Gaps and Reconnections in the Mother–Adult Child Relationship

Abstract

This article features a therapeutic counseling technique that can be used with clients who struggle with painful relationships with their mothers. Instead of focusing solely on unmet needs, this technique helps clients gain more realistic perceptions of their mothers, with the premise that clearer perceptions will lead to honesty and acceptance. On the basis of Bowen’s theory of intergenerational family therapy, the strategy provides a context and common language for examining mothers’ strengths and shortcomings. In addition to the authors’ “gaps” technique, other family systems strategies to help clients reconnect with their mothers are briefly described. Although the counseling technique is explained in the context of mother-child relationships, it is equally applicable to other important family-oforigin relationships, including fathers and their adult children.