Thirteen years of investigative research into sexual abuse in sport provides the basis for this article, in which reflections are offered about the role and survival of the investigator in sensitive research. The ethical ground rules, research methods and working practices adopted while conducting this research have all been influenced by processes well beyond conventional social science. The article interrogates three meanings of `managing myself' as a lesbian engaged in a gendered research process: first, managing myself, coping with the strains and stresses of the research; second, managing (by) myself as being alone in the research; and third, managing my self/selves, deciding which of several possible selves or agendas — the personal, the scientific or the political — is being addressed at any given time. The article concludes by considering how to maintain focus in the face of internal doubts and external pressures.
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