Cavalcade of Love

For my mother, who died suddenly of heart failure after a long struggle with several chronic conditions The rain poured down this morning after weeks of perfect sun. I imagine you resting, protected and watching, slowed by the cover and stilled by the steady drum of rain on leaves. I miss you so much. It hits me in waves—the mist over trees projecting me to London, where you will never go. My heart breaks but is not broken. It is pure love and longing for the way you died, suddenly and alone. But I will try not to get caught in the details but lose myself in the memories— the feel of your arms surrounding me with a towel after a swim, or your hands holding mine after I chastised you yet again for not taking good care of yourself. I will feel this, the sudden rush not as a cavalcade of disaster but of love.