Abstract
Nazneen Kane on the many motivations driving choices to father full-time.
I was the only mom at the park, outnumbered not by nannies and babysitters but by stay-at-home fathers. Unlike my Washington, D.C. neighborhood, where privileged children were customarily tended by European au pairs and stay-at-home mothers, the children at this park in Cincinnati, Ohio were hanging out with their dads while mom acted as the primary breadwinner.
The greatest increase in stay-at-home fatherhood is among men who decide to stay at home to care for their family. Of course, economic and pragmatic factors figure in, too.
One set of dads was primarily comprised of White, college-educated, middle-upper class men choosing at-home fatherhood. Another group was primarily Black, unemployed men fathering at or below the poverty line with few, if any, alternatives. Stay-at-home fathers are diverse and their family lives are deeply unequal; there are multiple stay-at-home fatherhoods.
Who are Stay-at-Home Fathers?
The Pew Research Center estimates that 2 million stay-at-home fathers comprise 16% of all at-home parents in the United States. Among men who live with their children, Black fathers are most likely to stay-at-home (13%), while White fathers are least likely (6%). Lower educational attainment is also correlated with men’s being at-home, with those men lacking a high school diploma most likely to stay at home with their children. Many of these fathers live below the poverty line.
Recently though, other types of fathers are staying at home. In fact, Pew and others have found that men with higher levels of educational attainment account for the greatest increase in stay-at-home fatherhood. This trend accounts for the bifurcation in fatherhoods and families I noticed in Cincinnati, with the primarily White, affluent fathers and the Black, lower income fathers at the park.
Diverse Motivations for Stay-at-Home Fatherhood
The greatest increase in stay-at-home fatherhood (SAHF) is among men who appear to have some degree of choice and who decide to stay at home to care for their family. According to Pew’s analysis of large-scale survey data, the percentage of SAHFs who report their reason as “caring for home and family” grew from 5% in 1989 to 21% in 2012.
The author’s husband and daughter, Jeff and Imani Kane.
Courtesy Nazneen Kane
Today’s stay-at-home dads are happiest when they have peers who are also primary care givers.
Anne Worner via Creative Commons
However, according to Noelle Chesley’s 2011 study, economic and pragmatic factors continue to play a large role in the rise of SAHF. Her in-depth interviews with 21 at-home fathers across the country reveal that the underlying motivation for transitioning into the role of stay-at-home father is largely centered on financial considerations. Chesley notes that even among fathers who reported a desire to be an at-home father, their decision was often simultaneously influenced by their wife’s greater income or professional potential.
Some at-home fathers, however, would prefer to work for pay. Current Population Survey estimates report that almost a quarter (23%) of SAHFs nationwide are unable to find work. Indicators of economic instability include wage stagnation, the disappearance of manufacturing work, and the recent economic recession. The global economy has displaced many of the jobs previously performed by U.S. men, heavily impacting the working class and those men without college experience. The decline of job opportunities has driven many families to rearrange their work-family lives.
In the Rust Belt, these socio-economic forces are at work. The Cincinnati neighborhood I studied was once supported by the manufacturing industry. And, while White men are also affected by economic recessions, the socio-economic history of the neighborhood meant that these unemployed fathers were primarily men of color. Rick, a father of three, reported applying for more than 30 minimum wage jobs in the prior month, and complained that each demanded a college degree even though “any dummy can do it.” Similarly, Edmond, a SAHF with a GED who cared for his partner’s three children while she worked a $10/hour job cleaning a nearby hospital, told me that government assistance kept them afloat. He deeply regretted the felony charge that impeded his employability.
In general, when men (and, surely, women) have a high-earning partner and a peer group of other stay-at-home parents, they have less stress and higher role-related satisfaction.
John, an African-American SAHF of four children, had a similar story. He talked about his inability to find work due to an “extensive” criminal record. His wife worked full-time at Wal-Mart earning minimum wage. Within a few short weeks of meeting John, he and his family moved out of their Section 8 housing to live with extended family in Chicago, hoping for better job prospects. The perspectives of Rick, Edmond, and John illustrated how men who report frustration with the job market also are less satisfied with SAHF.
Drawbacks to stay-at-home parenting include stigma, social isolation, boredom, loss of professional networks, and a need to justify their role to outsiders.
Perceptions of Stay-at-Home Fatherhood
My interviews with Cincinnati fathers and previous sociological research have both revealed that men experience stay-at-home fatherhood in diverse ways. Men differ greatly in their satisfaction with SAHF; satisfaction often hinges on men’s motivation for staying at home. In general, when men’s partners had high earnings and when they had social interactions with other SAHFs, they reported significantly less stress and more role-related satisfaction. Brad Harrington, Fred Van Deuson, and Iyar Mazar’s interviews with 31 at-home men highlights numerous benefits for this demographic. In their 2012 study, men reported less adherence to a breadwinning ideology, the development of a greater range of parenting skills, a deeper recognition of the importance of care work, strong bonds with children, greater paternal sensitivity, and greater satisfaction in spending time with children and family.
Conversely, men tend to experience SAHF negatively when the transition to at-home fatherhood is due to unemployment, lack of job opportunity, and/or disability. Stigma experienced with friends or family and a man’s perception that he is not fulfilling his masculine or fatherly role can contribute to a negative perception of SAHF. This was especially true of Edmond, who expressed feelings of inadequacy and boredom, and did not particularly enjoy caring for his stepchildren. Edmond’s situation was particularly discouraging because he held little hope of finding a steady job. He said he was frequently criticized by his closest family and friends.
Regardless of motivation and satisfaction, most SAHFs continue to report stigmatizing experiences. In a 2010 study, Aaron Rochlen and his colleagues found that half of the 207 at-home fathers in their study reported a stigmatizing experience; the majority of the incidents involved derogatory commentary from stay-at-home mothers. Higher status men also report social isolation, boredom, loss of professional networks, and a need to justify their role to outsiders.
Despite these drawbacks, SAHFs generally report positive social interactions with neighbors and friends and satisfaction with their status. Jeremy Smith’s The Daddy Shift eloquently lays out some of the triumphs and tribulations of SAHF and the ways it is helping to transform the American family.
In My Experience
When I began meeting stay-at-home dads at the park, I never considered that my own husband might soon be among them. Unable to find work in Cincinnati, we found that the best alternative to unemployment was for him to work as a touring sound engineer.
This job would involve frequent transitions in and out of stay-at-home fatherhood.
Personal experience with these transitions would soon demonstrate to me another layer of complexity to SAHF—not only are men’s motivations and levels of satisfaction with SAHF diverse, their movement into and out of SAHF is situational. Patterns of entry and exit vary across men’s lives. While these transitions are challenging, I have found my partner’s SAHF rewarding in unexpected ways. My husband and daughter have forged strong bonds of attachment, and I have learned to never underestimate the importance of fathers in the lives of their children.