This article explores the reasons why parts of the social support to survivors of traumatic deaths fail. The data is based on in-depth interviews with 69 parents who lost their offspring due to suicide, SIDS, or accident between August 1, 1997 and December 31, 1998. Despite considerable positive support from their social nework, the majority of the survivors also experienced some unhelpful encounters or lack of anticipated support. Network members often find it difficult to communicate support in a way that is helpful, and this is termed “social ineptitude.” This ineptitude on the part of networks is explained by the lack of norms to guide this uncommon type of social encounter. The bereaved parents claim that “openness” and frankness about their situation is their best empowering strategy to meet this “social ineptitude.” These concepts, as they are elaborated in survivors' accounts are discussed within a communicational and interactional perspective. A micro-sociological model of communication provides the frame of reference for the discussion.
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