Abstract
This empirical exploration introduces the concept of creative survival as experienced by young adult gay-identified males across three cultures. Qualitative designs including Grounded Theory, Arts-Based Research, and Heuristic Inquiry were used to analyze the narratives of 36 co-researchers, 12 each from the U.S., Brazil, and Turkey. The outcomes of the analysis highlighted how creative skills were employed to assist in the decision to disclose their sexual identity as an event and also how creativity effectively contributed to their survival across cultural norms, laws and traditions. A creative synthesis, a final process step in heuristic inquiry, offers three vignettes that demonstrate through the co-researchers’ own words how this was accomplished. This unique form of research including arts-based inquiry assists in making the research outcomes more accessible to the broader public and beyond academia. The sense of belonging through community and reflection on internal and relational mediators is emphasized and offers hope beyond merely surviving to include thriving as a gay man.
Keywords
Introduction
This empirical exploration introduces the concept of creative survival which emerged through exploring young adult (18–21) gay-identified males’ lived experiences of the process for decisions to disclose their sexual identity. The purpose of this exploration was to expand the dialogue on processes young adults use that serve to protect their disclosure of being gay and identify those who could support them. I previously conducted in-depth interviews across three cultural cohorts sourcing 36 participants/co-researchers and analyzed the findings utilizing several qualitative methodologies, Grounded Theory (GT) (Charmaz, 2006), Arts-Based Research (ABR) (Leavy, 2018, 2020), and Heuristic Inquiry (HI) (Moustakas, 1990; Sultan, 2019). Several in-depth iterations of data analysis illuminated the newly emerged theme of creative survival. The archival data offered evidence into how creativity is used to survive this often perilous social and emotional challenge. It is important to note that disclosure decisions was used rather than “coming out” as the first is a process and the latter is an event. Concealable Stigmatized Identities (CSI) were incorporated toward understanding a process for individuals who are not immediately identified with a stigmatized identity but rather had to make the conscious decision to share that information (Berkley et al., 2019; Chaudoir & Fisher, 2010; Chaudoir & Quinn, 2010). For the purposes of this paper creative survival will be defined as: Evoking unique and purposeful decisions and actions to navigate the personal and social challenge of disclosing one’s sexual identity while attempting to thrive across all aspects of life. Holding membership in the culture of concealable stigmatized identities allows for assessing both benefits and potential consequences for engaging this process.
The current study evolved in three phases, described below.
Phase One
My initial study, conducted for my PhD dissertation was informed through a Grounded Theory (Charmaz, 2006) qualitative design and assessed how gay identified youth in three LGBTQ youth centers each in Chicago, Illinois (U.S.), and São Paulo, Brazil navigated their disclosure of sexual identity decisions. The interviews were conducted in person, through travel to Brazil. It was required in the International Psychology PhD program through The Chicago School of Professional Psychology that each student conduct cross-cultural research. We engaged in two cultural immersion experiences to Brazil, and the data collection phase was my third trip there. I worked closely with the University of São Paulo as one of my supervising committee members was a faculty member.
This qualitative analysis resulted in three superordinate themes: (1) Internal Mediators of Disclosure; (2) Relational Mediators of Disclosure, and (3) Post-Disclosure Outcomes, along with multiple subordinate themes. An important theoretical framework developed by Chaudoir and Fisher (2010) and Quinn and Chaudoir (2009) served as my conceptualization for the disclosure process specifically for those who hold membership in both the cultures of CSI and self-identification as gay. When exploring the literature tied to her research, it was evident how closely the broader definition of CSI mirrored descriptors of gay-identified persons and their process of disclosing sexual identity. In conversation with one of the primary authors, I learned that Chaudoir did in fact feel that gay-identified persons fit under the broader term of CSI, but she shared an important factor in that “I did not have access to this community” (Personal Communication, S. Chaudoir, August 2011). We explored using this framework and concept as part of my dissertation research, and it effectively served as a key factor for understanding disclosure processes.
The 24 in-depth interviews that elucidated the disclosure processes of the two cultural cohorts (Brazil and the U.S.) resulted in the three superordinate themes identified above and 22 subordinate themes (Table 1). These superordinate themes focused purely on the decision-making process involved but not necessarily the motivation for doing so. In Phase Two of the work, I added a third cultural cohort of self-identified gay males and focused on specific subordinate themes which touched on motivation.
Primary Superordinate Themes and Subordinate Themes for Disclosure Decisions.
Phase Two
One of the subordinate themes that was evidenced from the data under the original super ordinate theme of Internal Mediators was the role of religion. The U.S. data indicated that there were a number of formalized religions at play and that there was more of a trend for a weak identification with any religion or spirituality (and included being atheist or agnostic). However, in Brazil, the predominant guiding religion, Catholicism—which included 64.6% (Brazil International Religious Freedom Report) of the overall population at the time the data was collected—was an important guiding factor in how family was included through respecting the effect of disclosing sexual identity and the potential consequences on family when going against the teachings of a formal doctrine when identifying as gay.
The Role of Religion provided the key impetus for exploring the phenomenon of disclosure decisions for male, Muslim, gay-identified young adults. Two years after the dissertation project and thanks to a professional relationship with colleagues in Istanbul, Turkey, I replicated this project with a third cultural cohort including an additional 12 participants matching the inclusion criteria. Through this exploration, it became clear that the role religion played was in fact a powerful motivator in the disclosure decision process. In Turkey, 90% of the population identify as some form of “Muslim” within the broader category of Islam. My research indicated that the young men involved encountered a spectrum of responses ranging from acceptance similar to the other two cohorts but also included the very extreme end of that spectrum with the possibility of death through honor killings. This placed youth in Turkey in a potentially much higher risk category in terms of disclosing that they identified as gay.
Phase Three
After accepting a position as the Creativity, Innovation, and Leadership director for my affiliated university, Saybrook University, I became acutely aware of how broad the field of creativity is and with the additional research options that could be used to explore the phenomenon of disclosure decisions for sexual identity. Consequently, I framed the revisited archived data from the initial dissertation project and the data from the Istanbul cohort through two new qualitative designs: Arts-Based Research (ABR) (Leavy, 2018, 2020) and Heuristic Inquiry (HI) (Moustakas, 1990; Sultan, 2019). With a total of 36 in-depth interviews and resulting transcripts analyzed through ABR and HI, I elicited key information that focused on the second original theme, Relational Mediators of Disclosure and two subordinate themes that included Disclosure Factors and Disclosure Events. Through the narrative transcripts, I discovered that the importance of both surviving and thriving as an outcome for disclosing sexual identity was prominent and clearly articulated (including survival, persistence, existence, endurance, determination, relentless, determined and resolved). This aligned with previous examination on being tolerated vs. accepted, as the first was not satisfactory for inclusion to the broader community of humankind. As I explored these themes through the new methodological lenses, the terminology I found over and over again in the narratives (e.g., imagination, inspiration, invention, resourcefulness and others described below) led me to the term, creative survival, to encompass the experience of the young men involved.
Creativity and Heuristic Inquiry
Heuristic Inquiry (HI) uniquely requires the researcher to have had personal experience with the phenomenon under consideration, in this case disclosure of sexual identity. Moustakas (1990) identified the role of the researcher as taking leadership in the research process to provide an equilibrium across all who take part and are known as “co-researcher’s.” Sultan (2019) further describes the process of “locating oneself” within the research and describing the personal journey taken to explore it: “Heuristic research is highly grounded in the researcher’s personal experience due to the fact that both the process and content of inquiry are inspired by the researcher’s autobiographical experience of the phenomenon” (p. 172). Further in the paper, I briefly explore my personal connection to this research topic as an openly identified gay man, and my own experiences serve as a bridge between developing my personal narrative and those of the participants/co-researchers.
The analysis journey for HI includes seven formal processes (Focus of Inquiry, Self-Dialogue, Tacit Knowing, Intuition, Indwelling, Focusing, and the Internal Frame of Reference) and seven phases (Initial Engagement, Immersion, Incubation, Illumination, Explication, Creative Synthesis, and Validation) (Moustakas, 1990). Both the phases and processes were engaged by the author, but space limitations prohibit a detailed description. A unique aspect of HI is that the sixth phase of seven calls for a creative synthesis of the data potentially using an arts-based medium of the author’s choice. Arts-Based Research charges the researcher with bringing the research outcomes to life in the form of public facing and relatable demonstrations of those outcomes through creative conference presentations or other opportunities that are distinct from traditional peer-reviewed journal articles (Leavy, 2018). These are written and conveyed in a way that promotes the use of non-academic language and imagery or other creative mediums making it accessible to the population at large.
How the researcher is positioned within the HI study is also critical as it lends a variety of perspectives achieved through one’s own reflections in combination with one’s co-researchers. Ultimately, this allows for the development of a meta-position to take precedence and engages the collective experience across all who take part in the research, offering an opportunity for the presentation of a final creative synthesis. Three vignettes are offered as this representation.
Positioning and Perspective
Glăveanu (2021) makes several important points about positioning—“the fundamental process it proposes, as a way of transcending the Cartesian split, can be summarized as becoming other” (p. 38). This ultimately offers perspectival positions that embraces living in worlds which offer a unique lens of pluralism and what is possible. Traditionally, this concept serves to develop empathy; however, it also moves one into a sense of dissonance and tensions that the other may realize in dealing with their everyday challenges and of holding membership in a CSI or marginalized identity. This, of course, requires that the individual voluntarily participate in exploring this “other” realm and the ability to accept and maintain that this reality for some is not always a positive journey—“In what way would it enrich the event if I merged with the other, and instead of two, there would be now only one?” (Glăveanu, 2021, p. 39).
A secondary concept integrated by Glăveanu (2021) is counterfactual thinking. It holds with the idea of entertaining alternative versions of past or present outcomes as a process toward understanding. In qualitative research, specifically narrative and heuristic inquiries, one accepts the participant’s conveyance of life events as honest and truthful. There is no need to prove that these facts are accurate; it is an accepted assumption that they are their truth at that given moment. As researchers, when we seek to understand another’s lived experiences, it is not for us to judge those events as demonstrably correct. Instead, we consider our participants’ narratives valid within the interview context and critical to including their experience.
Finally, Glăveanu (2021) offers the reader a perspectival model of creativity that aligns beautifully with exploring how young adults may survive the rigors of “coming out” and making the all-important decision to disclose their sexual identity. Coming out may appear to take place at a singular point in time, but in reality, it takes place over and over across time for every individual. The ability to create an alternate reality about one’s very being is essential to survival. As Glăveanu (2021) states: Every act of creation, from mundane to historical, reflects a person or a group’s engagement with the possible. This is because, by virtue of its processes, creativity doesn’t take place in an automatic or algorithmic manner, but instead requires trial and error, perspective-taking, and a sustained and reflective consideration of alternatives (p. 116).
Researcher’s Background
Holding membership through the lived experience of disclosing my own sexual identity has roots in a struggle similar to those who took part in all three phases of the study. As a gay man, I was able to understand and relate to each narrative without injecting questions that a non-gay identified person might need to ask for clarification. Although every person’s experience is unique, my own experience of arriving at the decision to disclose my identity resonated deeply across the 36 co-researchers’ interviews and served to facilitate the analysis while employing a non-biased reflection and approach to the data. This was achieved through the technique of “bracketing,” first introduced by Moustakas (Creswell & Poth, 2018, p. 78).
In the blue-collar culture where I was raised, people were treated respectfully regardless of the usual hierarchical characteristics of money, religion or what communities they belonged to. My lack of exposure and access to information about gay folks, stemmed from a lack of experience with the extended world, which prevented me from knowing that gay and lesbian people even existed within their own culture. As time went on and I had learned to depend on ways to navigate social and personal situations, I found myself increasingly unable to connect or find anyone I thought might be gay. As a result, I experienced the loneliness of assuming that I was the only one in the world who felt this way. Being a child of the 60’s and 70’s, we had no access to information or the Internet; a critical factor that resonated later with the Internal Mediators theme in my research. My sociocultural sphere was enjoyable but confined to those I assumed were heterosexual. Interestingly, I later discovered that one of my sister’s best friends in high school identified as a lesbian, a fact that had we each known might have changed both of our life trajectories.
I had always engaged in creative and artistic pursuits, and this was amply supported by my parents. My primary focus was music and included becoming very proficient and winning numerous awards both locally and nationally. In college I decided to become a music educator and taught elementary school for about a year. The events that unfolded over time, including marriage and parenthood were difficult both emotionally and socially. I ended up disclosing that I was gay during an argument and this abrupt and painful experience ultimately led to my academic curiosity about how disclosure decisions are made by any gay or lesbian individual and what that experience entailed. How did one survive up until the time of disclosure and additionally, how did one survive the aftermath of disclosure while attempting to thrive in all aspects of life?
Creative Survival
I would posit that the concept of creative survival emerges as something unique in the creativity and psychological literature to date. It may be confused with surviving creatively, in which one employs activities that are typically craft or art mediums, allowing for a distraction against the personal or social challenge of the day toward well-being (Keyes et al., 2024). The current exploration instead considers how it informs our ability to navigate social, emotional and physical survival successfully toward the goal of thriving when challenges arise that are unpracticed/unfamiliar and require creative or divergent solutions and problem solving to help us resolve these significant hurdles with immediacy and intentionality (Cosse et al., 2024; Schwartz, 2022; Zhang et al., 2020).
Exploring the research contributions on creativity, one immediately becomes aware that creativity is both a process and a product, both a framework and a theory, for understanding a plethora of phenomena (Altarriba & Avery, 2021; de Souza e Silva & Xiong-Gum, 2021; Glăveanu & Kaufman, 2019; Kaufman & Sternberg, 2019; Novaes & Natividade, 2023; Runco & Jaeger, 2012; Yakeley, 2014). Use of creativity in our everyday lives has been well documented and aligns, for example, with the unique challenges that arose during the Covid-19 pandemic (Richards, 2007, 2018).
The concept of thriving is identified in the literature specific to gay men as queer thriving. Weststrate et al. (2024) articulate this phenomenon as an outcome of resilience and post-traumatic growth (PTG). Not every disclosure experience for sexual identity is a traumatic one so I want to emphasize what the author’s note above (Caprioglio, 2021) while emphasizing the importance of a mixed-disciplinary, community-engaged, and descriptive approach (in-depth interviews as opposed to quantitative measures) to exploring resilience and PTG there are a host of factors that promote thriving.
Data Analysis
In this section, we revisit Phase Three of the data collection processes described above to understand my trajectory from the original thematic outcomes to the current one of creative survival, with a focus on the subtheme of Disclosure Events.
Once IRB was secured for the review of the pre-existing data, I did a deep dive into the data again, using the platform Atlas.ti and using Heuristic Inquiry to extract direct quotes from the co-researchers’ interviews.
As mentioned above, the terminology that was staring me in the face during the first round of analysis served as the catalyst for identifying how these 36 young adult males navigated the social and emotional situation of coming out and ultimately their own survival in creative, imaginative, and unique ways.
There were repeated mentions of exploring new ideas that were unique and effective (both criteria of creativity) and utilizing innovative application. For example, a Brazilian youth who was forced to leave his home after the disclosure said,” I had to become independent by force” and with no support systems that allowed for a place to live, “…it was necessary for me to develop a new identity” that made it legal for him to be on the streets of São Paulo, “and I invented the role of being an artist which entailed finding ways to secure art materials to bring this person to life.”
The following excerpts from the narratives offer clear insights into the challenges and creativity of the co-researchers and can demonstrate how I developed and supported both the original and new themes. The co-researchers are identified by one of three cultural cohorts: U.S. (U.S.), Brazil (B), Turkey (T)/co-researcher (CR), and position in the interview sequence (1, 2, 3, etc.).
In total there were 183 mentions of creativity, imagination, inspiration, invention, resourcefulness and ingenious across the 36 narratives. The terms survival, persistence, existence, endurance, determination, relentless, determined and resolved were used 76 times. Although frequency alone does not indicate that these terms held meaning for the individuals, it was important to consider how these experiences were declared. Oftentimes, they were the result of a passionate decision to continue to exist in the face of adversity. What strikes me most is, given the co-researchers’ youth and limited lived experiences in the world, how effective their decision process became.
The four organizations that helped recruit my co-researchers, played an important role in supporting each youth. Here are examples of this vital relationship: “When I discovered Projeto Purpurina (Project Glitter), it was like having a home that didn’t previously exist,” “Edith held my heart in a way that made me feel loved even though they knew that I was gay,” “The Projeto Purpurina people understood what it was like to feel rejected by friends and family and this became a new family for me,” and “When I think back about moving to Istanbul to attend Bilgi University, it was the best decision I could make to protect my life once I told even one person that I was gay.”
Creative Synthesis
My focus now turns to the creative synthesis of the narratives through data analysis and reflection using Heuristic Inquiry (HI) and Arts-based Research (ABR) (Leavy, 2018, 2020; Moustakas, 1990). As noted above, I was open about being gay with those I interviewed as a means of increasing comfort and trust from the start. Many of the Brazilian and Turkish participants spoke varying levels of English, so an interpreter was used when needed. The narratives were carefully cross-referenced when translated, as each translator was required to be fluent in both languages and the translation was verified by those supervising the project in each country. I offer my creative synthesis in the form of three vignettes, each with a focus on elements of creative survival in the three cultures that were examined. The names of the interlocutors have been changed for reasons of privacy and safety.
Vignette One
“Renan” is a 19-year-old Afro-Brazilian gay-identified male college student studying psychology. Up to the time he entered university, he had explored a number of artistic and business management pursuits. “I began with wanting to only create and be seen as a famous artist, reality must be considered however.” Due to his struggles with deciding when and how to disclose his sexual identity, he became more intrigued by the human condition related to this disclosure: “I needed to understand why society chooses to hate even though it is against the teaching of Jesus. I’m not even highly religious, but I believe that the world requires kindness.” He ended up choosing a psychology major because his results from the national high school exam lead him in the direction of social services and health fields. “When I made the decision to attend University of São Paulo (USP), I realized it was my opportunity to be free of people’s expectations of me as a heterosexual man, I now could make my own choices.” The description of his disclosure process included the importance of trust, acceptance, access to knowledge, and understanding how discrimination played a role on multiple levels. “I had to survive sharing that I was gay in a unique way that permitted respect for me as Afro-Brazilian. The credibility of being termed a psychologist was perfect.” Throughout his entry into the university, there was the constant cost/benefit analysis that every gay person goes through, but “for me, the ability to endure any discrimination or rejection, would only serve to make me a stronger and more understanding psychologist,” but also serves as an example of his goal to thrive. At the time of the interview Renan had been attending USP for 1 year and was not only excelling in his studies but also becoming the leader of the gay rights group for the university. Empowerment post-disclosure is a key outcome of feeling accepted by one’s peers and family. “The ability to be respected as a leader in the gay cause has been difficult for my family, but for me, it has helped me feel a sense of community and an alternative family” (clarifying that it was an additional benefit to his biological family).
Vignette Two
“Ari” is a 20-year-old gay-identified Jewish male living in Chicago. “I just want you to know that I’m taking part in this research much against the wishes of my mother, she remains terrified that my public exposure is going to be my demise.” After reassuring him of the confidentiality I could offer related to our work together he was unfazed, but I wanted to make clear that anonymity was not 100% possible. “I’m doing this to help my brothers and sisters in the gay community, not for myself as I feel I’ve resolved many of the issues that plague others.” He shared that he held advanced standing at the university he was attending and started at the age of 16. “I’ve always been a resourceful person who could fool many adults into thinking they understood me, it was a game I played to see if what they actually ‘knew’.”
He went on to share that he was aware that he presented as “highly” effeminate “so the big secret was pretty hard to hide (laughs).” He was also aware that he used his humor as a distancing tactic until he trusted the person he was engaging with. “I first came out to my best friend Jeri, and no surprise that she already knew; however, she shared that ‘my respect for you just grew a million times because it validates that I can be trusted.” The disclosure event itself was fairly anticlimactic with this first encounter, however, he shared having been “tortured beyond belief during elementary and junior high, to the point that I didn’t know how I might get through this.” His entry into a public forum where he educated others, both straight and gay, about being gay allowed him to develop leadership skills that “many people gave me credit for just having the courage to stand up and say out loud, what they already assumed about me.” By taking control over the situation and being allowed to create curriculum and school manifestos that supported gay rights, “I had the sense that I might even go on to do great things” and exemplified a desire to both survive and thrive.
When exploring a bit more about the family dynamics, he stated matter of factly, “My father was never a father to me, he left my mother when I was very young and made me feel that I wasn’t the son he had hoped for.” Although his mother was supportive of him, her constant anxiety over what might happen “practically drove me crazy, to the point where I had to leave home and stay with my grandparents for periods of time.” He was aware that this made his mother feel rejected “but as an adolescent, I was more concerned for my own survival and having this alternative also breathed creative life into me.” His grandparents were “creatives” themselves and “when I developed artistic skills, I could use them as a form of resistance to the heteronormative oppression, because most people didn’t understand what they were looking at (laughs).”
Vignette Three
“Firat” is an 18-year-old gay-identified Muslim male residing in Istanbul. He was born in a village in eastern Turkey and came to Istanbul when he was accepted at the university. He presented as traditionally handsome and overtly masculine in his appearance, being 6’3” tall and muscular. Despite these highly cherished heteronormative characteristics, he said his life in his village was fraught with conjecture about his sexual identity. The activity of men in Turkey would be considered as bisexual in other cultures; however, only when the gay lifestyle is embraced (co-existing in a loving relationship with another man) would one be considered gay, and this is avoided. This clarification took me somewhat by surprise, but he went on to explain, “We don’t socialize with women, at all, so men are always in each other’s company, we work, play and pray together.” As we delved deeper into the interview, Firat explained that a decision to disclose sexual identity could run the entire spectrum of consequences depending on who it was shared with. “Even if my father were to accept me as being gay, my uncle(s) would feel it was their duty to respect the act of honor killing on my father’s behalf.” This could mean that even if the uncles accepted him as gay, it was the “appearance to others that holds most importance, and my life would be in jeopardy.” His creative survival emerged when sharing that in spite of being interested in sports, “my affinity in coming up with unique ideas and ways to make things happen was considered an art form” that included his ability to endure the gossip and questioning that ensued around him prior to moving west. “If my uncles were to somehow believe the rumors, I don’t know how it would have ended, only my appearance saved me from their questions.”
Firat’s first disclosure encounter occurred when he started to attend Bilgi, and he realized that there were other gay men who didn’t worry about sharing this information. “I had a roommate once I moved to Istanbul who immediately knew we were attracted to each other, but it was the usual case of who would admit this first.” He stated that he didn’t hope he sounded conceited but was aware that “many men were attracted to me, gay or straight so my choices were huge.” He had a keen sense of the internal and relational mediators that were at play (without being aware of these themes), stating outright, “Religion is the biggest factor to me ever telling someone, the second is trust, and the third is the tradition to appear as a man.” He also knew that many issues lay ahead for him: “It’s not like I’m done with having to tell others, we all know that this happens endlessly and can really be exhausting in a country like Turkey, you just can never predict what might happen in the future.”
These brief examples underscore that there is power for the co-researchers in sharing their stories, as most people never want to hear them. They are a gift to the researcher. They highlight that the experience of holding membership in the gay community is very intense and very different from a national or ethnic cultural identity, while still a culture unto itself. They demonstrate the theme of creative survival through events that lead to both surviving, thriving, and doing so in unique and purposeful ways. These events include and foster successfully navigating cultural norms and laws and inventing new ways for a more public discourse about sexual identity.
Final Thoughts
In reviewing the data from the interviews across three cultural cohorts—36 in-depth narratives in all—I feel that we do have the start of a dialogue on the concept of creative survival. This paper is currently focused on the disclosure decisions of sexual identity for gay men but clearly has implications for future exploration. It additionally fulfills two of the recommendations for future research from my dissertation: examining subordinate themes beneath the three original superordinate themes and adding a third cultural cohort (Turkey). Disclosure events provided the impetus for sharing a synthesis through personal vignettes of three of the participants, one from each culture. Replicating the study in Turkey with an additional 12 participants added depth and breadth to the original research and the indication that still more cultural cohorts could be of benefit.
Although tradition dictates that qualitative methodologies are not permitted to generalize to broader populations (perhaps in this case the LGBTQIA community rather than only the gay men of participated), there are suggestions in the data that creative survival could be considered as a positive outcome to a number of societal challenges. This might include having successfully navigated the Covid-19 pandemic, political transformations that impact our democracy, and how we can access our creative skills to maintain a sense of thriving, hope and optimism on the journey.
Footnotes
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank all who participated in this exploration, across all three continents. I would also like to thank Vivian Auslander for her editorial guidance.
Funding
The author received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Declaration of Conflicting Interests
The author declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.