In poststructural autoethnography, there is a tension between a desire to write the self and a knowing that there is no stable self to write. A few have recently attempted to theoretically and empirically work through this tension (De Freitas & Paton; Gannon; Jackson & Mazzei; Phillips, Harris, Larson, & higgins; Reinertsen). In this article, I attempt to represent a nonsubjectified “self,” relying on the construct of hacceity (Deleuze & Guattari). Writing a hacceity is an ethical move. In consciously refusing to represent a humanist self, this project seeks to think, constitute, and represent “me” differently in order that “I” may come to live differently, for how I conceive myself directly functions in how I live in this world. Specifically, this autoethnography, wherein “auto” is understood as a desubjectified individuation, will represent hacceities of wo/man in assemblages of anabolic—androgenic steroids.
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