Like Her Own: Ideals and Experiences of the Mother-In-Law/Daughter-In-Law Relationship

Abstract

This article explores ideals and experiences of the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship using semistructured interviews with 46 members of 22 families living in one Indian village. Ideally, the relationship is characterized by love and understanding, where one’s mother-in-law or daughter-in-law is like one’s own daughter or mother. In practice, the relationship varies in quality. Some women experienced affectionate, high-quality relationships, whereas others’ relationships were characterized by hurtful exchanges and not speaking. Previous literature portrays the relationship as negative, but these results point to the relevance of positive aspects as well. I also suggest that these ideals and experiences are shaped by the joint family system. The joint family system contributes to the strongly positive ideal, whereas the tensions that women experience arise from the contradictory family locations that they occupy within that system. Daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law are simultaneously strangers and close family members.