Abstract
“We believe in couplehood but live in singlehood” (Kislev, 2019, p. 5). This paradox is central to Elyakim Kislev’s Happy Singlehood: The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living. Kislev argues that the disconnect between the rising number of people living in singlehood and the omnipresent idealization of couplehood is the result of the lingering cultural disapproval of singlehood. He challenges the popular view of singles as sad and unhappy by focusing on the mechanisms that improve the life quality of singles. Hereby, Kislev offers a relevant new perspective in family sociology.
Happy Singlehood is based on 142 interviews with singles, the reviews of hundreds of blog posts and Facebook posts about singlehood, and quantitative analyses using secondary data. This impressive multitude of sources allows Kislev to describe the lives of singles in detail. Several definitions of singlehood are used. I was initially worried that some of the quantitative analyses used a too crude definition of singlehood (i.e., all unmarried individuals as single). Although these analyses sometimes indeed fell short in capturing the situation of singles who are at the center in the theorization in the book—singles who do not have a partner—the rich descriptions of the experiences of different types of singles in the qualitative analyses do justice to the wide variety of living situations of singles. However, the exclusion of singles younger than thirty years old is a missed opportunity in my view. Kislev motivates this choice by the possible temporary nature of singlehood and a lack of social pressure to marry during one’s twenties. I think young singles could have actually offered an interesting case study because the majority of their peers live in singlehood, which is one of the conditions for happy singlehood. Moreover, singles in their late twenties, especially single women, may experience social pressure to partner for fertility reasons. Interviews among singles in this age group could have shed more light on how singles’ happiness is affected by the pressure to partner for such reasons.
Although the first two empirical chapters offer the necessary context to understand recent trends in singlehood and the situation for older singles, the most exciting insights are provided in the later chapters. Chapter three on defying social pressure in particular stands out. In this chapter, Kislev makes a compelling point for the importance of singlehood as a category of discrimination, pays attention to the effects of singlism for the happiness of singles, and discusses strategies singles use to cope with discrimination. The well-described experiences of discrimination at workplaces, in media, and in the housing market are an eye-opener and underline the importance of this book. Although Kislev touches on the double stigma of belonging to the LGBTQI-community and being single, he predominantly compares singlehood to other categories of stigmatization and discrimination (race, gender, and sexual orientation) as if they are separate entities. His argument could have been strengthened by a discussion of the patriarchal and heteronormative sources that are at the root of the discrimination of singles and other marginalized groups and by studying the intersection of singlehood with belonging to other marginalized groups.
Chapters four to six in Happy Singlehood offer another great contribution regarding the finding that singles and coupled individuals do not only differ in their social networks, values, and work but also in how important these aspects of life are for their happiness. More specifically, Kislev shows that friendships, values such as independence and freedom, and job satisfaction are more important for single than coupled individuals. This is an important finding, suggesting that the literature cannot simply translate their theories and findings for coupled individuals to single individuals. These chapters also uncover some of the risks singles face. For example, the devotion of singles to their jobs and the importance of job satisfaction for their happiness put them at a higher risk of burnouts. As these findings suggest that having contact with friends and undertaking social activities are more important for the well-being of singles, questions arise about how the COVID-19 pandemic may have especially hit singles’ well-being.
Happy Singlehood is a timely book that addresses the often overlooked experiences of singles. While Kislev aspires with Happy Singlehood to offer tools for singles to have a happy life, an important contribution of his book is the tools it offers to the wider society and academic literature to cater more to singlehood. Using terms such as work-life conflicts instead of work–family conflict, teaching children the value of singlehood instead of only the value of couplehood, and addressing discriminatory behavior at workplaces are some of Kislev’s suggestions of how all of us can contribute to more happy singlehood.
ORCID iD
Lonneke van den Berg https://orcid.org/0000-0002-5586-731X