Between Feminism and Misogyny: The “Pick Me Girl” Discourse and Gender Policing Among Women on TikTok

Abstract

Social media platforms have become key sites where gender norms are negotiated and reproduced. The “pick me girl” label, widely circulated on TikTok, is used to describe women who seek male approval by distancing themselves from other women. While often framed as a critique of internalized misogyny, its circulation may also generate new forms of gender regulation. This study examines how the discourse operates within TikTok comment cultures. Using a qualitative approach combining thematic and discourse-oriented analysis of verbal and textual content, the study analyses comments from 360 videos collected via #pickmegirl, with engagement indicators providing contextual insight into platform visibility. The findings identify four dynamics: femininity oriented toward male validation, horizontal regulation among women, the construction of normative femininity through the “girls’ girl” contrast, and the emergence of self-surveillance. These findings show that the discourse functions as a platform-mediated form of gender regulation within digital peer cultures. The study contributes to research on digital misogyny, postfeminist media culture, and feminist social work.