In this article I discuss a troubled conscience brought on by trying to be a critical scholar of physical culture while, at the same time, being a sports fan. I recount, in particular, the efforts, of myself and others, to try and reconcile what I see as an incongruence between an emotional passion for sport and the demands of academic politics. I try to lay bare my own hypocrisies and uncertainties in the hope of provoking a broader discussion about what academics are supposed to be and what they actually do.
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