In this article, I present a testimonio (testimony) that analyzes and compares my experiences at HWIs with my transition to an HBCU. Both a professional and personal piece, I conclude that working at an HBCU provides peace from the performativity of whiteness, diversity work, and muted scholarship. Not all my experiences at HWIs were overwhelmingly oppressive; I also share some positive moments. However, the heart of this article is devoted to identifying the lessons that can and should be learned from HBCUs. I begin by summarizing my educational journey at HWIs, which taught me how to “perform” in predominantly White spaces. Next, I describe the peace I found at Morehouse College, which provided a Black/Brown space that demanded no performance. Drawing on essays from The Souls of Black Folk, Dusk to Dawn, and The Journal of Negro Education, I interweave Du Bois’s reflections about his time at Atlanta University with my own liberating experiences in that same space. Then, I recount my return to the Du Boisian “White World” after experiencing such freedom. Finally, I discuss my return to Morehouse College and address the cost I have incurred for that peace.
AllenWalter R.EppsEdgar G.HaniffNesha Z. (Eds). 1991. College in Black and White: African American Students in Predominantly White and in Historically Black Public Universities. New York, NY: State University of New York Press.
AndersonCarol. 2016. White Rage: The Unspoken Truth of Our Racial Divide. New York, NY: Bloomsbury Press.
4.
AnzaldúaGloria. 1987 [2012]. Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza. San Francisco, CA: Aunt Lute Books.
5.
AnzaldúaGloria. 1990. Making Face, Making Soul/Haciendo Caras. San Francisco, CA: Aunt Lute Books.
6.
AnzaldúaGloriaKeatingAna Louise (Ed). 2009. The Gloria Anzaldua Reader. Durham, NC: Duke University Press.
7.
AnzaldúaGloriaKeatingAna Louise (Ed). 2015. Light in the Dark, Luz en lo Oscuro: Rewriting Identity, Spirituality, and Identity. Durham, NC: Duke University Press.
8.
ArcillaChester C.2008. If I Were in Her Shoes, I Would Doubtless Be and Think Like Her: Methodological Reflections on Bourdieu and “Testimonio.”Philippine Sociological Review56:107–31.
9.
Baca ZinnMaxineEitzenD. StanleyWellsBarbara. 1987. Diversity in American Families. Boston, MA: Pearson Publishing.
10.
BellasMarcia L.1999. “Emotional Labor in Academia: The Case of Professors.” Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Science561:96–110.
11.
BeverleyJohn. 1989. “The Margin at the Center: On Testimonio (Testimonial Narrative).” Modern Fiction Studies35(1):11–28.
12.
BeverleyJohn. 2022. “Testimonio, Subalternity, and Narrative Authority.” Pp. 571–83 in A Companion to Latin American Literature and Culture, 2nd ed., edited by Castro-KlarenS.Malden, MA: Blackwell Publishing.
13.
Bonilla-SilvaEduardo. 2013. Racism Without Racists: Color-Blind Racism and the Persistence of Racial Inequality in America. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.
14.
Bonilla-SilvaEduardoGoarCarlaEmbrickDavid G.2006. “When whites flock together: The social psychology of white habitus.” Critical Sociology32(2–3):229–53.
15.
BrunsmaDavidPadilla WyseJennifer. 2019. “The Possessive Investment in White Sociology.” Sociology of Race and Ethnicity5(1):1–10.
16.
BundyJessicaRhodesVanessaBrooksMariahBrisbaneMariaDeckardNatalie Delia. 2023. “All Things Considered: A Collaborative Critical Autoethnography of Emerging Racialized Scholars.” International Journal of Qualitative Methods22:1–12.
17.
CabreraNolan L.FranklinJeremy D.WatsonJesse S.2016. Whiteness in Higher Education: The Invisible Missing Link in Diversity and Racial Analyses. ASHE Higher Education Report42(6):7–125.
18.
Campbell-WhatleyGloria D.LeeJo AnneTomsOzalleWangChuang. 2012. “Students Perceptions of Diversity and Campus Climate: When Students Speak.” New Waves-Educational Research and Development15(1):3–22.
19.
CarbadoDevon W.GulatiMitu. 2013. Acting White? Rethinking Race in “Post-Racial” America. Oxford, England: Oxford University Press.
20.
CastilloFlorence EmiliaCastorenaRubi AngelesLopezNancy. Forthcoming. “Unpacking the Performativity of Hispanic Serving Institution (HSI) Designation: Holding the University of New Mexico Accountable and Developing a Call to Action.” in Universities Confronting their Past: The University of New Mexico Addressing Complex Legacies of Harm, edited by ZeraiAssataNeelyTeresa Y.PowersKathy L.AgoyoPamelaSkahanMariann.
21.
CisnerosSandra. 1984. The House on Mango Street. Houston, TX: Arte Publico Press.
CollinsPatricia Hill. 2000. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. New York, NY: Routledge
24.
CooperAnna Julia. 1892 [2016]. A Voice from the South. Mineola, NY: Dover Publications.
25.
CrenshawKimberlé. 1995. Critical Race Theory: The Key Writings that Formed the Movement. New York, NY: The New Press.
26.
DavisShametriceKimbroughWalter (Eds). 2018. Models of Success: How Historically Black Colleges and Universities Survive the Economic Recession. Charlotte, NC: Information Age Publishing, Inc.
27.
Delgado BernalDolores. 1998. “Using a Chicana Feminist Epistemology in Educational Research.” Harvard Educational Review68(4):555–83.
28.
Delgado BernalDoloresBurciagaRebecaFlores CarmonaJudith. 2012. “Chicana/Latina ‘Testimonios’: Mapping the Methodological, Pedagogical, and Political.” Equity & Excellence in Education45(3), 363–72.
29.
Delgado BernalDoloresBurciagaRebecaCarmonaJudith Flores. (Eds). 2016. Chicana/Latina Testimonios as Pedagogical, Methodological, and Activist Approaches to Social Justice. New York, NY: Routledge.
30.
DiAngeloRobin. 2018. White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.
31.
DoležalJoshua. 2022. “Why Faculty of Color Are Leave Academe: Too many find themselves disenfranchised, exhausted, and isolated.”The Chronicle of Higher Education, September20.
32.
Du BoisW. E. B. 1935. “Does the Negro Need Separate Schools?” Journal of Negro Education, 328–35.
33.
Du BoisW. E. B. 1987 [1940]. Dusk of Dawn: An Essay Toward an Autobiography of a Race Concept. New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Books.
34.
Du BoisW. E. B.1967. The Philadelphia Negro: A Social Study. New York, NY: Schocken Books, Inc.
35.
Du BoisW. E. B.1995. “The Souls of White Folk” in Daniel Levering Lewis’ W.E.B. Du Bois: A Reader. New York, NY: Henry Holt and Company.
36.
Du BoisW. E. B. 2009. The Souls of Black Folk. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster Paperbacks.
37.
ElenesC. Alejandra. 2006. “Borderlands, Pedagogies, and Epistomologies.” Pp. 215–17 in Chicana/Latina Education in Everyday Life: Feminista Perspectives on Pedagogy and Epistemology, edited by Delgado BernalD.VillenasS.ElenesA.GodinezF. E.Albany, NY: State University Press of New York Press.
38.
EspinoMichelle M.VegaIrene I.RendónLaura I.RanderoJessica J.MuñizMarcela M.2012. “The Process of Reflexión in Bridging Testimonios Across Lived Experience.” Equity and Excellence in Education45(3):444–59.
39.
EspirituYen Le. 2007. Asian American Women and Men: Labor, Laws, and Love. New York, NY: Rowman and Littlefield Publishers
40.
FanonFrantz. 1967. Black Skin, White Masks. New York, NY: Grove Press, Inc.
41.
FrazierFranklin E.1997. The Black Bourgeoisie. New York, NY: Free Press Paperbacks.
42.
FreirePaulo. 1993. Pedagogy of the Oppressed. New York, NY: Continuum Publishing Group.
43.
GasmanMarybethTudicoChristopher L. (Eds). 2008. Historically Black Colleges and Universities: Triumphs, Troubles, and Taboos. New York, NY: Palgrave MacMillan.
44.
GoffmanAlice. 2014. On the Run: Fugitive Life in an American City. Chicago, IL: The University of Chicago Press.
45.
Golash-BozaTanya Maria. 2015. Deported: Immigrant Policing, Disposable Labor, and Global Capitalism. New York, NY: New York University Press.
46.
GonzalesRodolfo. 1972. I am Joaquin. Yo Soy Joaquin. An Epic Poem with a Chronology of People and Evens in Mexican and Mexican American History. Denver, CO: Totinem Publishing.
47.
GrundySaida. 2022. Respectable: Politics and Paradox in Making the Morehouse Man. Oakland, CA: University of California Press.
Harris CombsBarbara. 2022. Bodies Out of Place: Theorizing Anti-Blackness in U.S. Society. Athens, GA: The University of Georgia Press.
51.
HerrnsteinRichard J.MurrayCharles. 1994. The Bell Curve: Intelligence and Class Structure in American Life. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster, Inc.
52.
hooksbell. 1994. Teaching to Transgress: Education as the Practice of Freedom. New York, NY: Routledge Press.
53.
HughesLangston. 1994. The Collected Poems of Langston Hughes. New York, NY: First Vintage Classics.
54.
HussainMaryamJonesJames M.2021. “Discrimination, Diversity, and Sense of Belonging: Experiences of Students of Color.” Journal of Diversity in Higher Education14(1):63–71
55.
JohnsonJennifer M.WinfieldJake D.2022. “Institutionalizing Success: Practices and Policies at HBCUs that Promote Student Development and Degree Attainment.” Journal of Higher Education93(7):989–1011.
56.
KlahnNorma. 2003. “Literary (Re)mapping: Autobiographical (Dis)placements by Chicana Writers.” Pp. 114–45 in Chicana Feminisms: A Critical Reader, edited by ArredondoGabriela F.HurtadoA.KlahnN.Nájera-RamírezO.ZavellaP.Durham, NC: Duke University Press.
57.
LawrenceCharles R.III2015. “Passing and Trespassing in the Academy: On Whiteness as Property and Racial Performance as Political Speech.” Harvard Journal on Racial and Ethnic Justice31:7–30.
58.
LeeSang S.HarwoodStacy AnneHunttMargaret BrowneMendenhallRuby. 2018. “Everyday Racism in Integrated Spaces: Mapping the Experiences of Students of Color at Diversifying Predominantly White Institution.” Annals of the American Association of Geographers108(5):1245–59.
59.
LeupoldChristopherLopinaErikaSklootEvan. 2020. “An Examination of Leadership Development and Other Experiential Activities on Student Resilience and Leadership Efficacy.” Journal of Leadership Education19(1):53–68.
60.
LordeAudre. 1984 [2007]. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. New York, NY: Crown Publishing.
61.
LoveBettina. 2019. We Want to do More than Survive: Abolitionist Teaching and the Pursuit of Educational Freedom. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.
62.
MargolisEric (Ed). 2001. The Hidden Curriculum in Higher Education. New York, NY: Routledge.
63.
MargolisEricRomeroMary. 1998. “‘The Department is Very Male, Very White, Very Old, and Very Conservative’: The Functioning of the Hidden Curriculum in Graduate Sociology Departments.” Harvard Educational Review68(1):1–33.
64.
MartinezTheresa A.2002. “The Double-Consciousness of Du Bois and the ‘Mestiza Consciousness’ of Anzaldúa.” Race, Gender and Class9(4):158–76.
65.
Martinez-ColaMarisela. 2020. “Collectors, Nightlights, and Allies, Oh My! White Mentors in the Academy.” Understanding and Dismantling Privilege10(1):61–82.
66.
McMillan CottomTressie. 2019. “On the Occasion of Being Free.” The First and the 15th SubstackYo Newsletter. February2.
67.
MenchúRigoberta. 1992. I, Rigoberta Menchú, An Indian Woman in Guatemala. London: Verso Books.
68.
MoragaCherríe. 2011. The Xicana Codex of Changing Consciousness: Writings, 2000–2010. Durham, NC: Duke University Press.
69.
MorrisAldon. 2015. The Scholar Denied: W.E.B. Du Bois and the Birth of Modern Sociology. Oakland, CA: University of California Press.
70.
MorrisAldon. 2022. “Alternative View of Modernity: The Subaltern Speaks.” American Sociological Review87(1):1–16.
MuñozJosé Esteban. 2006. “Feeling Brown, Feeling Down: Latina Affect, the Performativity of Race, and the Depressive Position.” Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society31(3):675–88.
73.
MyrdalGunnar. 1962. An American Dilemma, Volumes I and II. New York, NY: Harper & Row Publishing.
74.
NewtonVeronica. 2023. “Hypervisibility and Invisibility: Black Women’s Experiences with Gendered Racial Microaggressions on a White Campus.” Sociology of Race and Ethnicity9(2):164–78.
75.
NewtonVeronicaArringtonKaylandJacksonMonisha Issano. 2024. “Acceptable Dark-Skinned Women and Egotistical Light-Skinned Women: Black Women Speak on Colorism and Colorist Microaggressions within the Black Community on Campus.” Race Ethnicity and Education. Advanc online publication. doi:10.1080/13613324.2024.2349870.
76.
Ngan-ling ChowEstherBerheideCatherine White (Eds). 1994. Women, The Family, and Policy: A Global Perspective. New York, NY: University of New York Press.
77.
RankinSusan R.ReasonRobert D.2005. “Differing Perceptions: How Students of Color and White Students Perceive Campus Climate for Underrepresented Groups.” Journal of College Student Development46(1):43–61.
78.
ReyesKathryn B.RodriguezJulia E. Curry. 2012. “‘Testimonio’: Origins, Terms, and Resources.” Equity & Excellence in Education45(3):525–38.
79.
ReyesVictoria. 2022. Academic Outsider: Stories of Exclusion and Hope. San Francisco, CA: Stanford University Press.
80.
RodriguezLuis J.1991. The Concrete River. Willimantic, CT: Curbstone Press.
81.
SánchezMarta. 2017. Fathering within and Beyond the Failures of the State with Imagination, Work and Love: The Case of the Mexican Father. Rotterdam: Sense Publishing.
SmithLinda Tuhiwai. 1999. Decolonizing Methodologies: Research and Indigenous Peoples. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press.
84.
SteeleClaude M.2010. Whistling Vivaldi and Other Clues to How Stereotypes Affect Us. New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company.
85.
The Latina Feminist Group. 2001. Telling to Live: Latina Feminist Testimonios. Durham, NC: Duke University Press.
86.
Wells-BarnettIda B.1895 [2015]. The Red Record: Tabulated Statistics and Alleged Causes of Lynching in the United States. Scotts Valley, CA: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
87.
White BerheideCatherineCarpenterMegan A.CotterDavid A.2022. “Teaching College in the Time of COVID-19: Gender and Race Differences in Faculty Emotional Labor.” Sex Roles: A Journal of Research86(7–8):441–55.
88.
WhiteheadMelvin A.2021. “Whiteness, Anti-Blackness, and Trauma: A Grounded Theory of White Racial Meaning Making.” Journal of College Student Development62(3):310–26.
