Ready (for love) or not? Self and other perceptions of commitment readiness and associations with attachment orientations

Abstract

Commitment readiness – feeling ready to be in a committed relationship – is conducive to romantic relationship initiation and maintenance. Further, friends’ perceptions of whether someone is ready might constrain the opportunities afforded to individuals, and these perceptions may be shaped by how people navigate a romantic relationship, namely, attachment orientation. Hence, we examined the overlap of self and other perceptions of commitment readiness and whether those perceived as insecurely attached were also perceived as not ready for commitment. Persons in groups (N = 193) consisting of four friends each (N = 772) rated themselves and their friends on commitment readiness and attachment orientations. Using a bivariate social relations model, we found strong self-other agreement on commitment readiness. We also found that people perceived as higher in attachment avoidance and anxiety were seen as not as ready for commitment. Finally, people’s judgments of their own commitment readiness were associated with how they judged their friends’ commitment readiness (i.e., assumed similarity). Implications about the consequences of interpersonal judgments among friends are discussed.

Keywords

Commitment commitment readiness attachment social relations model relationship receptivity theory

Get full access to this article

View all access options for this article.

References

Agnew

C. R.

Hadden

B. W.

Tan

(2019). It’s about time: Readiness, commitment, and stability in close relationships. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 10(8), 1046–1055. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550619829060

Agnew

C. R.

Hadden

B. W.

Tan

(2020). Relationship receptivity theory: Timing and interdependent relationships. Interdependence, Interaction, and Close Relationships, 369(1), 269–292. https://doi.org/10.1017/9781108645836.014

Agnew

C. R.

Loving

T. J.

Drigotas

S. M.

(2001). Substituting the forest for the trees: Social networks and the prediction of romantic relationship state and fate. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(6), 1042–1057. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.81.6.1042

Alaei

Lévêque

MacDonald

Rule

N. O.

(2020). Accuracy and bias in first impressions of attachment style from faces. Journal of Personality, 88(5), 940–949. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12540

Alaei

Rule

N. O.

MacDonald

(2022). Individuals’ favorite songs’ lyrics reflect their attachment style. Personal Relationships, 29(4), 778–794. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12448

Altman

Taylor

D. A.

(1973). Social penetration: The development of interpersonal relationships. (pp. viii, 212). Holt, Rinehart & Winston.

Aron

Dutton

D. G.

Aron

E. N.

Iverson

(1989). Experiences of falling in love. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 6(3), 243–257. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407589063001

Banai

Weller

Mikulincer

(1998). Inter-judge agreement in evaluation of adult attachment style: The impact of acquaintanceship. British Journal of Social Psychology, 37(Pt 1), 95–109. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.2044-8309.1998.tb01159.x

Bartholomew

Horowitz

L. M.

(1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(2), 226–244. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.61.2.226

10.

Berger

C. R.

(1988). Uncertainty and information exchange in developing relationships. In Duck

(Ed.), Handbook of personal relationships: Theory, research and interventions, (pp Vol. 702, pp. 239–255). John Wiley & Sons, xvii. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-97881-013

11.

Biesanz

J. C.

West

S. G.

Millevoi

(2007). What do you learn about someone over time? The relationship between length of acquaintance and consensus and self-other agreement in judgments of personality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(1), 119–135. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.92.1.119

12.

Bryant

C. M.

Conger

R. D.

(1999). Marital success and domains of social support in long-term relationships: Does the influence of network members ever end? Journal of Marriage and Family, 61(2), 437. https://doi.org/10.2307/353760

13.

Candel

O.-S.

Turliuc

M. N.

(2019). Insecure attachment and relationship satisfaction: A meta-analysis of actor and partner associations. Personality and Individual Differences, 147(8), 190–199. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2019.04.037

14.

Carlson

E. N.

Vazire

Oltmanns

T. F.

(2013). Self-other knowledge asymmetries in personality pathology. Journal of Personality, 81(2), 155–170. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2012.00794.x

15.

Chopik

W. J.

Edelstein

R. S.

(2015). Preliminary validation of a romantic attachment orientation measure from the California Adult Q-Sort. Attachment & Human Development, 17(6), 570–585. https://doi.org/10.1080/14616734.2015.1091852

16.

Chopik

W. J.

Edelstein

R. S.

Grimm

K. J.

(2019). Longitudinal changes in attachment orientation over a 59-year period. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 116(4), 598–611. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000167

17.

Christensen

P. N.

Kashy

D. A.

Leahy

K. E.

(2023). Using the social relations model to understand interpersonal perception and behavior. In Cooper

(Ed.), APA handbook of research methods in psychology: Data analysis and research publication (32nd ed., 3, pp. 451–464). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/0000320-020

18.

Cronbach

L. J.

(1955). Processes affecting scores on “understanding of others” and “assumed similarity.”. Psychological Bulletin, 52(3), 177–193. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0044919

19.

Dunlop

W. L.

Karan

Wilkinson

Harake

(2019). Love in the first degree: Individual differences in first-person pronoun use and adult romantic attachment styles. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 11(2), 254–265. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550619847455

20.

Etcheverry

P. E.

Charania

M. R.

(2008). Perceived versus reported social referent approval and romantic relationship commitment and persistence. Personal Relationships, 15(3), 281–295. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2008.00199.x

21.

Feeney

J. A.

(1994). Attachment style, communication patterns, and satisfaction across the life cycle of marriage. Personal Relationships, 1(4), 333–348. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1994.tb00069.x

22.

Feeney

J. A.

Karantzas

G. C.

(2017). Couple conflict: Insights from an attachment perspective. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13(2), 60–64. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.017

23.

Felmlee

D. H.

(2001). No couple is an island: A social network perspective on dyadic stability. Social Forces, 79(4), 1259–1287. https://doi.org/10.1353/sof.2001.0039

24.

Fiori

K. L.

Rauer

A. J.

Birditt

K. S.

Marini

C. M.

Jager

Brown

Orbuch

T. L.

(2018). “I love you, not your friends”: Links between partners’ early disapproval of friends and divorce across 16 years. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35(9), 1230–1250. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517707061

25.

Fraley

R. C.

Heffernan

M. E.

Vicary

A. M.

Brumbaugh

C. C.

(2011). The experiences in close relationships-relationship Structures questionnaire: A method for assessing attachment orientations across relationships. Psychological Assessment, 23(3), 615–625. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0022898

26.

Freeman

Brown

B. B.

(2001). Primary attachment to parents and peers during adolescence: Differences by attachment style. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 30(6), 653–674. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1012200511045

27.

Gallo

L. C.

Smith

T. W.

(2001). Attachment style in marriage: Adjustment and Responses to interaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 18(2), 263–289. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407501182006

28.

Grazian

(2007). The girl hunt: Urban nightlife and the performance of masculinity as collective activity. Symbolic Interaction, 30(2), 221–243. https://doi.org/10.1525/si.2007.30.2.221

29.

Guerrero

L. K.

Mongeau

(2008). On becoming “more than friends”: The transition from friendship to romantic relationship. In Sprecher

Wenzel

Harvey

(Eds.), Handbook of relationship initiation (pp. 175–194). Taylor & Francis.

30.

Hadden

B. W.

Agnew

C. R.

(2020). Commitment readiness: Timing, the self, and close relationships. In Interpersonal relationships and the self-Concept (pp. 53–67). Springer International Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-43747-3_4

31.

Hadden

B. W.

Agnew

C. R.

Tan

(2018). Commitment readiness and relationship formation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44(8), 1242–1257. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167218764668

32.

Hazan

Shaver

P. R.

(1994). Attachment as an organizational framework for research on close relationships. Psychological Inquiry, 5(1), 1–22. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327965pli0501_1

33.

Kenny

D. A.

Kashy

D. A.

Cook

W. L.

(2021). Dyadic data analysis. Guilford Press.

34.

Kenny

D. A.

La Voie

(1984). The social relations model. In Berkowitz

(Ed.), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology. (18, pp. 141–182). Elsevier. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0065-2601(08)60144-6

35.

Kruger

D. J.

Fisher

M. L.

Edelstein

R. S.

Chopik

W. J.

Fitzgerald

C. J.

Stout

S. L.

(2013). Was that cheating? Perceptions vary by sex, attachment anxiety, and behavior. Evolutionary Psychology, 11(1), 159–171. https://doi.org/10.1177/147470491301100115

36.

Kuperberg

Padgett

J. E.

(2015). Dating and hooking up in college: Meeting contexts, sex, and variation by gender, partner’s gender, and class standing. The Journal of Sex Research, 52(5), 517–531. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.901284

37.

Dove

N. L.

Agnew

C. R.

Korn

M. S.

Mutso

A. A.

(2010). Predicting nonmarital romantic relationship dissolution: A meta-analytic synthesis. Personal Relationships, 17(3), 377–390. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01285.x

38.

Leibowitz

(2015, March 6). The way most people meet their significant others is probably not what you think. MIC. https://www.mic.com/articles/112062/the-way-most-people-meet-their-significant-others-is-not-what-you-think

39.

Lewis

R. A.

(1973). Social reaction and the formation of dyads: An interactionist approach to mate selection. Sociometry, 36(3), 409. https://doi.org/10.2307/2786342

40.

Chan

D. K.-S.

(2012). How anxious and avoidant attachment affect romantic relationship quality differently: A meta‐analytic review. European Journal of Social Psychology, 42(4), 406–419. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.1842

41.

Loving

T. J.

(2006). Predicting dating relationship fate with insiders’ and outsiders’ perspectives: Who and what is asked matters. Personal Relationships, 13(3), 349–362. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2006.00122.x

42.

MacDonald

Park

(2022). Associations of attachment avoidance and anxiety with life satisfaction, satisfaction with singlehood, and desire for a romantic partner. Personal Relationships, 29(1), 163–176. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12416

43.

MacDonald

T. K.

Ross

(1999). Assessing the accuracy of predictions about dating relationships: How and why do lovers’ predictions differ from those made by observers? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 25(11), 1417–1429. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167299259007

44.

Marabel-Whitburn

Greenwood

C. J.

Mansour

K. A.

Francis

L. M.

Olsson

C. A.

Macdonald

J. A.

(2023). Balancing friends and romance: Associations between men’s investment in peer relationships and romantic relationship quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 40(12), 4102–4123. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075231198441

45.

Martz

J. M.

Verette

Arriaga

X. B.

Slovik

L. F.

Cox

C. L.

Rusbult

C. E.

(1998). Positive illusion in close relationships. Personal Relationships, 5(2), 159–181. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1998.tb00165.x

46.

McClure

Lydon

(2014). Anxiety doesn’t become you: How attachment anxiety compromises relational opportunities. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(1), 89–111. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0034532

47.

Mikulincer

Shaver

P. R.

(2010). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Publications.

48.

Molero

Shaver

P. R.

Fernández

Recio

(2017). Attachment insecurities, life satisfaction, and relationship satisfaction from a dyadic perspective: The role of positive and negative affect. European Journal of Social Psychology, 47(3), 337–347. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.2276

49.

Murray

S. L.

Holmes

J. G.

(1997). A leap of faith? Positive illusions in romantic relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(6), 586–604. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167297236003

50.

Nisbett

R. E.

Wilson

T. D.

(1977). The halo effect: Evidence for unconscious alteration of judgments. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 35(4), 250–256. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.35.4.250

51.

Oldmeadow

J. A.

Quinn

Kowert

(2013). Attachment style, social skills, and Facebook use amongst adults. Computers in Human Behavior, 29(3), 1142–1149. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2012.10.006

52.

Poulsen

F. O.

Holman

T. B.

Busby

D. M.

Carroll

J. S.

(2013). Physical attraction, attachment styles, and dating development. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30(3), 301–319. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407512456673

53.

Riela

Rodriguez

Aron

Acevedo

B. P.

(2010). Experiences of falling in love: Investigating culture, ethnicity, gender, and speed. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27(4), 473–493. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407510363508

54.

Rusbult

C. E.

(1980). Commitment and satisfaction in romantic associations: A test of the investment model. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 16(2), 172–186. https://doi.org/10.1016/0022-1031(80)90007-4

55.

Rusbult

C. E.

Van Lange

P. A. M.

Wildschut

Yovetich

N. A.

Verette

(2000). Perceived superiority in close relationships: Why it exists and persists. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79(4), 521–545. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.79.4.521

56.

Schönbrodt

F. D.

Back

M. D.

Schmukle

S. C.

(2012). TripleR: an R package for social relations analyses based on round-robin designs. Behavior Research Methods, 44(2), 455–470. https://doi.org/10.3758/s13428-011-0150-4

57.

Shaver

P. R.

Brennan

K. A.

(1992). Attachment styles and the “Big Five” personality traits: Their connections with each other and with romantic relationship outcomes. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 18(5), 536–545. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167292185003

58.

Simpson

J. A.

(1990). Influence of attachment styles on romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59(5), 971–980. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.59.5.971

59.

Sinclair

H. C.

Felmlee

Sprecher

Wright

B. L.

(2015). Don’t tell me who I can’t love: A multimethod investigation of social network and reactance effects on romantic relationships. Social Psychology Quarterly, 78(1), 77–99. https://doi.org/10.1177/0190272514565253

60.

Spielmann

S. S.

Gahman

K. P.

(2021). Detectability and desirability of fear of being single in online dating profiles. Journal of Personality, 89(3), 531–548. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12597

61.

Spielmann

S. S.

MacDonald

Maxwell

J. A.

Joel

Peragine

Muise

Impett

E. A.

(2013). Settling for less out of fear of being single. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 105(6), 1049–1073. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0034628

62.

Sprecher

(2011). The influence of social networks on romantic relationships: Through the lens of the social network. Personal Relationships, 18(4), 630–644. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01330.x

63.

Sprecher

Felmlee

(1992). The influence of parents and friends on the quality and stability of romantic relationships: A three-wave longitudinal investigation. Journal of Marriage and Family, 54(4), 888–900. https://doi.org/10.2307/353170

64.

Sprecher

Schmeeckle

Felmlee

Shu

(2013). No breakup occurs on an island: Social networks and relationship dissolution. In Fine

M. A.

Harvey John

(Eds.), Handbook of Divorce and relationship dissolution (pp. 457–478). Psychology Press.

65.

Stanley

S. M.

Rhoades

G. K.

Whitton

S. W.

(2010). Commitment: Functions, formation, and the securing of romantic attachment. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 2(4), 243–257. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1756-2589.2010.00060.x

66.

Stinson

D. A.

Cameron

J. J.

Hoplock

L. B.

(2022). The friends-to-lovers pathway to romance: Prevalent, preferred, and overlooked by science. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 13(2), 562–571. https://doi.org/10.1177/19485506211026992

67.

Sümer

Cozzarelli

(2004). The impact of adult attachment on partner and self‐attributions and relationship quality. Personal Relationships, 11(3), 355–371. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2004.00087.x

68.

Tan

Agnew

C. R.

(2023). Relationship status and psychological well-being: Initial evidence for the moderating effects of commitment readiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 24(8), 2563–2581. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-023-00692-w

69.

Taylor

S. E.

Brown

J. D.

(1988). Illusion and well-being: A social psychological perspective on mental health. Psychological Bulletin, 103(2), 193–210. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.103.2.193

70.

Thomas

Fletcher

G. J. O.

(2003). Mind-reading accuracy in intimate relationships: Assessing the roles of the relationship, the target, and the judge. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(6), 1079–1094. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.6.1079

71.

Maxwell

J. A.

Kim

J. J.

Peragine

Impett

E. A.

Muise

(2022). Is my attachment style showing? Perceptions of a date’s attachment anxiety and avoidance and dating interest during a speed-dating event. Journal of Research in Personality, 100(2), 104269. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2022.104269

72.

Tucker

J. S.

Anders

S. L.

(1998). Adult attachment style and nonverbal closeness in dating couples. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 22(2), 109–124. https://doi.org/10.1023/a:1022980231204

73.

Vazire

(2010). Who knows what about a person? The self–other knowledge asymmetry (SOKA) model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(2), 281–300. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017908

74.

Weiss

R. L.

(1980). Strategic behavioral marital therapy: Toward a model for assessment and intervention. Advances in Family Intervention, Assessment and Theory, 1(6), 229–271.

75.

West

T. V.

Kenny

D. A.

(2011). The truth and bias model of judgment. Psychological Review, 118(2), 357–378. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0022936

76.

Zhang

Xie

Chen

Hudson

N. W.

(2022). The relationship between adult attachment and mental health: A meta-analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 123(5), 1089–1137. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000437

Supplementary Material

Please find the following supplemental material available below.

For Open Access articles published under a Creative Commons License, all supplemental material carries the same license as the article it is associated with.

For non-Open Access articles published, all supplemental material carries a non-exclusive license, and permission requests for re-use of supplemental material or any part of supplemental material shall be sent directly to the copyright owner as specified in the copyright notice associated with the article.

0.00 MB

0.08 MB