Abstract
Efforts to challenge the culture of silence and shame around the prevalent experience of pregnancy loss are gaining momentum in media, research, policy, and practice. While there are numerous books on pregnancy loss, few offer a therapeutic guide on what specifically to do to move forward. In response to finding a lack of adequate resources after her own reproductive losses, Wenzel offers evidence-based tools and suggestions for how to cope and find meaning following the devastation of reproductive loss or trauma.
Wenzel presents a rough timeline for the grief process with the first two chapters covering the nature of grief and tools for surviving the subsequent weeks. In the remaining chapters, she offers guidance for exploring ways to reconnect to life, using cognitive behavioral and mindfulness strategies for managing disturbing thoughts and creating space for perspective and meaning.
Mainly addressing the reader as a professional clinician, a major strength of the book is that Wenzel uses her personal experiences of pregnancy loss to offer empathy and guidance on the difficulties in adjusting to a “new normal” reality. For example, she discusses how to share the news of loss with others and recognizes the minefield of their well-meaning, yet at times harmful, responses. She also repeats hopeful, yet realistic messages throughout the book, emphasizing that while there may not be a way to “get over” a loss, there are ways to create a fulfilling life no matter how one’s reproductive situation unfolds—successfully applying the tools and strategies on herself during her own grief process.
Wenzel took on a massive, admirable task by creating a resource that may apply to a wide-audience experiencing reproductive loss. There are, however, notable omissions. The book makes no mention of race, sexual orientation, or economic situations, all of which may shape the experience of grief. As a reader, I was taken aback by assumptions about the life circumstances or resources that are available to someone grieving a reproductive loss. For example, she suggests that a reader can think of a happy place, like the “location of your annual family vacations” (p. 50), and later assumes an individual will have no trouble arranging time off work. I have worked with many bereaved clients who, because they lack access to such resources or flexible work arrangements, could feel alienated or shamed by these suggestions. Thankfully, she encourages readers to choose which suggestions suit their experiences, acknowledging that there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to healing from loss.
This book may be useful to individuals or couples who are in the depths of grief, feeling numb, or paralyzed in their new reality and cannot imagine how to take care of themselves or reengage life. In addition, social work clinicians and other practitioners may find the work sheets and activities useful for bereaved clients, especially if they mindfully adapt the material to suit their client’s circumstances. Although Wenzel does not write from an overtly feminist or critical perspective, she offers a practical resource for the painful and disorienting experience of reproductive loss or trauma.