Parents’ perfectionistic tendencies predicted early relationship skills: Children’s forgiveness as a mediator

Abstract

Parents have been assumed to play a vital role in children’s interpersonal relationships. However, little is known on whether different expressions of performance expectations by mothers and fathers uniquely contribute to young children’s relationship skills and what the underlying mechanisms are. Considering that forgiveness can facilitate relationship maintenance, this longitudinal study examined whether children’s forgiveness mediated the relations of mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns with young children’s relationship skills. Mothers and fathers of 226 kindergarten children in Hong Kong were recruited to complete a questionnaire at three time points at a 6-month lag between time points. Results of structural equation modeling showed that mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings about children’s performance were positively associated with children’s relationship skills via children’s forgiveness. In contrast, mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic concerns about children’s performance were negatively associated with children’s relationship skills via children’s forgiveness. These findings imply that it is worthwhile to help both mothers and fathers adopt constructive ways to express their high expectations and remind them of the importance of children’s forgiveness in fostering relationship skills.

Keywords

Perfectionistic tendencies forgiveness relationship skills parents young children

Relationship skills refer to the ability to build and maintain collaborative and supportive relationships with different people (Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning [CASEL], 2015). Given that positive peer relationships in early childhood are crucial for children’s healthy socio-emotional development (Hazen & Brownell, 1999; Kochenderfer-Ladd & Ladd, 2019), it is imperative to identify the factors associated with young children’s relationship skills. Forgiveness is a personal disposition likely to contribute to relationship skills, as it can buffer against negative affect arising from interpersonal conflict, thereby facilitating relationship maintenance (Scobie & Scobie, 2000; van der Wal et al., 2016). In the literature, there is evidence to support the benefits of children’s forgiveness on their interpersonal relationships. For instance, van der Wal et al. (2014) showed that elementary school children’s forgiveness was positively associated with their prosocial behaviors toward an offending peer. Flanagan et al. (2012) found that middle school children’s forgiveness had a negative correlation with revenge seeking and a positive correlation with conflict resolution. However, little research attention has been devoted to the relation between forgiveness and relationship skills among young children. Further investigations are thus necessary to examine whether such a relation exists.

As one of the important socialization agents, parents are believed to play a vital role in young children’s socio-emotional development, including the cultivation of forgiveness and relationship skills. Prior research suggests that when parents hold high expectations about their children’s performance, children tend to develop better social skills. For example, Holloway and Reichhart-Erickson (1989) showed that mothers’ expectations for early acquisition of social skills were associated with better social competence in their young children. Similarly, Ren and Edwards (2015) revealed that when parents expected children to acquire social-emotional skills at early ages, their preschool children were inclined to be more socially competent. However, it should be noted that different ways of conveying high expectations may have differential effects on children. Specifically, research on family perfectionism (e.g., S. K. Cheung et al., 2024; Madjar et al., 2015; K. T. Wang, 2010; H. Yang et al., 2016) suggests that parents’ perfectionistic tendencies can be divided into two types: perfectionistic strivings (sometimes also termed as adaptive perfectionism, positive perfectionism, family standards, and parental expectations) and perfectionistic concerns (sometimes also termed as maladaptive perfectionism, negative perfectionism, family discrepancy, and parental criticism). Parents who are high in perfectionistic strivings about their children’s performance (i.e., those who set high performance standards for their children) are likely to promote their positive development (S. K. Cheung et al., 2023; Madjar et al., 2015). In contrast, when parents are high in perfectionistic concerns about their children’s performance (i.e., focusing on their inability to meet the performance standards most of the time), their children are likely to have negative developmental outcomes (S. K. Cheung et al., 2023; L. Wang et al., 2018). Given that the roles of mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns in early socio-emotional development have hardly been studied, and that forgiveness can enhance the maintenance of interpersonal relationships, the present study aimed to examine these relations longitudinally in early childhood.

The Role of Parents in Children’s Forgiveness and Interpersonal Relationships

According to social cognitive theory (Bandura, 1989, 1999), children learn values and social behaviors from parents through modeling and instruction. Similarly, parenting theorists such as Baumrind (1967) proposed that children’s socio-emotional behaviors were a result of the parenting styles they are exposed to at home. Specifically, authoritative parenting style, as characterized by high levels of responsiveness and demandingness, is associated with young children’s self-reliance and self-control (Baumrind, 1967). In contrast, authoritarian parenting style, as characterized by low levels of responsiveness and high levels of demandingness, is associated with young children’s discontent, distrust, and withdrawal behaviors (Baumrind, 1967). Young children raised with permissive parenting style, as characterized by low levels of responsiveness and high levels of demandingness, are often perceived as dependent and immature (Baumrind, 1967). Consequently, parents are influential in children’s socio-emotional development, including their ability to form and maintain relationships and their propensity to forgive others.

To date, numerous studies have shown that parents contribute to their children’s interpersonal relationships. For example, Batool and Lewis (2022) indicated that parents’ adoption of supportive and compassionate parenting practices was associated with better friendship quality in their adolescent children. Similarly, Blair and Perry (2019) found that maternal and paternal sensitivity predicted elementary school children’s cooperative skills, which in turn enhanced their friendship interactions and friendship quality. Dickson et al. (2018) revealed that parents’ psychological control increased the risk of friendship dissolution in their elementary school children. In the face of the COVID-19 pandemic, R. Y. M. Cheung and Wang (2022) found that mothers’ mindful parenting was associated with young children’s greater prosocial behaviors (see also R. Y. M. Cheung et al., 2021, for similar findings before the COVID-19 pandemic).

Comparatively, much less research attention has been devoted to the role of parents in children’s forgiveness. Of the few existing studies, Gu and Kwok (2020) revealed that parental use of inductive discipline was positively associated with their preschool children’s forgiveness. On the contrary, parental use of strong power-assertive discipline was negatively correlated with their preschool children’s forgiveness (Gu & Kwok, 2020). Similarly, Neal (2006) found that parents’ adoption of positive parenting practices predicted their elementary school children’s propensity to forgive. Among early adolescents, Rodrigues et al. (2024) revealed that greater attachment security to parents was related to higher levels of forgiveness exhibited in early adolescence. Similarly, Maio et al. (2008) found that parents’ forgiveness of their children was positively associated with their adolescent children’s forgiveness tendencies. Despite the existing findings, little is still known regarding how parents’ perfectionistic tendencies are associated with their young children’s forgiveness and relationship skills.

Outcomes Associated With Different Types of Parental Perfectionistic Tendencies

In the literature, only a handful of studies explored the impact brought by different types of parental perfectionistic tendencies. For instance, Greblo and Bratko (2014) focused on the role of parental perfectionistic tendencies in parenting styles and practices and found that parents’ positive perfectionism, that is, comparable to perfectionistic strivings, predicted their acceptance toward children. Parents’ negative perfectionism, that is, comparable to perfectionistic concerns, was associated with lower levels of acceptance and higher levels of criticism toward children (Greblo & Bratko, 2014). Other studies similarly showed differential effects of parents’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns on socio-emotional development. For example, Damian et al. (2013) revealed that the higher the level of parental expectations, that is, similar to perfectionistic strivings, the greater the adolescent children’s increased tendency to fulfill others’ perfectionistic expectations over time. On the contrary, Fung et al. (2023) found that parental criticism, that is, similar to perfectionistic concerns, was positively associated with their adolescent children’s self-coldness, internalizing behaviors, and externalizing behaviors. In emerging adulthood, Rice et al. (2005) also found that parental criticism was positively associated with college students’ attachment anxiety. Navarez and Cayubit (2011) showed that parental criticism was negatively associated with college students’ agreeableness, whereas Filippello et al. (2021) revealed that family discrepancy, that is, parents’ perfectionistic concerns, was negatively associated with university students’ self-esteem. Based on the above, various researchers have examined perfectionistic tendencies through different perspectives and terminologies. However, the relations between parental perfectionistic tendencies, including strivings and concerns, and young children’s socio-emotional behaviors remain unexplored.

The Present Study

This longitudinal study was based on data collected from Hong Kong families at three time points, with the goal of exploring whether mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns were associated with young children’s later relationship skills via forgiveness. The study advances the literature in two ways. First, prior research on family perfectionism did not always include both mothers and fathers as participants. The present study examined the effects of mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns separately. Second, among previous studies on the outcomes associated with parental perfectionistic tendencies and those on the relation between forgiveness and relationship skills, young children were rarely the focus. Our study can address these research gaps.

Given that virtues preserving social harmony such as forgiveness are highly valued in the Chinese culture (Ho & Worthington, 2020), it is likely that parents high in perfectionistic strivings would set reasonably high behavioral and moral standards for their children (K. T. Wang, 2010; H. Yang et al., 2016), which could foster children’s forgiving behaviors. In view of evidence that forgiveness facilitates relationship maintenance (Flanagan et al., 2012; van der Wal et al., 2014), we further hypothesized that mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings would be positively associated with young children’s relationship skills through young children’s forgiveness. On the contrary, when parents are high in perfectionistic concerns, they would often criticize their children for not meeting their behavioral standards (K. T. Wang, 2010; H. Yang et al., 2016). Based on social cognitive theory (Bandura, 1989, 1999), children may imitate the unforgiving behaviors of their parents and may not forgive others who cannot meet their expectations. Therefore, we hypothesized that mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic concerns were negatively associated with young children’s relationship skills through young children’s forgiveness. Figure 1 presents our proposed model which summarizes the above hypotheses.

Figure 1.

Proposed Model of the Relations Between Parents’ Perfectionistic Tendencies and Young Children’s Forgiveness and Relationship Skills.

Method

Participants and Procedures

The data of this study came from a larger longitudinal study about the effects of family dynamics on early socio-emotional development. Two hundred and twenty-six first-year kindergarten children (43.9% boys; M = 3.89 years old, SD = .34), along with both their mothers and fathers, were recruited in Hong Kong through local kindergartens to participate in the study at Time 1. All of the participants were ethnically Chinese. About 3.1% of the children came from families who resided with one of the parents, but both their mothers and fathers participated in the study. According to the 2021 Population Census in Hong Kong (Census and Statistics Department, 2023b), the rate of single parents in our data was lower than that of single parents to persons living with children under 18 years old, which amounted to 6.3%. The median monthly family income of the participating families was HK$30,001 to HK$40,000 (approximately US$3,846.3 to US$5,128.2), which is comparable to the median monthly income of economically active households found in the 2021 Population Census in Hong Kong, that is, HK$34,650 (approximately US$4,464.4; Census and Statistics Department, 2023a). Taken together, our sample was somewhat representative of the broader population in Hong Kong. All of the participants participated in all three time points.

Our study was approved by the Human Research Ethics Committee at The Education University of Hong Kong (ref. no.: 2020-2021-0418) and was conducted in accordance with the ethical principles of the American Psychological Association. Written informed consent was obtained from participating kindergartens and parents before data collection. Mothers and fathers were asked to complete a questionnaire about themselves and their children three times at approximately 6 months apart. Upon completing a questionnaire at each time point, participating parents were compensated with an HK$50 (approximately US$6.43) supermarket coupon.

Measures

Parents’ Perfectionistic Tendencies About Children’s Performance

Following S. K. Cheung et al. (2024) and H. Yang et al. (2016), the short form of the Revised Almost Perfect Scale (Rice et al., 2014) was adapted to measure parents’ perfectionistic tendencies about their children’s performance at Time 1. The scale has a total of eight items and contains two subscales, which refer to perfectionistic strivings (four items) and perfectionistic concerns (four items). Parents rated their experiences when working with their children on a seven-point scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree). Sample items included “Have high expectations” (perfectionistic strivings) and “Often feel disappointment with my child after completing a task because I know he or she could have done better” (perfectionistic concerns). The scale was translated into Chinese by two independent researchers via back-translation procedures (Brislin, 1970) to ensure clarity and accuracy. Items were averaged, with a higher score indicating a higher level of parents’ perfectionistic strivings/concerns toward their children. The scale obtained good internal consistencies (Cronbach’s alphas for mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings = .86 and .87, respectively; Cronbach’s alphas for mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic concerns = .82 and .79, respectively).

Children’s Forgiveness

The Forgiveness of Others subscale of the Heartland Forgiveness Scale (Thompson et al., 2005) was used to measure children’s level of forgiveness at Time 2 (T2). It contains six items, of which mothers and fathers rated on a seven-point scale from 1 (almost always false) to 7 (almost always true). Sample items included “My children continue to be hard on others who have hurt him or her” and “When someone disappoints my child, he or she can eventually move past it.” Item scores were averaged to obtain a total score of children’s forgiveness level. In the present study, Cronbach’s alphas were .68 for mothers’ ratings and .64 for fathers’ ratings.

Children’s Relationship Skills

The Relationship Skills subscale of the Social Skills Improvement System Social Emotional Learning Brief Scales—Preschool Forms (Anthony et al., 2020) was used in Time 1 (T1) and Time 3 (T3). This subscale has four items, which mothers and fathers rated on a four-point scale from 1 (Never) to 4 (Most of the time) according to their children’s behaviors separately. Following the back-translation procedures (Brislin, 1970), the scale was translated into Chinese by two independent researchers to ensure clarity and accuracy. Sample items included “Interacts well with other children” and “Invites others to join in activities.” Item scores were averaged to obtain a score of children’s relationship skills. The subscale obtained adequate internal consistencies throughout the time points, with Cronbach’s alphas ranging from .81 to .85.

Data Analyses

First, descriptive statistics and bivariate correlations between the observed variables were examined. Then, structural equation modeling was performed using the R package lavaan (Rosseel, 2012). Specifically, latent variables of T2 children’s forgiveness and T1 and T2 children’s relationship skills were created using mothers’ and fathers’ ratings as manifest indicators. The mediating effects of T2 children’s forgiveness in the relations of T1 mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns with T3 children’s relationship skills were then assessed, after controlling for the effects of children’s gender and T1 children’s relationship skills. To account for shared reporter and shared measurement variance, residual variances were allowed to covary between time points for children’s relationship skills within the same reporter and within the same time point for the manifest variables between reporters. As bootstrapping yields more accurate indirect effect standard error estimates than do other methods (Shrout & Bolger, 2002), bootstrapping was used to determine the mediation effects.

Results

Preliminary Analysis

Tables 1 and 2 present the descriptive statistics and bivariate correlations between the observed variables, respectively. As shown in Table 2, T1 mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings did not have any significant zero-order correlations with the child variables. T1 mothers’ perfectionistic concerns had significant negative correlations with mothers’ and fathers’ ratings of children’s forgiveness at T2 and children’s relationship skills at T1 and T3. T1 fathers’ perfectionistic concerns had significant negative correlations with fathers’ and mothers’ ratings of children’s forgiveness at T2 and fathers’ ratings of children’s relationship skills at T1 and T3. T1 fathers’ perfectionistic concerns were not significantly associated with mothers’ ratings of children’s relationship skills at T1 and T3.

Table 1.

Descriptive Statistics of Observed Variables (N = 226).

Variables	M	SD	Min	Max	Skewness	Kurtosis
Mothers’ perfectionistic tendencies (Time 1)
Perfectionistic strivings	4.11	1.03	1	7	0.03	0.09
Perfectionistic concerns	2.73	1.07	1	7	0.69	0.62
Fathers’ perfectionistic tendencies (Time 1)
Perfectionistic strivings	4.06	1.12	1	7	–0.40	0.45
Perfectionistic concerns	2.95	1.10	1	7	0.36	0.17
Children’s forgiveness (Time 2)
Mothers’ ratings	4.95	0.79	3	7	0.42	–0.37
Fathers’ ratings	4.74	0.72	3.33	7	0.60	–0.33
Children’s relationship skills (Time 1)
Mothers’ ratings	3.04	0.67	1	4	–0.34	–0.63
Fathers’ ratings	2.92	0.66	1	4	–0.24	–0.34
Children’s relationship skills (Time 3)
Mothers’ ratings	3.13	0.65	1.75	4	–0.26	–1.01
Fathers’ ratings	2.94	0.64	1.75	4	0.11	–0.93

Table 2.

Bivariate Correlations Between Observed Variables (N = 226).

Variables	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10
1. Mothers’ perfectionistic strivings (Time 1)	–	–	–	–	–	–	–	–	–	–
2. Mothers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	.41***	–	–	–	–	–	–	–	–	–
3. Fathers’ perfectionistic strivings (Time 1)	.35***	.18*	–	–	–	–	–	–	–	–
4. Fathers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	.23**	.37***	.40***	–	–	–	–	–	–	–
5. Children’s forgiveness—Mothers’ ratings (Time 2)	.04	–.29***	.14	–.18*	–	–	–	–	–	–
6. Children’s forgiveness—Fathers’ ratings (Time 2)	.07	–.25***	.00	–.31***	.47***	–	–	–	–	–
7. Children’s relationship skills—Mothers’ ratings (Time 1)	.04	–.32***	–.08	–.12	.26***	.13	–	–	–	–
8. Children’s relationship skills—Fathers’ ratings (Time 1)	–.04	–.22**	–.09	–.29***	.15*	.12	.49***	–	–	–
9. Children’s relationship skills—Mothers’ ratings (Time 3)	.00	–.28***	–.09	–.14	.39***	.25***	.59***	.44***	–	–
10.Children’s relationship skills—Fathers’ ratings (Time 3)	.02	–.16*	–.04	–.21**	.20**	.29***	.33***	.49***	.60***	–

p < .05; **p < .01; ***p < .001.

Structural Equation Modeling

The structural equation model fit adequately to the data, χ²(16) = 29.91, p = .02, comparative fit index (CFI) = .97, Tucker–Lewis index (TLI) = .91, root mean square error of approximation (RMSEA) = .06, and standardized root mean square residual (SRMR) = .03 (see Figure 2). In the measurement model, the latent variables of T2 children’s forgiveness and T1 and T3 children’s relationship skills were significantly associated with the respective mother and father indicators, ps < .001 (see Table 3). In the structural model, after controlling for children’s gender, T1 mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings were positively correlated with T2 children’s forgiveness (β = .21, p = .02 and β = .29, p = .01, respectively). T1 mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic concerns were negatively correlated with T2 children’s forgiveness (β = −.41 and −.35, ps < .001, respectively). Meanwhile, after controlling for children’s gender and T1 children’s relationship skills, T2 children’s forgiveness was positively related to T3 children’s relationship skills (β = .48, p < .001). T1 mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns were not significant correlates of T3 children’s relationship skills.

Figure 2.

Final Model of the Relations Between Parents’ Perfectionistic Tendencies and Young Children’s Forgiveness and Relationship Skills (N = 226).

Table 3.

Parameter Estimates of the Final Model (N = 226).

Parameters	Unstandardized B (SE)	Standardized β	95% confidence interval
Measurement model
Children’s forgiveness (Time 2)
→ Mothers’ ratings	1.00^a	.71***	1.00, 1.00
→ Fathers’ ratings	.84(.15)	.66***	.49, 1.54
Children’s relationship skills (Time 1)
→ Mothers’ ratings	1.00^a	.80***	1.00, 1.00
→ Fathers’ ratings	.78 (.22)	.63***	.01, 1.58
Children’s relationship skills (Time 3)
→ Mothers’ ratings	1.00^a	.97***	1.00, 1.00
→ Fathers’ ratings	.62 (.14)	.61***	.01, .99
Structural model
Mothers’ perfectionistic strivings (Time 1)
→ Children’s forgiveness (Time 2)	.11 (.05)	.21*	–.02, .22
→ Children’s relationship skills (Time 3)	–.01 (.06)	–.01	–.21, .10
Mothers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)
→ Children’s forgiveness (Time 2)	–.22 (.05)	–.41***	–.34, –.09
→ Children’s relationship skills (Time 3)	.08 (.07)	.14	–.04, 1.41
Fathers’ perfectionistic strivings (Time 1)
→ Children’s forgiveness (Time 2)	.14(.05)	.29**	.01, .27
→ Children’s relationship skills (Time 3)	–.09 (.05)	–.17	–.21, .01
Fathers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)
→ Children’s forgiveness (Time 2)	–.18 (.05)	–.35***	–.29, –.05
→ Children’s relationship skills (Time 3)	.06 (.05)	.10	–.07, .19
Children’s forgiveness (Time 2)
→ Children’s relationship skills (Time 3)	.53 (.13)	.48***	.30, 1.13
Children’s relationship skills (Time 1)
→ Children’s relationship skills (Time 3)	.72 (.12)	.63***	.39, .98
Children’s gender (0 = boy; 1 = girl)
→ Children’s forgiveness (Time 2)	–.08 (.10)	–.07	–.31, .11
→ Children’s relationship skills (Time 3)	.07 (.08)	.05	–.15, .23
Covariances
Mothers’ perfectionist strivings (Time 1)
←→ Mothers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	.45 (.08)	.41***	.26, .64
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic strivings (Time 1)	.39 (.09)	.34***	.19, .59
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	.23 (.08)	.21**	.04, .44
Mothers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic strivings (Time 1)	.20 (.09)	.17*	.00, .40
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	.44 (.09)	.38***	.24, .75
Fathers’ perfectionistic strivings (Time 1)
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	.47 (.09)	.39***	.23, .70
Children’s gender (0 = boy; 1 = girl)
←→ Mothers’ perfectionist strivings (Time 1)	–.01 (.04)	–.02	–.09, .06
←→ Mothers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	–.09 (.04)	–.17*	–.18, –.03
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic strivings (Time 1)	.05 (.04)	.10	–.03, .13
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	–.07 (.04)	–.14	–.16, .00
←→ Children’s relationship skills (Time 1)	–.06 (.02)	.22*	.02, .12
Children’s relationship skills (Time 1)
←→ Mothers’ perfectionist strivings (Time 1)	–.03 (.06)	–.06	–.42, .06
←→ Mothers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	–.22 (.08)	–.38**	–4.35, –.09
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic strivings (Time 1)	–.06 (.05)	–.10	–.17, .04
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	–.09 (.05)	–.16	–.21, .03
Children’s relationship skills—Mothers’ ratings (Time 1)
←→ Mothers’ perfectionist strivings (Time 1)	.06 (.05)	.16	–.03, .22
←→ Mothers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	–.01 (.07)	–.02	–.11, 3.21
←→ Children’s relationship skills—Mothers’ ratings (Time 3)	.02 (.05)	.29	–25.22, .11
Children’s relationship skills—Fathers’ ratings (Time 1)
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic strivings (Time 1)	–.01 (.05)	–.10	–.13, .12
←→ Fathers’ perfectionistic concerns (Time 1)	–.12 (.05)	–.22*	–.27, –.01
←→ Children’s relationship skills—Fathers’ ratings (Time 3)	.08 (.03)	.33**	.01, .19

Parameter was fixed to 1.00.

p < .05; **p < .01; ***p < .001.

Based on 10,000 bootstrap samples with replacement, the 95% confidence interval (CI) indicated that the standardized indirect relations between T1 mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and T3 children’s relationship skills did not include zeros (CI_{mothers’ perfectionistic strivings} = [.006, .159]; CI_{fathers’ perfectionistic strivings} = [.020, .200]). Therefore, T2 children’s forgiveness mediated the relations of T1 mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings with T3 children’s relationship skills. In addition, the 95% CI indicated that the standardized indirect relations between T1 mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic concerns and T3 children’s relationship skills did not include zeros (CI_{mothers’ perfectionistic concerns}: [−.252, −.051]; CI_{fathers’ perfectionistic concerns}: [−.241, −.031]). Therefore, T2 children’s forgiveness mediated the relations of T1 mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic concerns with T3 children’s relationship skills.

Discussion

This longitudinal study sought to examine whether young children’s forgiveness mediated the relations of parents’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns with young children’s relationship skills. The findings showed that mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns were all associated with young children’s relationship skills through young children’s forgiveness. There were no direct links from mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns to young children’s relationship skills.

In line with our hypotheses and prior research demonstrating the benefits of parents’ perfectionistic strivings (e.g., S. K. Cheung et al., 2023; Madjar et al., 2015; L. Wang et al., 2018), this study found that mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings were positively linked with young children’s relationship skills through young children’s forgiveness. One plausible explanation is that being forgiving of others is a virtue that is valued in Chinese societies (Ho & Worthington, 2020). As such, Chinese parents are likely to incorporate “being forgiving” into the performance standards they set for their children. This cultivation of forgiveness in turn facilitates children to maintain their interpersonal relationships after the occurrence of conflicts (Flanagan et al., 2012; van der Wal et al., 2014).

Mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic concerns, on the contrary, were shown to be negatively related to young children’s relationship skills through young children’s forgiveness in the present study. These findings not only align with our initial predictions but also echo with the existing literature regarding the devastating effects brought by parents’ perfectionistic concerns on child development (S. K. Cheung et al., 2023; Madjar et al., 2015; L. Wang et al., 2018). Social cognitive theory (Bandura, 1989, 1999) can indeed be applied to account for the mediating role of children’s forgiveness for the negative relation between parents’ perfectionistic concerns and children’s relationship skills. When parents are high in perfectionistic concerns about their children’s performance, they are likely to frequently criticize their children for not meeting the high performance standards set by them. Consequently, children might model their parents’ critical behaviors and be unforgiving of others, making them difficult to maintain good interpersonal relationships.

It is worth noting that there are no direct paths from mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns to young children’s relationship skills in our final model. In other words, young children’s forgiveness has fully mediated the relations between parents’ different perfectionistic tendencies and young children’s relationship skills. Due to young children’s relatively strong egocentrism and weak inhibitory control, peer conflicts are common during early childhood (Chen et al., 2001). Forgiveness may have played an important role in young children’s interpersonal relationships, as it is a powerful force for repairing strained relationships. As a result, when parents cultivate forgiveness in expressing performance expectations for their young children, their children are more likely to maintain good relationships with others.

Another important point to note is that mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns have unique contributions to young children’s relationship skills. These results suggest that both mothers’ and fathers’ performance expectations are crucial for young children’s forgiveness and relationship skills, and they echo with the existing literature that highlights the importance of mother and father involvement for positive early childhood development (Diniz et al., 2021; I. Y. Wang & Cheung, 2023). A closer examination at the standardized beta coefficients of the paths in our final model reveals that fathers’ perfectionistic strivings appear to have a stronger link with young children’s forgiveness than did mothers’ perfectionistic strivings. In a Chinese society that emphasizes the role of fathers in child discipline, perhaps fathers’ perfectionistic strivings (e.g., having high expectations for the child) are more crucial than mothers’ perfectionistic strivings for child development. As captured by Confucian classics, e.g., “a child misconduct is the father’s fault” (“養不教, 父之過”), the standards set by fathers may be particularly conducive to child adjustment. Mothers’ perfectionistic concerns, on the contrary, had a stronger link with young children’s forgiveness than did fathers’ perfectionistic concerns. Given mothers are often the primary caregiver of their young children (Y. Yang, 2023), perhaps they have more opportunities to model unforgiving behavior. Hence, mothers’ perfectionistic concerns might be more strongly associated with children’s lower forgiveness than fathers’ perfectionistic concerns.

When interpreting the findings of this study, there are two issues to bear in mind. On one hand, our results are correlational in nature, and no conclusion about causality between the variables under investigation can be drawn. On the other hand, the participants of the present study were Chinese kindergarten children and their parents. It is uncertain whether the patterns of relations reported in the current study can be generalizable to families with older children and families from other cultural backgrounds. As children age, they often become more capable of empathizing with offending peers and regulating their own emotions, leading them to be more capable of forgiving (van der Wal et al., 2017). We therefore speculate that the relation between forgiveness and relationship skills may still be significant but potentially weaker among older children. Considering that forgiveness may be less emphasized in the performance standards set by parents for children from individualistic cultures, we predict that the relation between parents’ perfectionistic strivings and young children’s forgiveness may be weaker. In societies where father involvement is less common, the relations between fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns and children’s forgiveness may also be weaker than what we observed in the present study. Further investigations, however, are required to determine the validity of all these speculations.

The findings of our study carry two important implications. First, given the critical role of forgiveness in the development of relationship skills in young children, it is advisable to help parents appreciate the importance of forgiveness for restoring and maintaining interpersonal relationships and provide parents with strategies of how to foster young children’s forgiveness. Second, given the unique contributions of mothers’ as well as fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns about children’s performance to children’s forgiveness, early childhood educators and family workers should reiterate to both mothers and fathers the importance of expressing their expectations for children’s performance in a constructive manner. Furthermore, mothers and fathers should be taught how to set high yet reasonable standards for their children’s socio-emotional behaviors. It is also necessary to remind them to avoid criticizing their children without providing clear guidance when their children fail to meet their performance standards.

Limitations and Future Directions

The present study had several limitations. First, the scale assessing children’s forgiveness only showed a fair internal consistency at Time 2 (Cronbach’s alphas = .64 for fathers’ ratings and .68 for mothers’ ratings). Second, this study focused on the roles played by parents’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns about children’s performance and did not consider parents’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns toward themselves. Third, we just asked parents to report their children’s forgiveness of others. No data were collected regarding children’s forgiveness of self and forgiveness of situations—two other types of forgiveness proposed by Thompson et al. (2005). As a result, we are unable to examine the effects of parents’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns on the three types of forgiveness separately, and the effects of the three types of forgiveness on children’s relationship skills. Fourth, although mother and father indicators loaded significantly on the latent variables in the structural equation model, the magnitude of the loadings differ. Future studies may investigate why and how mothers and fathers differ in their reports of children’s forgiveness and relationship skills. More work is also needed on whether demographic variables such as parents’ age, marital status, and socioeconomic status may serve as moderators of the link between parents’ perfectionistic tendency and children’s socio-emotional functioning. Finally, we focused merely on one type of socio-emotional competencies, that is, relationship skills, and relied on parents’ reports in measuring this construct.

In the future, researchers can examine how parents’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns about themselves and their children may be associated with different types of forgiveness. Teacher ratings of children’s socio-emotional competencies and interviews with children on their forgiveness can also be used. Finally, future studies can explore how mothers’ and fathers’ perfectionistic strivings and concerns contribute to the developmental trajectory of relationship skills as well as other types of socio-emotional outcomes, such as social awareness (CASEL, 2015).

To conclude, this study provides support for the critical roles played by mothers and fathers in the development of forgiveness and relationship skills. It demonstrates that different ways of conveying high performance expectations to children can result in different developmental outcomes. As such, it is of utmost importance to help mothers as well as fathers recognize the effective ways to communicate with their young children to promote early relationship skills.

Footnotes

Funding

The author(s) disclosed receipt of the following financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article: The study was funded by the Research Impact Cluster Fund from the Department of Early Childhood Education, The Education University of Hong Kong.

ORCID iDs

Sum Kwing Cheung

Rebecca Y. M. Cheung

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