Feminist Mothering and Primary Prevention of Gendered Violence: Insights From Australian Mothers Raising Sons

Abstract

In Australia, significant efforts like The National Plan to End Violence Against Women and Children 2022–2032, the Change the Story framework, and Man Box study have aimed to understand and address gendered violence. These initiatives stress the need for prevention, particularly focusing on young people by challenging rigid gender stereotypes and male authority and control over decision-making. This paper presents qualitative research with nine self-identified feminist mothers raising sons, exploring their underrepresented yet important role in violence prevention. It examines how these mothers discuss gender, sex, and power with their sons and the intentions of their feminist maternal practice in building gender equality. The research highlights the contributions of feminist mothers in addressing drivers of gendered violence in the primary prevention space, advocating for greater visibility of their efforts to enrich policy and practice in violence prevention in Australia.

Introduction

In 2021, 51,800 Australian women reported sexual assault, and 523,100 reported physical assault within the previous year, not including unreported incidents (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2023). Hospital admissions for assault related to domestic violence showed 73% were women (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, 2023). However, the 2021 National Community Attitudes towards Violence Against Women Survey (NCAS) found at least a quarter believe women are partially responsible for sexual assaults against them (Coumarelos et al., 2023). Persistent gender stereotypes, and the attitudes and practices that ensue as a result, hinder progress in ending violence against women (ANROWS, 2023).

Research and practice have identified the key drivers of both gender inequality and violence which include condoning violence against women, rigid gender stereotyping, and men’s control over decision-making, along with male peer relations that emphasise aggression and dominance (Our Watch, 2021). To address these drivers, prevention policies and evidence-based practice frameworks are being developed. Combined they aim to challenge gender stereotypes, transform societal conditions that perpetuate violence against women and children, and promote women’s agency (Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women’s Safety, 2023, Department of Social Services, 2022).

Primary prevention focuses on changing behaviours, norms, and attitudes. Researchers emphasise instilling respectful gender attitudes from a young age (Babcock et al., 2017; Flood et al., 2009). This paper focuses on a specific aspect of this prevention effort: the role of feminist mothers of children assigned male at birth (sons) in promoting gender equality and preventing gendered violence. The research aims to understand and highlight the contributions of these mothers within the broader context of violence prevention. Feminist maternal practice is an overlooked aspect in the struggle against gender inequality and gendered violence (Green, 2021; O’Reilly, 2016, 2021).

Background

The National Plan to End Violence Against Women and Their Children

In the Australian context, significant strides have been made to address gendered violence. This effort has been largely guided by The National Plan to Reduce Violence against Women and their Children, launched in 2010 by the Australian government (Australian et al., 2022). This comprehensive framework, informed by survivors’ narratives and feminist scholarship, aims to provide a unified strategy across the nation, encompassing various aspects of preventing and responding to domestic and family violence as well as sexual assault. It represents Australia’s commitment to leading a coordinated policy effort across different levels of government, aiming to significantly reduce violence against women and children (Department of Social Services, 2022, p. 5).

Organisations and Frameworks

As part of this national plan, two key organisations were established: ANROWS and Our Watch. ANROWS, set up in 2013, plays a critical role in shaping policies, raising public awareness, and guiding advocacy work related to gendered violence. Meanwhile, Our Watch, also formed in the same year, dedicates its efforts to driving nationwide change. It focuses on transforming cultural attitudes, behaviours, and the power imbalances that lead to violence against women and their children. Our Watch operates in three main areas: policy development, knowledge building and dissemination, and collaboration with diverse stakeholders such as government bodies, educational institutions, and businesses. This work is geared towards fostering a deep understanding of the causes of violence against women and mobilising actions to prevent it (Our Watch, 2021).

Change the Story Framework

In 2021, Our Watch released the second edition of ‘Change the Story’, Australia’s national framework to prevent violence against women. This framework is an evidence-based document that focuses on changing the primary drivers of gendered violence. As an innovative prevention framework, Change the Story draws from both international and national research, demonstrating the link between violence against women and the broader social context of gender inequality. The framework is developed collaboratively by Our Watch, ANROWS, and VicHealth and offers a comprehensive approach to preventing violence against women and their children. ‘Change the Story’ recognises that while women and their children are affected by violence in a multitude of ways, there are common underlying factors that drive this violence. Consequently, prevention work should emphasise the importance of challenging the condoning of violence against women, promoting women’s independence in public and private life, challenging gender stereotypes and roles, and fostering positive, equal, and respectful relationships (Our Watch, 2021, p. 60).

The Man Box Study and Related Efforts

The ‘Man Box’ study, initiated in 2017 by The Men’s Project (part of Jesuit Social Services), represented a significant milestone in understanding young men’s attitudes towards masculinity in Australia (The Men’s Project & Flood, 2018, p. 11). This national survey delved into young men’s perceptions and behaviours linked to societal expectations of masculinity, highlighting how these norms contribute to issues such as gender inequality and violence against women. Following the ‘Man Box’ study, Our Watch conducted an evidence review titled ‘Men in Focus’ (2019), aiming to explore the complex nature of masculine identity further. This review examined how various factors, such as age, location, and socioeconomic status, intersect with men’s perceptions of masculinity and impact their behaviours and attitudes. In 2021, Our Watch also published the Men in Focus Practice Guide, which identifies strategies for engaging men and boys in discussions about masculinities, emphasising empathy and self-awareness.

Primary Prevention and Work with Young People and Young Men

Primary prevention is a key strategy, focusing on preventing violence by addressing its root causes, such as gender inequality (Kuskoff & Parsell, 2020). This approach involves changing individual behaviours and societal norms, with a particular emphasis on engaging young people and children assigned male at birth. Research has shown that attitudes towards gender and relationships formed early in life play a crucial role in the perpetuation of gender inequality and violence later in life. This underscores the importance of primary prevention in promoting healthy and respectful attitudes towards gender and relationships from a young age (Babcock et al., 2017; Flood et al., 2009). Australia’s National Plan places a strong emphasis on the role of all community members, including politicians and parents, in primary prevention efforts. It highlights the need for engagement in diverse settings such as schools and sports venues, as well as the critical life stages of childhood and adolescence, to combat violence against women by fostering positive identities and challenging gender stereotypes (Our Watch, 2021).

Violence Prevention, Parenting, and Mothers’ Potential

Effective violence prevention addresses factors driving gendered violence like enhancing women’s independence and challenging rigid gender norms (Department of Social Services, 2022). The National Plan highlights the importance of fostering respectful relationships and acknowledges the role of gender as a social construct in shaping normative masculinities, often linked to violence against women (The Men’s Project & Flood, 2018; Our Watch, 2021). Key locations like educational and sports settings as well as the home reinforce these norms. Prevention efforts aimed at these settings must challenge gender essentialism and patriarchal binaries, aiming to promote respect and gender equality, and question dominant masculinity norms (Our Watch, 2021). It is possible that home settings influenced by feminist parenting try to disrupt these norms and stereotypes.

Involving boys and men in discussions about gender norms and violence prevention is crucial (Flood, 2018). However, current strategies often underemphasise women’s role in these efforts, especially in ensuring accountability and integrating their perspectives in initiatives focusing on masculinities (Our Watch, 2021; Our Watch, 2022). Engaging all members of society in a variety of settings is key to effective practice (Our Watch, 2021). Women’s voices and experiences significantly influence men’s understanding of violence against women (Casey & Smith, 2010), highlighting the necessity for approaches grounded in feminist principles, as advocated by Flood (2018) and Almassi (2015)

Addressing gendered violence requires a comprehensive approach, recognising that no single entity can tackle it alone (Our Watch, 2021). The specific contributions of feminist mothers in shaping sons’ perceptions of gender and violence remain underexplored in Australia’s mainstream feminist discourse and violence prevention models. ‘Change the Story’ emphasises primary prevention as a method to address societal factors driving violence against women, complemented by The Man Box study’s recognition of mothers’ influence in young men’s understanding of masculinity (The Men’s Project & Flood, 2018).

Feminist Mothering and Violence Prevention

Matricentric feminism distinguishes the categories of ‘woman’ and ‘mother’, recognising the unique challenges specific to motherhood (O’Reilly, 2016). This branch of feminism, influenced by the works of Adrienne Rich (2021) and Sara Ruddick (1995), emphasises that while the institution of motherhood can be oppressive, the experience of mothering can be empowering (O'Reilly, 2016). Rich’s analysis distinguishes between the patriarchal institution of motherhood and the empowering potential of mothering. Ruddick’s (1995) notion of ‘maternal thinking’ suggests that maternal practices are shaped by specific demands and can lead to a distinctive discipline of feminist thinking. Matricentric feminism values intentional maternal practices aligned with feminist priorities, advocating for motherhood to be a central consideration in feminism and recognising the potential of mothers, especially in raising sons, to challenge patriarchal norms and promote gender equality.

O'Reilly’s (2016, 2021) work highlights the need for a distinct feminist approach that puts motherhood at its centre. This approach acknowledges that motherhood is a significant and integral part of understanding women’s lives, rather than reducing women’s identities to motherhood. Matricentric feminism is thus a theory, activism, and practice that calls for recognition of mothers’ roles and maternal subjectivity. It argues for a feminism that recognises and values the unique experiences and challenges of mothers, differentiating their needs and roles from those of women in general (O’Reilly, 2016).

Feminist mothering, particularly in raising sons, is an intentional and context-specific practice (Muhomja & Bernard, 2016; O’Reilly, 2002) aimed at challenging traditional masculinity and fostering gender equality. Mothers often have a greater influence on young people’s attitudes towards gender equality than fathers, as indicated by research from Hastings et al. (2007). This influence is crucial, as attitudes towards gender and relationships formed in childhood can affect the perpetuation of gender inequality and violence later in life (Babcock et al., 2018; Flood et al., 2009).

The intersection of feminism and activism in violence prevention, particularly gendered violence, is a critical area. Feminist activism in this context involves ensuring women’s voices are not marginalised in efforts engaging men and boys in violence prevention (Our Watch, 2021). It calls for accountability mechanisms where women’s experiences shape violence prevention practice and leadership (Our Watch, 2021). Matricentric feminism emphasises the power of feminist mothering as a force for social justice and change, particularly in raising sons with gender-equal values (O'Reilly, 2016).

The National Plan, along with frameworks like ‘Change the Story’ and studies such as ‘The Man Box’, represents Australia’s multifaceted approach to addressing gendered violence. These initiatives illustrate the progressive understanding, and handling, of gendered violence as a complex issue deeply entrenched in societal norms and gender inequality. They also point to a need for primary prevention that begins with young people and challenges existing gender norms. However, they primarily focus on public and institutional settings, leaving a gap in understanding the domestic sphere’s influence, particularly the role of feminist mothers in shaping attitudes towards gender and violence. Therefore, despite comprehensive efforts like The National Plan and the Change the Story framework, there is no consideration for the nuance of feminist maternal practices that attempt to shape young men’s attitudes towards gender and violence. By focusing on self-identified feminist mothers, this research explores how their intentional parenting practices challenge normative masculinity and aims to contribute to broader efforts of preventing gendered violence. Recognising and integrating these maternal practices into national prevention strategies can contribute to a more comprehensive approach to addressing gendered violence. Ignoring, for example, the role of feminist mothers may overlook a critical area of influence on young men’s development of gender attitudes and behaviours. This research seeks to fill this gap by providing qualitative insights into how feminist mothers discuss gender, sex, and power with their sons and how their maternal practices contribute to building gender equality. This research is also a response to calls for more research into the experiences and practices of feminist mothers (Green, 2021; O’Reilly, 2016) and identifies valuable insights into the intentional, feminist maternal practices that try to disrupt normative masculinity and contribute to primary prevention. This supports advocating for greater recognition and integration of these maternal practices in broader prevention frameworks.

Method

Research Aim and Design

This study aimed to explore feminist mothers’ experiences of raising children assigned male at birth and asked participants the following key questions: What have been the challenges feminist mothers of sons face? What aspects of their feminist parenting of sons have they found successful? And how has feminism informed understandings about masculinity? Using feminist exploratory qualitative research methodology, the study was aimed at generating insights and producing knowledge rather than testing hypothesis. This approach is grounded in feminist standpoint epistemology underpinned by two main principles that knowledge is situated and perspectival, and that multiple standpoints produce knowledge (Hekman, 2004; Ackerly & True, 2019). Employing a feminist poststructural lens meant the social location of the subject (the interview participants) constituted the knowledge that is produced. A feminist poststructural lens is also considered relevant specifically because it acknowledges the social production of gender (Gavey, 1989) and theorises the potential for informing relations of power in local sites such as the mother/son relationship (Lennie, 1999). There is no singular feminist data analysis method, rather a number of methods that are consistent with a feminist research ethic (Ackerly & True, 2019). The overall data analysis method employed feminist reflexive analysis that recognises subjectivity of participant and researcher in the creation of knowledge (Braun and Clarke, 2019).

Participants

The participants were culturally and religiously diverse meaning that one was Scandinavian and four identified as Jewish. However, all identified as white, middle class, and heterosexual and assigned female at birth. All lived in urban Australia in large cities with the majority (8) living in Melbourne and one in Sydney. The research participants were aged between 45 and 55. All bar one of the participants have more than one son so the ages of the sons varied. The age range of their sons included mid high school (year 9–12) to early university. Of these, two currently study at university and one participant also had another son who was post-university and engaged in paid career work.

This research follows up on an earlier study 10 years prior. Therefore, all participants were contacted for this current study having identified their consent to contact during prior research engagement. To do this, a formal recruitment letter was sent to past participants who had agreed to any potential follow-up contact. These participants were invited to participate in the study via email. Upon confirmation of interest, participants received an introduction letter, a plain language statement and consent and withdrawal of consent forms. Additionally, the researcher mailed interview questions to interested participants. Face-to-face interviews occurred at a place of the participants choosing. The researcher recorded and transcribed the interviews.

Data Collection Method

Semi-structured interviews were conducted with nine self-identified feminist mothers. The interviews explored their subjective experiences and contexts (Hesse-Biber & Leavy, 2007) of being feminist mothers parenting children assigned male at birth (sons). The participant experiences were central, reflecting feminist research practice that positions women at the centre of the research process (Heese-Biber & Leavy, 2007). Research questions asked participants to share challenges, what they believed were successes, potential changes in their approach, and insights into masculinity.

Ethics

A low-risk ethics application process was undertaken specific to this new research and the received ethics approval from the university Health Ethics Advisory Group (204_2018).

Data Collection and Analysis

Data were collected through in-depth interviews with feminist mothers of sons. Braun and Clarke’s (2006) thematic analysis method, combined with a feminist theoretical lens, was used to analyse the data. The thematic analysis followed the structured stages of data familiarisation, coding, theme development, and evaluation of themes based on their relevance to the research questions and prevalence in the data set (Braun & Clarke, 2006). The initial analysis involved thorough reading and re-reading of the interview transcripts, complemented by memoing to generate initial ideas about the data (Braun & Clarke, 2006). As such, interpretations and initial impressions of the data were noted and enabled immersion in the data kickstarting identification of potential patterns.

This method involved an inductive approach to coding as pre-existing codes were not imposed on the data, allowing themes to emerge directly from the data (Braun & Clarke, 2019). Initial codes developed from an emphasis on the explicit content and semantic aspects of the data (Braun & Clarke, 2006). Themes were identified based on the explicit meanings in the data (Braun & Clarke, 2006) and through comparing and sorting initial codes that also aligned with the feminist framework articulated by the participants. The themes were further refined and interpreted through an iterative process (Braun & Clarke, 2019) of continuing to revisit the data which helped ensure the themes were representing the experiences and viewpoints of the participants.

The key themes identified in the thematic analysis included feminist maternal identity and practice which explored how feminist beliefs and identities of mothers shape their parenting practices. The home as a feminist space also emerged as a key theme and captured how feminist values, family structure, and feminist conversations are enacted within the home, including sons’ perceptions of gender roles and relationships. A key sub-theme within this was participants developing feminist literacy with their sons and focuses on the intentional efforts of feminist mothers to engage in conversations with their sons that challenge traditional norms and promote gender equality, respect, and critical thinking about social justice issues. Sex education, consent, and pornography was another main theme that highlighted how feminist mothers take proactive roles in educating their sons about safe sex, respect, and consent in relationships. The challenge of addressing the influence of pornography is also a significant part of this theme, with mothers actively discussing its impact and promoting a healthier understanding of sexuality. Finally, addressing gender stereotypes and promoting equality is a key theme woven throughout the findings, showing how feminist mothers challenge gender stereotypes and promote gender equality in their parenting practice, aiming to influence their sons’ attitudes and behaviours positively.

Results

Feminism Shapes Maternal Identity and Maternal Practice

The data show that participants’ feminist maternal subjectivity is the foundation for their feminist maternal practices. This encapsulates the complex, lived experiences of mothers who actively integrate feminist principles into their parenting. It goes beyond parenting practice to encompass feminist mothers’ worldview, identity, and the deliberate sharing of these values to her children. Drawing from O’Reilly’s (2016; 2021) work, feminist maternal subjectivity can be understood as an intrinsic part of a mother’s identity, shaping her approach to parenting, and influencing her children’s understanding of gender and power dynamics. Subjectivity is informed by a broader socio-political context, where maternal actions and decisions are both personal and political, aiming to contest and transform patriarchal structures. Participants embrace a feminist identity explicitly communicated to their sons. This integration is achieved by adopting ‘feminist’ and ‘mother’ titles. Most express an unwillingness to dissociate these identity aspects. For instance, Anna articulates:

I think they’re connected. I mean I’m finding it quite challenging to kind of think about different ways in which I was mothering as a feminist because it feels to me like a package.

And as Gloria explains:

There was no other means of being a parent. It wasn’t a conscious thought, nor a decision to be different to those around me. Rather it just was.

Kate views feminism not just as a lens for evaluating her parenting style but as an essential foundation for establishing feminist values within her household. This perspective shapes her approach to mothering, intertwining it with feminist activism. She outlines the specific assumptions that guide her in this endeavour:

I guess the assumption, what needs to be unpacked here, is my embedded assumption, that good parenting is feminist parenting.

The feminist mothers in this study spoke about feminist maternal subjectivity as an agentic activity:

What I mean is I have agency in the world. So, I have agency in the world beyond my caring responsibilities. I think it’s important that they [her sons] realise that. (Muriel)

For many research participants, it’s important their sons see them as more than caretakers. They want their sons to recognise them as fully realised beings with responsibilities outside the home and knowing their mother as feminists and career builders (Eleanor and Muriel). By demonstrating the multiplicity of women’s lives and their relationality to the world around them, they aim to influence how their sons perceive women’s identities, capabilities, and entitlements. The participants were aware of the impact their words and actions have on shaping their sons’ perceptions of women, not just in who they are but also in who they can be and what they are entitled to be. As Anna says:

I think the thing that I have modelled was that women can work hard, women can achieve highly, and women can get a very high level of education. And that families have to work with that.

This idea forms another aspect of feminist maternal practice with boys: the application of feminist ethics, values, and principles to shape the family’s structure, dynamics, and shared responsibilities. And, in so doing, feminist maternal practice moves away from rigid gender stereotypes traditionally associated with mothering and femininity.

The Home Is a Feminist Space

For the research participants in this study, the home is an ‘alive feminist space’ (Katja) where their children are ‘raised in a feminist household’ that ‘defines itself as feminist’ (Gloria) and feminism ‘is just a part of their day-to-day life’ (Iris). Establishing the home as a feminist space is key to participants’ feminist activism and takes shape in the way that feminist ethics and family structure are enacted, informs conversation, and supports pedagogical teaching about feminism and patriarchy.

Feminist Ethics

A feminist space in the home starts with the mother openly embracing her feminist identity, which then permeates her everyday life through the application of feminist ethics that stem from feminist values. That is, the ethics are the practice of these values. Feminist theorists like Ruddick (1995) and Rich (2021) conceptualise the role of maternal thinking and practices in challenging societal norms. For instance, Ruddick’s notion of ‘maternal thinking’ as a form of resistance against patriarchal values can be seen in this study as participants’ feminist ethics manifesting as mothers’ commitment to gender equality and the attempt to dismantle patriarchal norms. Committed to gender equality and challenging patriarchal norms, these mothers enact feminist principles through their daily interactions. The study’s participants emphasised that their value system is grounded in feminism. This ‘gendered and equality lens’ (Nina) shapes actions, communication, and expectations. Siri, for example, is overt about this:

Of course, being a feminist is someone who thinks that women should have, you know, equal opportunity, equal rights and all of that, so in that respect of course that has influenced the way I raised two boys.

Enacting feminist ethics is an ongoing practice propped up by the constant work of reconnection to feminist mother’s core values, as Muriel explains:

What could we do? We bring it up. Both of them, their language has deteriorated incredibly. So when they get angry, they swear. And then I return to a place where I just think well, we have to keep going. And we have to keep putting forward particular values.

Feminism Structures Ideas of Labour

Creating a feminist space involves rethinking the organisation of unpaid work and is guided by feminist principles advocating for gender equality and the equitable distribution of responsibilities. Nina describes how this intent plays out around domestic labour in:

Making sure that my kids didn’t feel like mum was always doing the shopping and the washing and the cleaning.

In promoting gender equality, participants not only distribute domestic work equally among sons and daughters but also ensure their children see all parents engaging in household chores. They are explicit with their family about their own aspirations to work outside the home, emphasising to their sons that a mother’s career is valid. For Anna, this has meant that ‘there have been times when my partner’s career has led the family in one direction and there’s been times when my career has done that’. Similarly for Nina, it was important that her sons saw her as successful outside the family home not only in terms of women’s entitlement to this social identity but also in terms of introducing her sons to certain expectations:

And, at the same time, having a successful career is also really important to me apart from being a role model. To show that yes, I can do that, you [her sons] can do that, and you can expect other women in your life to be able to do that.

Participants emphasised taking women seriously, not only in their professional roles but also as complex individuals whose work, regardless of its nature, is valued and respected. As Gloria asserts:

We showed them through actions and responsibilities that a woman’s work is not just in the house, or through parenting.

Developing Feminist Literacy

For the research participants in this study, creating a feminist space includes ‘feminist conversations’ (Iris) between the family group. Feminist literacy is both intent and practice through ‘active conversations’ (Katja), and for Katja, it is something that is ‘not finished, it’s ongoing’ and involves:

Always gently, but without anxiety, feeling that we can say ‘the way that you spoke to that person then’, or ‘when you grabbed that thing’ or whatever it was at a particular point in their lives, whether they were toddlers, or whether they were older, there was always a direct communication really between us.

Each participant described their daily interactions with sons as informed by a feminist perspective, shaping their communication content, style, and language. This includes setting guidelines on respectfully speaking about women and girls. For Muriel, it’s about identifying misogyny and shutting down sexist jokes:

This arose the other night. They’re all [son and friends] getting into it, and then some sexist joke comes up and I just said, ‘I do not need that’. And I’m not actually very strict generally so I reserve that energy that absolutely not, not in my presence. Be embarrassed right now. I reserve that for those things. And I feel like they’re going to get that message and hopefully they take it as more than just, ‘Not in front of me’.

Central to developing their sons’ feminist literacy is making women’s experiences visible. This involves highlighting who women are, their actions, aspirations, and how sons relate to women. Crucially, it’s about understanding how certain masculine behaviours affect women’s experiences. For instance, participants discuss with their sons the impact of specific expressions of anger on women and girls. Nina shares an example of confronting her son, taller and larger than her, about his anger and its effect on herself and potentially other women and girls:

And one of the things [her son] really struggles with is impulse control and he’s got a real temper on him, and we often have discussions with him around family violence, like when he starts shouting and yelling and we’re like ‘You can’t behave like that, it’s okay to be upset but you can’t behave like that’. And [he] hates it when we talk to him like that, and I said ‘I know this makes you really uncomfortable but it’s our job…to hold up a mirror and let you know that this this is – what it might become. It might start off like this’. Like he’s tall and he’s big. So, I think that that’s also protecting the kind of person that we want him to become and also don’t want him to become. Like, that’s really informed, I think, well, by being feminist.

Nina’s feminism shapes her sense of responsibility to persist with the conversation even though her son expresses discomfort, as she explains:

He was really upset and said ‘Oh, you say that I’m not going to be able to have an intimate partner’ and I’m saying, ‘no, I’m sorry this is uncomfortable. I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s my job as your mum. I am here. You are my responsibility’. I definitely think about the vulnerability of young girls.

Sex Education, Consent, and Pornography

Study participants spoke openly about the opportunities and challenges they have been presented with regarding sex, pornography, and consent. The study reveals themes of open and honest communication, educational responsibility, critical engagement with pornography, and fostering gender equality in relationships. Feminist mothers prioritised transparent dialogue about sexual health, safe sex practices, and the complexities of consent, aiming to establish a safe environment for discussion and learning. They proactively educate their sons, providing practical information like condoms, and engage in discussions that emphasise respect for partners and mutual pleasure. These mothers also confront the challenges posed by pornography, initiating critical conversations about its unrealistic portrayals of sex and its potential to foster harmful expectations.

Sex Education and Consent

Most participants talked about initiating conversations about safe sex; for many, this included physically buying and handing condoms to their sons. Participants view educating their sons about sex and respectful relationships as equally their responsibility as it is other carers. They actively seize these moments not only to discuss sex education but also to engage in conversations about their sons’ responsibilities in ensuring their partners never have to request or negotiate for their own safety. It was clear from some of the participants that they wanted to teach their sons responsibility for initiating the creating of a safe sexual experience:

The only other thing...was the time that I bought my eldest son a packet of condoms. When I realised that he and his mate were going to a party... it was a free house, there were no parents there, that alcohol was going to be involved in it, and he would have been in Year 11, and as far as I knew hadn't had sex yet. And I deliberately went to the chemist, bought a pack of condoms, and as he – and his friend, I did it in front of his best friend – were leaving, and they had also asked if they could take a couple of beers from the house, and I said, ‘Okay, you can take some of our beers, and I'm also giving you this’. (Eleanor).

Participants encouraged communication and described taking their sons seriously. They also described feeling like this process consolidates and reflects the bond with their sons:

And so then we had this really full on explicit conversation about sexuality and cunnilingus and anal play. I mean he was really going there – he was asking me everything and actually, I thought to myself what a great guy, I mean he’s really interested as a kid - he’s a fucking kid, right –but he’s interested in his partner’s pleasure and I thought game over, job done (Katja).

The research participants did not describe feeling uncomfortable or shy, either in talking with their sons about sex or being the one to provide condoms. This was seen as something both matter of fact and ‘natural’ that it be the mother’s area of purview. Taking initiative by engaging their sons about sex education aligns with studies indicating the importance of parental involvement in sex education to foster healthy sexual attitudes (Martin & Luke, 2010). Below, Siri also emphasises that sex is about both people, wanting her sons to ensure their partners feel comfortable. Siri also indicates that talking about consent is non-negotiable, regardless of if it makes her son uncomfortable.

Both have had girlfriends quite early and I’ve cornered them both and given them a packet of condoms but also talked about sex as something that is shared but also that you can’t force upon anyone, but also equally don’t get forced into. I think that’s one of the important things you want to teach boys that sex is not for their pleasure, it’s actually for a common interest and that both have to be equally committed to doing something that’s nice and that’s pleasurable for both people. Certainly, my older son, you know, would have rather not heard me talk about this in such detail but I didn’t care, I needed to let him know.

Participants emphasised ongoing, detailed discussions with their sons about consent. They draw upon their knowledge of gendered violence, male entitlement, and their own lived experiences to inform these conversations.

Like, when he told me he had a girlfriend, I was like, ‘Okay, I just have to remind you about all of the stuff around consent and checking’, and he's like, ‘Yeah, I know, Mum. Consent has to be ongoing and enthusiastic’ (Nina).

And, as Muriel acknowledges, raising intimacy and sex with their sons is not necessarily expected or comfortable for her sons:

And so I think for them, it’s rather startling to have me say, ‘One day you’ll kiss a girl’ and they’re kind of like, ‘Oh fuck’.

Siri did mention that she was aware that having conversations about sex, intimacy, and consent could be uncomfortable for her son; however, she discarded the awkwardness because this was something she believed it was important for him to hear ‘so they can see themselves, and the other, in that process’.

Pornography and Technology Posed the Biggest Challenge for Feminist Mothers

In asking research participants what the biggest challenge has been for them as they raise their sons towards adulthood, it became evident that pornography was the biggest challenge. Some participants described initiating conversation with their sons as a protective factor before they were aware if their son had used pornography. As Siri explains:

I remember talking to my younger son about it because there was someone here doing a project on pornography, and you hear reports like every kid by the time they're 10 they've come across porn. You have to just accept that’s true. If that’s true you want to make sure that they understand that that’s not what sex is. So, I’ve spoken to him about that, and I don’t think he specifically seeks out pornography, but I think they all know it’s there and they've all come across it and they've all probably had a look at it.

For Siri, it is a feminist imperative to talk about pornography with her son:

For them, perhaps it’s not a political and ideological imperative that feminism might be for you. In every aspect of your life there’s a political and ideological imperative to the man you choose, to the work that you do, to the friends that you have, and conversations you have with them, and the way you raise your children. It is all aligned.

Muriel spoke about feeling a responsibility to speak with her sons about pornography and in particular the subjectification of women:

I suppose I feel like I’ve been able to talk about that. But find some kind of a way of saying, ‘It’s totally natural to be really attracted to all that once your hormones kick in. But for God’s sake, watch an erotic film’. Like do something else, not that whole world.

Muriel is hopeful that conversations with her sons about pornography will have an impact:

Which doesn’t mean that I think that they haven’t seen anything. I wouldn’t even know if they’re getting to watch it necessarily. But I do feel as though that landed somewhere and that I feel like they both have some sense of anticipation about the idea of meeting someone, that is still a little bit intact.

Challenging pornographic misrepresentations was important for participants, and they tried to address the unrealistic portrayal of sex in pornography, highlighting the potential for distorted sexual expectations. This proactive stance is crucial, as research by Moore & Reynolds (2018) suggests, in mitigating the impact of pornography on young people’s sexual understanding and behaviours.

Others also spoke at length about responses once they had become aware that their sons had used pornography. For Kate and Eleanor, this intersected with the challenge of accessing pornography via digital technology. As Kate explains, ‘they have access to adult content way, way too early...there are no boundaries’. For Eleanor, the intersection of technology and pornography was her first awareness about her oldest son’s use of pornography. She described first discovering that he had been watching online pornography and explained that she had found it ‘confronting’ but that she ‘made myself watch the stuff that he’d been watching in order to be able to have a very open conversation, because he was watching things being done to women’. As she explains:

I said to him, ‘Love, we have to have a talk about you watching porn’. And he completely blanched, and I said, ‘These are the things that I want you to know... I'm not angry or ashamed of you in any way... you have normal teenage curiosities and desires...what I need you to know is that the women that you're seeing in those videos, they're professional sex workers, that the sex that you're watching is not the kind of sex that you'll be having...And he just went, ‘Mum, Mum, Mum, just give me the consequences’, just because he wanted to know what his punishment for his transgression was going to be. And I said, ‘Darling, this conversation is the consequences. If you're old enough to watch this stuff, then you're old enough to have this conversation, and we're going to have it in the terms that I want to talk about it in. I want to tell you that when you start having sex with actual girls, they may well not want you to do those things. They may well not make those noises, they may not well say the things that the girls in those videos are saying, they may well not have breasts that look like that, and they may well have pubic hair. Because actually what you're watching is not real, it's a stylised version of sex in the same way that when you watch wrestling, you know it's not real fighting, you know that that's a stylised version of fighting. But I also understand that these are very, very powerful images, and so I just need you, in your own mind, to make distinctions that most of these women who are doing it are being paid, and that's why I'm saying they're sex workers, they're having sex for money according to somebody else's storylines, and desires, and needs. And that when you start having sex, it's likely to be different from this’.

Participants actively engaged in open and ongoing conversations with their sons about sex, consent, and pornography, emphasising the importance of mutual pleasure, safety, and respect in sexual encounters. They discussed the impact of pornography and technology on perceptions of sex. They normalised and centred the experiences and safety of their sons’ partners, aiming to cultivate a sense of responsibility in their sons for creating safe sexual experiences. Discussing consent and ensuring partner’s comfort and safety reflect a broader feminist goal of dismantling the cultural underpinnings of gendered violence; this is resonant with Flood’s (2018) work on engaging man and boys in violence prevention.

The above narratives weave a continuous thread of feminist parenting aimed at equipping their sons with the knowledge and values to engage in respectful and egalitarian sexual relationships. This approach is significant in the broader context of gender violence prevention, where educating the next generation plays a role in changing societal norms and behaviours related to gender and sexuality (Flood, 2018). The discussions with their sons integrate within a broader framework of gender equality and respect demonstrating how the mothers work towards dismantling traditional gender norms and power imbalances in relationships. This suggests intentionality in the primary prevention of gendered violence and advocating for healthy, egalitarian sexual relationships.

Discussion and Implications

Feminist maternal subjectivity involves a conscious, reflective process where mothers must navigate and reconcile their feminist beliefs with their maternal experiences within a societal context that often holds conflicting expectations of both (O’Reilly, 2016). This subjectivity is shaped by ongoing, dynamic interactions between personal beliefs, societal norms, and the lived reality of mothering in a patriarchal society. It requires mothers to continually negotiate and redefine their roles and identities in ways that align with feminist principles (Ruddick, 1995) while also addressing the practical and emotional complexities of raising children. This dynamic process, and its impact on parenting practices, illustrates the nuance of feminist maternal subjectivity as a rich area of knowledge and exploration.

All stakeholders can contribute to violence prevention efforts in context-specific ways, both independently and in partnership, as part of a national approach (Our Watch, 2021). In this context, feminist mothers of sons are key stakeholders. Participants’ narratives of their approaches to parenting, their intentional discussions about gender and power, and their attempts to model and advocate for equality and respect in their daily lives identify feminist maternal practice aimed at addressing key drivers of gendered violence.

Their parenting challenges rigid gender stereotypes by demonstrating more than a caretaking role to their sons (Rich, 2021). They represent themselves as individuals with careers, interests, and agency, setting non-normative gender expectations (O’Reilly, 2016) for their sons that foster emotional and relational engagement (Hastings et al., 2007). Feminist maternal scholarship discusses the transformative potential of maternal practices in contesting patriarchal norms. Ruddick’s (1995) concept of ‘maternal thinking’ proposes that mothering involves critical reflection on societal norms, and she suggests that mothers can play a role in fostering a more egalitarian social order. Similarly, Rich’s (2021) analysis in ‘Of Woman Born’ underscores the significance of mothers as agents of social change. By representing themselves as multifaceted individuals with careers, interests, and agency, feminist mothers enact the principles discussed by O’Reilly (2016), who argues that maternal identity can be a powerful site for challenging and reconstructing gender expectations. This can set a foundation for sons to engage in emotional and relational practices that are more inclusive and equitable.

Study participants are also actively involved in their sons’ sex education. Typically, sex education is gendered (Horan et al., 2007; Martin & Luke, 2010) and mothers talk to daughters and fathers to sons (Martin & Luke, 2010), with the focus predominantly on reproductive protection (Lefkowitz et al., 2002). Broader discussions about challenging gender stereotypes are not common. Feminist mothers in this study take an active role in discussing these issues with their sons. They not only focus on reproductive aspects but also emphasise respect, consent, and equality in relations including female desire and pleasure. This approach aims to educate their sons about responsible behaviour and also invites them to challenge prevailing gender norms and stereotypes. Importantly, this work aims to undermine male entitlement, trying to make women’s authority visible and promoting values against violence towards women. These feminist mothers’ practices are components of undermining cultural and social foundations of gendered violence (Casey & Smith, 2010; Flood, 2018; Green, 2021; O’Reilly, 2016, 2021; The Men’s Project & Flood, 2018).

All participants identified pornography as the key challenge, and this aligns with existing research, particularly as this concern intersects with evolutions in technology (Moore & Reynolds, 2018). Despite their discomfort, in all instances, participants took responsibility for establishing the direction of the conversation and for helping their sons arrive at a point of understanding about what they were watching. While talking with their sons about pornography was described as uncomfortable for their children, participants were clear it provided opportunity to share a feminist analysis that normalised sexual desire, and bodies, at the same time as deconstructing the objectification of women in a lot of pornography. Speaking with their sons was seen as an opportunity to create space to introduce women’s standpoint.

The research also underscores the importance of feminist mothers’ attempts to undermine men’s control over decision-making reflecting O’Reilly’s (2016, 2021) assertion that feminist mothers consciously undermine traditional power dynamics. Participants also work to establish family environments where domestic labour and paid work are shared and place equal expectations on their sons for domestic activities and communication which supports Babcock et al.’s (2018) research on the importance of a more balanced distribution of domestic and paid labour to challenge traditional gender roles.

Moreover, feminist mothers work to counteract male peer relations that emphasise aggression and dominance. They engage their sons in understanding the broader experiences of women and girls, guiding them towards expressions of emotion that don’t perpetuate aggression or dominance. These findings align with existing feminist maternal scholarship (O’Reilly, 2002) and highlight the intentionality of feminist mothering as a transformative, socially just approach that can empower mothers and utilise maternal relationality as a site for change (Green, 2021; O’Reilly 2002, 2021; Rich, 2021; Ruddick, 1995). Data also highlights how participants work with their sons to build awareness about the broader experiences of violence and abuse faced by women and girls. They encouraged their sons to express emotions in ways that do not support aggression or dominance which is also identified in ‘The Man Box’ study as key to recognising both how masculine norms are constructed and what needs to be challenged (Flood, 2018). Participants also address language practices, such as jokes, that reinforce male entitlement and gender inequality and shape masculinity practices linked to aggression and dominance. Both Flood (2018) and O’Reilly (2021) identify the importance of influencing gender socialisation practices and offering alternatives and non-aggressive masculinity practices. Further, Casey and Smith’s (2010) research examined how men engaging in anti-violence work is linked to the rejection of aggressive masculinity norms. For the participants in this research, these ongoing conversations, while challenging, were seen as an essential part of their ethical responsibility as feminists in building gender equality and preventing violence.

Implications

In Australia, the prevalence of gendered violence remains a significant concern. Efforts to address gendered violence, such as The National Plan (Australian et al., 2022), and initiatives by ANROWS (2023) and Our Watch, have made strides in primary prevention to ‘stop it at the start’. However, societal attitudes continue to pose barriers, as indicated by the NCAS (2021). Frameworks like ‘Change the Story’ (Our Watch, 2021), and studies such as ‘The Man Box’ (2018) and ‘Men in Focus’ (2022), offer valuable insights into the gendered drivers of violence. They emphasise the importance of challenging harmful gender stereotypes and promoting equality from a young age. Despite these efforts, there is a notable gap in considering the role of feminist mothers within these frameworks. This is important because these frameworks stress a comprehensive and multi-level approach to violence prevention. The home as a location for change is worthwhile considering, especially within a matricentric feminist framework that configures mothering as an ongoing practice and the maternal subject as agentic (Green, 2021; O’Reilly 2021).

This paper explores the work of feminist mothers who, by virtue of their relational caretaking role and their feminist activism, engage in ongoing and sustained work that builds gender equality, supports non-normative masculinities, and tries to establish awareness about women and girls’ lived experiences within patriarchal society. This work is considered necessary at a broader societal level in order to address the key gender drivers of violence (ANROWS 2023; Our Watch, 2021). Through qualitative research with nine self-identified feminist mothers, the study uncovers approaches used to challenge normative masculinity and foster critical awareness of gender dynamics. Their contributions to violence prevention introduce a matricentric feminist lens invigorating the societal and cultural importance of feminist maternal practice. This research fills a gap in existing frameworks by highlighting how feminist mothers shape non-problematic attitudes towards gender and masculinity. It advocates for the inclusion of their perspectives in national discourse and policy-making on gender equality and violence prevention.

Limitations

This study is limited to a small number of middle class, white, urbanised cis women living in a major Australian city. At the same time, they have sons who exist within and are impacted by patriarchy. These young people could grow up to hurt others, with an over entitled sense of self and a lack of awareness about gender. Feminist maternal practice with sons is determined by mothers’ perception of threat, understandings of harm, and the goals they have for their sons (Muhomja & Bernard, 2016; O’Reilly, 2002). Feminist mothers in contexts that vary will most likely conceptualise their maternal practice in response to diverse and complex issues such as race, class, and location. As such, the feminist maternal practice in this study is limited to time, place, and specific context. A larger study would be better able to account for diverse contexts and reflect social locations of mother and son that are shaped by class, race, and place.

Future Research

Feminist parenting practices are designed to support young men to engage in building gender equality; therefore, raising awareness about feminist-informed parenting practices as legitimate and replicable could be useful. It is prudent to gather knowledge about parenting boys in order to work towards developing a more in-depth understanding of generalisable parenting strategies that can be useful across multidisciplinary teams including maternal health and wellness practitioners, social workers, men’s behaviour change facilitators, and youth workers to name a few. It would also be prudent to consider the responsibility of men or male partners where this is relevant to feminist mothers who enact feminist maternal practice. Important insights can be gained from exploring how feminist mothers work with any male identifying partners in challenging male control and undermining gender stereotypes.

Future research that tracks these feminist mothers’ sons’ account of the impact of feminist parenting would be interesting and help establish long-term impact and viability of their violence prevention work.

Conclusion

While this study is small, it is descriptive of the work that these groups of feminists have been doing over the last 10 years and within their stories is evidence that their work directly addresses drivers of gendered violence. These study participants have clarity around feminist aims of gender equality and consideration of these mothers’ accounts of the benefits and challenges of feminist parenting over a 10-year period has merit. As such, this study is being used to advocate for women’s voices (as mothers of sons) to be included in current debates, policy strategy, and planning around violence prevention.