Abstract
Intimacy, including sexuality and sexual and reproductive health and rights (SRHR), is central to every family and couples counseling practice, in a direct or less direct way. Many unique challenges faced by international adoptees in intimate relationships are connected with negative sexual stereotypes as well as racism. In this article, I explore how societal structures influence sexual behavior and intersect with internalized racism, shaping expressions of intimacy. The article concludes with culturally affirming counseling practices designed to support adult adoptees’ SRHR.
Keywords
Introduction
Adult transracial adoptees face unique challenges in intimate and sexual meetings, influenced by societal sexual stereotypes, racism, and objectification. As for many people from the global majority, adult adoptees need to navigate societal structures that dictate intimacy and that might limit the right to exercise their sexual and reproductive rights (SRHR). Many of these challenges are not acknowledged by professionals who unintentionally perpetuate outdated narratives on adoption and adoptees, which risks lead to inadequate support for the person in need. As a Sexologist and Somatic Sex Educator, I argue for the importance of understanding societal expectations and the impact oppression has on adult adoptees’ bodies. Without the understanding that every intimate meeting is influenced by psychological, physiological, spiritual, and sociocultural factors, the cause of a sexological challenge might not be understood in the right way. In this article, hook'’s (1981, 1984) Critical Race Theory is used as lens alongside the Sexual Script Theory (Simon & Gagnon, 1986) together with somatic techniques. The two exercises I present in this article were selected for their inherent possibilities to create a safe space where the client can feel accepted, an important part of healing (Mischke-Reeds, 2018). This article concludes with suggestions on culturally affirming counseling practice, design to support adult adoptees’ SRHR and with that, support sexual liberation.
Sexual and reproductive health and rights are universal human rights, meaning that everyone, everywhere, should have equal rights to exercise them. Good sexual health entails having equal opportunities, rights, and conditions to make decisions about one's own body, free from violence, coercion, and discrimination (Starrs et al., 2018). Reproductive health is defined as a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being related to the reproductive system but also includes adequate maternal and maternity care (WHO, 2013). Exercising reproductive rights means having the freedom to decide responsibly on the number of children and the timing between pregnancies, with access to information, education, and resources necessary to exercise this right (Starrs et al., 2018). Adoption has historically been infrequently framed as a reproductive justice issue (McKee, 2018); however, recent scholarships increasingly acknowledge this standpoint, pushing this perspective forward with important contributions to the field (e.g., Kim et al., 2024). The complex history of child separation and adoption are embedded in many contemporary practices and shapes dominant narratives of adoption, influencing the family dynamics as well as professionals meeting adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents. Wexler et al. (2023, p. 5) describe this as families “becoming a microcosm of domestic and global inequalities, where international adoptees unintentionally get positioned in the middle” (Wexler et al., 2023, p. 5). Since many white adoptive parents struggle to understand the centrality of structural racism and their own racial privilege (Leslie et al., 2013), it can be challenging to support children who ultimately must navigate the world as people of color (Lee, 2003). On a group level, a significant barrier for adult adoptees in exercising their SRHR is the mental health challenges the group is facing. The exposure to racial discrimination as a consequence of having a “foreign” appearance can lead to mental health issues (Tizard, 1991; von Borczyskowski et al., 2006), as well as sexual health issues. The fact that attachment theory has been used as the primary explanatory model has often overshadowed the vital role socialization processes and societal norms play in shaping our sexual identities (Sims, 2017).
Theoretical concepts
In this article, the use of hook'’s (1981, 1984) critical race theory and the sexual script theory (Simon & Gagnon, 1986) forms an ideal framework in which societal expectations around sexuality can be made visible. This is necessary to understand the impact of these expectations and their potential implications for the sexual and mental health outcomes of the group of adult adoptees.
Sexual script theory
Sexual script theory, developed by William Simon and John Gagnon in 1973, examines how individuals interpret and engage in sexual behavior through learned “scripts” or guidelines. The theory posits that sexual behavior is influenced by societal norms and personal experiences, encompassing three distinct levels. The scripts serve as broad guidelines, instructing individuals on what is considered acceptable sexual behavior within a particular culture (Simon & Gagnon, 1986). The first level, cultural scenarios, is the societal context in which sexual behavior occurs. The next level is called Interpersonal scripts and centers on the interaction between individuals; a manual on how to interpret the behavior of a partner. Simon and Gagnon (1986) point out that the expression of sexual desire is not only a matter of the individual wish at that moment but also about the power dynamics and communication between those specific people. This means that the partner plays a critical role in shaping one's sexual actions (Bakhtin, 1981) and that many people adjust their behavior based on how they perceive their partner's desires and wishes. The intrapsychic scripts is the third level and centers on the processing of the individual's emotions. On this level, the intention and interpretation of actions, sexual desires, and fantasies is given meaning in relation to expectations and norms within that person. This can be viewed as an inner arena where the person's internalized cultural norms need to negotiate with the personal sexual identity. Characteristic for the script theory is that when incongruence occurs between the first and second levels of the scripts, they need to be solved in that inner arena (Simon & Gagnon, 1986).
Critical race theory and the concept of racial fetish
hook'’s (1981, 1984, 1992) work is significant in examining the intersections of race, capitalism, and gender, and in making systematic power structures that uphold racial inequalities visible. Her understanding of structural and systemic power is that it is expressed and exercised through institutions, policies, and cultural norms (1981, 1984). This occurs when white-dominated societies internalize values that center on white privilege, as it then becomes part of reinforcing systemic racism and sexism through socialization. For non-white individuals participating in this socialization process, hooks argues, there is a risk of developing a distorted sense of self by internalizing ideas of white supremacy (hooks, 1984). With the term Racial Fetish, hooks (1992) describes how power and privilege are forever linked and intertwined with oppression. Racial Fetish refers to attraction based on stereotypical assumptions about a person's racial or ethnic background, leading to these individuals being objectified in racialized fantasies, common in sexual fantasies. The people being fetishized are often positioned in relation to white bodies, which are inherently viewed as more valuable. This is an expression of “Othering”, where the fetishized person is simultaneously exotified and dehumanized, reduced to a representation of racial fantasies, separated from the norm (hooks, 1992).
Previous studies
In my MA thesis, I interviewed 20 international adoptees in Sweden to understand how they described their own sexual and reproductive health and rights (Linde, 2023). Many participants reported feeling invisible, as the healthcare system often failed to recognize the intersections of racial and adoption-specific experiences and the resulting impact on sexual and reproductive health and rights. A prominent finding was the recurring challenges the participants faced in forming healthy, intimate relationships but many participants also described a strong disconnection from their bodies and identities due to growing up in a predominantly white environment. One participant shared, “I never really felt that I understood my sexuality or even that I had a sexual identity that was separate from my social upbringing. It has been really complicated.” Similar experiences were expressed by others: “I barely knew that I needed to separate my sexual identity from my… social identity. It took so many years as an adult to really understand how intertwined they are in a way that's been harmful to me. I mean, all the things Íve been told.” (Linde, 2023, p. 40).
Another recurrent theme was how the participants SRHR was connected with their mental health. Many shared that they experienced anxiety, stress, and depression related to their racial identity and sexual health, which they felt was often dismissed by healthcare professionals. One participant described: “It took me years to even feel comfortable talking about my sexual health. I felt I needed to protect myself from being fetishized… a term I didn’t even know at the time, by words, I mean. But, to protect myself from being fetishized, meant that I couldn’t talk with anyone - because even professionals and healthcare-staff were doing it” (Linde, 2023, p. 35). Several participants mentioned how internalized racial stereotypes led them to feel less desirable and less worthy of fulfilling and meaningful relationships. One participant reflected, “I never felt fully accepted, whether by my adoptive family or society. I was always wrong and was supposed to just accept it. That impacted how I saw myself sexually—I always felt like I was on the outside, looking in. Nobody understood what I felt anyway” (Linde, 2023, p. 43).
Implications for couples and family counselors and therapists
Professionals working with sexological challenges with adult adoptees need to make sure that their approach is questioning societal expectations and be open to reject binary, heteronormative standards around sexuality and what is commonly described as “normal” (Jesse, 2020, p. 10). A sexological problem always exists and is perceived in a specific cultural context (Elmerstig, 2012) and because societal norms around sexuality always is changing, what is perceived as normal is bound to a certain time and context. The ability to question and reject internalized scripts needs to start with the professionals; understanding which these scripts are. Through a counter-normative practice, we can support and strengthen our clients self-awareness and self-acceptance which becomes an important part of developing the individual's processing of their own sexual desires and the meaning of those desires. To make sure that we take the clients best interests into consideration, I suggest the following interventions:
Intervention one: extending the felt sense
The concept of the felt sense is the connection between the mind and the body; awareness, intuition, and emotions being a natural part in between and of the individual. Having a strongly felt sense is an important part of having an embodied sense of being and of identity (Mischke-Reeds, 2018), which might feel fragmented for many adult adoptees. Strengthening the felt sense can be done by centering the sensations in our clients bodies and by consciously elevating the awareness around their bodies and the connection to their bodies. With the professionals presence and with an invitation to our clients to, for example, notice how they are sitting and how the sensation of breath feels, our meeting can (also) be an embodied experience of feeling safety; an important part of healing (Mischke-Reeds, 2018). The experience of feeling safe makes it possible to identify what is included in that experience; making it possible for the client to practice to create a safe space within themselves (Thouin-Savard, 2019).
Intervention two: somatic mirroring
When exposed to oppressive behavior (internal as external), our bodies react with tension and blockages. Physical blocks can lead to a lack of sexual arousal (Elmerstig, 2012, p. 56) and might also impact how the individual see and think of setting boundaries for something unwanted. Boundaries, a foundation for holding a safe space, needs to be re-established and for that, the client needs to reconnect with their bodies. For many, it is experienced as very beneficial to have this role modeled by a professional (Behrends et al., 2012). One way to do this is through somatic mirroring; an embodied connection where the professional reflecting on the client´s physical expressions; tense shoulders, clenched fists, or shallow breathing. This embodied reflection helps the client to develop a stronger sense of self and plays an important part for how the client in the future can recognize their own emotional experience; knowing how safety feels in the body (Chaiklin & Wengrower, 2009). When we as professionals become their embodied echo and mirror our clients movements, we foster empathy and recognition and we are also an essential component in the identification of their emotional experience (Behrends et al., 2016).
Conclusion
The development of sexual identity unfolds through an embodied dialogue shaped by individual experiences and societal norms of what is deemed normal and acceptable at a given time. The unique challenges adult adoptees face in integrating their life stories, including the need to contend with restrictive narratives and stereotypes, are having a clear impact on their relationships and sexual connections. It is also important to consider how outdated narratives affect the experience of feeling safe and the consequences of embodying cultural scenarios shaped by oppressive ideologies are not only feelings of profound existential loneliness but also a sense of pressure to assimilate. The two selected interventions offer a possibility for professionals to be culturally competent and inclusive by challenging normative perspectives and the concept of ‘Otherness’. By using our own bodies and sharing our inner experiences, we actively engage with and share the client's narrative, minimizing the risk of objectifying and exotifying our client, while also reducing the echo of loneliness. It is necessary to have a basic understanding of somatic interventions and embodiment to support this type of healing. It is essential for adult adoptees to have their experiences validated and their emotions accepted to aid in the navigation of future sexual and intimate relationships. My wish as a sexologist, researcher, and transracial adoptee is that SRHR continues to be integrated with reproductive justice principles and that this integration becomes a promising avenue for centering adoptees’ voices and finding liberation in new forms.
