‘I Can Accept My Child is Transsexual but if I Ever See Him in a Dress I’ll Hit Him’: Dilemmas in Parenting a Transgendered Adolescent

Abstract

In this article I describe the accounts of a group of parents with transgendered adolescents. I look specifically at how the parents try to build an intelligible story of the young people’s gender identity and how their story shapes their coping strategies. For the qualitative study on which this article is based, I interviewed adolescents with a well-established cross-gender identification and their parents from families referred to a specialist NHS service. The first-person reports were analysed using grounded theory methodology. There were a number of suggestive findings. First, communication about gender identity issues within the family and outside was handled with enormous care; second, it was clear that these parents are aware that their response to the gender problems is a deeply moral issue; third, there was an iterative relationship between the activities of making-meaning and accepting (or not) the child’s claims, and a similar interaction between the activity of meaning-making and the tasks of practical coping; fourth, a belief in biological causation of transgenderism was associated with a more benign view of the adolescent; and fifth, there were interesting differences between the accounts of mothers and fathers. The findings of the study hopefully illuminate clinical encounters, stimulate further research into how families cope with this unusual predicament and encourage reflexive thinking in practitioners in related fields.