Putting Yourself on the Line: Self-Esteem and Expressing Affection in Romantic Relationships

Abstract

Although expressing affection is an important way to connect to a romantic partner, it also involves putting yourself on the line—revealing dependence on your partner. Extending the risk-regulation model, we hypothesized that individuals with lower self-esteem (SE), who are concerned about vulnerability in relationships, experience less rewarding reactions to expressing affection, and believe that their partners respond less positively to receiving affection. We assessed these predictions across two studies that measured retrospective reports, reactions to an in vivo exchange and responses in daily life. We found that participants with lower SE expressed less affection and experienced less positive emotional, cognitive, and physiological reactions when doing so. Participants with lower SE believed that their partners derived fewer benefits from their affection despite that their partners experienced normative boosts in positive emotion and relationship satisfaction during these exchanges. The consequences of these findings for relationship functioning and SE are discussed.