Abstract
In the context of declining birth rates, sociologist Amy Blackstone examines the choice not to become a parent and considers social responses to that choice.
Consider the following comments, the first from Bob, a partnered, childfree man in his late 30s, “People who have decided not to have kids arguably have been more thoughtful than those who decided to have kids. It’s deliberate, it’s respectful, ethical, and it’s a real honest, good, fair, and, for many people, right decision.”
And Janet, a single childfree woman in her early 30s remarks, “To get where we are has been a constant decision making process because every relationship you enter into, especially romantically, that’s the expected thing. You’re constantly making a decision about remaining childfree.”
For Bob and Janet, not having children is neither fate nor accident. It is a deliberate choice they must re- articulate each time they enter new relationships, field questions about their family status, and when reminded by well-meaning folks that they need to provide grandchildren for their parents. Although much recent media and research attention has focused on the increase in child-raising trends among single women, lesbians, and gay men, more people than ever aren’t raising children at all. Bob and Janet are 2 of the 45 interview participants in my study of childfree adults. They are among an increasing number of people in the United States who have opted out of parenthood.
Studies that do not ask about choice but use the term “childless” conflate those who want kids and those who do not.
In considering this “emerging childfree movement,” as sociologist Kristin Park once described it, one question is whether people are making a conscious choice to opt out of parenthood (the childfree) or whether they want children but do not have them (the childless). Birthrates, often cited in news stories about the childfree, do not tell us whether those not bearing children intentionally chose this outcome nor do they take into account adoption patterns. The language in many research studies further confounds the issue. Studies that do not ask about choice but use the term “childless” conflate those who want kids and those who do not (perhaps indicative of the normative expectation that one should want children).
Researchers at the National Survey of Family Growth address this challenge by measuring birth desire, asking respondents if they want a baby at some point. Yet a problem with this approach is that desires do not always match outcomes. Other researchers sub-categorize non-parents as either “early articulators” who know from an early age that they do not want kids, or “postponers” who put off deciding until their childbearing years have passed. Of course, not all postponers are alike; some identify as childless, others as childfree. Despite these methodological challenges, we do know that fewer Americans are having children today than in the past.
Childfree couples are the increasing focus of media attention.
© 2013 Time, Inc.
Who Doesn’t have Kids and Why
Whether by choice or by circumstance, birth rates have declined significantly over the last 40 years. In the United States, the percentage of women who have not given birth by their 40s has nearly doubled since 1976, when 10 percent of women had never given birth by their 40s. The technical term for this is “nulliparous.” A 2013 Centers for Disease Control report notes the total U.S. fertility rate has been below the population replacement rate of 2.1 children per woman since 1971.
Data from the 2010 Current Population Survey show that 19.1 percent of white women, 17.2 percent of black women, and 15.9 percent of Asian women ages 40-44 did not have children.
Much of what we know about non-parents comes from studies that, unfortunately, do not differentiate between the childless and the childfree. From these studies we know that non-parents (including childless and childfree) are more heavily concentrated in professional and managerial occupations. Also, non-parent couples are, on average, more highly educated, less religious, more likely to live in urban areas, and hold less traditional beliefs about gender roles than couples with kids.
Studies that focus on the childfree specifically, find several differences between women and men. For childfree women, the choice not to parent is often linked to the desire to develop meaningful careers. Men identifying as childfree cite the high cost of rearing children and a desire for financial flexibility as important to their decision. Childfree men and women also differ with regard to education; while higher education greatly increases women’s likelihood of being childfree, it does not for men. In 2006, researchers at the National Center for Health Statistics found that about half of 35-44-year-old women without kids were childfree. That is, they were nulliparous by choice. Participants in this study were asked whether they expected to have children; those who did not expect to have children but were capable of having them were defined as “voluntarily childless,” or childfree.
The women and men I’ve interviewed say not wanting to give up valued activities is one reason they are childfree. Steve, an engineer in his early 30s, shared, “I want to be able to travel. I want to be able to do things that I would not be able to do if I had kids.” Janet said simply, “I don’t want to give up my healthy sex life.”
Interview participants also describe not having kids as an ethically responsible choice. Kate, a student in her mid 30s, said, “I’m really just concerned about our world. At this time in our social structure right now it’s not going to be a good thing to have children. We can’t bring them up healthfully.” April, a social worker in her late 30s, said not having children “is responsible. Instead of this kind of blindly following the societal expectation, it means really taking a lot of factors into consideration. I think about all kinds of stuff. I camped over the weekend and I saw the trash that people with kids left and let build up from so much over use of a camp site. I think about stuff like acceptable population levels.”
Percent of women who have never given birth, ages 40-44
Source: Pew Resource Center
Non-parents (including childless and childfree) are more heavily concentrated in professional and managerial occupations, more highly educated, less religious, more likely to live in urban areas, and hold less traditional beliefs about gender roles than couples with kids.
Childfree Identity
As concern over declining birth rates mounts, longstanding stereotypes and the accompanying cultural hostilities toward childfree people have emerged. Recognizing their choice as stigmatized, some childfree have mobilized around this identity. In 2013, childfree authors and activists resurrected Non-Parents Day, a celebration originally founded by the National Organization for Non-Parents in 1973. This “annual recognition of amazing childfree people and their lives” was renamed International Childfree Day and serves to foster acceptance of the childfree choice. Each year the International Childfree Man and Woman of the Year are named for their efforts to promote acceptance of the childfree choice in society.
Via blogs and social networking sites, the childfree find camaraderie and challenge cultural stereotypes and misperceptions. This online community is growing; a 2009 University of Oxford paper identified 18 Facebook groups focused on the childfree; today over 80 such groups exist. The role of online communities in childfree people’s lives has not yet been systematically examined, but research shows online communities help other stigmatized groups unify, solidify identities, and provide support.
For childfree women, the choice not to parent is often linked to the desire to develop meaningful careers. Men identifying as childfree cite the high cost of rearing children and a desire for financial flexibility as important to their decision.
Whether the childfree identity is one around which people can effectively mobilize remains a question. Several studies note that the heterogeneity of the childfree as a group may hamper collective organization efforts. So far, that hasn’t seemed to slow the proliferation of childfree-focused blogs, meet-up groups, or dating sites.
Entering the Public Consciousness
Some businesses have heard the collective voice of the childfree, or at least taken note of their economic power. In the past year, airlines and restaurants made headlines as they added kid-free sections and hours. DeVries Global, a market research firm, published a 2014 “Shades of Otherhood” study noting that each woman who doesn’t have children represents “enormous untapped potential as a consumer and influencer.”
The media too has taken notice. “The Childfree Life” graced the cover of Time last summer, Slate and other news sources weighed in, and childfree guests made the talk show circuit on Katie last fall. Conservative commentator Harry Siegel in his 2013 Newsweek article laments the rise of “postfamilial America” and remarks that “the choice to be childless is bad for America.” This fear has been echoed by others such as Pope Francis who commented that the childfree are doomed to a fate of “old age in solitude, with the bitterness of loneliness.”
Despite changes that have paved the way for more than one possible answer to the question of whether to parent, cultural narratives have not yet caught up to this reality. The dominant narrative continues to be that, of the two options, parenthood is the more mature, selfless choice. Pop culture depictions of the childfree perpetuate the myth that not having kids is an unnatural choice made by deviant people who may eventually change their minds. Robin Scherbatsky of How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory’s Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz are two of the few prime-time childfree female characters. Robin, a gun-toting commitment-phobe, and Bernadette, a scientist with a Ph.D. in microbiology, challenge our dominant cultural ideals of femininity. While this is laudable, it also contributes to the myth that the childfree choice is “unnatural.” As one news piece put it last year, happily childfree women are viewed as “dangerous oddities.”
In Robin and Bernadette’s cases, both characters ultimately soften their childfree stance, reinforcing the myth that all childfree women eventually change their minds. Upon learning she can’t have children, Robin breaks down, mourning the fertility she’d spent six seasons evading. Bernadette decides she would consider changing her mind if her partner agreed to stay home with the kids.
Despite negative popular narratives, sociological research indicates that the childfree may have more time and motivation to contribute to their communities through charitable and volunteer efforts. Recent studies also suggest that they help rear the next generation by serving as mentors, teachers, counselors, and friends to children, and that they lead fulfilling and happy lives; form “chosen families”; care about our collective future; and enjoy the benefits of diverse social networks as they age.
As these studies proliferate, they may widen awareness and understanding of the childfree choice and contribute to more realistic predictions of the implications of people choosing to remain childfree.