

T. K.

Mehrinezhad

S. A.

(2018). The dark triad of personality and infidelity intentions: The moderating role of relationship experience. Personality and Individual Differences, 128, 49–54. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2018.02.023

Bercht

(2020, June). When you suspect your spouse is cheating and they won’t confess. Retrieved June 2020 from https://beyondaffairs.com/suspicion-confrontation/suspect-your-spouse-is-cheating/

Center for Disease Control and Prevention (June, 2018). Vital signs. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/suicide/index.html

Curtis

Likis-Werle

(February, 2020). Working with the betrayed: Teaching counselors to work with clients experiencing Post Infidelity Stress Disorder [Conference session]. Presented at the annual conference of the North Carolina Counseling Association, Charlotte, NC, United States.

Dean

(2011). Psychoeducation: A first step to understanding infidelity-related systemic trauma and grieving. The Family Journal, 19, 15–21. https://doi.org.10.1177/1066480710387487

DiBlasio

F. A.

(2000). Decision-based forgiveness treatment in cases of marital infidelity. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 37(2), 149–158. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0087834

10.

Duba Sauerhaber

Disque

J. G.

(2016). A trauma-based physiological approach: Helping betrayed partners heal from marital infidelity. The Journal of Individual Psychology, 72(3), 214–234. https://doi.org/10.1353/jip.2016.0018

11.

Erikson

. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. Norton.

12.

Gordon

K. C.

Baucom

D. H.

Snyder

D. K

. (2005). Forgiveness in couples: Divorce, infidelity and couples therapy. In Worthington

(Ed.), Handbook of forgiveness. Taylor and Francis.

13.

Gordon

K. C.

Baucom

D. H.

Snyder

D. K

. (2008). Optimal strategies in couple therapy: Treating couples dealing with the trauma of infidelity. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 38(3), 151–160. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10879-008-9085-1

14.

Guan

Xiao

Miao

Liu

(2017). Categorization and prediction of crimes of passion based on attitudes toward violence. International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology, 61(15), 1775–1790. https://doi.org/10.1177/0306624x16643501

15.

Haney

J. M.

Hardie

(2014). Psychotherapeutic considerations for working with betrayed spouses: A four-task recovery model. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 35, 401–413. https://doi.org/10.1002/anzf.1073

16.

Harvard Women’s Health Watch. (2018, April 2) Takotsubo cardiomyopathy (broken-heart syndrome). Harvard Health Publishing Harvard Medical School. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/takotsubo-cardiomyopathy-broken-heart-syndrome

17.

Hertlein

K. M.

Dulley

Cloud

Leon

Chang

(2017). Does absence of evidence mean evidence of absence? Managing the issue of partner surveillance in infidelity treatment. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 32(3-4), 323–333. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2017.1397952

18.

Hughes

S. M.

Harrison

M. A.

(2017). Your cheatin’ voice will tell on you: Detection of past infidelity from voice. Evolutionary Psychology, 15(2), 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1177/1474704917711513

19.

Jeanfreau

Jurich

Mong

(2014). Risk factors associated with women’s marital infidelity. Contemporary Family Therapy, 36(3), 327–332. https://doi.org/i:10.1007/s10591-014-9309-3

20.

Kachadourian

L. K.

Smith

B. N.

Taft

C. T.

Vogt

(2015). The impact of infidelity on combat-exposed service members. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 28(5), 418–425. https://doi.:org/10.1002/jts.22033

21.

Koch

H. J.

(2013). Psychophysiological concepts of stress induced cardiomyopathy with broken heart syndrome as a paradigm. Archives of Psychiatry and Psychotherapy, 2, 37–43. https://doi.org/10.12740/app/18442

22.

Laaser

Putney

H. L.

Bundick

Delmonico

D. L.

Griffin

(2017). Posttraumatic growth in relationally betrayed women. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 43(3), 435–447. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12211

23.

Lambert

N. M.

Mulder

Fincham

(2014). Thin slices of infidelity: Determining whether observers can pick out cheaters from a video clip interaction and what tips them off. Personal Relationships, 21, 612–619. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12052

24.

Leone

(2013). Helping couples heal from infidelity: A self-psychological intersubjective approach. International Journal of Psychoanalytic Self Psychology, 8(3), 282–308. https://doi.org/10.1080/15551024.2013.796608

25.

Likis-Werle

(2019, October 10–13). Are you PISD? Teaching counseling students to work with clients who experience Post Infidelity Stress Disorder [Conference session]. Presented at the conference of the Association for Counselor Education and Supervision, Seattle WA, United States.

26.

Lusterman

(2005). Marital infidelity: The effects of delayed traumatic reaction. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 4(2–3), 71–81. https://doi.org/10.1300/j398v04n02_07

27.

Maldonado

J. R.

Pajouhi

Witteles

(2013). Broken heart syndrome (Takotsubo cardiomyopathy) triggered by acute mania: A review and case report. Psychosomatics, 54(1), 74–79. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psym.2012.03.009

28.

Negash

Carlson

S. H.

Linder

J. N.

(2018). Emotionally focused therapy and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing: An integrated treatment to heal the trauma of infidelity. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 7(3–4), 143–157. https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000107

29.

O’Brien

Likis-Werle

(2020). Client experiences of mindfulness meditation in counseling: A qualitative study. Journal of Humanistic Counseling, 59, 20–37.

30.

Ortman

D. C.

(2005). Post-infidelity stress disorder. Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services, 43(10), 46–54. https://doi.org/10.3928/02793695-20051001-06

31.

Phillips

(2020, May). Recovering from the trauma of infidelity. Counseling Today, 62(10), 40–45. https://ct.counseling.org/2020/04/recovering-from-the-trauma-of-infidelity/

32.

Rachman

(2010). Betrayal: A psychological analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(4), 304–311. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2009.12.002

33.

Raine

Lee

Yang

Colletti

. (2010). Neurodevelopmental marker for limbic maldevelopment in antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 197(3), 186–192. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.bp.110.078485

34.

Roos

L. G.

O’Connor

Canevello

Bennett

J. M.

(2019). Post-traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults. Stress and Health, 35, 468–479. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.bp.110.078485

35.

Rousmaniere

(April, 2017). What your therapist doesn’t know. The Atlantic, https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/04/what-your-therapist-doesnt-know/517797/

36.

Scuka

R. F.

(2015). A clinician’s guide to helping couples heal from the trauma of infidelity. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 14(2), 141–168. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2014.953653

37.

Shrout

Weigel

(2018). Infidelity’s aftermath: Appraisals, mental health, and health-compromising behaviors following a partner’s infidelity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35(8), 1067–1091. https://doi.org\10.1177/0265407517704091

38.

Whisman

M. A.

(2016). Discovery of a partner affair and major depressive episode in a probability sample of married or cohabiting adults. Family Process, 55(4), 713–723. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12185

39.

Williams

(2011). A socio-emotional relational framework for infidelity: A relational justice approach. Family Process, 50(4), 516–528. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.2011.01374.x

40.

Witte

T. H.

Mulla

M. M.

(2012). Social norms for intimate partner violence in situations involving victim infidelity. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 27(1), 3389–3404. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260512445381