The article presents an integrated theoretical perspective on the origin, maintenance and alteration of relational conflict. It suggests that relational conflict and reconciliation can be understood as two behavioral alternatives that couples respond with during the experience of pain or other negative emotion. The presence of pain elicits a defensive reaction that encourages a perpetuation of the conflict process; or it encourages a demonstration of grace and justice that can permit relationships to be a healing agent. The components of the relational conflict cycle and the relational reconciliation cycle are explained.
Adler, A. (1927). Understanding human nature (Walter Béran Wolfe, Trans.). New York: Greenberg.
2.
Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L.M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61, 226-244.
3.
Batson, C.D., Ahmad, N., Lishner, D., & Tsang, J. (2002). Empathy and altruism. In C. R. Snyder & S. J. Lopez (Eds.), Handbook of positive psychology (pp. 485-514). New York: Oxford University Press.
4.
Beckenbach, J., Patrick, S., & Sells, J. (2009). Couples conflict reconciliation model: An exploratory study. Manuscript submitted for publication.
5.
Bergman, S.J., & Surrey, J.L. (1994). Couples therapy: A relational approach. Wellesley, MA: Stone Center Work in Progress.
Boszormenyi-Nagy, I. (1987). Foundations of contextual therapy: Collected papers . New York: Brunner/Mazel.
8.
Boszormenyi-Nagy, I., & Krasner, B. (1986). Between give and take: A clinical guide to contextual therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel .
9.
Boszormenyi-Nagy, I., & Spark, G.M. (1984). Invisible loyalties: Reciprocity in intergenerational family therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel .
10.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment, vol. 1 of attachment and loss. London: Hogarth Press.
11.
Bradbury, T.N., Fincham, F.D., & Beach, S.R.H. (2000). Research on the nature and determinants of marital satisfaction: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62, 964-980.
12.
Buber, M. (1970). I and Thou. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons.
13.
Buss, D.M. (1989). Conflict between the sexes: Strategic interference and the evocation of anger and upset. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 56, 735-747.
14.
Cano, V.J., Gala, L.F., Lupiani, G.M., & Guillen, G.C. (2003). Psychological pain: Anguish and feelings of guilt . Revista Psiquis, 24, 13-18.
15.
Cloke, K. (1993). Revenge, forgiveness and the magic of medications . Mediation Quarterly, 11, 67-78.
16.
Corcoran, K.O., & Mallinckrodt, B. (2000). Adult attachment, self-efficacy, perspective taking, and conflict resolution. Journal of Counseling & Development, 78, 473-489.
17.
Couch, L.L., & Jones, W.H. (1997). Measuring levels of trust. Journal of Research in Personality, 31, 319-336.
18.
Davenport, D.S. (1991). The functions of anger and forgiveness: Guidelines for psychotherapy with victims. Psychotherapy, 28, 140-133.
19.
DiBalsio, F.A. (1992). Forgiveness in psychotherapy: A comparison of younger and older therapists. Journal of Psychology and Christianity , 11, 181-187.
20.
Emmons, R.A., & Shelton, C.S. (2002). Gratitude and the science of positive psychology . In C. R. Snyder & S. J. Lopez (Eds.), Handbook of positive psychology (pp. 459-471). New York: Oxford University Press.
21.
Enright, R.D., & the Human Development Study Group.( 1991). The moral development of forgiveness. In W. Kurtines & J. Gewirtz (Eds.), Moral behavior and development (Vol. I, pp. 123-152). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.
22.
Erikson, E.H. (1950). Childhood and society. New York: Norton.
23.
Erikson, E.H. (1964). Insight and responsibility. New York: Norton.
24.
Fincham, F.D., Fernandez, L.O. & Humphries, K.H. (1993). Communication in relationships: A guide for couples and professionals. Champaign, IL: Research Press.
25.
Fincham, F.D., & Kashdan, T.B. (2004). Facilitating forgiveness: Developing group and community interventions. In P. A. Linley & S. Joseph (Eds.), Positive psychology in practice (pp. 617-637). Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.
26.
Firestone, R.W., & Catlett, J. (1989). Psychological defenses in everyday life. Santa Barbara, CA: Glendon Association.
27.
Fishbane, M.D. (2001). Relational narratives of the self. Family Process, 40, 41-58.
28.
Fitzgibbons, R.P. (1986). The cognitive and emotive use of forgiveness in the treatment of anger. Psychotherapy, 23, 629-633.
29.
Framo, J.L. (1976). Family of origin as a therapeutic resource for adults in marital and family therapy: You can and should go home again. Family Process, 2, 193-210.
30.
Fredrickson, B.L., Tugade, M.M., Waugh, C.E., & Larkin, G. (2003). What good are positive emotions in crisis? A prospective study of resilience and emotions following the terrorist attacks in the United States on September 11th, 2001. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 365-376.
31.
Freedman, S.R. & Enright, R.D.; Forgiveness as an intervention goal with incest survivors. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64, 983-992.
32.
Freedman, S.R. (1998). Forgiveness and reconciliation: The importance of understanding how they differ. Counseling and Values, 42, 200-216.
33.
Giblin, P., & Chan, J. (1995). Predicting divorce. The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 2, 134-138.
34.
Giblin, P., & Combs, M.P. (2003). Marital enrichment in clinical practice. In G. P. Sholevar (Ed.), Textbook of family and couples therapy: Clinical applications (pp. 434-465). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing.
35.
Gottman, J. (1993a). The roles of conflict engagement, escalation, and avoidance in marital interaction: A longitudinal view of five types of couples. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 61, 6-15.
36.
Gottman, J. (1993b). A theory of marital dissolution and stability . Journal of Family Psychology, 7, 57-75.
37.
Gottman, J. (1994a). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital process and marital outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.
38.
Gottman, J. (1994b). Why marriages succeed or fail. New York: Simon & Schuster.
39.
Gottman, J. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work . New York: Crown.
40.
Gottman, J., Notarius, C., Gonso, J., & Markham, H. (1976). A couple's guide to communication. Champaign, IL: Research Press.
41.
Greenberg, L.S., & Johnson, S.M. (1988). Emotionally focused therapy for couples. New York: Guilford.
42.
Halling, S. (1994). Shame and forgiveness. Humanistic Psychologist, 22, 75-87.
43.
Hardin, R. (2001). Conceptions and explanations of trust. In K. S. Cook (ed.) Trust in society. New York, NY, US: Russell Sage Foundation, 2001.
44.
Hargrave, T.D. (2000). The essential humility of marriage. Phoenix, AZ: Zeig, Tucker, & Theisen.
45.
Hargrave, T.D. (1994). Families and forgiveness: Healing wounds in the intergenerational family. New York: Brunner/Mazel .
46.
Hargrave, T.D. (1994a). Families and forgiveness: Healing wounds in the intergenerational family. New York: Brunner/Mazel .
47.
Hargrave, T.D. (1994b). Families and forgiveness: A theoretical and therapeutic framework. The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 2, 339-348.
48.
Hargrave, T.D., & Anderson, W.T. (1992). Finishing well: Aging and reparation in the intergenerational family. New York: Brunner/Mazel .
49.
Hargrave, T.D., & Pfitzer, F. (2003). The new contextual therapy: Guiding the power of give and take. New York: Brunner Routledge.
50.
Hargrave, T.D., & Sells, J.N. (1997). The development of a forgiveness scale. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 23, 41-62.
51.
Heavey, C.L., Christensen, A., & Malamuth, N.M. (1995). The longitudinal impact of demand and withdrawal during marital conflict. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 63, 797-801.
52.
Jacobson, N.S., & Christensen, A. (1996). Acceptance and change in couple therapy: A therapist's guide to transforming relationships. New York: W. W. Norton and Co.
53.
Jacobson, N.S., & Margolin, G. (1979). Marital therapy: Strategies based on social learning and behavior exchange principles. New York: Brunner/Mazel .
54.
Johnson, S.M., Makinen, J.A., & Millikin, J.W. (2001). Attachment injuries in couple relationships: A new perspective on impasses in couples therapy. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 27, 145-155.
55.
Johnson, S.M., & Talitman, E. (1997). Predictors of success in emotionally focused marital therapy. Journal of Marital & Family Therapy, 23, 135-153.
56.
Johnson, S.M., & Williams-Keeler, L. (1998). Creating healing relationships for couples dealing with trauma: The use of emotionally focused marital therapy . Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 24, 25-40.
57.
Jordan, J.V. (1991). The meaning of mutuality. In J. V. Jordan, A. G. Kaplan, J. B. Miller, I. P. Stiver, & Surrey, J. L. (Eds.). (1991). Women's growth in connection: Writings for the Stone Center. New York: Guilford.
58.
Madanes, C. (1991). Strategic family therapy. In A. S. Gurman & D. P. Kniskern (Eds.), Handbook of family therapy (Vol. II, pp. 396-416). New York: Brunner /Mazel.
59.
McCullough, M.E., Kilpatrick, S.D., Emmons, R.A., & Larson, D.B. (2001). Is gratitude a moral affect? Psychological Bulletin, 127, 249-266.
60.
McCullough, M.E., Rachal, K., Sandage, S., Worthington, E., Brown, S., & Hight, T. (1998). Interpersonal forgiving in close relationships: II. Theoretical elaboration and measurement. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 1586-1603.
61.
McCullough, M.E., & Worthington, E.L. (1999). Religion and the forgiving personality. Journal of Personality, 67, 1141-1164.
62.
McCullough, M.E., Worthington, E.L. Jr. , & Rachal, K.C. (1997). Interpersonal forgiving in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2, 321-336.
63.
McMinn, M. (2008). Sin and grace. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
64.
Monk, G., & Sinclair, S.L. (2004). What's love got to do with it? A discursive approach to mediating conflict in a heterosexual love relationship . In T. Strong & D. Pare (Eds.), Further talk: Advances in discursive Therapies (pp. 163-179). New York: Kluwer/Academic Press.
65.
Murray, S.L., Bellavia, G.M., Rose, P., & Griffin, D.W. (2003). Once hurt, twice hurtful: How perceived regard regulates daily marital interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 126-147.
66.
North, J. (1987). Wrongdoing and forgiveness. Philosophy , 62, 499-508.
67.
Notarius, C.I., Lashley, S.L., & Sullivan, D.J. (1997). Angry at your partner? Think again. In R. J. Sternberg & M. Hojjat (Eds.), Satisfaction in close relationships (pp. 219-248). New York: Guilford.
68.
Notarius, C., & Markman, H. (1993). We can work it out: Making sense in marital conflict . New York: Putman.
69.
Rotter, J.B. (1967). A new scale for the measurement of interpersonal trust. Journal of Personality, 35, 651-665.
70.
Rusbult, C.E., Verette, J., Whitney, G.A., Slovik, L.F., & Lipkus, I. (1991). Accommodation processes in close relationships: Theory and preliminary empirical evidence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 43, 1230-1242.
71.
Scheinkman, M., & Fishbane, M.D. (2004). The vulnerability cycle: Working with impasses in couple therapy. Family Process, 43, 279-299.
72.
Schneidman, E.S. (1981). Psychotherapy with suicidal patients. Journal of Suicide and Life-Threatening Behaviors, 11, 341-348.
73.
Sells, J.N., Giordano, F., & King, L. (2002). A pilot study in marital group therapy: Process and outcome. The Family Journal, 10, 156-166.
74.
Sells, J., & Hargrave, T. (1998). Forgiveness: A review of the theoretical and empirical literature. Journal of Family Therapy, 20, 21-36.
75.
Shi, L. (2003). The association between adult attachment styles and conflict resolution in romantic relationships. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 31, 143-157.
76.
Snell, W.E. Jr., McDonald, K., & Koch, W.R. (1991). Anger provoking experiences: A multidimensional scaling analysis. Personality and Individual Differences, 12, 1095-1104.
77.
Snyder, M. (1992). The meaning of empathy: Comments on Hans Strupp's case of Helen R. Psychotherapy, 29, 318-322.
78.
Snow, N.E. (1993). Self-Forgiveness. Journal of Value Inquiry, 22, 75-80.
Vangelisti, A.L., & Crumley, L.P. (1998). Reactions to messages that hurt: The influence of relational contexts. Communication Monographs, 65, 174-196.
81.
Wile, D.B. (1993). After the fight: A night in the life of a couple . New York: Guilford.
82.
Worthington, E.L. (1999). Hope focused marriage counseling: A guide to brief therapy. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
83.
Yarhouse, M., & Sells, J.N. (2008). Family therapies: A Christian appraisal. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
