Mother-Son Rejection and Triangulation in Polygamous Families: Probing the Spillover Effect and the Compensatory Hypothesis

Abstract

The current study examined the applicability of the spillover effect and the compensatory hypothesis in a sample of 80 Israeli Arab mothers living in polygamous families. It was posited that the marital dissatisfaction reflected in mothers’ romantic jealousy and their desire for revenge against their husbands would be transformed into feelings of rejection toward their own eldest sons and would involve the parental practice of triangulation. The results indicated that mothers’ desire for revenge mediated the association between romantic jealousy and mother–child rejection. Furthermore, mothers’ desire for revenge also mediated the association between romantic jealousy and mother-child triangulation. These findings point to the complexity of mother-child relationships in polygamous families.

Keywords

triangulation mother-child rejection polygamous families romantic jealousy desire for revenge

Get full access to this article

View all access options for this article.

References

Al-Krenawi

(1998). Family therapy with a multiparental/multispousal family. Family Process, 37(1), 65–81. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.1998.00065.x

Al-Krenawi

(2012). A study of psychological symptoms, family function, marital and life satisfactions of polygamous and monogamous women: The Palestinian case. International Journal of Social Psychiatry, 58(1), 79–86. https://doi.org/10.1177/0020764010387063

Al-Krenawi

Lightman

E. S.

(2000). Learning achievement, social adjustment, and family conflict among Bedouin-Arab children from polygamous and monogamous families. The Journal of Social Psychology, 140(3), 345–355. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224540009600475

Al-Krenawi

Slonim-Nevo

(2008a). The psychosocial profile of Bedouin Arab women living in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Families in Society: The Journal of Contemporary Social Services, 89(1), 139–149. https://doi.org/10.1606/1044-3894.3718

Al-Krenawi

Slonim-Nevo

(2008b). Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. The Journal of Social Psychology, 148(6), 745–764. https://doi.org/10.3200/SOCP.148.6.745-764

Al-Krenawi

Slonim-Nevo

Graham

J. R.

(2006). Polygamy and its impact on the psychosocial well-being of husbands. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 37(2), 173–189.

Al-Sharfi

Pfeffer

Miller

K. A.

(2016). The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. Journal of Family Studies, 22(3), 272–286. https://doi.org/10.1080/13229400.2015.1086405

Al-Sherbiny

L. A. M.

(2005). The case of first wife in polygamy: Description of an Arab culture-specific tradition. Arabpsynet, 8, 9–26.

Amato

P. R.

Afifi

T. D.

(2006). Feeling caught between parents: Adult children’s relations with parents and subjective well-being. Journal of Marriage and Family, 68(1), 222–235. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2006.00243

10.

Aquino

Tripp

T. M.

Bies

R. J.

(2001). How employees respond to personal offense: The effects of blame attribution, victim status, and offender status on revenge and reconciliation in the workplace. Journal of Applied Psychology, 86(1), 52–59. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-9010.86.1.52

11.

Ardila-Rey

Killen

Brenick

(2009). Moral reasoning in violent contexts: Displaced and non-displaced Colombian children’s evaluations of moral transgressions, retaliation, and reconciliation. Social Development, 18(1), 181–209. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9507.2008.00483.x

12.

Artemis

Touloumakos

A. K.

(2016). “They accept me, they accept me not” psychometric properties of the Greek version of the Child Parental Acceptance–Rejection Questionnaire–Short Form. Journal of Family Issues, 37(9), 1226–1243. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X14543851

13.

Berger

(2014). The vocabulary of vengefulness: Its function in the analytic group and beyond. Group Analysis, 47(3), 227–241. https://doi.org/10.1177/0533316414545721

14.

Berlin

N. G.

(2002). Parent-child therapy and maternal projections: Tripartite psychotherapy-A new look. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 72(2), 204–216. https://doi.org/10.1037/0002-9432.72.2.204

15.

Bone

J. E.

Raihani

N. J.

(2015). Human punishment is motivated by both a desire for revenge and a desire for equality. Evolution and Human Behavior, 36(4), 323–330. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2015.02.002

16.

Bowen

(1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson.

17.

Bray

J. H.

Williamson

D. S.

Malone

P. E.

(1984b). Personal authority in the family system: Development of a questionnaire to measure personal authority in intergenerational processes. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 10, 167–178.

18.

Brossart

D. F.

Lawson

D. M.

Kieffer

K. M.

(2006). Factor analysis of the personal authority in the family system questionnaire. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 32(4), 439–449. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2006.tb01619.x

19.

Cohen

R. S.

Cohler

B. J.

Weissman

S. H.

(Eds.). (1984). Parenthood: A psychodynamic perspective. Guilford Press.

20.

Collibee

Furman

(2016). Chronic and acute relational risk factors for dating aggression in adolescence and young adulthood. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 45, 763–776.

21.

Crombag

Rassin

Horselenberg

(2003). On vengeance. Psychology, Crime, and Law, 9, 333–344. https://doi.org/10.1080/1068316031000068647

22.

Daoud

Shoham-Vardi

Urquia

M. L.

O’Campo

(2014). Polygamy and poor mental health among Arab Bedouin women: Do socioeconomic position and social support matter? Ethnicity & Health, 19(4), 385–405. https://doi.org/10.1080/13557858.2013.801403

23.

Darvell

M. J.

Walsh

S. P.

White

K. M.

(2011). Facebook tells me so: Applying the theory of planned behavior to understand partnermonitoring behavior on Facebook. Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking, 14(12), 717–722.

24.

Davies

P. T.

Sturge-Apple

M. L.

Woitach

M. J.

Cummings

E. M.

(2009). A process analysis of the transmission of distress from interparental conflict to parenting: Adult relationship security as an explanatory mechanism. Developmental Psychology, 45(6), 1761–1773. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0016426.

25.

Davis

K. C.

Schraufnagel

T. J.

Jacques-Tiura

A. J.

Norris

George

W. H.

Kiekel

P. A.

(2012). Childhood sexual abuse and acute alcohol effects on men’s sexual aggression intentions. Psychology of Violence, 2(2), 179–193. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027185

26.

DiBello

A. M.

Rodriguez

L. M.

Hadden

B. W.

Neighbors

(2015). The green-eyed monster in the bottle: Relationship contingent selfesteem, romantic jealousy, and alcohol-related problems. Addictive Behaviors, 49, 52–58.

27.

Elbedour

Abu-Bader

Onwuegbuzie

A. J.

Abu-Rabia

El-Aassam

(2006). The scope of sexual, physical, and psychological abuse in a Bedouin-Arab community of female adolescents: The interplay of racism, urbanization, polygamy, family honor, and the social marginalization of women. Child Abuse & Neglect, 30(3), 215–229. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2005.10.010

28.

Elbedour

Onwuegbuzie

A. J.

Caridine

Abu-Saad

(2002). The effect of polygamous marital structure on behavioral, emotional, and academic adjustment in children: A comprehensive review of the literature. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 5(4), 255–271.

29.

Engfer

(1988). The interrelatedness of marriage and the mother-child relationship. In Hinde

R. A.

Stevenson-Hinde

(Eds.), Relationships within families. Mutual influences (pp. 104–118). Clarendon Press.

30.

Erel

Burman

(1995). Interrelatedness of marital relations and parent-child relations: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 118(1), 108–132.

31.

Field

N. P.

Chhim

(2008). Desire for revenge and attitudes toward the Khmer Rouge tribunal among Cambodians. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 13(4), 352–372. https://doi.org/10.1080/15325020701742086

32.

Fleischmann

A. A.

Spitzberg

B. H.

Andersen

P. A.

Roesch

S. C.

(2005). Tickling the monster: Jealousy induction in relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(1), 49–73.

33.

Gerard

J. M.

Krishnakumar

Buehler

(2006). Marital conflict, parent-child relations, and youth maladjustment: A longitudinal investigation of spillover effects. Journal of Family Issues, 27(7), 951–975. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X05286020

34.

Goldberg

J. G.

(2004). Fantasies of revenge and the stabilization of the ego: Acts of revenge and the ascension of thanatos. Modern Psychoanalysis, 29(1), 3–21.

35.

Goldner

Lev-Wiesel

Simon

(2019). Revenge fantasies after experiencing traumatic events: Sex differences. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 886.

36.

Gomez

Suhaimi

A. F.

(2014). Malaysian parent ratings of the parental acceptance-rejection questionnaire-short form: Factor structure and invariance across girls and boys and mothers and fathers. Parenting, 14(3–4), 195–214. https://doi.org/10.1080/15295192.2014.945585

37.

Guerrero

L. K.

(1998). Attachment-style differences in the experience and expression of romantic jealousy. Personal Relationships, 5(3), 273–291. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1998.tb00172.x

38.

Haefner

(2014). An application of Bowen family systems theory. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 35(11), 835–841. https://doi.org/10.3109/01612840.2014.921257

39.

Haen

Weber

A. M.

(2009). Beyond retribution: Working through revenge fantasies with traumatized young people. The Arts in Psychotherapy, 36(2), 84–93. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.aip.2009.01.005

40.

Haj-Yahia

M. M.

(2000). Wife abuse and battering in the sociocultural context of Arab society. Family Process, 39(2), 237–255. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.2000.39207

41.

Haj-Yahia

M. M.

(2003). Beliefs about wife beating among Arab men from Israel: The influence of their patriarchal ideology. Journal of Family Violence, 18(4), 193–206. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0145-2134(03)00119-4

42.

Hartley

S. L.

Papp

L. M.

Bolt

(2018). Spillover of marital interactions and parenting stress in families of children with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 47(Suppl. 1), S88–S99. https://doi.org/10.1080/15374416.2016.1152552

43.

Hayes

A. F.

(2009). Beyond Baron and Kenny: Statistical mediation analysis in the new millennium. Communication Monographs, 76, 408–420.

44.

Horowitz

M. J.

(2007). Understanding and ameliorating revenge fantasies in psychotherapy. American Journal of Psychiatry, 164(1), 24–27. https://doi.org/10.1176/ajp.2007.164.1.24

45.

Jokhio

Soomro

N. P.

Shoukat

(2017). Parental acceptance-rejection, parental control and juvenile delinquency in youth: An analytic study of Hyderabad and Karachi. Grassroots, 51(1), 178–190.

46.

Kar

H. L.

O’Leary

K. D.

(2013). Patterns of psychological aggression, dominance, and jealousy within marriage. Journal of Family Violence, 28(2), 109–119. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-012-9492-7

47.

Katz

L. F.

Gottman

J. M.

(1996). Spillover effects of marital conflict: In search of parenting and coparenting mechanisms. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 74, 57–76. https://doi.org/10.1002/cd.23219967406

48.

Kerig

P. K.

(2005). Revisiting the construct of boundary dissolution: A multidimensional perspective. Journal of Emotional Abuse, 5(2–3), 5–42. https://doi.org/10.1300/J135v05n02_02

49.

Kerig

P. K.

(2019). Parenting and family systems. In Bornstein

M. H.

(Ed.), Handbook of parenting: Volume 3: Being and becoming a parent (pp. 3–35). Routledge.

50.

Khaleque

Rohner

R. P.

(2012). Pancultural associations between perceived parental acceptance and psychological adjustment of children and adults: A meta-analytic review of worldwide research. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 43(5), 784–800. https://doi.org/10.1177/0022022111406120

51.

Krishnakumar

Buehler

(2000). Interparental conflict and parenting behaviors: A meta-analytic review. Family Relations, 49(1), 25–44. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2000.00025.x

52.

Layish

(2017). Polygamy. In Layish

(Ed.), Women and Islamic law in a non-Muslim state: A study based on decisions of the Shari’a courts in Israel. Routledge.

53.

Lei

Wang

Han

DeBruine

L. M.

Jones

B. C.

(2019). The influence of facial femininity on Chinese and White UK women’s jealousy. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 5(1), 109–112. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-018-0171-7

54.

Leisring

P. A.

(2013). Physical and emotional abuse in romantic relationships: Motivation for perpetration among college women. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 28(7), 1437–1454.

55.

Lieberman

A. F.

(1999). Negative maternal attributions: Effects on toddlers’ sense of self. Psychoanalytic Inquiry, 19(5), 737–756. https://doi.org/10.1080/07351699909534274

56.

Lillie

Strelan

(2016). Careful what you wish for: Fantasizing about revenge increases justice dissatisfaction in the chronically powerless. Personality and Individual Differences, 94, 290–294. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2016.01.048

57.

McClelland

R. T.

(2010). The pleasures of revenge. Journal of Mind and Behavior, 31(3), 195–235. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0140525X12001513

58.

McCullough

M. E.

Bellah

C. G.

Kilpatrick

S. D.

Johnson

J. L.

(2001). Vengefulness: Relationships with forgiveness, rumination, wellbeing, and the Big Five. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 601–610. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167201275008

59.

McCullough

M. E.

Rachal

K. C.

Sandage

S. J.

Worthington

E. L.

Jr Brown

S. W.

Hight

T. L.

(1998). Interpersonal forgiving in close relationships: II. Theoretical elaboration and measurement. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(6), 1586–1603.

60.

McCullough

M. E.

Root

L. M.

Cohen

A. D.

(2006). Writing about the benefits of an interpersonal transgression facilitates forgiveness. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74(5), 887–897. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.74.5.887.

61.

Melamed

(1991). Individual differences in romantic jealousy: The moderating effect of relationship characteristics. European Journal of Social Psychology, 21, 455–461. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.2420210508

62.

Minuchin

(1988). Relationships within the family: A systems perspective on development. In Hinde

R. A.

Stevenson-Hinde

(Eds.), Relationships within families. Mutual influences (pp. 7–26). Clarendon Press.

63.

Mogilski

J. K.

Memering

S. L.

Welling

L. L.

Shackelford

T. K.

(2017). Monogamy versus consensual non-monogamy: Alternative approaches to pursuing a strategically pluralistic mating strategy. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46(2), 407–417. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-015-0658-2

64.

Morrissette

P. J.

(2012). Infidelity and revenge fantasies: An integrative couple therapy approach. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 11(2), 149–164. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2012.666500

65.

Nelson

J. A.

O’Brien

Blankson

A. N.

Calkins

S. D.

Keane

S. P.

(2009). Family stress and parental responses to children’s negative emotions: Tests of the spillover, crossover, and compensatory hypotheses. Journal of Family Psychology, 23(5), 671–679. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0015977

66.

Orth

(2004). Does perpetrator punishment satisfy victims’ feelings of revenge? Aggressive Behavior, 30(1), 62–70. https://doi.org/10.1002/ab.20003

67.

Papp

L. J.

Liss

Erchull

M. J.

Godfrey

Waaland-Kreutzer

(2017). The dark side of heterosexual romance: Endorsement of romantic beliefs relates to intimate partner violence. Sex Roles, 76(1–2), 99–109. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-016-0668-0

68.

Pfeiffer

S. M.

Wong

P. T.

(1989). Multidimensional jealousy. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 6(2), 181–196.

69.

Ponnet

Mortelmans

Wouters

Van Leeuwen

Bastaits

Pasteels

(2013). Parenting stress and marital relationship as determinants of mothers’ and fathers’ parenting. Personal Relationships, 20(2), 259–276. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2012.01404.x

70.

Preacher

K. J.

Rucker

D. D.

Hayes

A. F.

(2007). Assessing moderated mediation hypotheses: Theory, methods, and prescriptions. Multivariate Behavioral Research, 42, 185–227.

71.

Rahmanian

Munawar

Mukhtar

Choudhry

F. R.

(2020). Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Archives of Women’s Mental Health. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-020-01070-8

72.

Redlick

(2016). The green-eyed monster: Mate value, relational uncertainty, and jealousy in romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 23(3), 505–516. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12140

73.

Rinaldi

C. M.

Howe

(2003). Perceptions of constructive and destructive conflict within and across family subsystems. Infant and Child Development: An International Journal of Research and Practice, 12(5), 441–459. https://doi.org/10.1002/icd.324

74.

Rohner

R. P.

(1986). The warmth dimension: Foundations of parental acceptance-rejection theory. SAGE.

75.

Rohner

R. P.

(2004). The parental “acceptance-rejection syndrome”: Universal correlates of perceived rejection. American Psychologist, 59(8), 830–840. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.59.8.830

76.

Rohner

R. P.

Khaleque

(2005). Personality Assessment Questionnaire: Test manual. In Rohner

R. P.

Khaleque

(Eds.), Handbook for the study of parental acceptance and rejection (4th ed., pp. 187–226). Rohner Research.

77.

Schumann

Ross

(2010). The benefits, costs, and paradox of revenge. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 4(12), 1193–1205. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2010.00322.x

78.

Seebauer

Froß

Dubaschny

Schönberger

Jacob

G. A.

(2014). Is it dangerous to fantasize revenge in imagery exercises? An experimental study. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 45(1), 20–25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jbtep.2013.07.003

79.

Sellen

D. W.

(1999). Polygyny and child growth in a traditional pastoral society. Human Nature, 10(4), 329–371. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12110-999-1007-8

80.

Senior

Helmer

Chenhall

(2017). “As long as he’s coming home to me”: Vulnerability, jealousy and violence in young people’s relationships in remote, rural and regional Australia. Health Sociology Review, 26(2), 204–218. https://doi.org/10.1080/14461242.2016.1157697

81.

Shackelford

T. K.

Goetz

A. T.

Buss

D. M.

Euler

H. A.

Hoier

(2005). When we hurt the ones we love: Predicting violence against women from men’s mate retention. Personal Relationships, 12, 447–463. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2005.00125.x

82.

Shepard

L. D.

(2013). The impact of polygamy on women’s mental health: A systematic review. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 22(1), 47–62. https://doi.org/10.1017/S2045796012000121

83.

Slonim-Nevo

Al-Krenawi

Yuval-Shani

(2008). Polygynous marriage in the Middle East: Stories of success and failures. Ethnology, 195-208. https://www.jstor.org/stable/41604069

84.

Steinglass

(1987). A systems view of family interaction and psychopathology. In Jacob

(Ed.), Family interaction and psychopathology: Theories, methods, and findings (pp. 25–65). Plenum.

85.

Stillwell

A. M.

Baumeister

R. F.

Del Priore

R. E.

(2008). We’re all victims here: Toward a psychology of revenge. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 30(3), 253–263. https://doi.org/10.1080/01973530802375094

86.

Thomas

N. K.

(2004). An eye for an eye: Fantasies of revenge in the aftermath of trauma. In Knafo

(Ed.), Living with terror, working with trauma: A clinician’s handbook (pp. 297–311). Jason Aronson.

87.

Tripp

T. M.

Bies

R. J.

Aquino

(2002). Poetic justice or petty jealousy? The aesthetics of revenge. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 89(1), 966–984. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0749-5978(02)00038-9

88.

van Denderen

de Keijser

Gerlsma

Huisman

Boelen

P. A

. (2014). Revenge and psychological adjustment after homicidal loss. Aggressive Behavior, 40(6), 504–511. http://doi.org/10.1002/ab.21543

89.

Vidmar

(2001). Retribution and revenge. In Sanders

Hamilton

V. L.

(Eds.), Handbook of justice research in law (pp. 31–63). Kluwer Academic/Plenum.

90.

Wang

Crane

D. R.

(2001). The relationship between marital satisfaction, marital stability, nuclear family triangulation, and childhood depression. American Journal of Family Therapy, 29(4), 337–347.

91.

Westland

J. C.

(2010). Lower bounds on sample size in structural equation modeling. Electronic Commerce Research and Applications, 9(6), 476–487.

92.

White

J. M.

Klein

D. M.

(2002). Family theories: An introduction (2nd ed.). SAGE.

93.

Wright

M. F.

(2017). Intimate partner aggression and adult attachment insecurity: The mediation of jealousy and anger. Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, 11(2), 187–198.

94.

Zeitzen

M. K.

(2020). Polygamy: A cross-cultural analysis. Routledge.