“They tell us little and we end up being confused”: Parent–child communication on familial experiences of genocide and its aftermath in Rwanda

Abstract

In the current study we explore how Rwandan youth negotiate, within the family setting, a myriad of social and interpersonal dilemmas around silence and disclosure of genocide-related experiences of their parents. The study draws primarily on individual interviews and focus group discussions with 20 children of genocide survivor and perpetrator parents in the western and eastern provinces of Rwanda. Using the conceptual framework of social navigation which theorizes agency in a fluid, often unpredictable, and constantly moving social environment, we focus specifically on the difficult and often contradictory complex of factors that drive the communication strategies and tactics of the children as they seek information to understand the past of their parents. This includes the children’s urge to get to know the specific stories of their family but fearing the emotional disruption it may cause in the parent–child relationship; the push–pull dynamics of the parents wanting to disclose some experiences but admonishing silence on others; and the often ambiguous divergences between the public and private discourses. Our findings show that the steadiest navigational point guiding communication choices, made by both parents and their offspring, was a desire to contribute to a peaceful social environment, and to reduce the risk of future violence. We present emerging evidence suggesting that community-based sociotherapy, a program that includes healing the social space and not only intrapsychic wounds, may contribute to a steadier navigation of the tricky communication issues, enhancing psychosocial wellbeing.