Sex in Couples Therapy: Before and after Divorce

Abstract

Although a couple's sexual relationship evolves over time and is sometimes replaced by other forms of intimacy, it is not true that long-term relationships lack sex altogether. However, it may take more energy and creativity for long-time partners to stimulate themselves and each other and to keep their sexual relationship satisfactory. This article suggests that, although it seems contradictory, development of a more individual, autonomous stance in each partner often fosters the relationship, including sex. Falling in love or extramarital sex can be the catalyst that makes it clear that some fundamental elements are lacking in a long-term relationship. Sometimes couples therapy-or reconsidering the reasons to stay in a marriage in another way-helps to bring a couple together again. In other cases, this is not effective, and divorce can be a necessary next developmental step for one or both partners. For children, divorce is never easy, especially when they are adolescents and in their second separation-individuation stage of development. For adolescents, seeing one or both of their parents fall in love again and start a sexual relationship with someone new can be a confusing and upsetting experience. A case example is offered to illustrate these dynamics.