Abstract
The memoir is divided into two distinctive yet interconnected parts, analyzing different phases of Thanuja's transition, pre- and post-transition. The introductory chapters delve into Thanuja's early life as a refugee from Jaffna, Sri Lanka; her family's escape to India; her struggles while separated from her parents; and her gender dysphoria. The first ten chapters highlight the aftermath of the Sri Lankan Civil War, as Thanuja's family flees to India without proper documentation before moving on to Germany. The reader is introduced to the experiences of refugees who lack citizenship and legal protection.
Coming out in a patriarchal society was challenging for Thanuja, as she grappled with her own gender identity. She had the urge to wear her sister's clothes at the age of three, and she writes, “everyone complimented my femininity. They thought it was some sort of game” (p.5). The author illustrates how she was abused, beaten, and perceived as an object of ridicule by her family when they discovered her effeminacy. To ensure that her “effeminacy disappeared and masculinity sprang forth” (p.25), Thanuja was compelled to engage in activities typically associated with men and was punished if she did not comply. The author also discusses her sexual encounters, abuses, and acts of violence that she endured while in India and Germany.
Part Two of the memoir delves into the heart of her gender transition journey. After enduring persistent battles with her inner self, her family, and societal expectations, she undergoes gender reassignment surgery, finally becoming a woman. The author shares insights into the dynamics of the transgender community, including its norms and politics. Post-surgery, she embraces her womanhood and strives to live as a woman, yet she faces challenges due to society's narrow view of gender. This struggle is highlighted when she is denied opportunities in various offices because she is a transwoman. Readers observe not only Thanuja's journey of self-acceptance but also the evolution of her family's respect for her gender identity. The final chapters emphasize the author's quest to dismantle the stereotype that equates transwomen solely with sex work. Although she initially found herself involved in sex work, she ultimately managed to break free from it. As she writes, “I must study well and find a job that will let me live life with self-respect” (p.200), thereby voicing the needs of the overall trans community at present. She concludes her memoir by stating that “we will have to continue our struggles until the world treats transwoman as equals” (p. 201), where she hopes for a society and a nation that accepts multiple gendered identities rather than two genders.
Through her memoir, Thanuja addresses not only her struggles but also the community to which she belongs. She questions the reluctance of institutions, families, and societies to accept differences or change. With her raw and unflinching language, she gives voice to the experiences of voiceless and subaltern communities, often marginalized and excluded from mainstream discourse, relationships, and activities. The memoir offers practical discussions on how humanizing the experiences of gender transition can challenge existing societal norms and transphobia. Kiran Keshavamurthy's translation is commendable for preserving the overall tone of Thanuja's prose. Overall,
