Navigating Borders and Bytes: The Reconstruction of Parenting Narratives by Chinese Immigrant Mothers

Abstract

This qualitative study investigates how Chinese immigrant mothers in Canada reconstruct their parenting narratives by drawing on life experiences and engaging with childrearing philosophies accessed through digital platforms. Grounded in a narrative approach, our analysis examines the subjective interpretations and sociocultural influences that shape these mothers’ beliefs, highlighting the coherence, contradictions, and evolution within their stories. Our findings reveal that social media serve as discursive spaces that transcend geographic boundaries. These platforms enable the reimagining of parenting goals but also limit integration into local contexts. Tensions emerge as mothers critique traditional Chinese practices while idealizing “Western” approaches. By exploring these dynamics, this study illuminates how transnational experiences and digital ecologies reshape parental belief systems. It offers new insights into the social and psychological forces influencing immigrant parenting and contributes to theoretical and applied discussions on cultural psychology and family studies in a globalized, digital age.

Introduction

Parenting, the process of nurturing children’s learning and development, is shaped not only by universal goals such as ensuring survival, health, and economic well-being, but also by culturally specific beliefs rooted in local contexts (LeVine, 1988). From the perspective of cultural psychology, these parental beliefs function as a form of “folk psychology” (Bruner, 1990): culturally embedded narratives about the nature of childhood and the roles that ‘good’ parents are expected to play (Miller, 1994). Parents internalize these narratives while adapting them to their specific circumstances, making them at once collective and personal (LeVine, 1988). Far from fixed, these beliefs evolve as parents continuously reassess how best to prepare their children for the future in response to shifting social realities (Bronfenbrenner & Morris, 2006; Tamis-LeMonda et al., 2008).

In cross-cultural and intercultural contexts, parenting narratives become especially complex. For immigrant parents, cultural encounters reshape their beliefs and practices as they navigate between heritage values and the norms of their host society (e.g., Chan, 2018; Cheah et al., 2013; Gonzalez & Méndez-Pounds, 2018). These parents do not passively absorb cultural influences; rather, they selectively interpret, adopt, adapt, or reject ideas and practices from both cultural spheres. Understanding how they forge new narratives about parental goals and responsibilities—and what shapes these processes—remains a central concern in both theoretical and applied psychology.

Technological change has added new layers to this complexity. In particular, the rise of social media has transformed the ecological systems in which parenting takes place, raising urgent questions about how parenting narratives are constructed in the digital age. No longer limited by geography, parents now encounter diverse childrearing philosophies at a global scale, often through digital platforms, and integrate them into their local practices. Yet existing scholarship has largely overlooked how social media—as an additional and often dominant social context—influences the (re)construction of parenting narratives. This gap is especially salient in the case of immigrant parents, who must navigate the intersection of traditional beliefs, host-country institutions, and transnational digital communities. Investigating these dynamics can shed light on the complex mechanisms of cultural exchange and transformation, while offering deeper insight into the social and psychological forces shaping parental belief systems today.

This article presents a qualitative study that explores how a group of Chinese immigrant mothers in Canada construct their parenting narratives by drawing on life experiences across national borders and engaging with parenting theories accessed through online communities. Grounded in a narrative approach to human meaning-making (Bruner, 1990), our analysis focuses on subjective interpretations, sociocultural and historical influences, and the coherence, contradictions, and evolution of the participants’ narratives. We aim to highlight the multifaceted nature of immigrant parenting, demonstrating how the social and cultural contexts that shape meaning-making extend beyond geographic boundaries and local institutions.

In the following sections, we first provide a review of major shifts in Chinese parenting discourses over the past four decades. We then present our findings on the cultural narratives constructed by our participants, analyzing how they negotiate and integrate diverse, and often conflicting, goals, values, and logics. We aim to demonstrate that social media provide immigrant parents with access to discursive spaces that transcend physical boundaries. These platforms expose parents to a range of cultural perspectives and linguistic tools that enable the reimagining of parenting narratives. However, these online spaces play a paradoxical role: while they broaden parents’ cultural exposure by connecting them to global communities, they may also reinforce linguistic and cultural boundaries, limiting integration into local contexts. Our analysis reveals how these dynamics generate tensions in the parenting narratives of Chinese immigrant mothers—particularly in the contrast between their critiques of traditional Chinese practices and their idealization of ‘Western’ approaches.

Chinese Parenting: Tradition and Change

Research on Chinese parenting underscores the pivotal role of parents in shaping children’s development. Traditional philosophies, rooted in Confucianism, define the self through social roles and duties (Chao, 1995; Wang & Fivush, 2005). Caregivers aimed for harmony, nurturing relational sensitivity over inner psychology (Kuan, 2015). Confucian philosophy emphasizes the impact of nurture on the developing child (Ho, 1986; Raj & Raval, 2013), and the primary task of the traditional Chinese parent is to shape the malleable child through chiao shun (training, teaching, educating) and guan (caring for, controlling, and governing) (Chao, 1994).

Western studies, using Baumrind’s (1971) framework, often label this parenting practice “authoritarian” for expectations of obedience. Chinese parenting has been described as controlling, demanding, and neglectful of children’s emotional needs (e.g., Chen et al., 2014; Yu et al., 2015). Yet, other researchers have argued that, unlike the Western “authoritarian” parenting characterized by parental hostility and mistrust, guan in Chinese culture indicates parental care, concern, and involvement (Chao, 1994; Keller et al., 2007). These debates in the literature reflect changes in both researchers’ perspectives and sociocultural transformations in Chinese society in the last 40 years. Here, we highlight the major themes of these shifts in Chinese parenting and society.

Market Economy and Academic Competition

Contemporary Chinese parenting beliefs and practices have undergone significant transformation in the past four decades, mirroring social and economic changes in the country. Following the end of the Cultural Revolution (1966–1976), Chinese leaders introduced market economy (with Chinese characteristics) and promote competition to boost economic growth and global standing (Zhao, 2015). The reinstatement of the gaokao (National College Entrance Exam) in 1977 made academic excellence the pathway to top universities and elevated status. High achievers gained prestige; low performers faced limited prospects. Children’s academic achievement occupied a central place in the aspirations and concerns of many Chinese parents.

In the 1980s, competition was seen as a way of countering stagnation in economy and education—“no pressure, no motivation” (Qian & Xu, 1988, p. 1)—but by the 1990s, educators flagged toxic stress from excessive focus on competitive test scores (Guo, 2001; Wang & Yang, 2002; Zhao, 2015). By the 2000s, hypercompetition linked to psychological issues and antisocial behavior persisted (Zhao, 2015), driven by graduate oversupply and economic strain (Kuan, 2015).

The intensity of competition is further reinforced by the State’s promotion of a “happiness” discourse, which framed broader social and economic issues – such as global insecurity, economic unpredictability, and the weakening of traditional ties – as individual, psychological issues (Beck, 2022). In this narrative, individuals bear sole responsibility for securing “happiness” through competitive success, rendering failure a source of shame. This has escalated children’s academic competition into a family-wide endeavor, fueling pervasive anxiety about “good parenting.”

Urban Chinese Parenting

Since the 1980s, the introduction of a free market economy has significantly transformed the image of the successful individual in Chinese society. Where success once hinged on harmonious relationships and self-restraint, it now demands self-expression, initiative, creativity, and assertiveness to seize limited opportunities for upward mobility (Luo et al., 2013). Chinese popular experts have increasingly framed the nurturing of children’s inner psychological life as the hallmark of “good parenting.” Traditional parenting practices are criticized for being overly “nagging,” for “raising filial sons under the club,” and for “making mountains out of molehills.” Parenting gurus scold parents for governing with such autocracy that qualities like personality, initiative, and creative potential—vital for scientific progress and entrepreneurial success—are stifled (Kuan, 2015). With the rise of “the psychological child” in discourses preparing children for market Capitalism, modern Chinese parenting experts urge parents to temper their urgency for high performance and shift away from autocratic styles, instead prioritizing their children’s individuality and psychological well-being (Kuan, 2015).

Research has documented changes in Chinese parents’ beliefs and practices, particularly in urban China. For example, Way et al. (2013) reported that mothers of middle-school students in Nanjing China allowed their children more autonomy and control than they themselves were allowed as children. Others have reported that urban middle class mothers demonstrated high levels of warmth and concern in their relationships with their adolescent children, emphasizing two-way communication and selective enforcement of control and authority (Chen & Tse, 2010; Zhao et al., 2018). It has also been observed that Middle and upper-class Chinese parents in urban areas increasingly adopt authoritative parenting styles which emphasized warmth and structure (Chang et al., 2011; Lu & Chang, 2013; Xie & Li, 2019; Xu et al., 2005).

Yet, parenting in contemporary China is characterized by profound contradictions, as parents navigate the tension between emerging ideals of “good” parenting and the entrenched realities of intense academic competition. Despite their intent to prioritize children’s individuality, parents are constrained by deeply ingrained competitive social structures which shape parental habitus. Parental practices like lecturing, surveillance, and invidious comparisons with higher-achieving peers feel automatic, propelled by intense desires to enhance children’s competitive success (Zhao et al., 2018).

Chinese Immigrant Parenting

Research on Chinese immigrant parenting reveals a complex and contradictory picture. Studies report mixed findings and highlight both the persistence of traditional “Chinese” parenting practices and adaptations toward host-country norms among immigrant parents. Some research suggests that Chinese immigrant parents adhere more strongly to traditional practices than their counterparts in China. For instance, Wang (2013) found that Chinese immigrant mothers in the U.S. exhibited a distinctly “Chinese” approach during an emotional talk task, attributing fewer emotions to their children and offering less explanation of emotional causes and consequences compared to mothers in China. Intriguingly, Wang (2013) also noted that mothers in China displayed a more “Western” interaction style, suggesting that immigration may amplify traditional tendencies among those who leave, while those in China shift toward globalized patterns.

Conversely, other studies indicate that Chinese immigrant parents adapt their practices to foster individuality, reflecting host-country values. Cheah et al. (2013) documented evolving perspectives among Chinese immigrant parents in the U.S., with one mother reflecting, “After arriving here, [I] feel that even though children are only children, they deserve respect, and they need to have rights, thoughts, and opinions” (p. 39). Similarly, Chan (2018) observed that Chinese immigrant parents in New Zealand grapple with tensions between preserving traditional values and embracing local ideals, such as encouraging independence and respecting children’s individuality.

While these studies—focusing on behaviors, self-reported values, and views—offer valuable insights, they often overlook the process by which immigrant parents navigate the inevitable tensions between traditional and adopted parenting ideologies. This gap limits our understanding of how they reconcile conflicting ideas. Adopting a narrative approach to explore the dynamic process of meaning-making is essential for unpacking parenting in intercultural contexts. Such an approach has significant implications for mental health policy and practice in Western societies, including Canada, where better supporting immigrant families’ psychological well-being is increasingly important and urgent.

The Present Study

Our research on parenting narratives aligns with the recent linguistic shift in developmental, social, cultural, and political psychology literature towards exploring the construction and functions of narratives and discourses (Billig, 2001; Potter, 2012; Wertsch, 1993; Wetherell et al., 2001). Specifically, the focus of our inquiry is guided by scholarship in cultural psychology and cultural anthropology that conceptualizes narratives as embodiments of human desires, beliefs, and commitments, blending individual and collective meanings (e.g., Bruner, 1990; LeVine, 1988; Miller, 1994). It is also informed by Moscovici’s (2000) social representation theory regarding knowledge construction. Moscovici argues that social representations are dynamic, narrative-like constructs that emerge from group interaction, blending folk wisdom, tradition, and external influences including science. They are systems of values, ideas and practices that are formed in the social interaction process and function to provide a code for individuals to act in the world and on others (Moscovici, 2000). These representations sustain collective identity and cohesion but evolve as groups encounter dominant discourses.

Drawing on the above theoretical frameworks, we conducted in-depth interviews with a small group of Chinese immigrant mothers in Canada to examine the characteristics of their parenting narratives and the social interaction contexts in which these narratives are shaped and reshaped. Our initial analysis indicated that, for these Chinese mothers, the process of meaning negotiation occurs not only in the local institutional contexts (e.g., educational systems and social policies) in which the families function, but also within the virtual context of Chinese communities formed through social media and online platforms. This initial finding highlighted a phenomenon that has not been explored in the existing literature: the influences of social media on the construction of parenting narratives, particularly among immigrant parents who physically reside in one country while navigating two cultural contexts through online platforms. This insight prompted us to explore what broader narratives about child development, education and parenting the Chinese Canadian mothers invoke, embrace, or reject when constructing their personal parenting narratives, and how their personal narratives possibly blend folk wisdom, tradition, and external influences including science, as Moscovici has argued.

Participants

The data presented here are based on in-depth interviews with five first-generation Chinese immigrant mothers living in Alberta, Canada. Informed by previous research findings about the emergence of new parenting narratives among middle-class parents in China (Zhao et al., 2018), we decided to recruit middle-class immigrant mothers as the first stage of the study. The mothers have one or more children attending elementary schools, totaling three girls and eight boys. All five mothers described themselves as Han Chinese. Their residence in Canada ranged from two months to more than 20 years. Three of the mothers had resided in other countries prior to immigration to Canada. Their English fluency ranged from limited (able to only communicate simple ideas with limited vocabulary) to fluent (speak and understand with ease with occasional errors). Therefore, the interviews were conducted in Mandarin Chinese by the first author, who is a 1.5-generation Chinese immigrant herself. Both authors are fluent in Chinese and English. The original study received ethics approval from the University of Calgary Conjoint Faculties Research Ethics Board (CFREB) REB22-0870. We analyzed the data using the original Chinese transcripts of the data, and translated findings into English.

Procedure of Data Analysis

Initial Thematic Analysis

We began with a thematic analysis (Braun & Clarke, 2019, 2020) to identify patterns of shared meaning in the parental goals and strategies of five mothers. This involved immersion in the data—reading, reflecting, questioning, imagining, wondering, writing, retreating, and returning (Braun & Clarke, 2020). Both authors read the data multiple times for a holistic understanding, conducted line-by-line inclusive coding, grouped codes into categories, organized them into a meaningful structure of emerging themes, and incorporating ongoing reflections. This analysis yielded two key themes: a shift away from “old” Chinese beliefs and practices, and the adoption of Western child development concepts and parenting theories. The two authors had regular meetings and extended discussions about the initial findings and decided to adopt a narrative approach to further explore the complexities of the mothers’ meaning-making process.

Narrative Analysis

We employed techniques from various discourse analysis approaches to explore the cultural narratives invoked by the mothers. We define narratives as normative descriptions embedding values, beliefs, rhetoric, and explanations—often implicit and taken-for-granted within a culture, or explicitly leveraged to support a value position (Haste, 2004). While cultural narratives reflect shared societal meanings, personal narratives represent individual adaptations and expressions of these broader stories, contextualized to justify actions (Zhao & Selman, 2019). Drawing on the social psychological approach to discourse analysis (Potter & Wetherell, 1987), we analyzed the functions, consistencies, and variations in the mothers’ cultural narratives. Informed by the second author’s prior work on dual dynamic discourse analysis (Zhao & Selman, 2019), we examined how the mothers used these broader narratives to construct, explain, and justify their personal narratives with action orientations.

Reflexive Integration and Validation

The two authors met regularly to refine and validate our interpretations of the narratives, embracing researcher subjectivity as a valuable resource for knowledge production. This process involved reflecting on the first author’s experiences as a 1.5-generation Chinese immigrant and practicing counseling psychologist, alongside the second author’s extensive research on Chinese parenting, to verify our findings with insights from both lived experiences and research with large samples and from diverse settings. We synthesized insights from these perspectives through an extensive process of discussions, writing, and rewriting.

Findings: Parenting Narratives as Online Social Constructions

Moving Away From “Old Ways”

The first narrative we identified centers on the need to adopt values and practices distinct from those of previous generations of Chinese parents. Participants who became mothers in China reported that they had relocated to Canada to offer their children “a better education” that emphasizes individuality and self-expression. They viewed their own childhood experiences and parental advice as outdated and irrelevant, expressing a collective commitment to moving away from traditional notions of success and adopting new parenting approaches. This narrative is reflected in the following statement by one of the mothers, Dorcas:

We are here for our children. I hoped that my child will be educated here instead of starting public school in China… my child is more vivacious, not the type that teachers [in China] like, not the kind that is obedient [laugh]. [Chinese education] wants to uniformly turn every child into one who is obedient and well-behaved. It is like designating a hole for each radish, and you stay in your own hole. The teachers tell you to go left, you go left, and the teachers say to come back and you have to come back.

As illustrated in Dorcas’ comments, the immigrant mothers’ views diverged from the traditional Chinese emphasis on cultivating children’s sensitivity to others’ needs, encouraging them to conform, and prioritizing interpersonal harmony over individual needs. In the narratives they invoked and re-constructed, children should prioritize their own needs and do what makes them happy.

Some mothers initially adhered to folk ideas about good parenting but later adjusted their approach, adopting parenting styles more aligned with Western child-rearing values:

When my eldest was growing up, I was more cautious because I grew up as an only child, and ever since I was little [my parents worried] that I would be spoiled as the only the child. So, for our eldest I worried about spoiling him, so I imposed many rules and regulations on him. Also, my mom told me that if I kissed his face, he would drool, so I didn’t dare to kiss him much or hold him. But later, when the second one came along, I realized that what I did before was wrong. Beginning with the second child, I give my kids lots of hugs and kisses, and every day I have a lot of physical contact with them. So the three younger children all have a sweet personality… Now, our youngest often comes to me and sits on my lap, telling me, “I want to sit on your lap.” We have that closeness. But with our eldest, it’s not like that because he was primarily raised by my mother.

The above example demonstrates how the mother reflected on rule-based approaches to parenting and shifted towards more affectionate parenting styles that emphasize physical touch and closeness. It reveals these mothers’ move away from strict, rule-based parenting in favor of fostering emotional connection with their children.

The narrative of rejecting the perceived “old” Chinese parenting methods is partly an adaption to the different childrearing environment of Canada. However, we also argue that it is also a result of collective critical reflection by this generation of urban, middle-class Chinese parents on their own experiences of growing up in China. For example, Vera, who had resided in Canada for a few months after living in Europe for a number of years, talked about how her parental practices have changed as a result of comparing her own childhood experience in China and her observations of the childrearing environment in Canada.

The way my parents raised me is to tell me to study hard. These words followed me all my life [laugh]… It is the only way to better your life. But children are different in Canada. Even if you don’t study hard at school and decide to study hard in your 20s or 30s, you [can] go back to university and take a new course, enter a 2-year college, get a diploma, learn a new skill, and then you can find a job to support yourself. You will have enough food and clothing to meet your basic needs.

Vera’s parenting priority is to cultivate a worry-free and anxiety-free attitude in her children. She follows the advice from popular Chinese parenting experts and gurus, emphasizing the importance of reducing stress when her child has not finished his homework. She stressed, “don’t let the child think that everything is a big deal. Everything is a small matter. Don’t care too much.”

Rejecting old ways of parenting also includes moving away from using coercion as a disciplining strategy. The mothers shared the belief that even though parents have authority over children, they should not be astringent, and children should not be forced to do things they do not want to do. Susan, who has lived in Canada for over 20 years, criticized what she had observed from some Chinese parents:

You can’t be too harsh with children. It’s not that because we have authority, we have power, we can do whatever we feel like, or we can do whatever we want to with our children, especially in Canada. If he doesn’t play the piano? If you ask him to do 50 math problems and he only does 10? So what?

Echoing Susan, other mothers also critiqued the didactic approach to parenting they experienced while growing up in China. Instead, they expressed a desire to nurture their children’s inner psychological life through a close, equalitarian parent-child relationship. In contrast to previous research findings on Chinese parenting styles, participants in our study were critical of the Chinese traditional philosophy of “training” – shaping children to meet parental goals. Our participants unanimously voiced rejection of the traditional hierarchical, high-power parent-child relationships that characterized their own upbringing. In summary, the narrative of rejecting traditional parenting practices points to, at least in theory, a new form of parent-child relationship in these Chinese families, one that emphasizes emotional intimacy, equality, and a shift away from hierarchical, goal-driven approaches.

Adopting Western Psychological Concepts

The narrative of rejecting traditional parenting practices is closely tied to the embracing of parenting beliefs promoted in Western child development theories. To varying degrees, the participants in our study embraced Western psychological concepts when defining their parental goals. In the conversations with us, they de-emphasized academic success and expressed more interest in supporting their children’s emotional well-being, social relationships, and autonomy. They emphasized the importance of attending to children’s inner psychological life and respecting their feelings as equal beings. For example, when discussing a time her daughter received a disappointing gift, Dorcas explained,

I have no way to make her say, “you have to say you like it, and then you have to say ‘thank you’”. You cannot force her. She has her own standards for liking something, so if she says, “I like it” against her feelings, maybe, I think she will feel wronged, and it is not great if she cannot express herself honestly.

Dorca’s reflection, echoed by other mothers in our study, revealed two key perspectives that do not align with their perceived “old” Chinese views. First is the belief that each child is intrinsically unique and that parents should respect their personalities and interests. This idea contrasts with the traditional view of children as malleable beings to be “trained” by adults to develop proper conduct. Second is the idea aligning with contemporary Western psychology that, as equal individuals, children’s feelings and desires deserve acknowledgment and validation. This idea diverges from the traditional emphasis on parental responsibilities to teach children proper social conduct and importance of controlling their emotions, impulses and desires. When Vera’s son preferred drawing over doing his homework, she said she would allow him to do so. Along a similar vein, Dorcas is prepared to support her daughter’s career choice—whether as a hairdresser, cosmetician, or nail artist, as long as her daughter enjoys her work and can find a position in society and support herself.

The mothers all emphasized the importance of attending to their children’s emotional needs. This new perspective, as Susan states below, leads to critical examinations of their own beliefs and practices:

Before, when my son Max was very young, when he drew a picture, or there was something he liked very much, or found something interesting on YouTube, he wanted to share it with us, but we often said, “mom is busy, mom is cooking” or whatever mom is doing. Well, I’m not saying you have to attend to your kids every time, but you can’t let down his needs every time … I never knew that ‘parenting’ is something [to work on], you know? I just thought, you feed him well, and you are not a bad person giving him bad influence.

Susan’s reflection highlights a major shift in the mother’s conceptualization of children and their understanding of parenting roles. In contrast to the traditional Chinese norm of controlling emotions and personal desires that may conflict with interests of the group (Chen et al., 1998, 2012; Lu & Chang, 2013), her reflection, shared by the other mothers, highlights a receptive attitude toward children’s expressions of emotions, including anger, an ‘ego-focused’ emotion that supports self-assertion (Friedlmeier et al., 2011). For example, one mother asserted, “You can express that you are not happy, the bottom line is that you need to express it. You don’t need to hold this emotion in your heart, but you also can’t hurt others.” She elaborated further, highlighting the strong influence of individualistic values: “You don’t have to care too much about what other people think. What matters to you is your own feelings. Then, on the condition that you don’t hurt others, you make yourself comfortable. This is the most important.”

The impact of Western individualistic child-rearing theories is particularly evident in the mothers’ explanations of why children should express their emotions and assert their own needs. They frequently used English terms such as “boundaries” and “autonomy”, even though the interviews were conducted in Mandarin. For example, one mother shared her view of boundary-setting by emphasizing the importance of self-expression and personal rights over maintaining interpersonal harmony:

This is an issue of establishing boundaries, you make it clear that others should respect your boundaries. [My child] doesn’t assert himself because he doesn’t want to harm the relationship. I don’t think [being assertive] would cause a problem.

However, the two themes we have identified in the mothers’ meaning-making—the move away from traditional parenting beliefs and the adoption of Western child-rearing theories—are not as clear-cut or coherent as they may seem. Rather, they are full of tensions and contradictions. In the following sections, we present our analysis of how the cultural narratives (folk psychology and Western psychological theories) invoked by the participants are blended and what contradictions emerge in the ways they use these broad narratives to construct their personal ones.

Idealized “Western” Parenting

As shown in the examples presented above, the mothers frequently expressed admiration for “Western” and “scientific” parenting approaches. However, their narratives tended to be based on idealized perceptions, overlooking complexities in “Western” parenting. Our analysis revealed a disconnect between their perceptions and the realities of their practices. Further, we learned that, irrespective of their length of residence in Canada, these immigrant mothers had minimal interaction with non- Chinese parents in their local communities in Canada. Their views of Western parenting methods are often influenced by the perspectives promoted by Chinese parenting gurus and experts in online discussion forums. For example, Vera mentioned, “I don’t know what Canadian parents do. If you have time, you can also share with me how Canadian parents educate their children, what their educational philosophies are.”

Similarly, Jane held an idealized image of “Western” parents’ fostering their children’s self-confidence and independence, in contrast with what she observed as a stifling parenting style in some Chinese families:

I think, compared to [non- Chinese parents], our way of showing love often involves helping our children and doing many things for them, even things they should be doing themselves as they become more independent. It feels like we express love by stepping in and taking care of things for them. But there’s not much affirmation and appreciation for them, both in our words and in other ways. Westerner parents allow their children to do things by themselves and also affirm and praise them frequently. I think their approach is better.

While this view of “Western” parenting as a homogeneous practice overlooks the diverse cultural, social and individual approaches that shape childrearing in Western societies, some of the mothers gained insights from their own experiments with parenting theories from Western psychology:

With our eldest, we didn’t have much experience, so we followed the book, focusing on scientific feeding, feeding on time and in the right amount … his routine was completely regulated by the clock. [I later realized that] because of this, I didn’t have that emotional intimacy with my oldest, like what I have with our younger children.

However, despite her critical views of scientific feeding, this mother continued to rely on Western psychological concepts to articulate her parenting philosophy. Even though she was not comfortable speaking conversational English and requested to conduct the interview in Mandarin, she used English terms such as “attachment” and “internalized shame” to explain her motivations and strategies. These examples illustrate the participants’ contradictory engagement with “Western” parenting ideologies—holding ideal images of “Western” parenting, selectively adopt perceived “Western” strategies to achieve their own parenting goals, while remaining distant from local non- Chinese parent communities.

Tensions and Contradictions

While the participants expressed a desire to adopt “Western” parenting practices based on the idea of respecting individual uniqueness, our analysis suggests that their personal parenting narratives are influenced by notions of success and parenting strategies they have critically commented and rejected as “old” Chinese beliefs or unscientific practices. For example, for these mothers, a “happy” life for their children relies on the development of personality traits valued by the Canadian job market, such as assertiveness, social skills, and initiative. Though they aimed to nurture their children’s individuality and psychological well-being, the mothers found themselves anxiously comparing their children to peers on these marketable traits. They felt pride when their children showed assertiveness in social settings, but experienced anxiety or shame when these traits seemed absent.

This tension was evident in the mothers’ perspectives on their children’s social and emotional development. Consistent with prevalent North American beliefs, the mothers viewed outgoing and assertive traits as positive, healthy, and essential for social mobility. In contrast to traditional Chinese views that regard shy children as well-behaved, these mothers saw reserved or shy behaviors as unhealthy and requiring correction. For instance, Vera expressed pride in “training” her child to be more assertive, noting that proactivity was a skill that would open doors to opportunities:

Like the situation you just mentioned, when he just stands there and watches, I think his ability to complete a project with his peers is weak. In Western countries like Canada, his ability to cooperate with others is very important… After coming here, I made a lot of effort to cultivate [train] his personality. I think a good personality is crucial, especially having the courage to express himself. I think the West values freedom of speech, and you should express yourself when you are not happy, and express your own needs.

The mothers connected emotional well-being and social skills to future career success. For example, Vera highlighted the importance of mental health in fostering positive social relationships and unlocking valuable opportunities. She stated:

I think it is important to understand that if you have a good mindset, if you have good mental health, when you communicate with anyone – whether it’s with friends or collaborators in the future – if you are a healthy person, everyone wants to associate with healthy people, right? Just being good at school is only one aspect. But in Western countries like Canada, his ability to cooperate with peers is very important.

The mothers’ limited engagement with other parents in their local communities left them with few practical cultural tools to navigate their evolving parenting goals. Our analysis indicates that while participants consciously reject traditional Chinese parenting philosophies, they unconsciously draw on these frameworks in pre-reflexive and semi-automatic ways, leading to parenting practices that often conflict with their stated objectives. For instance, despite aiming to nurture individuality and autonomy in their children, they frequently exercised authority and control, and compared their children to others to encourage self-improvement.

Participants who had lived in Canada for several years tended to reflect more on their semi-automatic parenting practices, whereas those who had recently arrived often expressed more idealized views. For example, Susan, who had lived in Canada for more than 20 years, described moments when she found herself scolding and nagging her son, despite her conscious desire to respond with empathy:

In fact, we, in our minds we don’t think, ‘oh, Max, I will treat you in whichever way I feel like,’ but without being aware of it, you just act that out.

In contrast, Vera, who had recently moved to Canada, described parenting as a straightforward matter of following clear principles:

If he says no, if you don’t want to then don’t. Maybe if he’s not in a good mood today and he doesn’t want to. You can’t, cant force children to do something. If you want your child to do something, just guiding him is enough. First you need to make a judgement on whether it is the right thing to do, then you guide the child to do it. If it doesn’t work, then don’t force the child to do it. First of all, I think children should never be forced to do anything.

Despite these differences in length of residence in Canada and migration experiences, all of our participants are reflective about their parenting practices. Jane described a tension between her semi-automatic way of comparing her children to other children and her desire for her children to be themselves authentically. She experienced anxiety and insecurity when she perceived her child’s development to be “behind” those of other children, a perception that evoked a sense of personal failure and shame:

You know, even after we came here, we were still within the Chinese community, and Chinese parents subconsciously carry this sense of comparison. It makes you anxious, and you would say to your child, ‘What's your problem? Why are you like this?’ There are a lot of critical judgments that come out, and it leads to blaming [the child].

Jane’s tone of remorse suggests a discrepancy between her desired parenting practices and what is enacted in her relationship with her child. She explained,

I look forward to them being able to happily be themselves. Yes. I want them to find something they love to do, being true to themselves without worrying about what other people think or being influenced by others … Then I would think, yes, Chinese people are, and I’m consciously changing this now, we care a lot about face [saving face]. Yes. Why did I put so much pressure on my oldest child before? Sometimes, for example, if a friend greets her and she doesn’t respond, my friend will say, “Oh, why aren’t you teaching her better?” But it’s not like I don’t teach her to greet people… I think many moms face this problem. Sometimes, disciplining children feels like a statement —‘I do discipline my children.’ When my child misbehaves in public, I’ve even been aggressive with [my child]. But when I reflected on it later, I realized I wasn’t just disciplining her; I was doing it for others to see, to show that I’m not neglecting discipline—I do discipline [laughs].

Even though our participants have departed from the social structures that fostered this collective anxiety through immigration, they struggle to relate to their children in ways they desire – as unique individuals with distinct personalities and strengths. The Chinese logic of comparison for improvement was particularly evident in interviews with parents of multiple children, who often unfavorably compared their older, more reserved children to their younger, outgoing, and assertive siblings.

Our participants’ narratives also suggest that in contradiction to their desire to nurture their children’s psychological inner lives, their day-to-day parent-child interactions reflect a traditional Chinese belief that parents know their children better than the children know themselves. For example, one mother advocated for respecting her children’s emotional independence and insight while taking a didactic approach. Instead of inviting her child to identify and articulate his own emotions, she assumed she understood his feelings better than he did. She recounted,

Once, when we were about to go out, he got angry at his younger brother. Later, during the debriefing, I said to him, ‘You must have been very anxious because we needed to leave. And when your brother was slow, you felt angry because when you were young, you often got scolded because of your brother’s mistakes. For example, if he broke something, all of you [siblings] had to suffer the aftermath together, even though it wasn’t your fault. So you felt it was unfair when you were young. Your brother, he is not perfect. When he does something wrong, you associated your brother’s imperfections with yourself getting scolded. That’s why you felt so angry towards your brother, right?’ …So then if you don’t like your parents being mad at you, then don’t behave like this to your brother.

This mother’s interaction with her son exemplifies a traditional Chinese parenting approach characterized by moral instruction and implications for future actions. She resorted to prescribing emotions and behaviors from an autocratic position, imposing her perceptions onto her child instead of relating to him as an independent equal. An expectation of obedience was also woven into her guidance – a warning that persisting in such behavior would elicit anger and punishment from his parents.

The example above illustrates that while first-generation Chinese immigrant parents may reject traditional parenting practices and aspire to a “Western” ideal, they struggle to implement these evolving goals. Some participants reported that their parenting conversations occur almost entirely within the Chinese community, while others alluded to this implicitly, as their limited English proficiency constrained access to broader parenting discourse. Their efforts are hindered by limited personal experience and access to cultural knowledge, leaving them without a realistic understanding of the daily practices of other parents in their local communities, and the challenges of “Western” parenting that Western parents and psychologists seek to address.

Discussion: Contradictions & Paradoxes

Through our analysis, we have unpacked how Chinese immigrant mothers navigate their perceptions of the external environment and their internal desires, as they grapple with the inevitable tension between traditional and new parenting ideologies. This intricate and dynamic process involves sociohistorical, intercultural, and intergenerational meaning-makings and ongoing negotiations of individual and collective identities. The narratives of these Chinese mothers offer a unique window for understanding subjective meanings, sociocultural and historical influences, and the coherence, contradictions, and evolution of parenting narratives in general. They also reveal the paradoxical effects of technology in influencing the social construction of parental beliefs in the digital age, both connecting and alienating parents as they navigate their experiences between multiple worlds. In this section, we further unpack the sociocultural and psychological complexities of the Chinese mothers’ narratives and examine their implications for parenting research and counselling psychology practice.

Rejection of Heritage Ideas

Existing research often highlights immigrant parents’ efforts to balance heritage cultural practices with new influences (Bornstein & Cote, 2004; Costigan & Su, 2008). However, this study reveals that immigrant parents may deliberately distance themselves from traditional practices. The Chinese mothers in the present study critically reflect on the childrearing practices of their parents’ generation and reject them as irrelevant to raising children in Canada, or fundamentally flawed. They embrace a low-power parenting approach and try to adopt strategies aligned with Western childrearing theories. Their narratives reflect a belief among younger generations of Chinese parents that China’s competitive social culture is harmful to children’s mental health and well-being (Kuan, 2015; Zhao et al., 2018). In fact, many Chinese parents, including the participants of the present study, decided to leave China to free their children from the text- and competition-based education system that generates toxic levels of stress and anxiety (Zhao, 2015). Reflected in the present study and consisted with previous research findings (Li, 2001; Qin, 2008), the mothers embrace Western child development theories, emphasizing their children’s emotional health, social skills, and independence over academic achievement alone.

However, we argue here and have argued elsewhere (Zhao, 2015; Zhao et al., 2018) that Chinese parents’ adoption of Western parenting theories is often driven by a collective sense of insecurity and anxiety stemming from China’s sociopolitical and economic changes over the past four decades. Both Chinese nationals and first-generation immigrants share the perception that the parenting practices of their own childhoods are ill-equipped to address the challenges and opportunities of the world today, particularly the intense job market. This anxiety shapes the discursive spaces these parents engage with, profoundly influencing their parenting ideas and practices in Canada, even as they consciously seek to move away from the systems that fuel it.

Embracing Western Narratives

Our findings reveal that Chinese immigrant parents are often influenced by idealized and stereotypical portrayals of “Western parenting” circulated through Chinese social media. These portrayals typically frame Western parenting as more “scientific,” emotionally attuned, and responsive to children’s nature, implicitly positioning it as superior to traditional Chinese parenting. However, limited engagement with local, non- Chinese communities means that many immigrant parents remain unaware of the actual beliefs, practices, and challenges faced by Canadian parents. Instead, their understanding of Western parenting is filtered through selective, often aspirational, representations online.

One example is the popularity of Chinese-language platforms such as the WeChat public account YouthMBA, which has over 100,000 subscribers (Luo, 2022; Meng, 2020). This account promotes headlines such as “What’s so Damaging about Chinese-Style Negativity” and “This is How American High Schools Foster Leadership,” urging Chinese parents to emulate so-called “Western” parenting ideals. The popularity of such content reflects and re-generate a widespread anxiety that conventional Chinese educational and parenting methods are no longer sufficient for securing children’s future success in a globalized world.

This anxiety is further exacerbated by an internalized “survival” discourse among parents (Beck, 2022; Kuan, 2015). Much like their counterparts in urban China, immigrant parents actively seek new approaches to parenting that promise upward mobility, emotional wellbeing, and future security for their children. Qualities such as initiative, emotional intelligence, and assertiveness are seen not just as developmental traits but as commodities essential to competing in the global economy. The mothers described feeling proud when their children displayed confidence and independence but also experienced anxiety or shame when these traits seemed “lacking” compared to peers. Such comparisons, driven by internalized competitive discourses from Chinese online communities, reinforced the belief that parenting is a zero-sum game. As Beck (2022) and others (e.g., Kuan, 2015; Meng, 2020) argue, parenting in this context becomes framed as a survival strategy, where every perceived deficiency carries existential weight.

Further, the Chinese mothers in our study also expressed difficulty in implementing their new goals within the context of daily life. While they embraced the idea of fostering individuality and building respectful, emotionally attuned relationships with their children, their strategies were often incongruent with these goals. Many still operated within a framework shaped by traditional Chinese values, particularly the idea that children are extensions of their parents and should be guided through didactic teaching and moral instruction. Despite their desire to support autonomy, the mothers struggled with how to do so effectively. Western parenting philosophies emphasize acknowledging children’s perspectives, supporting their initiative, and involving them in decision-making (Bornstein, 2019). Yet the participants in our study often lacked the cultural familiarity or lived experience to enact these ideals confidently.

Ultimately, our participants’ stories reflect a complex interplay between aspiration and constraint. They articulated goals aligned with Western values, including fostering individuality, creativity, and emotional authenticity, but they pursued these through strategies shaped by both traditional Chinese frameworks and an idealized, commodified version of Western parenting. This contradiction made parenting especially challenging, as they navigated unfamiliar cultural terrain, grappling with persistent fears about their children’s future, and struggling with their own sense of insufficiency as parents. Lacking direct access to Canadian parenting communities and discourses, they remained largely unaware of the everyday challenges, dilemmas, and alternative narratives that other parents in their local contexts engage with.

Digital Paradoxes

Traditionally, guidance on childrearing came primarily from family and local community sources (LeVine, 1988). However, the rise of social media has introduced a significant shift in how parenting advice is disseminated and perceived. Rapid technological advancements have integrated digital media into the fabric of daily life, and parents are increasingly gravitating toward first-hand stories shared by individuals they perceive as relatable and empathic to their experiences. Despite the fact that much of the health and education guidance circulated on social media lacks empirical evidence and can even be detrimental to children’s growth and health (Haslam et al., 2017; Moon et al., 2019), research shows that parents often value these narratives more than those from family, friends, and professionals (Luo, 2022).

This study reveals that for many immigrant parents, online communities—particularly those composed of their ethnic compatriots—serve as an ongoing influence on their beliefs and practices. Even when they strive to distance themselves from parenting norms in their country of origin, they remain immersed in discourses shaped by their cultural and political histories. These digital spaces are not static; they are constantly negotiated and redefined, shaping how immigrant parents conceptualize their childrearing goals. Among Chinese immigrants, WeChat has become especially influential. With over 94.5% usage in China and more than a billion daily users globally, WeChat is considered a “digital Swiss Army knife” for modern life (Lee, 2018; Wang et al., 2019). It serves as a crucial digital bridge and cultural portal for the Chinese diaspora, enabling Chinese immigrants to share experiences, emotions, resources, and foster a sense of belonging with the transnational Chinese community (Wang, 2020a, 2020b). It is a digital platform to seek advice and receive validation for their parenting practices (Friedman, 2016).

Although physically situated in Canada, many immigrant parents maintain primary engagement with their own cultural communities online. These virtual ties offer emotional support and continuity with their heritage, often taking precedence over interactions with the host society. As a result, their parenting beliefs and strategies are frequently more influenced by cultural discourses from their country of origin than by local Canadian norms and expectations. This can lead to a form of psychological and cultural detachment from the host society. Immigrant parents may adopt stereotypical ideas of “Western parenting” shaped by the opportunities and anxieties prevalent in their countries of origin, rather than through firsthand engagement with Canadian schools and institutions. Consequently, their understanding of Western parenting ideals may conflict with the everyday realities their children encounter in Canada, creating dissonance and confusion.

The study further suggests that immigrant parents often find themselves marginalized within both their host society and their ethnic digital communities. While geography no longer restricts access to cultural norms, linguistic and class boundaries have emerged as new barriers. These factors can prevent immigrant parents from meaningfully participating in local institutional discourses, leaving them to navigate parenting ideals without adequate knowledge of how to apply them in their current context. Within their cultural communities, immigrant parents may be engaged in complex and sometimes contradictory conversations, simultaneously critiquing and upholding traditional values. The advice and support they receive from these communities may not be practical or relevant to their lived experiences in Canada. As a result, many find themselves grappling with idealized parenting models—both Western and traditional—while lacking the tools or contextual understanding needed to realize their goals.

Conclusion

As Whiting and Child (1953) argued, cultural childrearing practices reflect parents’ adaptations to their physical environments, cultural histories, and socio-economic structures (Whiting, 1981). Traditionally, these adaptations emerged through localized, face-to-face interactions within immediate communities. However, in the digital age, cultural processes that shape parental beliefs and practices—once understood as dynamic systems embedded in local social and institutional contexts (Harkness & Super, 2002)—have become increasingly decoupled from these environments. Digital communication technologies now enable the construction, circulation, and negotiation of cultural models across geographical boundaries.

Despite this potential for expanded cultural exchange, digital engagement is still shaped and constrained by parents’ individual choices regarding language, lifestyle, and social networks. Immigrant parents often gravitate toward online communities that reflect their linguistic and cultural background. These digital spaces serve as discursive arenas where parenting beliefs are shaped by culturally specific concepts, theories, and experiences. Within them, parents draw from both heritage and host cultures, but their level of engagement with each is influenced by their familiarity, knowledge, and lived experience in both contexts.

This shifting terrain calls for a reconsideration of prevailing assumptions about culture and cultural exchange in parenting research. In a globally mobile and digitally connected world, immigrant parents routinely navigate multiple cultural layers—heritage culture, host culture, and personal belief systems—often simultaneously. Our analysis illustrates how these layers may interact, blend, or conflict, and how parents selectively draw from them to construct new childrearing narratives.

However, these narratives are deeply shaped by the discourse spaces to which parents have access. They may not align with the dominant norms or institutional expectations of the host society. Although Western “scientific” parenting models are widely promoted and reinforced by institutions such as schools and healthcare systems, our findings show that such models are often filtered—or even blocked—through the specific digital and cultural discourse spaces immigrant parents inhabit. As they navigate between cultural worlds, many parents struggle to form a coherent parenting narrative that reconciles conflicting values and expectations. While the intensity of this struggle varies by individual and community, a shared sense of cultural duality often emerges. This duality manifests as internal conflict—uncertainty or inconsistency in decisions related to children’s education, discipline, and socialization—reflecting the tension between inherited cultural frameworks and new societal norms.

These findings underscore the importance of acknowledging and supporting the complex realities immigrant parents face. As they raise children across cultural divides, there is a pressing need for more nuanced understandings and responsive systems. Such systems should recognize the hybridity of immigrant parenting experiences and provide pathways for informed, context-sensitive parenting support, including community-based interventions and professional psychological services.

Finally, this study invites a rethinking of narrative itself. Jerome Bruner (1992) describes narratives as more or less coherent constructions of human beliefs and desires that underlie commitments. Without rejecting this foundational view, we propose that in digitally mediated and intercultural contexts, narrative construction, particularly among immigrant parents, is inherently fluid, incomplete, and ongoing. It involves the continual (re)negotiation of seemingly irreconcilable cultural elements in response to evolving life experiences. Though often marked by struggle and conflict, this process can also foster resilience, insight, and growth, offering valuable implications for developmental and cultural psychology.