Disaffiliating from Islam: Charting the Process of Identity Transformation

Abstract

In recent years, Turkiye has witnessed debates surrounding the increase of atheist and deist identities, sparking a growing interest among scholars. However, current studies primarily focus on the reasons behind this change from Islam to atheism or deism, neglecting the process of change and individuals’ experiences. This study aims to bridge this gap in the literature by investigating with in-depth interviews the personal experiences of 10 individuals with a focus on identity change. The interviews were transcribed and coded using MAXQDA 2020. As a result of the thematic analysis of the data, four main themes emerged that explain the identity change process: “Being a former Muslim,” “experiencing conflict between Islam and self,” “becoming one's own person,” and “rethinking identities.” The results of this study contribute to the literature by enlightening the process of an individual's identity change and identity reformation and revealing the challenges faced by atheists whose identities often remain stigmatized and concealed.

Introduction

The current study addresses the identity transformation process of individuals who disaffiliated from Islam and became atheists, a phenomenon that has started to receive increasing attention in Turkiye in the last years. The majority of people in Turkiye identify as Muslim, religious, and/or having faith in God while the ratio of atheists are reported between 5.7–7.0% (KONDA, 2022; Nişancı, 2023; PEW, 2019). A national survey reported that the percentage of people who reported not having any faith in God or religion increased from 2% to 7% from 2011 to 2021 (KONDA, 2022). Some of these claims have brought increased academic interest to this topic (Arslan, 2016; Aydın, 1995; Gülfil, 2018; Gündoğar & Yürgüç, 2019; Menküç, 2019; Şimşek, 2018; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). However, studies are still inadequate in number and scope for understanding disaffiliation from Islam and the formation of an atheist identity. Thus, this is a study about the process of identity change.

Identity Change

Several factors can be responsible for initiating identity change: major situational shifts, conflict between the standards of different identities, conflicts between actions and identity meanings, and other people's presence (Burke & Stets, 2009). Although identity change involves some positive outcomes such as an increased self-awareness and sense of autonomy (Carter & Marony, 2021; Nica, 2020), the process can also be accompanied by negative feelings due to a sense of loss related to the former identity (Burke, 2006; Ebaugh, 1988; Nica, 2020). The first is leaving the previous identity behind which is referred to as regressive identity change (Carter, 2017; Carter & Marony, 2021).⁠ Regressive identity change has four main phases: first doubts, seeking alternatives, the turning point and creating the ex-role (Ebaugh, 1988)⁠.

Alternately, the process is called a progressive identity change if a new identity is obtained (Ebaugh, 1988). To understand the process of progressive identity change, we can take a look at Marcia's (1993) identity formation theory which stems from Erikson's (1968) psychoanalytic terms of ego identity, identity diffusion and identity integration. Identity integration is closely related to the compatibility of different identities (Benet-Martínez & Haritatos, 2005; Cheng et al., 2008). Marcia (1993) developed upon the two poles of identity diffusion and identity integration and proposed four identity statuses. Two of these statuses, Foreclosure and Identity Achievement, require high commitment to a particular identity. The latter is a healthy endpoint similar to Erikson's (1968) Identity Integration. Its oppossite, Foreclosure describes committing to an ascribed identity, showing little autonomy. In the other two statuses, Moratorium and Identity Diffusion, commitment is absent. The latter describes a status in which the person is indifferent to claiming an identity or not. In the moratorium status, however, the person is actively seeking to commit to a coherent identity but unable to do so (Marcia, 1993).

Religious Identity Change

Religious identy change, in particular, requires a more nuanced understanding. Religious identities are usually learned in one's family of origin and transmitted across generations. (Beit-Hallahmi, 1991). In that sense, a religious identity can be ascribed. However, given that religious identity can be changed over time, it can also fit in the achieved identity category as well (Cadge & Davidman, 2006; Carter & Marony, 2021; Peek, 2005). People may experience differing levels of attachment to both ascribed and achieved identities. A previous study from Turkiye revealed that participants who changed from Islam to atheism or deism reported having varying degrees of attachment to Islam when they were Muslims (Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). The extent of a sense of belonging to the ideas, the community or the context with regards to one's religious identity can be quite varied (Arnett & Jensen, 2002) and is flexible and labile (May, 2011). Belonging requires not only attachment, commitment, and connection to a particular context, group or identity, but also a sense of ease in being a part of those (Santos, 2025). One's belief and a sense of belonging to a religious institution or community can have a complex relationship. On the one hand, it is possible to believe without belonging (Davie, 1990), as in the case of people who leave fundamentalist religious communities while they still believe in God or religion; it is also possible to have a sense of belonging without believing (Hussain, 2017), as in the case of people keeping their connection with a particular community but secretly detaching from the belief system (Berger, 2015; Bullivant, 2015; Nica, 2020).

Religious identity change, or leaving a religious community can be a challenging experience, especially during the transition period when a lot of people experience uncertainity, anxiety, sadness, and loss (Berger, 2015; Khalil & Bilici, 2007; Nica, 2020)⁠. However, research also shows that once a new identity is achieved, people's sense of psychological well-being generally improves. (Galen, 2009; Galen & Kloet, 2010; Nica, 2020)⁠. In other words the more decided the individuals are about their identities, the better their psychological health is (Mochon et al., 2011). This improved sense of well-being is partially linked to an increased sense of autonomy and agency (Berger, 2015; Nica, 2020)⁠. For example, individuals who left an ultra orthodox Jewish community, reported the challenge of having to make their own decisions to build up a new moral value system of their own, and construct an individual identity (Berger, 2015).

Recent studies focus on the identity formation process for religious and atheist identities (Siner, 2012; Small, 2008; Smith, 2011). Smith (2011) has proposed another perspective on the formation of atheist identity based on four stages: 1) a starting point where a theist identity was claimed, 2) a questioning phase, 3) rejection of religion and God, and 4) coming out as an atheist. Siner (2012) has proposed an atheist identity development trajectory model which includes four stages to atheist identity development, with all stages applied both to an individual and a social context. In the first stage, Awareness, the person has recognized their own doubts and questions regarding religion (the individual context) and has become aware of others with atheist identities (the social context). In the second stage, Exploration, the individual has acknowledged their lack of faith and discovered the meaning of atheism (the individual context), and has explored the community of atheists, and started to form opinions about this community. In the third stage, Deepening/Commitment, the individual knows more about their identity as well as themselves and is becoming more proactive in terms of their self-expression (individual context) as well as participation in atheist organizations (social context). At this stage, individuals also become more aware of their own position and status within the society as an atheist (social context). The last and fourth stage, Internalization/Synthesis, involves the integration of an atheist identity into the person's global individual identity and social identity (Siner, 2012).

Research on religious disaffiliation has been primarily conducted in the West, and includes mostly research on disaffiliation from monotheistic religions to atheism, deism, and agnosticism (Berger, 2015; Fenelon & Danielsen, 2016; Khalil & Bilici, 2007; Nica, 2020; Pulcini, 2017; Smith, 2011). In the last two decades, the amount of studies on atheism gradually increased in the US, with the most common themes including well-being, identity construction, and negative experiences of atheists (Brewster et al., 2014)⁠. Considerable amount of these studies focus on samples of adolescents and young adults going through religious conversion or disaffiliation (Arnett & Jensen, 2002; Gündoğar & Yürgüç, 2019; Peek, 2005; Siner, 2012; Small, 2008; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018; Zuckerman, 2012). The prevalence of this kind of change during adolescence years echoes Erikson's developmental stage of identity versus role confusion (Erikson, 1968).⁠

The subjective experience of religious identity is also influenced by the stigma and discrimination directed towards those identities. In the US and in Turkey, atheist identities are highly stigmatized, which results in identity concealment (Beaman & Tomlins, 2015; Cimino & Smith, 2011; Edgell et al., 2006; Goodman & Mueller, 2009; Yılmaz, 2010; Zimmerman et al., 2015)⁠. Reports reveal that most atheists choose to conceal their atheist identities due to the fear of stigma and discrimination (Yılmaz, 2010). Some people refuse to disclose their identities out of the fear of losing social connections or getting attacked by fundamentalist Muslims (Khalil & Bilici, 2007). Other research suggests that psychological well-being, disclosure of one's atheist identity and stigmatization are interrelated (Abbott & Mollen, 2018). Abbott and Mollen (2018) show that whereas disclosing atheist identity is linked to higher psychological well-being, anticipated stigma predicts higher rates of identity concealment and lower psychological well-being. In addition, identity disclosure has been found to mediate the relationship between well-being and anticipated stigma (Abbott & Mollen, 2018). Regardless of the category, when identity change is experienced as a severe one, the level of depression increases (Carter, 2017).

Becoming Atheist and Leaving Islam in the Context of Turkiye

Despite the increase in the academic interest in religious identity transformation and atheism in Turkiye, studies that address stigma and discrimination against atheists are limited (Arslan, 2016; Tekin et al., 2022; Yılmaz, 2010; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). The research on disaffiliation has focused on experiences of Muslims who later became deists, atheists or agnostics (Aydın, 1995; Şimşek, 2018; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). In addition to a more general inquiry regarding religious disaffiliation, some studies have focused on the process of becoming an atheist (Arslan, 2016; Gülfil, 2018). Other empirical studies have aimed to understand atheism and deism in itself rather than focusing on the process of disaffiliation (Gülfil, 2019a, 2019b; Gündoğar & Yürgüç, 2019; Menküç, 2019).

Most studies investigating disaffiliation and deist and atheist identities in Turkiye have focused on the underlying reasons (Arslan, 2016; Aydın, 1995; Gülfil, 2018; Şimşek, 2018; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). These studies reveal contributing factors that can be described under two categories: First category includes reasons directly related to Islam: problems regarding the Islamic ideology, restrictions on personal liberty, and the lack of scientific, critical thinking or the presence of a mythical anecdotal narrative. The first subcategory includes criticisms against Islamic law and Islam's approach to human rights, women rights, and non-Muslims (Aydın, 1995; Gülfil, 2018; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). The second subcategory includes restrictions regarding sexuality, obligations to cover one's body and to wear the headscarf, excessive punishments in the Islamic law, pressure from other Muslims and compulsory religious education (Aydın, 1995). A study from the US, analyzing narratives of people leaving Islam has also found the influence of an endorsement of women's rights on the disaffiliation decision, including restrictions regarding sexuality and life-style (Khalil & Bilici, 2007)⁠. These findings parallel the motivations of Muslims leaving their religion in a western context. The last subcategory involves not being able to make sense of miracle narratives, questions related to the narratives of creation, and experiencing a general conflict between scientific, logical thinking and religious doctrine (Gülfil, 2018; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). The second category includes individual and sociopolitical influences that are not directly related to religion, such as the influence of books and intellectual development (Aydın, 1995), the influence of atheist acquaintances (Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018), and the process of going through adolescence (Şimşek, 2018).

There are other facotrs as well. While not directly influencing disaffiliation, secularism has an indirect contribution to the process by shaping one's perspective on religion (Gülfil, 2019b). Not being able to receive any response from God can also be counted under this category as a personal emotional influence (Gülfil, 2019b). For adolescents in high school, religious doubts have been found to be mostly about the afterlife, the idea of divine intervention, and the problem of evil (Çayır, 2014). Being male, being raised by a secular family, having leftist values, being Alevi, and having a higher education level have been associated with the transition process (Arslan, 2016). Findings of international research on disaffiliation shows that nonbelievers and exiters are predominantly male and had higher education (Galen, 2009; Khalil & Bilici, 2007). These results, however, does not necessarily mean that males disaffiliate more than females but it can be a result of the fact that women are less likely to disclose their atheism compared to men. For a more accurate interpretation of these findings more research with different demographics is needed.

Rather than focusing on the reasons for the transitioning, the present study aims to investigate the process of change from the perspective of identity transformation and to understand the meaning making and identity integration processes of individuals who went through such transformation.

Methods

In this qualitative study, the method of thematic analysis was used. Thematic analysis provides a “theoretical freedom” that allows for the interpretation of data in both social and psychological discourse, and offers an excellent fit for the present study (Braun & Clarke, 2006).

Participants and Recruitment

As the research was conducted during COVID-19 pandemic, all the steps of the procedure were online. After the approval of the University Ethics Board, announcements were made about the study. Participants were contacted through convenience sampling using personal contacts, e-mail groups, social media platforms, and chat groups of certain universities based on three main inclusion criteria: (I) being at least 18 or older, (II) previously identifying as a Muslim, (III) currently identifying as an atheist. Those who volunteered to participate in the research reached out to the researcher via the contact information provided in the announcements. Afterwards, detailed information regarding the interview process and the informed consent form were sent to all participants via e-mail. Participants were asked to declare their consent by replying to the e-mail sent.

In total, 12 participants were recruited. Two of the participants’ interviews had to be excluded from the study due to technical failures regarding audio recording. Five of the remaining 10 participants identified as female, four identified as male, and one identified as non-binary. All participants were raised in Turkiye. Their ages ranged between 21 and 34, with an average of 27. Except for two, all resided in a metropolis. One was living in Europe and another lived in a small city in Turkiye. Education levels showed very small variation; all had higher education, three of them were undergraduate students, three had a BA diploma, three were graduate students and one was a PhD candidate. Participants also showed little diversity in their SES levels, ranging between low to middle SES. Although all had Muslim religious backgrounds, they identified variously as secular Muslims, conservative Muslims, and political Islamists. The first identity defines people who identify as Muslims as part of a tradition but whose worldviews and daily lives are not guided by Islam's teachings. The second identity refers to being a Muslim who tries to follow religious practices and teachings but not identifying with the political ideology of Islamists. The last identity refers to people who identify with Islam as a political ideology as well as a religious identity while affiliating also with a cult or congregation.

Interview

Semi-structured interviews were prepared based on previous research (Arslan, 2016; Gülfil, 2018; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). The interview guide included questions that investigate the process of identity change in three phases: participants’ experiences as a Muslim, their experiences during the transformation process and as an atheist. The interview protocol was revised and finalized after the pilot interview with one individual.

At the beginning of each interview, demographic information was obtained from the participants. Demographic questions included age, location, education level, and socioeconomic status. Since the research was conducted during the pandemic, interviews took place virtually using online platforms. Interviews lasted between 75 min to 90 min and were audio recorded using external devices. The interviews were transcribed verbatim by the interviewer. All participants were given pseudonyms.

Data Analysis

Data collection and interviews were conducted by the main author. Before starting the coding process, audio transcriptions were read twice in order to gain familiarity and a deeper understanding of the participants’ experiences. MAXQDA 2020 was used for coding the interviews and generating themes. After a close and detailed coding of the data, the patterns that emerged across the codes were identified by the first author. The emerging themes and subthemes were discussed with the second author and several meetings were held until a consensus is reached. The process of analyzing the data followed the six stages of thematic analysis proposed by Braun and Clarke (2006).

In order to increase validation, member-checking was included in the data analysis process. For that, all participants received an e-mail containing the identified themes and sub-themes and a summary of the study results. The e-mail asked participants if the themes and sub-themes represent their experiences and to share any comments or objections. The final organization of the themes and the results were made based on participants’ feedback.

Results

Although all participants had Muslim religious backgrounds, they showed diversity in terms of the nuances of their former Muslim identities. Similarly, while they all transitioned from Islam to atheism, their identity change trajectories differed based on each participants’ unique experiences and conditions. Even though the processes they went through individually are complex and nuanced, a short summary is presented in Table 1 using their pseudonyms.

Table 1.

Participants’ Identity Change Trajectories.

Participant	Religious Background
Amber	Secular > becomes religious > discovers Sufism > becomes pantheist > becomes atheist
Bronze	Former political Islamist > becomes involved in a congregation > leaves congregation > becomes atheist
Emerald	Secular family > becomes atheist
Indigo	Former political Islamist > family is a member of a cult > transfers from cult to a congregation > leaves congregation > becomes atheist
Magenta	Traditionally Muslim family > becomes atheist
Mustard	Traditionally Muslim family > becomes atheist
Olive	Traditionally Muslim family > converts to Christianity > becomes atheist
Ruby	Traditionally Muslim family > becomes atheist
Silver	Traditionally Muslim family > becomes atheist
Violet	Former political Islamist > family is a member of a cult > becomes atheist

The analysis revealed recurring patterns across participants.These can be summarized under four main themes: Being a former Muslim, experiencing conflict between Islam and self, becoming one's own person, and rethinking identities.

Being a Former Muslim

A common experience participants emphasized was being an atheist who was also once a Muslim. They all underlined the influence of their past on their current identities. Nonetheless, there were a lot of nuances and variance embedded in their experiences as former Muslims. Besides the variance in their religious backgrounds and their trajectories described above, their experiences with Islam involved a range of different emotional experiences. While for some participants some of these emotions were more prominent, for others, all of the emotional experiences co-existed, preceded or followed one another. These emotions can be clustered under two main categories: positive emotions such as love, having a sense of purpose and community, and negative emotions such as fear, guilt, and shame.

Love, Purpose, Peace, and Community

Participants’ feelings of love, peace, and a sense of belonging to the Muslim community was primarily related to seeing God as a protective, merciful, and benevolent being. A perceived sense of love both received by and given to God was an important component. God was also thought to be a source of moral guidance; by providing them with predetermined answers to the challenging questions regarding right and wrong, the meaning and purpose of life, Islam functioned as a source to rely on in the face of difficulties of life and the inevitability of death. Feelings of serenity, calm and peace retrieved by praying was common. However, sometimes Islam was both the remedy and the source of the stress. Magenta, started being afraid of death at a very young age after she heard stories about afterlife and hell. To avoid the fear, she found refuge in praying:

This (Qur’an) was my escape; if I could make God happy, emm… I am not going to experience that fear, that fear of death, that void, that darkness…

Feelings of coziness and connection extended to the family, and for some, to the community. However, this experience was also somewhat ambivalent. Alongside the feeling of belonging, for some, it also brought feelings of superiority and entitlement that resulted from perceived victim-hood. Indigo explained his ties to his community at the time as follows:

In that period, I saw myself as the member of a community which was victimized in its righteous fight, and which one day will declare sharia.

Fear, Guilt, and Shame

Fear, as the most frequent code in the data, dominated participants’ negative emotional experiences with Islam. One aspect of the fear included perceiving God as a vindictive, punishing, inaccessible, judgmental, angry, and scary being. Participants also reported fear of jinns, hell, angels, as well as the family. The restrictions and punishment expected from God came from the hands of parents, teachers, religious experts, or mental health workers in the form of abuse as in withdrawing love, using physical violence, and in the most extreme cases, sexual abuse or conversion therapy. Memories of receiving or anticipating punishment mainly involved sexuality, including sexual acts, and one's sexual orientation and identity. In addition to the fear, restrictions and taboos regarding sexuality also had an impact on the way participants perceived themselves, contributing to the shame and self-stigmatization. In Mustard's words:

I never masturbated if I was not going to able to do the whole-body ablution ¹ right away. I was thinking ‘I need to do it right now, I got very dirty now, I feel very dirty now.’

There was an important outcome created by these feelings of shame and stigma. Participants experienced a conflict between some aspects of their inner experiences and their religious beliefs as a result. This was another major theme that emerged in the analysis.

Experiencing Conflict Between Islam and Self

Although there was no clear-cut starting point, the beginning of participants’ transition process was usually marked by a sense of conflict between their beliefs and aspects of their selves, emotions, ideas, worldviews, and other identities. Emerald described a conflict between questioning religion and wanting to keep his faith:

Because at the same time, this also means a lot of battles of thoughts in your brain; because at the beginning, a part of you still wants to have faith. But the things you read make a lot of sense, I mean.

The conflict emerged from their encounters with new ideas and people with different perspectives. Participants tried to find strategies to deal with the internal conflict they faced. At the same time, they started to explore new identities for themselves.

New Encounters

Some participants were in families and communities that allowed them to question and to experiment with different ideas and identities. However, regardless of the nuances of their religious background, the majority faced much resistance coming from their close circles. Those with families who were members of cults and congregations or who were highly religious, experienced the most pressure, and lived within a very closed circle with limited diversity and stimuli until their teenage years; therefore, these participants struggled more for self-expression and exploration. Bronze described the environment they grew up in as follows:

… almost until I finished high school, you know the phrase ‘living in a bell jar’ it was just like that for me, I didn’t know other lives very much. Emm… I didn’t know other people very much either.

Leaving home was a common breaking point. Encountering people with different identities, mainly atheists or secular people, with new ideas such as feminism, scientific thinking, different or more liberal interpretations of Islam, and with new emotional experiences such as falling in love facilitated their search for identity. These encounters encouraged some to engage in activities prohibited by Islam such as alcohol consumption, sexual intimacy, or skipping prayers. However, for most, these new experiences and emotions that emerged created a tension within, and they tried to find ways to cope with the contradiction between their existing beliefs and new discoveries.

Strategies to Cope with Internal Conflict

In order to cope with the internal conflict they were experiencing, participants used several strategies that can be classified as avoidant, conservative, and explorative. Some participants used mostly one strategy while others combined different strategies or alternated depending on the context. Magenta's description of her conflict approach towards her changing religious behaviors is an example of how avoidance can look in one participant's experience:

So, I realized that I don’t want to pray, I don’t want to fast. One part of me says: “You don’t want it because you know it's nonsense,” but another part of me says: “Okay, we don’t talk about these, okay, now you are just being lazy, God will forgive you, and you will do these when you have the time…

Another strategy was actively trying to find ways that will maintain religious belief. Just like Emerald, who described this process as a battle in his brain, Silver also talked about “trying to keep her faith.” Olive elaborated on their struggle as follows:

I could die any moment and I didn’t have a God at the moment, so, what am I going to do? If I died and if God confronted me and asked, “Who is your God?” what was I going to say? So, from that moment on, everything turned meaningless for me, everything became incredibly meaningless and emm… only reading books on religion, thinking about Allah, thinking about God, and finding a creator was my greatest purpose…

A third strategy was looking for answers, researching, reading, and discussing. Participants either used one of these as a dominant strategy or shifted between different strategies. The internal conflict they experienced because of their encounters with new ideas, new people, and already existing internal experiences (desires, needs, emotions, questions, other parts of their identities) led them to construct a unique, authentic identity that contained their previously concealed, suppressed, or ignored experiences.

Exploring New Identities

The conflict participants experienced led individuals to find ways to express different aspects of their selves and to seek answers to their questions by trying out different identities. For each participant, the process of identity change followed a different trajectory, and a pattern emerged. Those who came from a traditionally religious or secular background followed a rather linear transition process with few different destinations. Others followed a somewhat complex path, such as getting more religious, experimenting with religious affiliations such as Christianity or pantheism, or experiencing important changes in their religious identities. Those whose families were members of cults and congregations had to detach their ties with these institutions. One such participant, Indigo, left his family's cult and became a member of a congregation. He described this change from a spiritually based Sufi cult to a congregation which based their teachings on reasoning and logic, to be more important and even more radical than becoming an atheist. He thought relying on reason fit better with his character and that it allowed him to inquire further, resulting in becoming an atheist.

Some participants explored different ideologies that influenced the formation of their overall identities. For some, these ideologies became permanent and an essential part of who they are, such as feminism for Magenta, Silver, and Ruby. For some it was temporary yet formative all the same. For example, Bronze reported becoming a member of a leftist political organization and a very ambitious activist fighting for the organization's cause. Later he realized that his involvement in the organization was very similar to the way he followed Islam:

I believed it almost as I believed in something divine.

For others, discovering new identities involved exploring their sexuality. For Silver, her sexual curiosity, from an early age on, was formative in her relationship with the religion and she always put a distance between herself and Islam. Regardless, when she started being sexually active, she experienced fears of punishment:

For example, I remember crying constantly when I returned from my boyfriend's house; I used to cry a lot because I had sex that day, because I was scared.

For Olive, on the other hand, the process was a challenging struggle including coming out, being dragged to conversion treatments, and serious emotional difficulties that resulted from how others reacted to their unfolding sexual identity as well as the conflict they saw between their identity and Islam. For some, being more open and expressive about their sexuality started after the change process, while for others, it was central to the transition. As they coped with their internal conflict and discovered different aspects of themselves, they also gained more autonomy, agency, and a sense of responsibility.

Becoming One's Own Person

One of the reasons that this process was so conflictual was because Islam's teachings gave them a sense of purpose and direction. They had ready answers to the challenging questions about life. The process of detaching from Islam reportedly led to feelings of loneliness in their search for purpose. They talked about facing the difficulty of finding their own answers which had them dealing with a lot of uncertainty, but also taking responsibility for their lives, gaining a stronger sense of agency. Bronze described the difficulty of this process as follows:

This time, I had realized that for some things I needed to decide for myself; that was the hardest part, directing my life by myself from then on. I couldn’t adapt to that for a long time.

Enduring Loss and Loneliness

Besides the loss experienced directly in relation to their religious beliefs, such as the loss of God, faith, the privileges that Muslim identity brought, a sense of meaning and purpose found in Islam, participants also lost the support of their social circle, a sense of community and belonging which led to feelings of loneliness. There was a sense of emptiness that resulted from these losses. For some, it was an experience where everything turned meaningless. Sometimes they tried to replace this loss with other identities, other social connections as Bronze did when he was involved in a leftist political organization. Indigo talked about trying to find ways to fill that emptiness only to realize that it is something that remains and something to be endured. For Magenta her sense of emptiness and meaninglessness resulted in a sense of humility:

…that existence doesn’t have a divine value makes it hard to endure sometimes; it makes it hard to make meaning out of life, make meaning out of your existence, and also maybe it makes it hard to boost my ego.

Participants also struggled with stigma and discrimination. They reported feeling discriminated against as atheists as well as former Muslims. Some also felt discriminated when they were Muslims, by atheist or secular people. Additionally, those with identities such as being LGBTI+, being a feminist, being a vegetarian, also faced difficulties as Muslims.

Olive was discriminated against and outcast because of their sexual identity expression as a young child. Growing up and leaving Islam, they reported an experience of profound loneliness. In addition to the challenge of doubting their religious beliefs, they were also dealing with the traumatic impact of conversion therapy. The feeling was losing not only God, but also the love of their family:

It's as if the world has collapsed on you, I mean, as if all of a sudden you are abandoned…

Participants who experienced stigma as an atheist in Turkiye had to deal with the question of whether to reveal or conceal their atheist identities, a particular challenge in family relationships. Some chose never to do so, while others tried to get their families to accept their atheist identities or their secular lifestyles. Ruby, for example, self-disclosed to her mother but she still needed to conceal it in other social contexts. The intersection of being an atheist who used to be a Muslim also brought social stigma, as illustrated by Violet:

… when you say something, they judge you by your earlier period, saying things like “you were already a Muslim, you are a Muslim” things like that.

Despite all these difficulties they endured, participants found various strategies to cope with the challenges of this process.

Strategies to Cope with External Conflict

Each participant used different strategies to deal with the difficulties that emerged throughout this process. There were challenges not only in leaving the religion but in all aspects of their experiences; but so was the need to overcome them. They used both confrontational ways of coping, such as revolting against the family or God, standing up to their parents, or becoming involved in political activism, as well as protective ways to avoid further harm through discrimination, stigmatization, or exclusion. Silver, for example, talked about leading a double life and hiding her secular lifestyle as a coping strategy she uses when she has to go back to her family home:

When I am with them, there are a lot of codes I still need to follow. Dress codes, for example, emm I cannot wear a mini skirt when I am with them, they never knew that I wear them. Or, for example, when they call me, ending the call saying “blessed be your evening (hayırlı akşamlar)” etc., the fact that all these codes still remain.

Most participants used a combination of these strategies, oscillating between direct and indirect ones. Some part of this struggle was individual and internal, especially for those who were parts of religious cults and congregations. However, there was also a struggle against their former community, and it took a lot of courage to leave:

Most people have no financial support, no emotional support. No friends… emm I mean because these things take a lot of nerve. I mean I- thinking differently from that world and going in and out, it takes a lot of nerve… emm it takes holding your head up high. (Violet)

The struggle they reported primarily involved their families or other intimate relationships. The participants strived to either conceal their identity in order to protect their relationships, tried to defend their identity as much as possible, or maintained a balance between the two. This struggle was less prominent for participants who came from relatively secular families. Participants shared that they met many challenges along the process of change and discovered different ways to confront, avoid or overcome these challenges. This continuous striving led them to find ways also to grow and thrive.

Growing and Thriving

All participants experienced a major conflict between their feelings, needs, desires, urges, and Islam's requirements, teachings, and values. Introspection and self-awareness led them to a stage where they felt the need to embrace their desires and true identities. For example, Indigo identified his love for a woman as the chief reason for his separation from the religious congregation where it was prohibited to have any contact with women. He needed to make some changes in his life which reportedly led him to a secular life and then, to atheism. Bronze talked about his process of getting to know himself as follows:

I have realized that I do actually also have desires, feelings, things I want. I have never listened to them until now, and I never worked for them. But now I cannot reject them; otherwise, I mean, I won’t be able to live in this life.

Bronze then talked about how he started therapy to understand himself better. Getting help from psychotherapy was a common element of several participants’ process of acquiring self-knowledge. These participants reported being honest to oneself as an important aspect of self-awareness. In a humorous tone, Magenta used the metaphor of ending a romantic relationship to describe her disaffiliation process. She classified the choice she made to confront her disbelief as “a proper break-up” instead of “friend-zoning or ghosting God,” which she considered as being hypocritical.

What followed was a sense of knowing themselves, agency, and responsibility to build their own meaning system. Having given up a particular narrative once, this time, they expressed a need to be more cautious and uncompromising in terms of pursuing what they called ‘the truth’. They reported to have acquired critical thinking skills along this process of identity change, which were adopted as an alternative way to construct meaning and moral values to navigate their lives. Amber and Ruby expressed their views about developing an individual values system as follows:

I mean, I want to build a worldview in my head, and I want to move forward by building it upon solid ground. I mean I want to- I want it to be authentic, emm to be sincere. (Amber)

You build your own ethics; I mean without being a part of something that is constructed by people around you. I think this is a very important thing, emm because, I think it is easier to do something unethical out of fear of God, but it is more difficult to do something that goes against the ethical values ​​you’ve established yourself. (Ruby)

These factors combined guided participants to enter a period with a heightened sense of autonomy and agency in their lives. They described this process both as a liberation and as a burden due to the responsibilities it brought about. Some participants reported a sense of relief and felt as if certain capacities of their mind that had remained idle until that time were activated. For example, Violet conveyed that after his disaffiliation, he discovered himself to be more curious about things and talked about this experience as a capacity set free. Mustard expressed similar feelings regarding his disaffiliation:

You know that rockets which go to space discharge their load and elevate; this is how I feel about the taboos in my life.

Amber spoke about the relief she felt on the day she referred to as “my first day without Allah.” She discussed remembering a night when she went to bed with God in her mind, and she woke up in the middle of the night to find that “Allah was gone.” Her narrative also described the feeling of autonomy and control she started to feel:

I always go to school, this is an effortless action, but that day I went there without a God. For example, this was a very, very different feeling; it was so liberating, unbelievably liberating because now you can think with your mind whatever the way you wish. Now your mind is only under your control.

In the process of acquiring more self-awareness, participants also confronted their somewhat troubling attitudes. Mustard for example, talked about how Islam had served to reinforce his homophobic attitudes at the time, and he had to push himself to let go of his old ways of thinking. Some mentioned that they went through an “Islamophobic period” when they felt prejudiced against other Muslims and sometimes even acted on these feelings. Eventually, they started to reevaluate their preconceptions about identities and some of them still strive to overcome some of their biases.

Rethinking Identities

The final theme that emerged pertains to participants’ changing perspectives on the concept of identity in general. Their relationship to their different identities and other people's identities changed throughout the process. First of all, perspectives towards other Muslims shifted. There were two common attitudes here: One was going through an Islamophobic period in which they opposed Islam altogether. This period sometimes included active propaganda for atheism or activism against organized religion. The second was a negative attitude regarding Muslims who shared similar values and identities (feminism, veganism, social liberalism, being an LGBTIA + person), engaging in behaviors that were in conflict with certain interpretations and teachings of Islam (such as alcohol consumption, having an active sexual life), and even questioning or challenging some aspects of the religion, but not disaffiliating. The latter reported that their main problem with this was a difficulty of making sense of the intersection of different identities of people. Ruby for example described her confusion about a friend who identified as a feminist Muslim. For some of these participants, having a religious identity was experienced, again retrospectively, as a waste of time and energy. However, most also shared a gratitude about their background because of all the experience and knowledge it provided them with.

Participants’ perspectives towards atheism shifted as well. Some participants mentioned that when they were Muslims, atheism was a marginalized identity for them. Also, especially those who had been in closed communities reported as having being prejudiced against secular people. Even though the experience of becoming an atheist and leading a secular life normalized these identities, they still had difficulty in adapting to secular or atheist communities. The feeling of not belonging to any party was common. Violet, stated that he felt he was not understood by other seculars or atheists. Participants commonly reported that being an atheist who used to be a Muslim is even more stigmatized than being just an atheist. Participants also felt that atheists or secular people could be very hostile against religious Muslims. That is why some participants expressed dislike for the term “atheist” and refrained from claiming that identity. One participant preferred to call himself a “non-believer” rather than an atheist.

Another common experience was considering themselves people who have seen both sides. Because they knew both the experience of being a Muslim and being an atheist, they thought this process of change provided them with an improved capacity for empathy. They all described this advantage as a benefit of the process of identity change.

I have turned 180 degrees; I have seen this end and I have seen the other end. That's why I understand those standing on one end and those standing on the other end. I understand what these ones consider sins and I understand what the other ones find stupid. Because I have done it all. (Violet)

The experience of being an atheist was also fluid, changing from one context to another. Most times, their atheist identity was more salient and an essential aspect of their identity, while other times they forgot about it. For some, this identity was a part of themselves that they did not think about anymore. When asked, they said that they preferred to define themselves with their other identities, such as their sexual or occupational identities. Some saw their identity as fully formed and did not expect it to change much in the future; others, while also feeling more agency and control regarding their identities and having a much more defined sense of who they were, considered identity formation as an ongoing process and expected that the future may bring about even more change.

Discussion

To date, the experiences of atheists who disaffiliated from Islam have been mostly studied to understand the reasons for this transition (Arslan, 2016; Gülfil, 2018; Khalil & Bilici, 2007; Şimşek, 2018; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). The present study contributes to the literature through its attempt to understand the complexity of the experience of identity change in a more comprehensive way. Some aspects of participants identities influenced their identity change process in crucial ways. These influences include gender, the salience and the strength of former religious identity, and participation in a religious organization. The process of change followed different rajectories based on the mentioned factors, contributing to the complexity of their journey. The study also reveals the stigma perceived by disaffiliated atheists. Those who were raised in a rather religious family or community, especially the ones who were raised in an Islamist environment, namely Indigo, Bronze, and Violet experienced more internal conflict and stress during their questioning phase compared to those who come from a secular background. Also, participants who came from a secular background first became more intimate with religion before leaving it. For women, namely, Amber, Magenta, Ruby, and Silver, Islamic ideas about women's status vis a vis men and religious requirements such as covering up body parts had priority over other issues. Olive's sexual identity as a non-binary person has caused them a lot of pain due to the conflict between their sexual identity and their religious beliefs. This may perhaps have made it hard for them to leave religion all together and resulted in converting to Christianity as a last destination before exiting. Here, we present a visual guide to understand the different trajectories different participants have followed (Figure 1).

Figure 1.

Participants' Identity Change Trajectories Visualized.

The sources that initiated identity change, namely, major situational shifts (moving to a different context, starting a university education), conflict between the standards of different identities, conflicts between actions and identity meanings (such as not doing or wanting to perform rituals), and other people's presence (Burke & Stets, 2009) were present in participants’ narratives as well. The reasons that contributed to participants’ departure from Islam are also in line with previous findings in the literature (Arslan, 2016; Aydın, 1995; Gülfil, 2018; Şimşek, 2018), and can be based on Mauss’ (1969) three categories of intellectual, social, and emotional motives for defection: Intellectual influences included encounters with different identities and ideas, having higher education, and adopting critical and scientific thinking (Arslan, 2016; Aydın, 1995; Gülfil, 2018; Şimşek, 2018). Community related influences were mainly related to the attitudes of Islam and Muslims toward women and LGBT + people and the Islamic actions around the world as well as the exploitation of religion (Aydın, 1995).This category also includes pressure and restrictions regarding Islam (Aydın, 1995; Gülfil, 2018). Lastly, participants also reported emotional experiences including feelings of fear, shame, and guilt (Arslan, 2016; Aydın, 1995; Gülfil, 2018; Şimşek, 2018)⁠. This category also includes pressure and restrictions regarding Islam (Aydın, 1995; Gülfil, 2018). Lastly, participants also reported emotional experiences including feelings of fear, shame, and guilt (Arslan, 2016; Aydın, 1995; Gülfil, 2018; Şimşek, 2018)⁠.

In the current study, Muslim identity was (except Amber who did not have a Muslim upbringing) an ascribed identity that the participants obtained through socialization in the family. Later, participants moved towards an achieved identity they customized for themselves (Linton, 1936; Marcia, 1993). Although all participants disaffiliated from Islam, they differed in terms of the intensity and quality of their religious background and atheist identities, as well as the trajectories they followed during their transition process. A previous study from Turkiye revealed that participants who changed from Islam to atheism or deism reported having varying degrees of attachment to Islam when they were Muslims (Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). Another study showed the diversity in religious identities among emerging adults and how individualized each identity is (Arnett & Jensen, 2002). Our findings of diversity agree with the findings of these previous studies.

The path participants followed in their identity change process also seems to be in line with those suggested by previous researchers (Ebaugh, 1988; Marcia, 1993; Siner, 2012; Small, 2008). Four main phases of regressive identity change can be observed in the participants of the current study to varying degrees, going through first doubts, then seeking alternatives and finally creating an ex-role. The turning point phase however, is not so clear in their narratives (Ebaugh, 1988).Their processes can be best explained by Siner's (2012) model, as the individual level in this model is the closest fit to the one outlined in the current study. Even though these participants did not report experiences that are completely in line with the community level of this model, starting the process with being aware of other atheists was common for most participants. Many of them struggled with the idea of a community and the need to belong to a group. The ambivalence most participants expressed about being part of the atheist community parallels the category of believing (or in this case not having a belief) without belonging (Davie, 1990). The exploration stage of Siner can be compared to the participants’ experiences described under the themes of ‘new encounters’ and ‘exploring new identities’. Siner's third stage can explain participants’ increased investment in their new identities described under the themes of ‘becoming one's own person’ and ‘growing and thriving’. These two themes as well as the theme ‘rethinking identities’ can also be thought along Siner's fourth stage, internalization.

Both Siner's and Small's models were based on the experiences of college students (Siner, 2012; Small, 2008). Majority of the participants in the present study reported having started this process in their adolescence years. The wealth of studies focusing on adolescents and young adults going through religious conversion or disaffiliation (Arnett & Jensen, 2002; Gündoğar & Yürgüç, 2019; Nash, 2003; Peek, 2005; Şimşek, 2018; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018) points to the importance of this period for understanding this process as well as the need for further investigation of disaffiliation and questioning in later years of life. These findings are in line with Arnett and Jensen's (2002) argument that adolescence is a period of individuation when young people start to move away from the influence of their family and the culture they grew up in and become more open to the influences of interactions in new contexts. This is also consistent with the period of identity versus role confusion in Erikson's (1968) theory of psycho-social development.

Research shows that going through an identity change can be accompanied by negative feelings due to leaving a particular identity behind, namely regressive identity change process (Burke, 2006; Carter, 2017; Ebaugh, 1988; Nica, 2020). Participants of this study experienced negative feelings to the regressive identity change process of leaving Islam and they also experienced positive feelings that are associated with the progressive identity change process of obtaining a new atheist identity as suggested by other studies as well (Carter & Marony, 2021; Nica, 2020). Many participants appeared to move through a moratorium state during their transition until they formed an achieved identity (Marcia, 1993).

The results of the study also revealed the stigma and other challenges atheist individuals in Turkiye have to face. Stigma, prejudice and discrimination faced by atheists have been well studied especially in the US (Abbott & Mollen, 2018; Beaman & Tomlins, 2015; Cimino & Smith, 2011; Goodman & Mueller, 2009; Siner, 2012; Zimmerman et al., 2015; Zuckerman, 2012). However, in Turkiye, the number of studies addressing, or at least acknowledging this aspect of atheism is scarce (Arslan, 2016; Gülfil, 2018; Tekin et al., 2022; Yılmaz, 2010; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). Participants in the present study also reported high levels of stigma, and most chose to conceal their identity especially from their families due to the fear of losing their support, as shown in previous research (Zimmerman et al., 2015). As also found in previous studies (Nica, 2020), despite all the challenges of this process, participants found ways to cope with both internal and external conflicts (Berger, 2015). Former fundamentalists leaving religions encountered many challenges initially, but that they ended up with a higher level of well-being. Despite all the difficulties, participants also derived a sense of liberation since it gave them a greater sense of agency, autonomy, and freedom (Nica, 2020).

A study in the US found that atheists came last in the list of people considered as trustworthy. What is more interesting is that Muslims were right above the atheists (Edgell et al., 2006). In the US, being an atheist and being Muslim are both minority identities, while in Turkiye, being a Muslim is a majority identity, and atheists remain a minority who are stigmatized and marginalized (Kulat, 2017; PEW, 2019; Tekin et al., 2022; Yılmaz, 2010). Therefore, understanding the transition from Islam to atheism is a very culture-dependent issue. The stigma and discrimination against atheists need further exploration in Turkiye.

The current study has particular strengths. Findings revealed the stigma and other challenges atheist individuals in Turkiye have to face. Stigma, prejudice and discrimination faced by atheists have been well studied especially in the US (Abbott & Mollen, 2018; Edgell et al., 2006; Goodman & Mueller, 2009; Siner, 2012; Zimmerman et al., 2015; Zuckerman, 2012). However, in Turkiye, the number of studies addressing, or at least acknowledging this aspect of atheism are scarce (Arslan, 2016; Gülfil, 2018; Tekin et al., 2022; Yılmaz, 2010; Zavalsız & Şahin, 2018). Participants in the present study reported high levels of stigma, and most chose to conceal their identity especially from their families due to the fear of losing their support, as shown in previous research (Yılmaz, 2010; Zimmerman et al., 2015)⁠.

The present study also has its limitations. Due to restrictions regarding the COVID-19 pandemic, the interviews were done online, which may have resulted in some losses compared to a face-to-face interview. Also, although they differed in terms of their SES and the details of their religious background, the limited diversity regarding participants’ education and ages may have caused a certain bias in the data. Lastly, qualitative studies require paying attention to the subjectivity of the researcher since they acknowledge the researcher as an active participant of the analysis process (Braun & Clarke, 2006). In addition to approaching this data from a social psychological perspective, the researcher also identifies as a secular woman growing up in the last three decades of Turkiye in which the influence of political Islamism has been rising (Bölükbaşı, 2012; Kaya, 2019). Formation of an atheist identity and the disaffiliation processes are complex phenomena that need further investigation from diverse perspectives. It is important to study the clinical implications and the echoes of stigma and discrimination among the counseling context is important given the prevalence of studies regarding the well-being of atheists and people who experienced an important identity change processes. Furthermore, samples with older aged groups and comparison studies, especially those that compare data from individuals who had gone through a reversed trajectory (i.e., from atheism to an organized religion, particularly Islam), as well as gender differences would be helpful to understand the nuances between different identity change directions.

Conclusion

This study highlights the complexity of the identity change processes of atheists who previously identified as Muslims, as well as the challenges and the stigma they get exposed to as part of their faith identities. The results reveal that transition towards and atheist identity unfolds a process of questioning, inner conflict, and identity reformation. This process is experienced as challenging but also rewarding. The findings of the study show that detaching from a previously embraced belief system requires the construction of a new value system which comes with more agency and freedom as well as increased personal responsibility and confusion. The stigma and discrimination experienced and expected by atheists create difficulties including the intimate relationships with their families and Muslim friends. The social implications of these findings point towards the need for a more inclusive discourse around disbelief and further investigation of psychological costs of stigma aimed at minority identities.