In the world of childhood trauma and abuse, there is a subset of children who not only endure abuse from a parent or caregiver but are also hated. In treatment, accurately identifying this hatred can help clients who struggle, for example, with feelings of indifference to aging or dying parents. This article explores issues created for individuals who were hated by a parent or caregiver, including the loss of a loving relationship with the parent before one ever existed. The author distinguishes between moments of hate and sustained parental hatred that defines the parent-child relationship. Attachment theory is used to examine the early parent-child dynamic. The author addresses the importance of working at the transgressive edge between protocol that disavowed the parent’s hatred and the client’s experience of being hated. Clinical vignettes, including the author’s own experience of being hated by a parent, are used throughout the article to link theory with clinical experience and application.
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