Abstract
Anthony Giddens argues that late modernity is characterized by a democratization of intimate relationships and that gay men and lesbian women appear to be an expression of that movement. This paper is based on interviews with 20 New Zealand men – representing 11 gay couples – who discussed issues of monogamy, trust and sexual behaviour negotiations in their relationships. Overall, they had conventional notions of relationships, romantic love and monogamy that prompted decisions to discard condoms for anal sex as proof of their love for each other. They simultaneously believed that monogamy was not sustainable. Generally, the relationships were marked by ‘infidelity’ anxieties and a reluctance to disclose sexual encounters outside the relationship and to discuss or negotiate their possibility. These experiences serve as reminders to not assume that gay relationships are necessarily as democratic and open as Giddens suggests – pertinent when regarding the development of programmes aimed at reducing HIV transmission within relationships.
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