This paper describes a new simulation tool that the authors (seriously) have named the Hideous Function. An application required a function that had certain erratic properties which are inherent in operating machinery. The problem was to generate a random- Zooking function that was actually a predictable single-valued function of time. Since the function would be evaluated in a digital computer, polynomials were used as the primary building blocks. Hideous Functions have proved useful in training simulators because they require less memory and lower processing speed than other approaches. The particular applica tion treated in this paper is the generation of pseu dosonar signals for use in antisubmarine warfare (ASW) trainers.