“I Think I’m Really Well-Equipped to be a Parent”: Autistic Parents’ Experiences of Parenting Autistically

Abstract

Background:

Although research has begun to examine the experiences of parents who are themselves Autistic, our understanding of Autistic parents’ perceptions of themselves as Autistic parents remains limited. While studies have documented the unique challenges Autistic parents face, and some have sought to capture the quality of Autistic parent–child relationships, few have sought to understand how Autistic parents parent Autistically.

Methods:

Here, 40 Autistic parents of Autistic children completed semistructured interviews to answer the questions: what characterizes Autistic parents’ experiences of parenting, and how do Autistic parents conceptualize an Autistic approach to parenting? Participant responses were analyzed using reflexive thematic analysis, employing an inductive approach.

Results:

We developed three themes, encompassing the challenges and affordances of being an Autistic parent, and the parenting strategies that Autistic parents employed. The parents in this study identified challenges when their own Autistic needs differed from their child’s. They spoke about the difficulties of parenting with alexithymia and the toll of perfectionism and rumination, which were exacerbated by external stigma and judgment (Theme 1). Yet, being Autistic also brought benefits, and parents felt that sharing an identity with their Autistic child, judgment-free curiosity, and a passionate interest in parenting and autism, all fostered loving connections with their children (Theme 2). Finally, parents spoke of ways of engaging with their children that they felt were uniquely Autistic, including being honest and vulnerable with their children, listening to their children and respecting their autonomy and dignity, and resisting conventional parenting approaches that did not suit Autistic needs (Theme 3).

Conclusion:

We show that, while Autistic parents undoubtedly face challenges, they can also perceive themselves to be excellent parents, with specific strengths and strategies that benefit their child. Our findings are vital for researchers and clinicians to support Autistic parents to mitigate specific challenges and to flourish as parents.

Community Brief

Why is this an important issue?

While we know that Autistic parents face some unique challenges and often speak about having profound and loving bonds with their children, we don’t understand how Autistic parents “do” parenting, and whether being Autistic brings any benefits. Knowing this will help us to support Autistic parents to thrive as parents.

What was the purpose of this study?

In this study, we wanted to know Autistic parents’ unique parenting experiences, including challenges and benefits of being an Autistic parent.

What did the researchers do?

We spoke with 40 Autistic parents of Autistic children in primary school about their experiences of parenting and their relationships with their children. Then we analyzed their answers to see if there were any patterns in the ways they described parenting.

What were the results and conclusions of the study?

The Autistic parents in our study faced challenges. Sometimes their Autistic needs differed from their Autistic child’s needs, which was hard. Difficulties labeling emotions (alexithymia), perfectionism, and rumination could make parenting challenging. Stigma and judgment made parents question themselves. But our participants also thought that being an Autistic parent was a good thing, because they shared an Autistic identity with their child, and felt that being curious and passionate about parenting and autism helped them to be good parents. They also told us they felt that some of their parenting ways were uniquely Autistic. Many parents also embraced being honest and vulnerable with their children, listening to their children carefully, respecting and accepting their children, and parenting in ways that might be unconventional but met their own and their children’s needs.

What is new or controversial about these findings?

Researchers often only speak about how difficult parenting is. Autistic parents also often feel that their parenting is judged as lacking by others. This study helps us to think about how we can support Autistic parents to thrive and feel confident in their parenting. In fact, this study suggests that understanding how Autistic parents parent their Autistic children might help non-autistic parents who are caring for an Autistic child.

What are potential weaknesses in the study?

Although we spoke with 40 Autistic parents, we didn’t talk to parents who were diagnosed in childhood or who did not use speech to communicate. Most of our participants were white and well-educated and had access to information about autism. This means that we did not talk to a diversity of Autistic parents, whose experiences might be different from the parents in this study.

How will these findings help Autistic adults now or in the future?

This study will help Autistic parents to feel good about their parenting and, indeed, reassure Autistic people considering parenthood. It will give them evidence that Autistic parents can be good parents. This is very important because many Autistic parents fear that their child might be taken from them, if they are not a good parent, or may not choose to become a parent at all. Our study can also help clinicians to support Autistic parents to focus on the strengths and benefits of being an Autistic parent.