Understanding the Mother Identity: Changing Meanings During Middle Childhood

Abstract

For decades, scholars have stressed the importance of counsellors understanding the mother identity in more depth. Yet, little academic attention has been paid to the mother's experience and identity during middle childhood, a significant period of transition for children which inevitably impacts on a mother. To gain insight into the identity and experiences of mothers in middle childhood, fifteen mothers of two or more children aged between 5 and 12 years old participated in semi-structured interviews and follow-up responses. Data analysis closely aligned with constructivist grounded theory resulted in the construction of the category, evolving into a different mother, which included three subcategories: (1) shaping children's present and adult selves; (2) dealing with a child's expanding social world; (3) changing worries and concerns. Understood through the lens of identity theory, specifically the meanings of ‘teacher’, ‘nurturer’ and ‘negative emotions’, this research found significant change within the mother identity during middle childhood, change caused by shifting interactions with one's children, and the influence of culture and society. Implications for professionals interacting with mothers in mental health and educational settings are discussed.

Introduction

Although most counsellors work with mothers, there is little written about mothers as individual agents and clients beyond being caregivers (Medina & Magnuson, 2009). Several studies have emphasized the importance for counsellors and mental health professionals to understand the developmental process of the mother identity, a complex identity that can evoke feelings of anxiety, stress, loss, pressure and fear (Barlow & Cairns, 1997; Forbes et al., 2020; Prikhidko & Swank, 2018; Simmons et al., 2021). This article presents a new understanding of the development and identity of mothers during middle childhood, an understanding counsellors and mental health professionals can draw upon to better support mothers.

Extensive research has focused on first-time mothers as they transition into motherhood (Arnold-Baker, 2019; Baraitser, 2006; Hennekam et al., 2019; Laney et al., 2014; Moore, 2013) alongside an interest in mothering adolescents (Asmussen et al., 2007; Chapdelaine et al., 2017; Deacey, 2005; Spring et al., 2002). However, as Steinberg (1994, p. 251) stated, “to focus on these extremes and ignore everything in the middle is to assume a constancy in adult development and family life that is mythical”. Previous research has concluded that middle childhood, defined as aged five to twelve years old, is a significant period of development for children (Collins & Madsen, 2019) and parents (Galinsky, 1987). Although family life changes, limited attention has been paid to the mother's experiences as their children progress through their developmental stages (Simmons et al., 2021). Stone's (2020) personal reflection on her own middle years mothering and the lack of theoretical and feminist writing beyond early motherhood, resulted in her calling for further exploration of the different stages of motherhood. Only two studies have specifically focused on the experiences of mothers during middle childhood (Barlow & Cairns, 1997; Topal Özgen & Ekşi, 2022) with others using a ‘backward glance’ approach where mothers reflected upon their mothering journey to include the middle years (Deacey, 2005; Simmons et al., 2021). This study focused on the mother identity during the middle childhood years, recruiting mothers navigating this stage of childhood, to provide fresh insights into the development and meanings within the mother identity during a largely ignored time in maternal development.

Mothers in middle childhood

Although the literature on mothers’ experiences in middle childhood is scarce, parenting research and the few studies relevant to middle years mothering provide evidence of this time as a distinct period in family life. Research focused on parenting in middle childhood suggests this as a period of intense transition for children creating significant change for parents (Collins & Madsen, 2019; Galinsky, 1987). Studies specific to the mother's experience maintain that the middle years are a time of psychological immersion into the day-to-day reality of mothering (Barlow & Cairns, 1997) and an evaluation of oneself against an ideal (Topal Özgen & Ekşi, 2022). These differing strands of research both point to the same conclusion – that middle childhood is a period of change for mothers.

Collins and Madsen's (2019) exploration of the literature and understanding of parenting during middle childhood focused heavily on research related to child development and the parent-child relationship, but key issues relevant to mothering were illuminated. The authors argued that to meet the developmental needs of their children, parents must adapt and change their own behaviors to facilitate their children's social relationships, activities, education and emotional development. Social relationships were stated as generally created through the family in early childhood with activities selected by parents. However, as children age their social world expands and child preference becomes more prominent. Parents become more involved in academic achievement. These changes identified by Collins and Madsen (2019) suggest practical adjustments parents must make during the middle years. As research contends that mothers undertake the majority share of the cognitive, emotional and educational labour in family life (e.g., Brooks & Hodkinson, 2022; Dean et al., 2021), what do these changes and adjustments mean from a mother's perspective?

Research indicates that mothers are expected to take primary responsibility for childcare (Bianchi et al., 2012) and are held accountable for their children's physical, emotional, social and educational development and success (Brooks & Hodkinson, 2022; O’Brien, 2007; Thurer, 1994). Mothers are expected to complete the cognitive (Daminger et al., 2019) and emotional labor of family life (Hochschild & Machung, 1989, 2012), and facilitate the creation and maintenance of positive social relationships (Strazdins, 2000). Mothers must manage their children's lives. These responsibilities have created a mental load for mothers which has been found to have a negative impact on wellbeing (Dean et al., 2021). Considering the conclusions of this literature and the practical adjustments evident from Collins and Madsen's (2019) parenting research, it seems apparent that the middle years could be a challenging time for mothers.

In contrast to Collins and Madsen's (2019) practical insights, Galinsky's (1987) model, The Six Stages of Parenthood, focused on parenthood development. Galinsky conceptualized the middle childhood years, from five years old, as the ‘interpretive stage’. When the social world of children expands through formal education and growing autonomy, a major task for parents is deciding how to interpret the world to their children. Developing a child's self-concept, their values and beliefs, as well as developing skills deemed necessary for the future is a prominent concern. Deciding how and what to teach their children is a major task. Parents must also decide how involved they want to be in their children's lives. As parents move toward the end of the interpretive stage, meaning their children are in later middle childhood, anticipation of the teenage years begins. Galinsky (1987) asserted that parents begin to think about being a parent to a teenager. Anticipation of difficult emotions and risky behaviors can create fear and nostalgia alongside hope that they have prepared their children for adolescence. Galinsky's (1987, p. 230) six stage model specifies middle childhood, the interpretive stage, as a distinct stage of parenthood development - “a parent cannot pass through this experience unchanged” - thereby further supporting the idea that middle childhood is a distinct period for change for mothers.

Findings from Barlow and Cairns (1997) research, one of the two studies that interviewed mothers during the middle childhood years, appears to support Galinsky's (1987) conclusion. The researchers concluded that beyond the postpartum period, this stage of motherhood was a time of personal growth, development and a continuous process of re-evaluation; an insight supported by other research on mothering at different stages (Francis-Connolly, 2000; Simmons et al., 2021). Specific to the middle years, Barlow and Cairns (1997) conceptualized immersion, a tumultuous process. Becoming immersed in the day-to-day, year-to-year reality, mothers realized the enormity of commitment. Decisions on everyday life to accommodate changing family life were made, with accumulating stresses of the mothering role revealed. Fear of raising a socially unacceptable child, who would become a socially unacceptable adult was observed. Barlow and Cairns (1997) found that over time each mother constructed their own mothering philosophy based on what they viewed as important, a construction reminiscent of Galinsky's (1987) proposition that parents must decide on what and how to teach their children. Similar conclusions can also be found in Topal Özgen and Ekşi's (2022) recent work, the second study specifically focused on the mother experience in middle childhood. Through interviews with twenty-two mothers of children aged between five and twelve years old, the researchers concluded that mothers evaluated themselves through a lens of reality and an ideal. Maternal values focused on raising socially responsible, resilient and psychologically strong children who would become desirable adults were reported. Building a bond of trust with one's children through communication and emotional support was also evident. Like Barlow and Cairns (1997), these findings reflect Ruddick's (1980, 1989) assertion that the governing interest of maternal thinking during middle childhood is raising a socially acceptable child.

Each of the aforementioned studies understands mothers from different perspectives, yet their conclusions make clear that middle childhood is a distinct time in a mother's experience and development. These studies support Simmons et al.'s (2021) assertion that the role and identity of a mother changes as children develop and grow. Scholars have called for further understanding of a mother's experience beyond the early years (Laney et al., 2014; Stone, 2020) and a focus on the changing identity of mothers (Laney et al., 2015). Research with this focus can benefit counsellors and mental health professionals working with mothers through developing a greater understanding of the nuances of motherhood development. Hence, the current research aimed to explore the experience of mothers during the middle childhood years to gain insight into the development and meanings within the mother identity.

Method

Qualitative inquiry was deemed most appropriate for this research to meet the aim of exploring the experience of mothers during middle childhood. As Oakley (1997, p. xvi) proclaimed “there is only one way to find out how women actually experience motherhood and that's by listening to what they have to say”, therefore interviews were considered to be the best fit. By drawing on a constructivist grounded theory approach (Charmaz, 2014), this study aimed to gain insight into the identity of mothers, specifically the meanings within the mother identity.

Participants

The target group for this research was mothers of more than one child aged between 5 to 12 years old. Fifteen mothers ranging in age from 35 to 49 years participated in the study. All participants were White and living in Northern Ireland, where the research was located. Fourteen of the mothers were married and one widowed. Fourteen participants self-reported as middle class and one working class. Each mother had between two and four children, with only one participant with children in both middle childhood and in adolescence. Six of the mothers worked full-time, four part-time, three were stay-at-home mothers, and two participants worked flexibly with periods at home to suit family life.

Procedures

Ethical approval was obtained from the institutional ethics filter committee before recruitment of participants. To participate, specific inclusion and exclusion criteria were advertised and eligibility assessed upon contact with potential participants. Mothers were required to have two or more children aged between 5 and 12 years old, the age range of middle childhood defined by Collins and Madsen (2019). Mothers with children older than 12 years were eligible to participate if they had at least two children in middle childhood. However, mothers with children aged 4 and under were not eligible to ensure the research was focused on being a mother beyond the early years. To minimize the potential for vulnerable participants, mothers who currently or within the previous year, were in receipt of mental health care from statutory services were excluded. Purposive sampling was used to identify and recruit initial study participants to achieve an information-rich sample (Silverman, 2010). Recruitment was advertised on social media. Snowball sampling, an approach deemed useful when the target population is difficult to access (Tracy, 2013), was later implemented in response to the adverse impact of the COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent school closures on recruitment as the target population was mothers of school-aged children. Potential participants were contacted through email, text or phone call to confirm eligibility and to ensure each participant was fully informed on the study purpose and requirements for involvement. Written informed consent was gained before data collection began. As the fieldwork for this research was conducted in months from December 2020 to October 2021 during the COVID-19 pandemic, all interviews were conducted online. In stage one, interviews were audio-recorded and transcribed immediately after interview with the assistance of transcribing software. Data were then analyzed, using Microsoft Word and Excel. Based on the data analysis in stage one, stage two involved email or audio-responses to follow up questions, a method of response chosen due to the on-going demands and pressures on the study participants caused by the global pandemic.

Data collection

Stage one

Prior to interview, each participant completed a demographic questionnaire with information such as age, age of children, marital status and employment status. In-depth semi-structured interviews lasting between 35 and 90 min were conducted over video-conferencing software. Semi-structured interviews were deemed most appropriate for the study aim by providing flexibility and openness to encourage the flow of data (Bryman, 2021). Based on key themes within the literature, the interview guide was developed by the research team. Two pilot interviews were conducted to test the comprehensibility of the questions and to identify any flaws, after which minor amendments were made.

Stage two

To add depth and additional perspectives to the constructed focused codes, follow up questions based on the analysis of stage one data were formulated and reviewed by the research team. Participants were each given the option of a second online interview or response to follow up questions via email or audio-recording. This decision was made due to ethical considerations regarding the on-going difficulties mothers were facing during the global pandemic and the potential for research burden. Ten participants provided email responses and one audio-recording which was transcribed upon receipt.

Data analysis

After each interview the principal researcher transcribed each audio recording, gave participants pseudonyms and read the transcripts more than once. Coding closely aligned with constructivist grounded theory was completed, beginning with initial line-by-line coding to include in vivo codes as recommended by Charmaz (2014). This initial coding method ensured immersion in the data and the construction of codes closely aligned with the participants actions, feelings and words. Codes were then color-coded, analyzed and organized into focused codes. Constant comparative analysis, theoretical sampling and memoing were used to develop initial themes and sub-categories (Charmaz, 2014). After initial transcripts had been fully coded, coding tables were compiled which aided the constant comparative process and theoretical sampling through identification of codes requiring further comparison and development. Theoretical sampling was utilized to form the questions for stage two of the research to explicate the constructed themes and sub-categories. Categories were formed with data collection ceasing when no new properties or patterns were added to the data (Charmaz, 2014)

The quality of this research was established through a range of verification methods. Yardley (2000) specified that completeness of collection and analysis enhances rigor. Therefore, through theoretical sampling, constant comparative analysis and negative case analysis depth was sought when constructing the themes, subcategories and categories. Triangulation of the data was completed through the engagement of the research team during data analysis and member checking with participants. Study participants were each provided with a detailed summary and interpretation of their interview upon which to comment for accuracy. Consistent communication within the research team throughout the research process ensured assumptions and biases were identified, discussed and set aside.

Analysis

This study aimed to explore the experience of mothers during the middle childhood years to gain insight into the development and meanings within the mother identity. Five categories were constructed from the data analysis, however for the purpose of this paper one category is presented. Evolving into a different mother was developed as the mothers interviewed were unanimous in their experience of significant change in comparison to the early years. A transition from the primary demand to meet the physical needs of children had shifted to a more emotional, social and educational role involving an eye to the future adults their children would become. Three subcategories were developed within this category: shaping children's present and adult selves; dealing with a child's expanding social world; changing worries and concerns.

Shaping children's present and adult selves

One mother summed up the change from early years to middle childhood mothering when she stated:

I think the difference is, you know, you've gone from the period of basically keeping them alive…you know, eat, sleep, repeat, and nurture and care for them, and now it's more my role is, I suppose education…I'm trying to mould them and shape them into nice people and meet their potential. (Rebecca)

The idea of shaping and moulding “nice people”, “good people”, “nice little human beings who are resilient and well-rounded” and “able to cope with whatever life throws at them”, while also “meeting their potential”, was common among the mothers. Viewing oneself as an educator to instil desirable beliefs, values and behaviors for their children's present self and future selves was expressed by all participants.

An eye to the future selves of their children was clear when several mothers relayed looking towards their children's teen selves to not only instil desirable values, but to mitigate against future risky behaviors. Strategies relating to physical and relational approaches were expressed to mitigate future risk. For example, one mother hoped participation in multiple sports would reduce experimental behaviors in adolescence. Another focused on an outdoor lifestyle:

Climb a tree and do a risk assessment and risk play and things like that…there's loads of evidence to say that children who have to risk assess from a young age take more chances in life as they get older because they know how to risk assess… They're less likely to maybe even rebel and stuff. (Jane)

These mothers promoted physical activity to influence and shape their children's future teen selves, but from very different angles.

Three of the mothers spoke directly of a more relational approach through listening to, and having conversations with their children to form a close relational bond. One mother recalled a conversation with a friend that “has stuck with me” and shaped her mothering practice.

He said if they have like an anchor to hold on to of like, “well, they didn't lie to me when I was young and you know, they were always honest with me then so maybe they're telling the truth now”, they might value a wee bit more what you say even though they're rolling their eyes. (Sarah)

Through honest and open communication and building a bond of trust, these mothers hoped to influence future adolescent behaviors.

Looking beyond adolescence, several mothers began to consciously shape their childrens’ attitudes towards paid labor and unpaid labor within the home intending to influence future adult beliefs and behaviors. Over half of the mothers relayed a want to foster attitudes of gender equality in their children. However, depending on their own working status and their partners level of participation in domestic life, role modelling was more difficult for some mothers to implement than others.

Some working mothers aimed to demonstrate equality through paid labor and shared physical labor in the home, intending to shape egalitarian gender role norms in their children.

My kids see that I work hard and that I bring money into the house as well. I teach my kids that it is important to be independent, to get a good education and job to be independent. (Cheryl)

I've got three boys, so I'm hoping whenever they meet partners, they're not going to expect their wives to be sitting in the house, you know, doing all the horrible jobs…just being stuck there, like being everybody's slave, basically. They'll have a different idea of what a mother is! (Jennifer)

Even with children as young as six years old, mothers were looking to the future adults selves of their children to foster beliefs around equality.

Alternatively, role modelling was a challenge for some working mothers who openly declared the inequality of housework and childcare in their homes. However, these mothers, and those who chose not to work outside of the home, used conversation aiming to foster an egalitarian outlook.

Both my husband and I would regularly challenge gender stereotypes verbally [regarding housework], although I accept that in our home we have conformed to stereotypical gender roles. [full-time working mother] (Mairead)

Down the line when my boys get married, I would never expect their wives, never-…to stay home…I really don't want the boys thinking it's the woman's role to stay at home…This is my decision…I don't want the boys thinking, oh, that's the woman's job. That's my concern at the minute. [stay-at-home mother] (Marie)

The mothers who could not role model equality in their family lives still wished to foster egalitarian beliefs in their children, however communication and discussion were their only options.

This subcategory illustrates how, during the middle childhood years, the maternal practices of the mothers in this research reflect a change within the mother role from the early years, moving away from primarily physical demands of small children to incorporate the felt responsibility to shape the future selves of their children.

Dealing with a child's expanding social world

The need for a mother to adjust psychologically and emotionally as external influences and pressures become more prominent as a child's world expands is the focus of this subcategory. Contending with and managing peer influence was expressed as a rising issue once children were participating in formal education, an issue that caused feelings of pressure and worry for some mothers. For example, the pressure to bring games consoles into one's home was expressed by two mothers with children as young as seven years old.

I don't want to introduce them to stuff that I don't feel comfortable with because I feel pressure from, like, other people or other seven-year-olds, but at the same time I don't want them to be odd and I've noticed a big change this year. (Sarah)

A struggle to achieve a balance between parental ideals and the want for their children to fit in with their peers caused some mothers to question their own parenting. Peer influence regarding perception of masculinity and femininity was raised by other mothers. For instance, surprise was conveyed at how early girls took interest in their appearance in relation to others and issues around male gender norms were raised. For example:

He [aged seven] came home from school one day and said that I'd sent him to school with a purple lunchbox and everybody laughed because you cannot have purple if you're a boy…now he has, like, the fear of taking anything pink or purple into school or having anything remotely girly, because you can't be girly…we wouldn't be talking like that in this house. (Sarah)

Ideas around masculinity had previously been something Sarah could shape from within her home, however the emergence of peer influence superseded her teachings. Perception and expectations regarding female body image portrayed through the media and reinforced through social pressure were raised by two mothers with daughters as a growing concern during middle childhood. Jane passionately declared that it was a mother's duty to react to societal pressure to protect her children from unrealistic or harmful ideals, pointing out, “that's not what real people look like!”. Negotiating between parenting ideals and the influence of external pressures upon children was a new aspect of mothering not experienced in the early years.

During the middle years of childhood, when the world is opening up for children through increased peer interaction and exposure to aspects of culture and society through independent interactions and increased use of technology, mothers must navigate new challenges and address social pressures previously considered irrelevant.

Changing worries and concerns

This subcategory draws attention to worries and concerns not experienced with small children. A shift in focus from physical needs and safety towards emotional, social and educational development was evident, again with an eye to the future adults their children would become.

Helping children learn how to interact with others, deal with social situations and manage friendships were commonly expressed issues. A child's social circle moves outside of a mother's control once a child steps into school, which can create different worries and pressures. For example, two mothers relayed worry over their childrens’ interests with a concern they might be ridiculed in school. One stated:

I think, “oh crikey, you know, they're a bit wet behind the ears and they're gonna get eaten alive"…I'm sort of worried thinking, “you'll get ripped apart”. (Rebecca)

Other mothers worried about their children in new friendships and external influences outside of their control, including cultural issues such as perceptions of masculinity and femininity previously described. Worries and concerns over issues of this nature were expressed as a new aspect of mothering previously not experienced in the early years.

In addition, a shift in focus towards a child's overall development and future life was relayed.

You're panicking about other things, but it's different things…like them not getting exposed to as much stuff and they're not doing as many things or they're not getting as rounded experiences they need to…The perception is that, you know, if your kids don't have all these things [extracurricular activities]…it's going to be detrimental to them in the long term or their future…it is ludicrous and I know when I talk about it that I'm like, “what!”. (Lauren)

Education is a big thing, I think. Your kids learning and helping them with their schoolwork outside is really hard…Maybe it's from that pressure that our kids all need to succeed and be top of the class or they're never gonna get the job… [interviewee laughing]. You know, that sort of really weird thinking that we can have. (Carla)

Seemingly irrational thoughts relating to child development and future life chances created additional worry for some mothers, worry not experienced in early childhood.

An unexpected, yet dominant concern raised by the mothers was managing the use of technology with children in middle childhood.

The internet…I think that's a big problem. That's hard because it's not quite freedom of adolescence, and yet it's not the really protected world of toddlers…I think that's a hard thing as a parent…I didn't think that em… managing that and working around that, and dealing with that would have been as big a deal so young maybe, and I think that brings up loads of problems and things. (Carla)

References to pressure to bring more technology into their homes, online safety, exposure to culturally perceived norms and managing screentime were prevalent expressions throughout the interviews. Managing screentime was expressed as the most challenging and repetitive struggle. Several mothers relaying the negative impact on family life through challenging interactions and conflict, including the struggle to get their children to go outdoors - “she doesn’t really want to move from the house…it's a nightmare!”.

Overall, this subcategory highlights the changes to a mother's emotional experience during middle childhood with worries, concerns and challenges new to this stage in mothering.

Discussion

The findings of this study indicate change within the mother identity during middle childhood, when all children have moved beyond the early years. As children age, changing interactions and behaviors reflect a shift within the mother identity, thus supporting Simmons et al.'s (2021, p. 5) assertion that, “just as children grow, change and evolve, so does the role and identity of being a mother”. To meet the research aim of gaining insight into the development and meanings within the mother identity, the findings of this study, evolving into a different mother, are explained through the concepts of identities and meanings as conceptualized in identity theory (Stets et al., 2020; Stryker & Burke, 2000). This sociological and social psychological approach understands the self as a structure of multiple identities with identities linked to roles in society and the meanings of roles as linked to behavior. For the purpose of this paper and to understand the study findings, only relevant definitions are provided. A detailed explanation of the theory is not required.

In identity theory, roles are defined as “shared behavioral expectations that convey the meanings with a social position” (Stets et al., 2020, p. 195). For instance, meanings within the social position of mother, such as protecting, teaching and nurturing the child, are behavioral expectations shared in society associated with the role of a mother. An identity is a set of self-meanings that a person attributes to themselves and serves as a standard for behavior (Stets & Burke, 2005). Thus, the mother role-identity is comprised of meanings reflective of the expectations of the social position of a mother, with behaviors reflecting these meanings. Identities can change slowly through changing interactions and situations or through conflict between multiple identities or meanings (Burke, 2006). In addition, as shared behavioral expectations are established in conjunction with counter-positions, meanings must be understood in relation to the opposite or counter-role in the social structure (Stets & Serpe, 2013). This discussion reflects this understanding by exploring change in meanings within the mother identity as influenced by the counter-role of the child. To summarize, of relevance to the current study is the understanding that meanings are the content of each identity and meanings, therefore identities, can change over time. How a person behaves reflects the meanings within their identities which provides insight into identity change. The findings of this study provide such insight through understanding change in the meanings of ‘teacher’, ‘nurturer’ and ‘negative emotions’ within the mother identity during the middle childhood years. These meanings are aligned with those constructed by Simon (1997, p. 266) in the qualitative portion of her research to understand the parent identity, namely ‘teaching, guiding and being a role model’, ‘giving love, support and nurturance’ and ‘negative meanings and emotions’.

The study findings suggest that during middle childhood the meanings of teacher, nurturer and negative emotions within the mother identity are altered as children develop, grow in independence and increasingly engage independently with the world beyond the home.

Teaching and nurturing are defining aspects of mothering in the early years (Sethi, 2020), however, caring for, nurturing and teaching remain prominent from early childhood to mothering adults (Francis-Connolly, 2000). Mothering is a continual emotional experience. Emotions, however, change as children age (Francis-Connolly, 1998; Francis-Connolly & Sytniak, 2015). As the meanings of teacher and nurturer continually intersect through teaching about the social world and emotionally supporting children through interactions, these meanings will be discussed in tandem. These meanings are also closely linked to negative emotions associated with the child's expanding world and growing independence during middle childhood, therefore change in negative emotions will be referenced throughout the discussion where relevant.

Participants aimed to shape the future adolescents and adults their children would become through teaching values, beliefs and behaviors, guiding social relationships and supporting independent interactions in the social world. Shaping educational goals, values, morals and beliefs has been reported in research on parenting adolescents (Hart & Carlo, 2005). However, the current findings demonstrate that consciously influencing these aspects of child development occurs in middle childhood. These findings support Galinsky's (1987) contention that during the interpretive stage of parenthood development, i.e., the middle years, a major task is deciding how to interpret the world to one's children to develop their self-concept, values and beliefs. This research also aligns with Simmons et al. (2021) who found that mothers reflecting back on their mothering noted purposeful teaching and nurturing to develop a child in line with their beliefs and values. Actions and behaviors were carried out with specific intention to support the mental, emotional, physical and social development of their children, which echoes the intentions of the current study participants.

Galinsky (1987) identified anticipating the teenage years and future risky behaviors as a task during the interpretive stage whereby parents hope they have prepared their children for adolescence. A fear of potential detrimental behaviors, a fear acknowledged in some parent-teen studies (Asmussen et al., 2007; Spring et al., 2002), was reflected in the current findings as some mothers looked to the future and instigated behaviors to mitigate against risk. Research supports these behaviors as studies have reported that a nurturing relationship with open and honest communication can promote prosocial behaviors and attitudes as children age (Gentzler et al., 2005) while also being a protective factor against engaging in antisocial behaviors (Collins and Madsen, 2019). Thus, mothers instigating behaviors aiming to shape the child's future self points to a change in what it means to teach and nurture as children age, demonstrating a shift in the meanings of teacher and nurturer during middle childhood. These shifting meanings are closely linked to ‘negative emotions’. According to identity theory, when negative emotion is felt, individuals may either change what they are doing or they may think about the situation in a different way in order to achieve greater congruence (Stets & Burke, 2005). The findings of this research suggest the former as fear or worry about the future prompted change in behavior, thus demonstrating how a change in negative emotions shifted the meanings of teacher and nurturer.

Negative emotions associated with overall child development and educational success in relation to the future adults their children would become were expressed by some mothers. This finding is reminiscent of research noting the desire to raise socially acceptable children (Barlow & Cairns, 1997; Topal Özgen & Ekşi, 2022), the primary interest of mothers during middle childhood specified in Ruddick's (1989) theory of maternal thinking. Ruddick (1989) claimed that in urban middle-class mothers, which largely reflects this study's participants, responsibility and accountability for how children are shaped to become acceptable within their social group is assumed by mothers. Vincent and Maxwell (2016) contended that anxiety leads to greater investment in children's development as a ‘good’ mother facilitates the growth of cultural capital and educational success to shape a successful future adult, a contention reflected in this study. This finding highlights the identity standard of the mother to be involved in child development to cultivate a successful future adult, a standard which can cause anxiety, pressure and stress.

Research contends that during middle childhood parents must adapt and change their own behaviors to facilitate their children's social relationships, activities, education and emotional development (Collins & Madsen, 2019). As a child's world expands beyond the home with formal education, parents must deal with an increase of external influences. This, in turn, created a need for the mothers in this study to provide guidance and emotional support to shape attitudes and beliefs, to facilitate peer relationships and to manage cultural influence. This need for adaptation not only impacted upon the teacher and nurturer meanings of the mothers in the current study, but also the meaning of negative emotions. As peers are highly influential social agents (Leaper, 2002) and peer relationships become more important to children in middle childhood (Wray-Lake et al., 2010), new relationships can create fresh challenges for mothers to foster growth and values aligned with parental beliefs. Concerns about their children's social acceptability, peer interactions and a greater exposure to the media and cultural influence were new trials in middle childhood found in this research. These findings highlight the need for mothers to adapt their teachings, support and nurturing to incorporate the expanding social world of their children, while contending with changing negative emotions associated with their child's ever-changing world. Thus, Galinsky's (1987) conclusion that during the interpretive stage of parenthood parents must decide on what to teach their children while helping them to interpret the social world is supported by the current research. According to identity theory, identity change is always going on. Furthermore, when behavior cannot alter meanings in reoccurring situations to verify one's identity, the identity standard gradually changes towards the meanings in the situation (Stets & Burke, 2005). The findings of this research reflect this assertion. As the mothers could not change the situation of their children's increased exposure to peer and cultural influence, the identity standard and meanings of teacher, nurturer and negative emotions changed to meet the situation, thus demonstrating a shift within the mother identity during middle childhood.

A final indication of a shift in the meaning of teacher during the middle years is illustrated by the increased consideration of how parental actions and/or words might shape their children's future parent and gender identities regarding gender equality. Social learning theory understands learning as a cognitive process which occurs through observation of others and direct instruction (Bandura, 1977). Thus, children learn how to think and behave through observation and imitation of their parents. Similarly, West and Zimmerman's (1987) theory of ‘doing gender’ suggests that children learn how to ‘do’ gender through parental role modelling and instruction (Cano & Hofmeister, 2022). While identity theory has focused more on how identities operate and less on how they are formed (Burke & Stets, 2021), recent research suggests that socialization is the first phase in the development of meanings within identities (Aldecoa, 2019). Through interaction with influential others, identities are formed. As research has shown that the ability to recognize distinction between gender roles develops during middle childhood (Collins & Madsen, 2019), it seems fitting that the middle years are a time when mothers become more aware of how their behaviors impact and shape their children's future parent and gender identities. The meaning of teacher incorporated a new dimension previously not considered during the early years of motherhood.

The challenge and negative emotions associated with managing technology use were a repetitive feature of mothering in the middle years, a struggle not experienced in early childhood. Previous research has acknowledged the difficulty in managing children's use of technology (Blackwell et al., 2016; Jennings & Wartella, 2010) and how this has become an unfavorable aspect of parenting (Wade et al., 2022). Changing family interactions (Agrawal, 2021) and the resulting conflict (Derix and Leong, 2018) were expressed as the main sources of frustration for the study participants which aligns with research reporting the adverse impact of excessive use of digital devices on social and family interactions (Agrawal, 2021; King et al., 2013). The challenge and increased effort to encourage children to spend time outdoors or with family has been previously associated with adolescence (Chapdelaine et al., 2017; Steinberg & Silk, 2002). Yet, the current study points to this challenge occurring during middle childhood in some families, thereby impacting on the mother experience, emotions and behaviors. This finding is indicative of Ammari et al.'s (2015) proposition of the ‘third shift’ in family life, a concept which builds upon Hochschild and Machung’s (1989, 2012) ‘second shift’ of unpaid work. The ‘third shift’ requires substantial parental effort to negotiate and manage their children's digital footprints. The ‘third shift’, which the current research has shown as apparent in middle childhood, created frustration, worry, fear and guilt for the mothers, thereby demonstrating how this new challenge in middle childhood created change in negative emotions.

Implications for marriage and family counselors

Being a mother is a complex identity that can evoke feelings of anxiety, stress, loss, pressure and fear which has implications for counsellors and mental health professionals (Barlow & Cairns, 1997; Forbes et al., 2020; Prikhidko & Swank, 2018; Simmons et al., 2021). Spanning decades, research has suggested that greater understanding of the mother identity can be of benefit for marriage, family and couples counsellors (Barlow & Cairns, 1997; Forbes et al., 2020; Medina & Magnuson, 2009; Prikhidko & Swank, 2018; Simmons et al., 2021). Yet, little is known about the mothers beyond being caregivers (Medina & Magnuson, 2009) and the mother identity at different stages of motherhood (Laney et al., 2015; Simmons et al., 2021). This research provides valuable insight into the changing meanings within the identity of mothers during middle childhood and proposes that exploring, investigating and understanding meanings within identity can help mental health professionals understand their clients and help clients to understand themselves. Through talking about behaviours and emotions, meanings within identities can be illuminated. Consequently, clients could understand the pressures, fears, anxieties and stresses they might experience throughout motherhood and gain greater understanding of where these negative emotions originate. The findings of this research demonstrate how mothers are influenced by internal and external factors, including those influencing their children which, in turn, impact on the mother. Counsellors and mental health professionals can explore these factors with mothers to understand evolution as a mother and their mother identity. In addition, having insight into the meanings within a mother's identity, shaped by internal and external influences, can impact on the type of interventions used and lead to more positive counselling outcomes. Prikhidko and Swank (2018) proposed acceptance and commitment therapy to deal with challenging aspects of mothering and to support flexibility in the role. The authors also cited research suggesting the use of emotive behaviour therapy with mothers to challenge irrational thoughts. Psychoeducation could prove beneficial for some mothers to cope with changing emotions and normalise their experiences, thus supporting their mental health.

It has been reported that mothers are more involved in the educational success of children than fathers (Brooks & Hodkinson, 2022; O’Brien, 2007), meaning engagement with teachers and the education system is more prominent for mothers. Hence, the current study proposes that people working in educational institutions, specifically primary school, can benefit from this enhanced understanding of the challenges mothers can face during middle childhood. For those interacting with mothers in mental health and educational settings, awareness of contemporary standards within the mother identity, the persistent eye to the future adolescents and adults their children will become, changing negative emotions and new challenges mothers face during the middle years could enhance the support offered. Lastly, awareness of this research and the concept of meanings within identities provides the opportunity for counsellors and mental health professionals to understand the complexity of the mother identity and how internal and external factors shape the various roles within their client's identities.

Limitations and suggestions for future research

A limitation of this research was the lack of diversity of participants. Recruitment was completed during a global pandemic which caused extended periods of national school closures and a significant increase in the domestic workload of mothers of school-aged children. Therefore, I am grateful to the fifteen mothers who gave their time to participate in this study during a challenging time in family life. Also, this research was located in Northern Ireland which has a mainly White population. Only 3.4% of the population belong to ethnic minority groups (Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency, 2022). Lastly, snowball sampling, a method which can lead to over-representation of participants with similar identity characteristics (Tracy, 2013), was necessary to recruit due to the impact of the pandemic. Hence, the sample lacked diversity. Further research exploring a range of mothering perspectives, such as different social class, ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, marital status, disability, adoptive mothers and those in blended families would enhance understanding of motherhood development during the middle childhood years.

This research acknowledges that other internal and external factors which likely influenced the meanings within the mothers’ identities were not considered. Factors such as personal preferences, motivations, contextual factors and government policies were beyond the scope of this study. Nonetheless, the findings of this research suggest that using identity theory to investigate meanings within identities could provide valuable insights into the social and psychological development of mothers and other roles in everyday life.

Simmons et al. (2021) reflected on the value in longitudinal research focused on the developmental process as it occurs which could contribute to the creation of a motherhood developmental model. Longitudinal research was not a viable option for this study. However, an understanding of change within mother identity during the middle years has been gained from the nuanced angle of meanings within the mother identity, thus adding to knowledge on the development of mothers. The findings of this study point to the potential of longitudinal research focused on meanings within the mother identity as children age to create a model of motherhood development.

Conclusion

The current research aimed to explore the experiences of mothers during the middle childhood years to gain insight into the development and meanings within the mother identity. Research focused on mothers in the early years, adolescence and with adult children is more common (Chapdelaine et al., 2017; Francis-Connolly & Sytniak, 2015; Laney et al., 2014; Moore, 2013), with the middle years largely ignored. This study contributes to this gap in knowledge through developing an understanding of change within the mother identity during middle childhood conceptualized as evolving into a different mother. Study findings support Galinsky's (1987) claim that a parent cannot pass through the interpretive stage of parenthood (middle childhood) unchanged. This research demonstrates, through changing identity meanings of teacher, nurturer and negative emotions, that middle childhood is distinctly different from other periods in family life, thereby agreeing with other research (Barlow & Cairns, 1997; Collins & Madsen, 2019). The current study showcases the link between the development of children and the consequent identity change experienced by mothers, supporting the proposition that as children grow and change, so does the role and identity of a mother (Parker, 2009; Simmons et al., 2021).

Laney et al. (2015) asserted that research grounded in first-hand accounts of the changing identity of mothers was needed. Through qualitative inquiry with mothers, this research expands knowledge of the changing identity of mothers. The nuanced understanding of the study findings through the lens of meanings within identities in accordance with identity theory (Stets et al., 2020; Stryker & Burke, 2000) offers further insight and points to the potential for identity theory to provide a framework to develop a theory of motherhood identity development. This research illuminates the significant changes which occur within the mother identity during middle childhood, change caused by shifting interactions with one's children, and the influence of culture and society. Middle childhood has been shown as a distinct period of change in mother identity development.