Abstract
Book Review
“Choosing to Survive: Loved Ones of Murder Victims Tell Their Stories” provides an intimate and heartfelt gaze into the lives of individuals who have suffered the unimaginable loss of a loved one due to murder. The editor, Brad Stetson compiles 3 personal stories and 10 interviews with survivors, most of whom are from the organization “Parents of Murdered Children” (POMC), allowing them to recount their experiences in their own words and highlighting the intensity of their emotions and the resiliency they exhibit in the face of immense tragedy. Some stories occurred more than 45 years ago, while others are more recent; however, the impact remains enormous. Reading these stories with the understanding that this is the reality of these survivors can be difficult, especially since the stories are told directly by the survivors and are as natural as they come.
As someone who has been conducting research with the Next of Kin of victims of intimate partner homicide, this book provides insight into life after the tragedy, particularly the personal and institutional battles survivors continue to fight. When reading this book, it is overwhelming to learn how many survivors continue to relive their pain when their loved ones are denied justice. In other instances, defense attorneys portrayed their loved ones as villains, thereby exacerbating the survivor’s pain. In contrast, families desire the best memories for their loved ones and strive to preserve their integrity. In addition, the survivors’ mental health and finances are negatively impacted as they must pay attorney fees and travel expenses to attend parole hearings in their continued efforts to let the murderers remain incarcerated. As part of the court process, survivors must listen to traumatic accounts, such as coroner’s reports and testimonials that are difficult to bear as they continue to mourn for their loved one. It is also devastating how long the cases stay open, as another survivor shared that her case had been ongoing for 30 years, and she was tired of living in this reality every day. One participant discussed how the murder of a loved one changed her perspective on the American Society, particularly how murder is trivialized in entertainment television and film and the assumption that guns are the problem. This survivor experienced two murders in her family at different times, and in both cases, the knife was used as the murder weapon, leading to the conclusion that murder has more to do with the heart than the weapon.
Another prevalent theme in the book is the realization that the survivors’ lives have been permanently changed due to this reality. One survivor stated that even if there have been other deaths in her family, the murder-related death will always be different because murder is intrusive’ and they must deal with it differently. One survivor even mentioned the impact of this death on future generations, including those not yet born. In other accounts, survivors described the impact these deaths have not only on their families, but also their friends, coworkers, and communities. Some survivors described how some of their family members never recovered from the trauma of losing loved ones, and suffered substance/alcohol abuse and mental health-related disorders. Also, many survivors do not survive the loss of their loved ones because they lose their will to live. Finding healthy coping mechanisms has kept the majority of survivors going after their losses, including finding strength in their faith and others through participating in organizations such as POMC, where they find that helping others and being a part of those who understand their pain to be beneficial. For many survivors who shared their stories, POMC is where they find solace and motivation to continue fighting, especially when the justice system appears hopeless. Most survivors continue to fight for their deceased loved ones because they are no longer here, and survivors remain their voice and representation, and their story needs to be told.
One of the book’s strengths is its ability to capture the diverse experiences and perspectives of different survivors’ voices. Each story is unique and provides readers with a comprehensive understanding of the lasting effects of murder on those left behind. The book examines various relationships, from parents and siblings to spouses and friends, to demonstrate the repercussions of such atrocious acts. Stetson’s strategy of permitting survivors to tell their own stories in their own words preserves their authenticity and ensures their voices are heard. This approach adds a personal touch to the story, making it more relatable and emotionally engaging for the reader. The stories are filled with the survivors’ profound grief, anger, confusion, and moments of hope and resilience. Stetson explores the complexities of the justice system, the lengthy path to healing, and the ongoing struggles to find closure and meaning. The book provides valuable insights into the broader societal impact of violent crimes by addressing these practical aspects.
“Choosing to Survive: Loved Ones of Murder Victims Tell Their Stories” is a profoundly moving and thought-provoking read for survivors and those who want to understand the complexities of murder on the survivors and its reality that goes beyond what is portrayed on entertainment television, as well as those who want to support the survivors. The collection of personal narratives by Brad Stetson provides an empathetic perspective on grief, resiliency, and the human spirit in the face of unfathomable loss. Through the varied perspectives of the survivors in this book, the reader gains a deeper understanding of the devastating effects of murder on individuals and communities, focusing on the significance of compassion and support in the healing process.
