Is it something I said? Sense of humor and partner embarrassment

Abstract

This manuscript explores one romantic partner’s humor use and the resulting embarrassment felt by the other partner using coorientation theory. Self-report and partner perception data were gathered from 106 couples (N = 212) in romantic relationships, and two coorientation variables were calculated. Actor—Partner Independence Models estimated the relationships between four humor styles and partner embarrassment. Aggressive humor was related to partner embarrassment and self-defeating humor with feeling embarrassed by one’s partner. For women, perceived similarity in aggressive and self-defeating humor mitigated embarrassment, and greater understanding of men’s self-defeating humor was related to embarrassment. In Study 2, a 2 × 2 experiment (N = 222) tested whether self-defeating humor predicts embarrassment or whether embarrassment predicts self-defeating humor use, with results supporting the former.

Keywords

coorientation embarrassment humor long-term relationships offensive jokes relationship-specific face

Get full access to this article

View all access options for this article.

References

Aron, A.P. , Mashek, D.J. , & Aron, E.N. ( 2004). Closeness as including other in the self. In D. J. Mashek & A. Aron (Eds.), Handbook of closeness and intimacy (pp. 27-41). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

Bennet, M. , & Dewberry, C. ( 1989). Embarrassment at others’ failures: A test of the Semin and Manstead model. Journal of Social Psychology, 129, 557-559.

Billig, M. ( 2001). Humor and embarrassment: Limits of ‘‘nice-guy’’ theories of social life. Theory, Culture, & Society, 18, 23-43.

Booth-Butterfield, S. , & Booth-Butterfield, M. (1991). Individual differences in the communication of humorous messages. Southern Communication Journal, 56, 205-218.

Campbell, L. , Martin, R.A. , & Ward, J.R. ( 2008). An observational study of humor use while resolving conflict in dating couples. Personal Relationships, 15, 41-55.

Costa, M. , Dinsbach, W. , Manstead, A.S.R. , & Bitti, P.E.R. ( 2001). Social presence, embarrassment, and nonverbal behavior . Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 25, 225-240.

Craik, K.H. , Lampert, M.D. , & Nelson, A.J. ( 1996). Sense of humor and everyday styles of humorous conduct . Humor, 9, 273-302.

Craik, K.H. , & Ware, A.P. ( 1998). Humor and personality in everyday life. In W. Ruch (Ed.), The sense of humor: Explorations of a personality characteristic (pp. 63-94). New York: Mouton de Gruyter.

Crawford, M. , & Gressley, D. ( 1991). Creativity, caring, and context. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 15, 217-231.

10.

Cupach, W.R. , & Metts, S. ( 1992). The effects of type of predicament and embarrassability on remedial responses to embarrassing situations. Communication Quarterly, 40, 149-161.

11.

Cupach, W.R. , & Metts, S. ( 1994). Facework. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

12.

De Koning, E. , & Weiss, R.L. ( 2002). The relational humor inventory: Functions of humor in close relationships. American Journal of Family Therapy, 30, 1-18.

13.

Fink, E.L. , & Walker, B.A. ( 1977). Humorous responses to embarrassment. Psychological Reports, 40, 475-485.

14.

Ford, T.E. ( 2000). Effects of sexist humor on tolerance of sexist events . Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 26, 1094-1107.

15.

Ford, T.E. , Wentzel, E.R. , & Lorion, J. ( 2001). Effects of exposure to sexist humor on perceptions of normative tolerance of sexism. European Journal of Social Psychology, 31, 677-691.

16.

Fortune, J.L. , & Newby-Clark, I.R. (2008). My friend is embarrassing me: Exploring the guilt by association effect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 1440-1449.

17.

Goffman, E. ( 1959). The presentation of self in everyday life. New York: Doubleday Anchor Books.

18.

Hall, J.A. , & Sereno, K. ( 2010). Offensive jokes: How do they impact long-term relationships? Humor, 23, 351-373.

19.

Hay, J. ( 2000). Functions of humor in the conversations of men and women . Journal of Pragmatics, 32, 709-743.

20.

Herzog, T.R. , & Anderson, M.R. (2000). Joke cruelty, emotional responsiveness, and joke appreciation. Humor, 13, 333-351.

21.

Herzog, T.R. , Harris, A.C. , Kropscott, L.S. , & Fuller, K.L. ( 2006). Joke cruelty and joke appreciation revisited. Humor, 19, 139-156.

22.

John, O.P. , Naumann, L.P. , & Soto, C.J. ( 2008). Paradigm shift to the integrative Big-Five trait taxonomy: History, measurement, and conceptual issues. In O. P. John , R. W. Robins , & L. A. Pervin (Eds.), Handbook of personality: Theory and research (pp. 114-158). New York: Guilford Press.

23.

Keltner, D. , & Buswell, B.N. ( 1997). Embarrassment: Its distinct form and appeasement functions . Psychological Bulletin, 122, 250-270.

24.

Kenny, D.A. , Kashy, D.A. , & Cook, W.L. ( 2006). Dyadic data analysis. New York: Guilford Press.

25.

Lampert, M. , & Ervin-Tripp, S. (1998). Exploring paradigms: The study of gender and sense of humor near the end of the 20th century. In W. Ruch (Ed.), The sense of humor: Explorations of a personality characteristic. Berlin: Mouton de Gruyter.

26.

Lampert, M. , & Ervin-Tripp, S. (2006). Risky laughter: Teasing and self-directed joking among male and female friends. Journal of Pragmatics, 38, 51-72.

27.

Lauer, R.H. , Lauer, J.C. , & Kerr, S.T. ( 1990). The long-term marriage: Perception of stability and satisfaction . International Journal on Aging and Human Development, 31, 189-195.

28.

Leary, M.R. ( 2004). The curse of the self. New York: Oxford University Press.

29.

Martin, R.A. ( 2003). Sense of humor. In S. J. Lopez & C. R. Snyder (Eds.), Positive psychological assessment: A handbook of models and measures (pp. 313-326). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association .

30.

Martin, R.A. , Puhlik-Doris, P. , Larsen, G. , Gray, J. , & Weir, K. ( 2003). Individual differences in uses of humor and their relation to psychological well-being: Development of the Humor Styles Questionnaire . Journal of Research in Personality, 37, 48-75.

31.

McLeod, J.M. , & Chaffee, S.H. ( 1973). Interpersonal approaches to communication research. American Behavioral Scientist, 16, 469-499.

32.

Miller, R.S. ( 1987). Empathic embarrassment: Situational and personal determinants of reactions to the embarrassment of another. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53, 1061-1069.

33.

Miller, R.S. ( 1992). The nature and severity of self-reported embarrassing circumstances. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , 18, 190-198.

34.

Newcomb, T.M. ( 1953). An approach to the study of communicative acts. Psychological Review, 60, 393-404.

35.

Newcomb, T.M. ( 1956). The prediction of interpersonal attraction. American Psychologist, 11, 575-586.

36.

Parrot, W.G. , & Smith, S.F. ( 1991). Embarrassment: Actual vs. typical cases, classical vs. prototypical representations. Cognition and Emotion, 5, 467-488.

37.

Petronio, S. , Olson, C. , & Dollar, N. ( 1988). Relational embarrassment: Impact on relational quality and communication satisfaction. In H. D. O’Hair & B. R. Patterson (Eds.), Advances in interpersonal communication research: Proceedings of the Western Speech Communication Association (pp. 195-206). Las Cruces : New Mexico State University, Communication Resource Center.

38.

Petronio, S. , Olson, C. , & Dollar, N. ( 1989). Privacy issues in relational embarrassment: Impact on relational quality and communication satisfaction. Communication Research Reports, 6, 21-27.

39.

Purine, D.M. , & Carey, M.P. ( 1999). Dyadic coorientation: Reexamination of a method for studying interpersonal communication. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 28, 45-62.

40.

Raniseski, J.M.A. ( 1998). Exploring the relationships between humor and marital well-being. Dissertation Abstracts International, 59, 3124.

41.

Rust, J. , & Goldstein, J. ( 1989). Humor in marital adjustment. Humor, 2, 217-224.

42.

Sabini, J. , Siepmann, M. , Stein, J. , & Meyerowitz, M. (2000). Who is embarrassed by what ? Cognition and Emotion, 14, 213-240.

43.

Sharkey, W.F. ( 1992). Use and responses to intentional embarrassment. Communication Studies, 43, 257-275.

44.

Sharkey, W.F. , Kim, M.S. , & Diggs, R.C. ( 2001). Intentional embarrassment: A look at embarrassors’ and targets’ perspectives. Personality and Individual Differences, 31, 1261-1272.

45.

Sharkey, W.F. , Park, H.S. , & Kim, R. ( 2004). Intentional self-embarrassment. Communication Studies, 55, 379-399.

46.

Tangney, J.P. , Miller, R.S. , Flicker, L. , & Barlow, D.H. ( 1996). Are shame, guilt, and embarrassment distinct emotions? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70, 1256-1269.

47.

Thorton, K.C. ( 2003). When the source of embarrassment is a close other. Individual Differences Research, 1, 189-200.

48.

Thorton, K.C. ( 2007). Relationship closeness and embarrassment. Individual Differences Research, 5, 81-85.

49.

van Giffen, K. & Maher, K.M. ( 1995). Memorable humorous incidents: Gender themes and settings effects. Humor, 8, 39-50.

50.

Withers, L.A. , & Vernon, L.L. ( 2006). To err is human: Embarrassment, attachment, and communication apprehension. Personality and Individual Differences, 40, 99-110.

51.

Zillmann, D. , & Stocking, H.S. (1976). Putdown humor. Journal of Communication, 26, 154-163.

52.

Ziv, A. , & Gadish, O. ( 1989). Humor and marital satisfaction. Journal of Social Psychology, 129, 759-768.

Supplementary Material

Please find the following supplemental material available below.

For Open Access articles published under a Creative Commons License, all supplemental material carries the same license as the article it is associated with.

For non-Open Access articles published, all supplemental material carries a non-exclusive license, and permission requests for re-use of supplemental material or any part of supplemental material shall be sent directly to the copyright owner as specified in the copyright notice associated with the article.

0.00 MB

44.75 MB