Abstract
Gabrielle Juteau, Jaden Loo, and Susan L. Brown on the terms of modern dating.
Young adults are devising new terminology to make meaning in the fuzzy realm of romantic relationships. Reflecting the demise of a singular conventional script for relationship progression, the uncertainty marking many nascent relationships has spurred the rise of terms, such as situationships, that are rapidly gaining traction in popular discourse. In fact, three of the five finalists for Oxford English Dictionary’s (OED) Word of the Year for 2023 are new additions to the lexicon of relationship terms: situationship, beige flag, and rizz.
The preponderance of relationship terms among the OED finalists attests to both the evolving discourse around relationships and the wide reach of these terms in popular parlance. By extension, their emergence signals that existing words are inadequate for capturing the varied dynamics of today’s relationships.
To evaluate the ascent of the three relationship-related finalists for Word of the Year, we examined Google Trends data charting internet search trajectories in the United States over the past decade, spanning from January 2013 to December 2023. The figure on p. 57 shows the Google search interest levels for rizz, beige flag, and situationship. A value of 100 is attributed to the month and year during which the term was the most popular across the period under investigation. Then, the remaining monthly time points are reported relative to this peak. The seemingly abrupt emergence of new terms in the dating realm is emblematic of the rapidly shifting terrain of relationship initiation among today’s young adults.
Rizz, defined by the OED as the ability to entice a potential sexual or romantic partner through one’s exhibition of attractiveness, style, or charm, skyrocketed in popularity when it was coined by a Twitch user in mid-2021, per Yahoo! Sports writer Seren Morris. During 2023, searches for this term dwarfed searches for either beige flag or situationships (see p. 58, top), which may be a factor for why rizz was ultimately selected as the 2023 OED Word of the Year. However, rizz was also on Lake Superior State University’s 2024 Banished Words List, signaling that the term has morphed from popular to played out; it is now widely viewed as hackneyed. Still, as shown in the figure, rizz went viral at the end of 2022. Despite fluctuating popularity during 2023, the apex was the last time point, in December 2023; thus, rizz may continue to gain traction in the near future.
Glossary of Definitions for Contemporary Relationship Terms
2023 Words of the year Google search interest over time (January 2023 to December 2023)
Note: Numbers represent search interest relative to the highest point on the chart for the given region and time. A value of 100 is the peak popularity for the term. A value of 50 means that the term is half as popular. A score of 0 means there was not enough data for this term. Source: Google Trends (https://www.google.com/trends)
Beige flag refers to a neutral characteristic of one’s partner that reveals them to be either boring or lacking in creativity. For example, being unable to sleep without wearing socks in bed can be considered a beige flag for a partner. The sharp increase and subsequent decrease in the popularity of this term, which peaked in June 2023, suggests that beige flag is more of a flash in the pan than an enduring descriptor of today’s relationships. At the end of 2023, search interest in this term was extremely low. The reason for this precipitous decline is unclear.
In contrast, situationship seems to be firmly cemented in relationship discourse. It has been in use since at least the early 2010s. Google searches for this term grew slowly from January 2019 to September 2022, and increased dramatically thereafter (see figure at left). Moreover, the steady rise in its popularity over time suggests that the integration of the word goes beyond a temporary, viral trend—it’s now a feature of the ongoing cultural transformation of the dating realm. In fact, supplemental analyses using the TikTok Creative Center (see p. 58, bottom) demonstrates that interest in situationships on the social media app (which caters to a different demographic than Google) has followed a popularity trajectory in recent years that looks much like the Google trends data.
The OED defines a situationship as “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.” However, in both social media and in-person interactions, young adults are often quick to expand on this definition by pointing to imbalances in commitment and power as contributing factors. Hence, whether a situationship is a prerequisite to a committed romantic relationship or a stagnant, initial relationship phase remains unclear. Regardless, the longstanding popularity of this term underscores the utility of a new label that disrupts traditional dating scripts and challenges conventional relationship forms.
The modern dating realm is replete with additional, novel terminology to describe contemporary relationship statuses. On p. 56, we provide a field guide to recently coined terms. Note that this glossary is not designed to be exhaustive but to call attention to a set of newly popularized words that young adults use widely, including on social media, to characterize the relationship landscape. We focus on terms that either describe the initial, tentative stages of a relationship or lay outside the form of a traditional, committed romantic relationship. As such, this glossary illustrates the pathways to a committed relationship that are marked by a plurality of experiences and circumstances. Relationship pathways are no longer uniform or binary. Moreover, the various relationship features (i.e., relationship type, commitment) encompassed in this glossary show how future relationship intentions (or the lack thereof) are at the center of relationship trajectories.
To make sense of their dating landscape, young adults are coining new terms that defy traditional dating scripts and conventions. These changes in relationship discourse provide new insights into the dynamics of some of today’s romantic relationships. A key direction for future research is to unpack this terminology to conceptualize and operationalize how young adults are experiencing their dating worlds.
Conventional relationship types (i.e., dating, cohabiting, married) do not adequately capture the lived experiences of many young adults. Moreover, dating does not exist in a vacuum but unfolds in a larger cultural context that is increasingly shaped through online interactions. By deciphering the contexts and meanings of these new relationship forms, we can better understand the fuzziness that often pervades contemporary dating dynamics. Nearly half of American adults surveyed by the Pew Research Center in 2020 agreed that dating is “harder today” than it was a decade prior. Determining the causes of these new challenges in relationship formation is essential to our understanding of the transition to adulthood as well as individual health and well-being.
2023 Words of the Year Google Search Interest Over Time (January 2013 to December 2023)
Note: Numbers represent search interest relative to the highest point on the chart for the given region and time. A value of 100 is the peak popularity for the term. A value of 50 means that the term is half as popular. A score of 0 means there was not enough data for this term. Source: Google Trends (https://www.google.com/trends)
Situationship Tik Tok Interest Over Time (February 2021 to December 2023)
Note: Each data point compares the relative volume against the peak volume of the trend. A value of 100 is the peak popularity for the trend. Source: Tik Tok Creative Center (https://ads.tiktok.com/business/creativecenter/inspiration/popular/hashtag/pc/en)
