Abstract
This essay looks at the intersection of Big Football, Big Money, and the Child-Sex Abuse Scandal at Penn State. It articulates a “becoming feminist” analysis in this context in order to conduct a diffractive reading that intra-acts from within by installing the self in the event. What is produced is beyond interpretation, autoethnography, reflexivity, intentionality and rationality in addressing both what happened and why so many keep silent about childhood sexual abuse. Trying to understand what is at stake in speaking out of a situation with so many emotional investments, I explore my engagement in a project on the weight of sports in US secondary schools and raise cautions for the kind of researcher subject position I might assume in this fraught space.
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