Abstract
Having aspirations and goals to strive for provides a sense of purpose and motivation, which can greatly contribute to one’s overall happiness and satisfaction. However, there is a lack of in-depth understanding of how individual aspirations interact with societal expectations and constructs, potentially resulting in feelings of anxiety and frustration. This collaborative cross-cultural autoethnographic study examines the interplay between the individual and the sociocultural, with a special interest in Eastern and Western lenses of well-being. Based on data from autoethnographic narratives, fieldnotes, and reflection with critical friends, this study aims to provide an insider’s account of an international doctoral candidate’s experiential journey of aspiration/s, and transformation/s, to meet societal expectation/s. Through analysis of these experiences, we propose that societal constructs should be given more attention in discussions of well-being, to envision a more equitable educational environment in which aspiration/s and transformation/s can be better recognized and appreciated.
Introduction
As part of a wider PhD research program, this study began with our contemplations on the difficulty of finding a straightforward translation of well-being in Chinese. Well-being is complex and ambiguous and often considered as a “taken-for-granted catch-all” term; however, it is rarely defined in detail (Pelters 2021, 2). This ambiguity is reflected in the discourse surrounding the country-based student well-being evaluation (Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development [OECD] 2017). East Asian students were red-flagged as high academic achievers but unhappy learners (OECD 2017). High academic pressure (Ling et al. 2022) and private tutoring (Zhang and Bray 2018) are blamed for low student well-being. However, some Asian scholars express discomfort with this critique, arguing it is problematic to compare well-being between the East and West when there may be different understandings in play (Rappleye et al. 2020; Takayama 2016; You 2020). In the stories and vignettes we share, we paint a shifting picture of well-being seen from different angles—Eastern and Western.
A growing body of literature recognizes the importance of student well-being as a public health concern, especially since the COVID-19 pandemic (Marinucci, Grové, and Rozendorn 2022). In one sense, student well-being is an individual matter. It has been proposed that students’ well-being refers to the psychological, cognitive, social, and physical functioning, and capabilities that individuals need to live a happy and fulfilling life (OECD 2017). A great deal of student well-being research has taken a psychological approach because an individual’s emotions reflect the quality of their experiences (Küpers 2005). For instance, students’ self-reported satisfaction at school is important because it prioritizes students’ needs and reflects the quality of care that schools provide (Haybron 2016).
Clearly, well-being is subjective, psychological, and individualistic in nature, but it is also a sociocultural matter. Previous research has not given enough attention to the sociocultural perspectives (Hargreaves & Shirley 2021; Küpers 2005). For instance, in China, taking a personal feeling too seriously is considered to be an ego-centric way of living (Rappleye et al. 2020) and detrimental to social life (You 2023). Küpers (2005) discusses the challenges organizations face in maintaining well-being, the importance of a comprehensive understanding of subjective well-being and embodiment, and the need for integrating structural conditions in promoting well-being in organizations.
To the first author of this article (Weiqi hereafter), well-being encompasses both a personal journey and a societal concern. Since it is difficult to find a straightforward translation of “well-being” in Chinese, we use a traditional Chinese story to relate the bigger picture of a Chinese understanding and provide sociocultural and historical richness in the representation and interpretation of well-being. Based on the Chinese mythology of “leaping over the dragon gate,” the following narrative retells the mythical story of a little carp, symbolic of Weiqi, trying to leap over the dragon gate and become a powerful dragon. After achieving this feat, the carp (Weiqi) discovers that there are additional gates awaiting her beyond this one. In addition, she learns that the transformation into a mighty dragon does not resonate with her. Nevertheless, she is perceived as a dragon by other carp that have not made the leap successfully, which further “validates” the mythology.
By weaving together personal reflections and cultural symbolism (the mythology), this autoethnography tells a tale of fantasy and fallacy. It explores themes of aspirations, transformations, and societal expectations through the allegory of the carp’s journey. As the carp endeavors to fulfill its perceived destiny, it encounters unexpected challenges and epiphanies, ultimately questioning the validity of its aspirations and assumptions. Similarly, the carp’s quest for transformation parallels Weiqi’s pursuit of academic achievement and societal expectations. As this autoethnography juxtaposes personal experiences with cultural myths, it provides insights into the complexity of well-being meaning construction. This autoethnography seeks to illuminate the intricate interplay between personal aspirations and societal expectations, challenging readers to question their own perceptions of success and fulfillment.
This study is part of an international PhD candidate’s doctoral research project investigating how the understandings of well-being play out for secondary students in China. The study was inspired by her own lived experiences. Autoethnography has been recognized as an effective tool to enhance learning and researching processes in higher education. It can provide transformative potential in capturing nuanced knowledge that is both personally meaningful and academically valuable (Ben-Lulu 2024; Pithouse-Morgan et al. 2021; Reed-Danahay 2009). This autoethnography is written for a thesis including published works. It is written in the format of a stand-alone publication and provides valuable insights into researchers’ rationale, positionality, and reflexivity. Specifically, PhD candidates using autoethnography are able to explore their own roles and identities within educational settings, offering unique insights into the dynamics of teaching and learning (Reed-Danahay 2009). For example, Ben-Lulu (2024) provides an in-depth personal account of his experiences as a first-generation college student. By sharing his personal narratives, he illuminates the broader structural and cultural challenges that these students face, calling for equitable and supportive educational policies and practices that foster inclusivity and provide targeted resources to help these students thrive. Using autoethnography in higher education allows for the examination of power relations and social norms from an insider’s perspective, enriching the analysis of educational phenomena (Reed-Danahay 2009). Autoethnography can serve as a medium to bridge the gap between the individual and the sociocultural by making research more accessible and relatable to broader audiences, including educators, policymakers, and students (Reed-Danahay 2009).
This study focuses on the researcher’s own voice, critically (re)examining her experiential journey of coming to know how different sociocultural contexts influence the conceptualization of student well-being. To explore the breadth and depth of the researcher’s positioning, this study is a Collaborative Autoethnography (CAE) examining an insiders’ account in cooperation with outsiders (Chang, Ngunjiri, and Hernandez 2016). The researcher’s PhD study supervisors, acting as provocateurs and critical friends (Miles, Creely, and Pruyn 2019; Patel, Sanjakdar, and Adams 2022; Waterhouse, Creely, and Southcott 2021), assisted the researcher’s journey of self-reflection through dialogues (Khong et al. 2023) in fortnightly supervisory meetings and by collaborating on the writing. To add to the interest and complexity, the broader sociocultural contexts are also transnational and cross-cultural. Cross-cultural research requires researchers to shift their positioning from different perspectives (Yip 2023). I, as the first author of the article, have studied and worked in both Eastern and Western societies. My collaborators also have extensive experiences in cross-cultural living and learning. Collaboratively, we address three questions in this article:
What are my own lived experiences related to student well-being?
How do I understand the issue of student well-being?
And, why does it matter?
Before I share my stories, we present an overview of the literature on student well-being. This is followed by the introduction of the methodology and the use of narratives, fieldnotes, and critical reflections with critical friends as data. Analysis and discussions follow and weave between the key narratives. We conclude the article with implications and recommendations for future research.
Literature Review
Individual Well-being
Psychological well-being can be broadly defined as the mental state of being well, which is frequently termed emotional well-being or subjective well-being (Haybron 2016). It is evident that aspirations, recognition, respect, and care can improve students’ positive emotions (Smith 2018). However, research that focuses only on positive emotions seems too narrow and superficial; reflecting a belief that the meaning of life is simply about feeling good (White 2017). Hence, in recent decades, a primary focus on happiness has extended from happy feelings (hedonistic well-being) to optimal psychological functioning (eudaimonic well-being) (Ryff 1989), the ability to meet core psychological needs and challenges (Ryan and Deci 2001), or a condition of human flourishing (Seligman 2018). Maslow’s (1943) theory of Hierarchy of Needs has demonstrated that needs are diverse and the appearance of one need usually rests on the prior satisfaction of other, more pressing needs. In empirical studies, enhancing student well-being frequently focuses on the needs of positive psychology (Smith 2018), social-emotional learning (Pannebakker et al. 2019), physical education (Gray et al. 2018), and mindfulness programs (Mrazek et al. 2017). Thus, these studies investigate intense approaches to personal transformations, reflecting an ideology that the self may be perfected through individual effort.
Similarly, East Asian philosophies typically think a meaningful life is more than feeling good (Rappleye et al. 2020). Being well together and staying well in relationships with others should be considered as a better way of living (Jiang et al. 2024; You 2023). For example, Chinese traditional philosophers often mention the importance of spiritual enrichment, harmony, and the dialectic relationship between happiness and unhappiness (Diener, Lucas, and Oishi 2018). According to a Chinese proverb, “happiness is dependent on unhappiness, while unhappiness is hidden in happiness (
Social Well-being
Social well-being includes sociocultural constructs such as the perceived meaningfulness of society, social integration, social acceptance, social contribution, and social actualization (Keyes 1998). Haybron (2008, 225) concludes: “[t]he successful pursuit of happiness may be less an individual affair, and more a matter of living in the right social and physical context, than the modern tradition has normally assumed.” Students’ social well-being is related to what Brophy (2008) identifies as the social milieu where learning takes place. Work on the social milieu points to the importance of helping students feel a sense of belonging; meeting their needs for autonomy, competence, and relationships; and maintaining self-efficacy rather than being alienated from learning (Brophy 2008). Alienated learning can be triggered by students’ socioeconomic backgrounds (Alivernini et al. 2019), assessment and evaluation systems (Roome and Soan 2019), educators’ attitudes (Byrne and Carthy 2021), school climate (Smith 2018), and community culture (Gristy 2012). Nevertheless, it is not yet entirely clear how those sociocultural constructs become barriers or enablers on enhancing individuals’ well-being (Hunter 2019).
The Chinese understanding of social well-being is heavily associated with good fortune and luck, sugessting that social well-being is viewed as a supernatural force beyond one’s personal capabilities. According to Diener et al. (2018), the original concept of happiness in American English refers to “good fortune,” which is very similar to “eudaimon” in Greek and “
Methodology
This study is an investigation of individual/psychological and sociocultural dimensions of student well-being. As this autoethnography unfolded, I became increasingly aware that my stories were also transnational and cross-cultural, which strengthened the sociocultural perspective. We also draw upon the notion of “Asia as method” (Chen 2010; Zhang and Chan 2022) by which conventional academic conceptions of research, knowledge construction, and accepted truth may be re-conceived as essentially “Western” in nature. It is not within the scope of this article to fully explore the roots of “Asia as method.” Suffice it to say that we aim to bring both Eastern and Western lenses into critical consideration of student well-being in the context of Chinese and globalizing education.
CAE analyses autobiographical data collectively to “gain a meaningful understanding of sociocultural phenomena . . . it creates a unique synergy and harmony that autoethnographers cannot attain in isolation” (Chang et al. 2016, 24). Positioning “self” as the object of research, autoethnographic researchers aim to “describe and interpret cultural texts, experiences, beliefs, and practices” (Adams, Ellis, and Jones 2017, 1). Most often, researchers write about epiphanies in their lives where those memorable moments have significant impacts on their trajectories (Ellis, Adams, and Bochner 2011). While epiphanies are self-claimed as important, autoethnographic writing aims to resonate with readers, conveying the relationship between self and social life (Adams et al. 2017; Gaggiotti, Kostera, and Krzyworzeka 2017). This is consistent with the argument that the personal is also political (Adams and Herrmann 2020; Gaggiotti et al. 2017). In doing so, researchers aim to bring emotion into social science, which provokes sociological introspection regarding lived experience—“what they are thinking and feeling and what it means to them” (Ellis 1991, 32). It fundamentally connects people with the reflexivity of their lives—“what to do, how to live, and the meaning of their struggles” (Bochner and Ellis 2006, 111).
The use of autoethnography in doctoral research offers reflexivity and numerous advantages (Forbes 2008). It enhances rigor and credibility by prompting researchers to critically examine their assumptions, biases, and positionalities (Bieler et al. 2021; Forbes 2008). In CAE, researchers can challenge each other’s assumptions and biases, leading to more nuanced and ethically sound findings by sharing their reflections and insights with critical friends (Bieler et al. 2021). However, it also identifies challenges associated with self-doubt and the difficulty of balancing subjective reflections with objective analysis (Ben-Lulu 2024; Bieler et al. 2021; Forbes 2008). Despite these challenges, it is argued that the benefits of distributed reflexivity, such as enriched data and more robust analysis, outweigh the difficulties (Ben-Lulu 2024; Bieler et al. 2021; Forbes 2008). Therefore, this CAE employs methods to triangulate the data to provide more academic rigor and credibility, including multiple sources of data and critical examination of the data through collaboration with critical friends, which is further explained in the next section. By fostering greater reflexivity, CAE provides research findings with more authenticity, making them more evocative and impactful, as well as enhancing the depth and richness (Bieler et al. 2021; Reed-Danahay 2009).
Methods
This CAE employed narratives, fieldnotes, and reflection with critical friends to interrogate how Weiqi explored significant moments as a student, a teacher, and a researcher. First, we used autoethnographic narratives as an inquiry about self (Richardson 1990). As the first author in this paper, Weiqi wrote in the first person singular and used possessive pronouns to reflect her lived experiences. She interrogated emotions and thoughts on her past experiences of initially being a secondary student in China, and then, years later, re-visiting her own school as an international doctoral candidate, gathering data for her research.
Second, this article also incorporates fieldnotes taken by Weiqi when she conducted fieldwork for her doctoral project in China. Fieldnotes are related to researchers’ contemporary experiences, since researchers take fieldnotes to record their own impressions, thoughts, and feelings toward participants’ verbal and nonverbal behavior as well as the context in which these behaviors occur (Maharaj 2016). We believe taking notes about the emerging moments adds to authenticity and credibility of the data because memories do not work in a linear fashion (Ellis 1999). In this life-long timeframe, Weiqi is able to contextualize and re-contextualize memories into new interpretations and perspectives (Miles et al. 2019).
Third, Weiqi’s supervisors joined the work for this article as critical friends to provide a critical lens and dialogue that expanded and deepened this investigation (Arnold and Norton 2021; Chang et al. 2016; Khong et al. 2023; Miles et al. 2019; Patel et al. 2022; Waterhouse et al. 2021). Critical reflection, prompted by conversations with critical friends about Weiqi’s lived experiences, increased the authenticity and credibility of data analysis, which helped combat her racial and cultural biases (Chang et al. 2016; Patel et al. 2022). The inclusion of multiple layers of data improves researchers’ understandings of the complexity of the lived experiences of emotions (Ellis 1991).
Later narrative analysis was employed in the data analysis process to understand how Weiqi made sense of what happened in the stories and to what effect (Riessman 1993). Narrative approaches offer detailed and comprehensive accounts concerning the social structures that influence subjective perceptions of health and well-being (Braun and Clarke 2014). In the following narratives, four stories about the life-challenges of being a student are presented. These four stories are our windows and doors (Holman Jones 2016) or “cultural glasses” (Gaggiotti et al. 2017, 336) into understanding the complex and nuanced meaning of student well-being through the lenses of being a student, teacher, and researcher in multiple contexts. We begin with “a small fish in a big pond”; then we proceed with “going upstream” and “swimming in a different stream”; and in the fourth story the aspiration was to be “leaping over the dragon gate.” Each of these stories is rooted in not only Weiqi’s direct and personal lived experiences—but also in her shared cultural heritage. We begin with Weiqi’s reflection on being a “small fish.”
Findings and Discussion
Aspirations: “A Small Fish in a Big Pond”
In Year Ten, I realised my dream. I was granted admission to the best public senior high school in my city. But my dream soon became a nightmare; suddenly I became a threatened small fish in a big pond because this school had all the high achievers from every school in the city. Compared to other “big fish” in school, I felt so small. I was one of the top students in my old school, but in this school, I was not anymore. In high school, what matters the most is The school used a ranking system to evaluate students’ likelihood of going into universities. Based on past experiences, the school displayed two lines to show students the prediction. The first one was for students who could go to key universities. Students who sat above this line were likely to go to a key university. The second line was for students who could make it to less prestigious universities. Students who sat below this second line were less likely to enrol into any university. We were chased and threatened by these two warning lines every month. I had a tough time in Year 10. This was my first time going to a boarding school and the strong contradiction brought by comparing myself with the best performing students troubled me. I blamed myself for not achieving, or being, good enough. Although I felt alone at the time, I was not the only one experiencing this distress. Ten years after graduating from high school, I still heard from classmates telling me that they woke up from bad dreams of sitting in I did not have the same nightmare. My recurring high school nightmare was that, on a hot summer day, I was trying to hold my head up to stop myself falling asleep in the class. I could not really go to sleep because everyone else was studying; but I could not really study well because I was so tired. I was a sleepy teen. The teachers did not notice me. They were away from me, standing at the front of the classroom and talking to the whole class. I felt small, invisible, and insignificant.
In Weiqi’s first story, the first theme emerging from our findings is that individual psychological well-being is contextual and fluid (Jiang et al. 2024). Her fortune to be in a “big pond” soon became less fortunate for her, which resonates with the Chinese idiom—happiness and unhappiness are interdependent to each other (
The dialectic relationship between happiness and unhappiness shows that an individual and psychological sense of well-being can be impacted by the sociocultural environment (Byrne and Carthy 2021; Byrne, Carthy, and McGilloway 2020; Hunter 2019). This finding resonates with the research reporting that one’s well-being is deeply connected with a sense of self and relational to a sense of others (Marsh and Parker 1984). In this case, “other fish” in the “pond” constructed Weiqi’s sense of other, and hence, her re-constructed sense of self. The relationship between self and “other fish” is also expressed in the big-fish-little-pond effect in Marsh and Parker’s (1984) work. Theoretically, equally able students have lower academic self-concepts in high-achieving schools but higher self-concepts in schools with comparatively lower average performance (Dai and Rinn 2008). As a consequence, Weiqi’s sense of well-being as a secondary student was constructed almost entirely by the competitive paradigm. Well-being was dependent upon academic success and she pushed herself because she knew she was “threatened” by the “bigger fish.” Looking back now, through lenses she did not possess at the time, Weiqi reframes this understanding and questions whether it needed to be this way. This experience is informing her stance as a researcher.
Societal Expectations: “Going Upstream in Rural China”
In the new pond, what I had to do was to swim hard. Other carp used their fins to flip and flop around and used their tails to wiggle and splash, creating the currents around me. I needed to find the strength to swim up otherwise I would fall behind. Somehow, I persisted. Reaching my first year of university, I participated in a volunteer teaching program with my peers in one of the poorest rural villages in China. We taught in a very old classroom with cracked windows, in the winter cold. We lived in a house where pigs were kept in the basement. There was no facility for us to take a shower for ten days. When students heard that we had arrived at their school, some came back to the school from pasturing cattle. Their red cheeks and hands looked so obvious in winter. I could see the cracked skin on their hands and the mud under their nails. In such hard circumstances, I saw the value of education in life continuation. I realised how privileged I was to be able to study in one of the best cities in China; however, the children in rural areas still struggled for their basic living needs (food and clothing). Many Chinese “city/town people,” including me, have a rural background. My grandparents are from rural China. They worked hard to raise my parents and educated my parents to study well. My parents moved to a relatively developed city with the teaching qualifications they gained from college. They had proved that education is a way to move upward, so in turn, they valued my education.
Weiqi begins to revisit the idea of student well-being; her understanding is (re)shaped by concerns about social inequality and how children from disadvantaged rural communities may not be provided enough opportunities to “move upward” in a competitive paradigm. In a poor rural school, Weiqi saw her own family history represented to her. It is almost as if the youngsters before her were her grandparents. She recognized and felt their struggles in their chilblains and the dirt under their fingernails. She is humbled when she realizes that these kids have returned from working in the fields to attend school because she and her volunteer colleagues are there to teach them. Being granted the permission to teach, she saw the value of learning and the attraction of self-formation through “going upstream.” This is a more dynamic and sociocultural conception of well-being.
When she was about to graduate from university, she reached a critical moment to decide what was best for her self-formation. Some of her friends were busy applying to study abroad (mainly in English-speaking countries) for their master’s degrees. She became intrigued to find out what made the West and Western education so desirable. She thought working in a Western environment could help her determine if studying abroad was an option for her. After graduating from university, Weiqi had the opportunity to move to Canada to teach Chinese languages and culture in a few schools in Saskatchewan. This experience exposed her to a completely different “stream.” As a result of swimming in a different stream, she was able to see well-being issues from a different perspective. She sought to understand why there is a vast difference between East and West in terms of the understanding of “well-be(com)ing” (Küpers 2005, 222). Küpers (2005) prefers the use of “well-be(com)ing” over well-being because “well-be(com)ing” emphasizes a dynamic and ongoing process of being “continuously created and changed in the course of being practised” (Küpers 2005, 222). In addition, Weiqi questions how societal structures and expectations construct and reinforce taken for granted understandings. This “new perspective” further informs her stance as a researcher.
Cross-Cultural: Swimming in a Different Stream
Being away from “my old stream” and being in an “I-do-not-know-where-I-am stream” was an eye-opening experience for me. In a Canadian primary school in Saskatoon, there was this “wheelchair girl.” She had some vision problems, so she needed a teaching aid to sit next to her to help her during lessons. In the class, the teaching aid learned with her and practised with her. Whenever it was necessary, the teaching aid explained, talking quietly, one-to-one with her. In a class of 20 students, everyone worked so peacefully together. But this was not what I had experienced. It seemed weird that what was “odd” to me was that I had never come across a student with disabilities in any of my previous classes. I did not know which part of the world they lived in. I was totally “blind” to those students. I began to ask myself; are we too focused on going upstream and ignorant that people are different, with diverse learning abilities and needs?
What is significant here is how swimming in a different stream enabled Weiqi to see her earlier experience quite differently. She was far away from home, in a Western context. She was shocked not by the “wheelchair girl” and her teaching aid—but by the realization that she had been completely “blind” to the diverse needs of students. What had previously seemed normal, now struck her as odd or weird. Weiqi’s stories of “going upstream” from a poor rural village and then “swimming in a different stream” show how realizations about societal structures and inequality deeply re-constructed her conceptions of student well-being (Alivernini et al. 2019; Jiang et al. 2024; White 2017). Students from rural areas in China may need to struggle, sacrifice, and study hard to “go upstream” and realize their future development (eudaimonic well-being), so their material lives can be better advanced (hedonistic well-being) (White 2017). Their aspirations and commitments to academic achievement play an important role in terms of having better opportunities for universities and employment (Ling et al. 2022). Those who achieve these standards receive greater recognition and appreciation from their families (Zhu et al. 2021). These findings resonate with Maslow’s (1943) theory that a student’s sense of well-being is deeply connected with their needs. In a Western (Canadian) context, students with different learning abilities and needs stood out for her and she realized the importance of supporting students’ diverse learning needs. Therefore, Maslow’s theory of Hierarchy of Needs can be viewed afresh based on different sociocultural environments. This explains the contextual, sociocultural, familial, and economic reasons why there is a trade-off between different needs (academic achievement and individual psychological well-being) when viewed through an Eastern lens (Ling et al. 2022). It is, in a sense, an intergenerational and temporal dialectical relationship—short-term pain now, in return for longer-term gain in the future.
The second theme which emerges from our findings is the importance of social wellbeing. Social structures appear on the surface of the narrative, as Weiqi reflects on “a very old classroom with cracked windows,” the trajectory of her family, the “wheelchair girl,” and her classmates, revealing the underlying social, political, and economic inequality. In this narrative, Weiqi’s conception of well-being has shifted yet again—from an individual and psychological perspective to a broader sociocultural and critical perspective. This shift might be described in Freire’s terms as a process of conscientization (Freire 1970), which is a process of coming to know. She is conceptualizing and reconceptualizing student well-being differently. Her shift to a very different and Western context in Canada exposed her to the importance of social structures and inequality that was previously “invisible” or taken for granted. A new vantage point offering a different perspective enabled her to see the familiar as unfamiliar. When she returned to her old pond, as a researcher, the old pond did not seem the same anymore. She has come to realize well-being is not only about perfecting self but also involves addressing the “imperfections” in the world and supporting diverse needs.
Transformations: “Leaping Over the Dragon Gate”
(Re)Visioning the familiar
I feel pride and a sense of homecoming in being a PhD candidate, back in my old school, conducting fieldwork for research. I grew up in this industrial town in China, but now I am studying at an internationally renowned university in Australia, and I have returned. This is a self-exploring and self-examining experience. I have come to trace back to my roots. I was sitting with one of my teacher participants, interviewing him about the importance of study and learning for Chinese secondary students. He emphasised students’ need to study well, so that they could leap over the Dragon Gate. I found myself nodding in silence. I cannot recall the first time I heard the Dragon Gate story. It is an ancient, mythical, and legendary story which tells of a carp making its transformation into a powerful dragon after leaping over the Dragon Gate. The Dragon Gate is located at the top of a waterfall descending from a legendary mountain. While many carp swim upstream against the river’s strong current, few are brave or capable enough to make a final leap over the waterfall. Later, at the end of my fieldwork, I have the opportunity to see the Dragon Gate ceremony at the school. The ceremony is designated for Year Nine students before they sit the
Returning to the old pond as a researcher, Weiqi heard the familiar Dragon Gate story and saw the traditional ceremony for
Déjà vu: The watchers
Time flashes back to six years ago, when there was this mother of one of my Year Five students, always sitting in the back of my classroom. Her daughter, Jing 静 was one of the cleverest and most hard-working students I had ever taught. Jing had no learning issues at all. But in the class, Jing’s mother learned with the students, and practised with the students, Jing might have been happy, but I was burdened. Jing’s mum was not a ten-year-old. She was not actually one of my students. So, I wondered, why was she really there? There were also more parents sitting at the back of the advanced Mathematics classrooms. They all seemed busy, taking notes, quiet, and deeply immersed in thoughts. I found myself wondering whether any one of them had ever anticipated that one day they would feel the need to be in school “learning” with their primary schoolers. Are they happy? It appeared to me that we had been strapped into fast racing education machines—and everyone was trying to get ahead of everyone else. These moms or dads weren’t just learners, or benign observers. They weren’t just watching over their own children—they were carefully and silently watching me too.
In this vignette, Weiqi touches upon another side of the excitement and cheerful enthusiasm; the scrutiny and distrust in the journey of pursuing individual accomplishment. Her split feelings between teachers’ judgments about good practice and students’ needs and performance rigor (Ball 2003) were still fresh. According to Ball (2003), these are the costs in terms of time and energy spent in a race for performativity. In Weiqi’s narrative, Jing’s mom and other parents “weren’t just learners, or benign observers”—they were the timekeepers of the race, which has burdened her as a teacher. Such effects are transferable to students because feeling obligated for achievement requires high degrees of emotional management, and exhaustion follows (Zhu et al. 2021). This also resonates with Ball’s (2003, 223) worry about “structural and individual schizophrenia of values and purpose, and the potential for inauthenticity and meaninglessness is increasingly an everyday experience” for students. These experiences caused Weiqi to further reflect on the true values and purposes of education. If we believe we really are operating within such a competitive race, what about the well-being and future of the less capable racers and those who begin the race from a different starting line?
Jamais vu: Seeing the unfamiliar
Of course, I am familiar with the phrase, “leaping over the Dragon Gate.” The story gives Chinese students a sense of purpose, meaning that all the hard work will be paid off once they become massive powerful dragons in the sky. They can enjoy the freedom and autonomy that they deserve to have. The story reminds us of the importance of resilience, persistence, and courage—having the tenacity to never give up. But at the same time, it does not quite “click” for me as it once did. The commitment to the mythology of the Dragon Gate has led to so much anxiety. Parents live with the fear that without outstanding educational success their children will not be able to attain a decent job. Many education institutions, including profit making businesses, try to target these aspirational “dragon kids” because the vision is happy, bright, and full of possibilities. In the clamour, promotion, and excitement, it is easy to forget that the myth tells us only few, exceptionally capable carp make it through the gate to transform into dragons. When I hear about people discussing the benefits of being a “dragon kid” (the perceived financial benefits, job stability, and social welfare), I am troubled. My world and my lived experiences collide with the words and ideas stuck in my head. Even as these experiences were unfolding, as I collected data, I tried to get them out, but I couldn’t. Education should be done in different ways—I wanted to tell them. Children have a variety of talents that we should discover and value. Children need more diverse opportunities to grow. Yet, how can I say these things? How can I make the argument with integrity and credibility when they see me as one little fish who has already leapt over the dragon gate? Certainly, the experiences of leaping one and another dragon gate have transformed me. Yet, if I leapt over the dragon gate some years ago, am I a dragon now? I doubt it. At the top of the gate, I have found there is another gate and the ponds keep evolving, growing bigger and bigger. It requires a strong sense of resilience to continue; therefore, I leap over, one by one, from a gate to a pond, from a pond to another gate. There are always other big fish and many other gates. I have changed, with more experiences, different understandings, and new perspectives; yet though I may be perceived as a dragon, I know I am still a small fish.
“Leaping over the dragon gate” highlights the third theme, where cross-cultural research calls for a transformative consciousness that examines the issue from multiple perspectives. As her stories evolved, Weiqi shifted her perspective of student well-being from the Chinese lens, to the Western lens, and back again, through which she also explored the individual and the sociocultural perspectives of well-being. As a fish that leapt over from a gate to a pond, from a pond to another gate, Weiqi reflected that she may still be a small fish, but she felt she was not the same fish. From her new perspective, she now questions the existence of “fish” and “dragons.” Furthermore, she knows that the images of the “ponds” and “gates,” as well as the necessity of “leaping,” represent inequalities caused by social structures. This is again what Freire (1970) talks about, learning to recognize social, political, and economic contradictions and act against oppressive elements of reality.
What is significant here is how swimming in different streams enabled Weiqi to shift her perspectives—perhaps not to a dragon, but to a different type of fish she metamorphosed. When others sought overseas degrees, Weiqi sought to see the differences between China and other countries. Now, as an academic, she seeks to understand and verbalize the differences. By experiencing the sociocultural contexts in different countries, Weiqi now thinks differently from the way that she once did. The aspirational carp “does not quite ‘click’ for me as it once did,” as Weiqi reflects. According to Mezirow (2006), transformative learning involves changing learners’ meaning perspectives, frames of reference, and habits of thought. Similarly, transformative learning can also be seen in Paulo Freire’s (1970) attempt to help liberate Brazilian agricultural workers by combining education and consciousness raising. Brookfield’s (2017) work challenging and re-shaping paradigmatic assumptions provides another illustration of these processes. This transformative perspective requires consciousness of social structures embedded in educational practices. This perspective challenges the tendency to see happiness as an individual responsibility (Harvey 2005) and to shift responsibility for social problems to individual treatments (Sointu 2005). This suggests that structural inequality should be given more attention in discussions of well-being and envisions an educational environment where appreciation, recognition, respect, and care are provided to support the thriving of students with diverse needs (Jiang et al. 2024). Therefore, a more equitable future can be built together by challenging and transforming traditional ways of reproducing social injustice and wellbeing inequality (Cummins 1996; Nieto 1999).
Fantasy and Fallacy: Concluding Thoughts
This study presents an international PhD candidate’s lived experiences in Eastern and Western educational systems and their impacts on students’ well-being. By combining autobiographical narrative with ethnographic analysis, it explores not only her own experience of well-being as a secondary student in the Chinese educational system, but also her ongoing reconceptualization/s of well-being. A rich tapestry of analysis is revealed to become personally meaningful, academically valuable, and socially impactful. Furthermore, the study bridges the gap between the subjective and the objective, providing a complex, comprehensive, and empathetic understanding of educational phenomena.
This autoethnography connects theoretical knowledge and practical application. By contextualizing theoretical concepts within personal experiences, researchers can better understand and apply these theories in real-world settings (Pithouse-Morgan et al. 2021). This integration of theory and practice enhances the relevance and impact of educational research (Pithouse-Morgan et al. 2021). This study begins with the contemplation that it is difficult to frame wellbeing in different languages. As a Chinese native speaker, Weiqi found it challenging to find a straightforward translation for “well-being” in her mother tongue. To speak about “the unspeakable,” we explore the fantasy of an aspirational carp transforming into a mighty dragon, offering a nuanced understanding of cultural and historical linguistic resources that the Chinese context provides. This linguistic complexity underscores the theoretical significance and methodological contributions of this research.
Fantasy can be a useful cultural artifact and methodological tool in ethnography research (Falconi and Graber 2019). As a form of storytelling, fantasy refers to the imagination or creation of scenarios, events, or worlds that are not real. It is not simply a reflection of realities, but is also actively constructed and reconstructed by individuals and communities to make sense of their world (Dorson 1973; Falconi and Graber 2019). It provides a significant window for ethnography researchers by shedding light on the diverse ways people construct and communicate their realities. This allows researchers to uncover deeper layers of meaning and contribute to a nuanced understanding of human societies (Dorson 1973; Falconi and Graber 2019).
Fantasy provides multiple functions within societies, including the transmission of cultural values, the reinforcement of social norms, and the preservation of social power (Falconi and Graber, 2019). It can be a source of enjoyment, creativity, inspiration, and aspirations, such as alluring to become a mighty dragon that leaps over the gate and brings glory to oneself and one’s family. As the fantasy unfolds, “while many carp swim upstream against the river’s strong current, few are brave or capable enough to make a final leap over the waterfall.”
However, a fantasy can also be a product of power relationships exerted on subjugated individuals to (re)construct knowledge and structures that benefit the more powerful in society (Foucault 1980). To the less powerful in society, sometimes, it inevitably becomes a falsehood, a fallacy, a mistaken belief, ultimately resulting in deception. Yet the fantasy can perpetuate a sense of self-blame and low self-esteem among less powerful students who are deemed not “brave or capable enough” to swim against strong currents. It is not fair for them to be seen as “stupid and lazy” (Wang 2022, 585) if their transformations cannot be realized within systemically inadequate and unequal social structures. Therefore, fantasy also represents creativity in response to inequality, but it may be liberatory or hegemonic, depending on how it is used or interpreted.
Using cultural and linguistic resources, it is important to acknowledge the social inequality and struggles of less powerful individuals for recognition and justice (Karimi 2017). Weiqi chose to become a researcher, a critical academic, examining social phenomena carefully, viewing them from a perspective different from that of the general public. She has obtained tools and words to analyse her “streams,” and to see her world afresh. She now sees the folly, the fallacy of deceiving ourselves or misleading others, particularly our children, by perpetuating a simplistic belief that their destinies are determined solely by their academic performance. Yet, ironically, she recognizes that it is her leaping and striving that has brought her to this place and developed these capabilities. She also sees how others, perhaps those still swimming hard, may perceive her as a dragon now, and see her truth, her words, as suspicious smoke and vapor from the dragon’s mouth.
Nevertheless, this personal account extends beyond individual uniqueness, highlighting broader sociocultural issues regarding how societal constructs shape individual well-being. This lived experience is not exclusive to the Chinese education system but echoes with the international education landscape. For instance, in Australia, Ho (2019) explores the issue of “angry Anglos and aspirational Asians,” reflecting the sentiment of “Anglo” students toward their Asian peers, who are perceived as excessively competitive. Ho (2019) finds that the problem arises not from Asian students’ aspiration for excellence in exams, but from the narrowing notion of “competence” caused by high-stakes testing. This leads to fear and anxiety arising among students who may feel deprived of opportunities and perceive themselves as “not competent enough” due to restrictive standards. This autoethnography illustrates a common societal issue—the increasing anxiety to conform to a narrowing definition of success and competence, often defined by high academic achievement and standardized testing (Clarke 2023), as the Dragon Gate does to the carp.
We conclude with the observation that individual and psychological well-being is clearly both contextual and fluid. Second, social inequality/ies should be considered in the discussions of student well-being. Third, taking a more interpretivist and postmodernist stance, we argue that it is critical to understand what well-being means to different individuals with differing experiences, cultural narratives, and social constructs. Future studies are suggested to better understand the meaning of well-being from multiple geographical, sociocultural, historical, and epistemological contexts (Küpers 2005).
However, it is not our intention to argue simplistically that different well-being experiences are sorely the result of cultural differences; nor that cultures are constraints on student well-being. Rather, we think it is time to think about the challenges of co-producing a new/different episteme for education (Collet-Sabé and Ball 2022). We agree with what McRobbie (2002, 131) writes, the “voice of pain is not enough. Without the wider web of social relations in which they are embedded, these testimonies exist merely as the stated truths of personal experience.” It is through identifying and appreciating these relational webs, that we are able to study human feelings with a more in-depth understanding of the historical and sociocultural elements of human emotions (Ellis 1991).
Footnotes
Acknowledgements
We sincerely appreciate exceptionally valuable comments and suggestions from reviewers, who helped us to improve the quality of the manuscript.
Declaration of Conflicting Interests
The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Funding
The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
